Heartburn from being full pay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She ED'd because we can pay. Just feeling some buyers remorse.

You can afford it. What’s the problem? Imagine if your kid got in somewhere you couldn’t afford.

Exactly. Very little sympathy from me

Wow. Why so mean?

Because when I got into a great school, my parents COULDNT pay and I couldn’t go. You can pay. Yours can go. Count your freaking blessings. Your post is extremely off-putting.

Stop. You COULD have gone with loans but chose not to. Which was probably a good idea! But don't begrudge OP.

A student can only take ~$5.5K/year (total of 27K over 4 years) for undergrad loans. They CANNOT get more loans without a parent co-signing. My parents couldn't afford to take out loans. They told us "we are paying $X per year for you and your siblings for college. That is all we can afford the rest is on you to figure out". So we chose schools that we got merit/FA at that brought it into what we could afford with the max of student loans. And we worked our asses off in summer, all breaks and PT during the school year to have enough to pay all the bills for college. If we didn't we were not going back.

THIS. RIGHT. HERE.

This is today. Assuming you went to school more than 15 years ago, student loans were available for you to take in your name. Would have been dumb but there it is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are full pay. DS accepted with amazing merit to several schools. He chose to go to a top-rated SLAC sans merit. BEST choice ever. He is having an amazing experience and absolutely loves it. Unlike many of his high school friends, he has access to virtually unlimited resources (courses, professors, career services, clubs, internship stipends, housing etc.). Once you see your child thriving, you will not second guess this decision.

On to the matter of class divide: DS is best friends with a QuestBridge Scholar. Although many of his friends are wealthy, not all are. There is absolutely no division, stigma or animosity from either side. I'm calling BS on that.

the fact that the MOTHER of the friend of the Questbridge kid knows he's a Questbridge is gross. This is very "I'm not a racist! my son's best man is Black!" vibes

Please stop using the word “gross” completely out of context. Stepping in a pile of dogs**t is gross. Knowing your kid’s friend is Questbridge is inappropriate, but it’s not gross.

I assume you are the same poster who thinks literally everything with which you disagree is “gross”.

How is it inappropriate? School districts put out press releases to announce kids who are Questbridge scholars. Colleges publicize it too. It's a huge accomplishment.

+1 These idiots treat QuestBridge like it's a scarlet letter. It's a wonderful honor and something to be proud of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She ED'd because we can pay. Just feeling some buyers remorse.

You can afford it. What’s the problem? Imagine if your kid got in somewhere you couldn’t afford.

Exactly. Very little sympathy from me

Wow. Why so mean?

Because when I got into a great school, my parents COULDNT pay and I couldn’t go. You can pay. Yours can go. Count your freaking blessings. Your post is extremely off-putting.

Stop. You COULD have gone with loans but chose not to. Which was probably a good idea! But don't begrudge OP.

A student can only take ~$5.5K/year (total of 27K over 4 years) for undergrad loans. They CANNOT get more loans without a parent co-signing. My parents couldn't afford to take out loans. They told us "we are paying $X per year for you and your siblings for college. That is all we can afford the rest is on you to figure out". So we chose schools that we got merit/FA at that brought it into what we could afford with the max of student loans. And we worked our asses off in summer, all breaks and PT during the school year to have enough to pay all the bills for college. If we didn't we were not going back.

THIS. RIGHT. HERE.

This is today. Assuming you went to school more than 15 years ago, student loans were available for you to take in your name. Would have been dumb but there it is

NO THEY WEREN’T. My parents didn’t qualify for co-sign, wouldn’t co-sign, and wouldn’t even sign anything or give their tax documents, so just quit it already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are full pay. DS accepted with amazing merit to several schools. He chose to go to a top-rated SLAC sans merit. BEST choice ever. He is having an amazing experience and absolutely loves it. Unlike many of his high school friends, he has access to virtually unlimited resources (courses, professors, career services, clubs, internship stipends, housing etc.). Once you see your child thriving, you will not second guess this decision.

On to the matter of class divide: DS is best friends with a QuestBridge Scholar. Although many of his friends are wealthy, not all are. There is absolutely no division, stigma or animosity from either side. I'm calling BS on that.

the fact that the MOTHER of the friend of the Questbridge kid knows he's a Questbridge is gross. This is very "I'm not a racist! my son's best man is Black!" vibes

Please stop using the word “gross” completely out of context. Stepping in a pile of dogs**t is gross. Knowing your kid’s friend is Questbridge is inappropriate, but it’s not gross.

I assume you are the same poster who thinks literally everything with which you disagree is “gross”.

How is it inappropriate? School districts put out press releases to announce kids who are Questbridge scholars. Colleges publicize it too. It's a huge accomplishment.

+1 These idiots treat QuestBridge like it's a scarlet letter. It's a wonderful honor and something to be proud of.

Did you participate in Questbridge? I did and it was NOT any honor. It was and is a very burning scarlet letter. I would never share that publicly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the commiserating comments. I would never say any of this to anyone IRL so it is helpful to have DCUM to bounce thoughts off of. I realize how fortunate we are (through hard work along the way of our own), but the PP is right who said we still have to wonder whether we are making the right financial decision. Esp. because DD is not currently into finance, law, engineering etc. so the fancy degree may or may not pay off in the long run. In the end, yes, I would sacrifice some vacations to let DD go where she really wants even if we will never know whether the investment pays off, if that is even the goal.

I may be the PP you're referring to, and for what it's worth, I think you should lean in and choose to feel great about the decision you all made!

I'm just one person, but I'm the first in my family to go away to an expensive private college. (My parents were both the first in their families to go to college at all, but they did it by living at home with their highly dysfunctional families while working their way through city college at night.)

But from the start, my parents truly believed in the value of "elite" college experience. They started saving for college before my siblings and I were born, and they chose to work their butts off and live below their means at every stage to save enough money to offer us full tuition to whatever college we chose. They did so well on this front that we received no financial aid at all - it was full pay all the way.

My siblings and I knew at the time what an incredible gift that was. And as adults, we now understand even more what they gave up to provide it (both time, in terms of their work, and all the other things they could have done with that money!) But we also knew then and know now that it was also an expression of their particular values and their way of demonstrating their love and belief in us.

Other parents joked with ours about how they could have sent us to our state college AND gotten us each a car for so much less money than the schools we chose. But my parents always said our insane tuition was "the best money [they] ever spent.

That statement (which we've heard multiple times) and their approach to paying for college helped us to feel good about our choice (not guilty) and to value our college experiences from start to finish. We went on to become (and remain) financially self-sufficient from the day we graduated college, even when it meant living more humbly than some of our friends (and our parents' standard of living in the beginning.) We were ok skipping some of the luxuries/experiences around us because it meant we were standing on our own two feet (albeit with the HUGE head start our parents gave us with college.) And these days, we are all financially secure, well beyond what our parents ever imagined back in night school 50+ years ago.

Anyway, I'm just one person and we're just one family. In no way am I saying that payiing full price to your DD's dream school is the only good choice you could make here. Others might have chosen a different route, with great outcomes, too. But the one your family chose will bring it's own upside. Drop the doubts and trust your judgment. Over the next four years, help your DD learn what she needs to in order to be financially self-sufficient when she graduates, even if it means making some compromises along the way. (Entry level jobs and lower-paying career choices mean a lower cost of living. It is what it is, even in the age of Instragram.)

And above all else, keep showering your DD with support and cheer her success as she moves forward with the school she chose. Keep on appreciating the fact that you can afford this path. Yes, it required hard work, but so many families work equally hard and still can't afford it. And trust that this will pay off for your DD and others in ways you can't even imagine at this stage. There are so many ways to raise a happy and successful adult. Congratulations on the path you all chose!

The economics of yesteryear and current day are vast. Your parents could have done public plus a car. These days you can do public plus a quarter of a million dollar down payment

Or, if you can afford it, you can do private and a quarter of a million dollar down payment. Plus I think you’re wrong if it’s OOS. UCLA and Michigan OOS are 75k+ . Maryland is $65k OOS. So savings is $40-80k (if no merit from a private) not $250k unless going in-state and at a cheaper in-state. UCLA I believe is $55k in-state.

[Anonymous]

I have a different story to tell - we saved for our 2 kids from birth to the tune of $1000 a month starting in the late 90s. We had over $400,000 saved and they could easily go anywhere. Our oldest got into all the same mid tier schools you describe - Tulane, NE, Bucknell, Colgate, Hamilton - literally every school they applied to except UvA where they were rejected. And at the end of the day we realized that grad school was way more important. Our kids went to VA public colleges- had amazing experiences and we paid for both to go to top tier LAW and Grad programs. The ability to graduate debt free from a top Law school/Med School/grad program IS life changing. Graduating with debt and 4 years of anxiety trying to keep up with peers at Colgate or Tulane - not so much. They offer no leg up on employment fresh out of school. And with debt? You should have heartburn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She ED'd because we can pay. Just feeling some buyers remorse.

You can afford it. What’s the problem? Imagine if your kid got in somewhere you couldn’t afford.

Exactly. Very little sympathy from me

Wow. Why so mean?

Because when I got into a great school, my parents COULDNT pay and I couldn’t go. You can pay. Yours can go. Count your freaking blessings. Your post is extremely off-putting.

Stop. You COULD have gone with loans but chose not to. Which was probably a good idea! But don't begrudge OP.

A student can only take ~$5.5K/year (total of 27K over 4 years) for undergrad loans. They CANNOT get more loans without a parent co-signing. My parents couldn't afford to take out loans. They told us "we are paying $X per year for you and your siblings for college. That is all we can afford the rest is on you to figure out". So we chose schools that we got merit/FA at that brought it into what we could afford with the max of student loans. And we worked our asses off in summer, all breaks and PT during the school year to have enough to pay all the bills for college. If we didn't we were not going back.

THIS. RIGHT. HERE.

This is today. Assuming you went to school more than 15 years ago, student loans were available for you to take in your name. Would have been dumb but there it is

NO THEY WEREN’T. My parents didn’t qualify for co-sign, wouldn’t co-sign, and wouldn’t even sign anything or give their tax documents, so just quit it already.

The student loan crisis of today isn’t bcs it’s in their parents name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the commiserating comments. I would never say any of this to anyone IRL so it is helpful to have DCUM to bounce thoughts off of. I realize how fortunate we are (through hard work along the way of our own), but the PP is right who said we still have to wonder whether we are making the right financial decision. Esp. because DD is not currently into finance, law, engineering etc. so the fancy degree may or may not pay off in the long run. In the end, yes, I would sacrifice some vacations to let DD go where she really wants even if we will never know whether the investment pays off, if that is even the goal.

I may be the PP you're referring to, and for what it's worth, I think you should lean in and choose to feel great about the decision you all made!

I'm just one person, but I'm the first in my family to go away to an expensive private college. (My parents were both the first in their families to go to college at all, but they did it by living at home with their highly dysfunctional families while working their way through city college at night.)

But from the start, my parents truly believed in the value of "elite" college experience. They started saving for college before my siblings and I were born, and they chose to work their butts off and live below their means at every stage to save enough money to offer us full tuition to whatever college we chose. They did so well on this front that we received no financial aid at all - it was full pay all the way.

My siblings and I knew at the time what an incredible gift that was. And as adults, we now understand even more what they gave up to provide it (both time, in terms of their work, and all the other things they could have done with that money!) But we also knew then and know now that it was also an expression of their particular values and their way of demonstrating their love and belief in us.

Other parents joked with ours about how they could have sent us to our state college AND gotten us each a car for so much less money than the schools we chose. But my parents always said our insane tuition was "the best money [they] ever spent.

That statement (which we've heard multiple times) and their approach to paying for college helped us to feel good about our choice (not guilty) and to value our college experiences from start to finish. We went on to become (and remain) financially self-sufficient from the day we graduated college, even when it meant living more humbly than some of our friends (and our parents' standard of living in the beginning.) We were ok skipping some of the luxuries/experiences around us because it meant we were standing on our own two feet (albeit with the HUGE head start our parents gave us with college.) And these days, we are all financially secure, well beyond what our parents ever imagined back in night school 50+ years ago.

Anyway, I'm just one person and we're just one family. In no way am I saying that payiing full price to your DD's dream school is the only good choice you could make here. Others might have chosen a different route, with great outcomes, too. But the one your family chose will bring it's own upside. Drop the doubts and trust your judgment. Over the next four years, help your DD learn what she needs to in order to be financially self-sufficient when she graduates, even if it means making some compromises along the way. (Entry level jobs and lower-paying career choices mean a lower cost of living. It is what it is, even in the age of Instragram.)

And above all else, keep showering your DD with support and cheer her success as she moves forward with the school she chose. Keep on appreciating the fact that you can afford this path. Yes, it required hard work, but so many families work equally hard and still can't afford it. And trust that this will pay off for your DD and others in ways you can't even imagine at this stage. There are so many ways to raise a happy and successful adult. Congratulations on the path you all chose!

The economics of yesteryear and current day are vast. Your parents could have done public plus a car. These days you can do public plus a quarter of a million dollar down payment

Or, if you can afford it, you can do private and a quarter of a million dollar down payment. Plus I think you’re wrong if it’s OOS. UCLA and Michigan OOS are 75k+ . Maryland is $65k OOS. So savings is $40-80k (if no merit from a private) not $250k unless going in-state and at a cheaper in-state. UCLA I believe is $55k in-state.

And if you have a billion, none of this matters. Duh.

But for people for whom it gives heartburn, 2 or 3 full pay college plus another 500-750 for down payment is a lot. Get real

Also merit is usually a much better deal for high stats kids than UCLA OOS

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different story to tell - we saved for our 2 kids from birth to the tune of $1000 a month starting in the late 90s. We had over $400,000 saved and they could easily go anywhere. Our oldest got into all the same mid tier schools you describe - Tulane, NE, Bucknell, Colgate, Hamilton - literally every school they applied to except UvA where they were rejected. And at the end of the day we realized that grad school was way more important. Our kids went to VA public colleges- had amazing experiences and we paid for both to go to top tier LAW and Grad programs. The ability to graduate debt free from a top Law school/Med School/grad program IS life changing. Graduating with debt and 4 years of anxiety trying to keep up with peers at Colgate or Tulane - not so much. They offer no leg up on employment fresh out of school. And with debt? You should have heartburn.

Except grad school and law school are a complete waste for many people.

Hopefully your kid doesn’t end up miserable like basically every lawyer I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a different story to tell - we saved for our 2 kids from birth to the tune of $1000 a month starting in the late 90s. We had over $400,000 saved and they could easily go anywhere. Our oldest got into all the same mid tier schools you describe - Tulane, NE, Bucknell, Colgate, Hamilton - literally every school they applied to except UvA where they were rejected. And at the end of the day we realized that grad school was way more important. Our kids went to VA public colleges- had amazing experiences and we paid for both to go to top tier LAW and Grad programs. The ability to graduate debt free from a top Law school/Med School/grad program IS life changing. Graduating with debt and 4 years of anxiety trying to keep up with peers at Colgate or Tulane - not so much. They offer no leg up on employment fresh out of school. And with debt? You should have heartburn.

Grad school outside of a few degrees is a racket. The school should be paying you to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She ED'd because we can pay. Just feeling some buyers remorse.

You can afford it. What’s the problem? Imagine if your kid got in somewhere you couldn’t afford.

Exactly. Very little sympathy from me

Wow. Why so mean?

Because when I got into a great school, my parents COULDNT pay and I couldn’t go. You can pay. Yours can go. Count your freaking blessings. Your post is extremely off-putting.

Stop. You COULD have gone with loans but chose not to. Which was probably a good idea! But don't begrudge OP.

I wasn’t offered loans but nice try. I don’t begrudge OP. I just don’t have any sympathy for her which is exactly what I said. She should stfu and pay her kid’s way because she can.

Noooo, you don't seem to begrudge OP at all

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are full pay. DS accepted with amazing merit to several schools. He chose to go to a top-rated SLAC sans merit. BEST choice ever. He is having an amazing experience and absolutely loves it. Unlike many of his high school friends, he has access to virtually unlimited resources (courses, professors, career services, clubs, internship stipends, housing etc.). Once you see your child thriving, you will not second guess this decision.

On to the matter of class divide: DS is best friends with a QuestBridge Scholar. Although many of his friends are wealthy, not all are. There is absolutely no division, stigma or animosity from either side. I'm calling BS on that.

the fact that the MOTHER of the friend of the Questbridge kid knows he's a Questbridge is gross. This is very "I'm not a racist! my son's best man is Black!" vibes

Please stop using the word “gross” completely out of context. Stepping in a pile of dogs**t is gross. Knowing your kid’s friend is Questbridge is inappropriate, but it’s not gross.

I assume you are the same poster who thinks literally everything with which you disagree is “gross”.

How is it inappropriate? School districts put out press releases to announce kids who are Questbridge scholars. Colleges publicize it too. It's a huge accomplishment.

It is disgusting that you know your kid’s friend has Questbridge. It is not an “accomplishment.” It is a bridge out of poverty and comes with a heap of trauma and shame. It’s GROSS that you think it doesn’t affect the kids’ relationships and that you publish it, even anonymously. HUGE “my friends are Black” vibes.

Please just stop. It is not "gross" (your using that word over and over is not helping your argument at all) and you seem quite triggered by the post. You ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the commiserating comments. I would never say any of this to anyone IRL so it is helpful to have DCUM to bounce thoughts off of. I realize how fortunate we are (through hard work along the way of our own), but the PP is right who said we still have to wonder whether we are making the right financial decision. Esp. because DD is not currently into finance, law, engineering etc. so the fancy degree may or may not pay off in the long run. In the end, yes, I would sacrifice some vacations to let DD go where she really wants even if we will never know whether the investment pays off, if that is even the goal.

I may be the PP you're referring to, and for what it's worth, I think you should lean in and choose to feel great about the decision you all made!

I'm just one person, but I'm the first in my family to go away to an expensive private college. (My parents were both the first in their families to go to college at all, but they did it by living at home with their highly dysfunctional families while working their way through city college at night.)

But from the start, my parents truly believed in the value of "elite" college experience. They started saving for college before my siblings and I were born, and they chose to work their butts off and live below their means at every stage to save enough money to offer us full tuition to whatever college we chose. They did so well on this front that we received no financial aid at all - it was full pay all the way.

My siblings and I knew at the time what an incredible gift that was. And as adults, we now understand even more what they gave up to provide it (both time, in terms of their work, and all the other things they could have done with that money!) But we also knew then and know now that it was also an expression of their particular values and their way of demonstrating their love and belief in us.

Other parents joked with ours about how they could have sent us to our state college AND gotten us each a car for so much less money than the schools we chose. But my parents always said our insane tuition was "the best money [they] ever spent.

That statement (which we've heard multiple times) and their approach to paying for college helped us to feel good about our choice (not guilty) and to value our college experiences from start to finish. We went on to become (and remain) financially self-sufficient from the day we graduated college, even when it meant living more humbly than some of our friends (and our parents' standard of living in the beginning.) We were ok skipping some of the luxuries/experiences around us because it meant we were standing on our own two feet (albeit with the HUGE head start our parents gave us with college.) And these days, we are all financially secure, well beyond what our parents ever imagined back in night school 50+ years ago.

Anyway, I'm just one person and we're just one family. In no way am I saying that payiing full price to your DD's dream school is the only good choice you could make here. Others might have chosen a different route, with great outcomes, too. But the one your family chose will bring it's own upside. Drop the doubts and trust your judgment. Over the next four years, help your DD learn what she needs to in order to be financially self-sufficient when she graduates, even if it means making some compromises along the way. (Entry level jobs and lower-paying career choices mean a lower cost of living. It is what it is, even in the age of Instragram.)

And above all else, keep showering your DD with support and cheer her success as she moves forward with the school she chose. Keep on appreciating the fact that you can afford this path. Yes, it required hard work, but so many families work equally hard and still can't afford it. And trust that this will pay off for your DD and others in ways you can't even imagine at this stage. There are so many ways to raise a happy and successful adult. Congratulations on the path you all chose!

The bolded is what matters long term. Sure, full-pay at a good college is an incredible gift but what is even more valuable are the messages that PP's parents sent their children by prioritizing saving for college even before they were born. That fact speaks volumes of PP's family's values and how highly they value education. THAT right there is the boost to a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ED is such a racket and you bought into the hype, literally, OP. No sympathy. Pay up, mom.

It’s a racket, but where’s the hype? Kid applies ED, has advantage on getting in, gets in, mission accomplished. If that wasn’t the goal, was a misinformed decision to apply.

[Anonymous]

We’ve saved for college forever and it’s not a thing we talk about around the dinner table
It’s not a guilt trip. It’s just college