Why 50/50? My Attorney Saying 50/50 isn’t likelh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.

Actually I am the parent who signs up and we share the driving. Two swim teams, multiple other activities per child, some two or three or more a day. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about and your assumptions are wrong. We spend a small fortune on activities and our lives revolve around them. Stop complaining and make it work. Maybe if you treated your ex better, he’d be more willing.

This last line is why you are so so wrong. If not taking the kids to activities is about getting back at the ex, then the parent is an a$$hole.

We only know your side of it. If he's working, it may not be realistic if he lives an hour away as in this area an hour away is 90-120 minutes each way in rush hour. You could choose to do the activities where he lives or half way to make it more convenient for him, but you insist on doing them near you and don't care about anything else but your needs.

There's no "side of it." Follow the thread. It's hypothetical, but something I've witnessed where a lazy and self centered parent doesn't just break up the child's nuclear family with a divorce, but takes away their kid's entire routine and social network by choosing not to support their kid staying in favorite activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

If dad lives a distance away and working full time, you have to be reasonable especially if all activities are near mom not dad. A 7 years olds priority should be a relationship with both parents over activities. This mom is petty and unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Then make a bag per night the kid is there with everything they need to make it easy. That’s what I do when mine travel without me. Lots of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Then make a bag per night the kid is there with everything they need to make it easy. That’s what I do when mine travel without me. Lots of options.

No, I'm not making a 'bag' per night. My dc lives with their mother AND their father. They have the things they need at both homes because they live there. The parent they are with needs to make sure they are dressed appropriately, groomed and dispense meds. I'm not expecting an elem. age kid to dispense their own medications-but you know that, and just want to argue your incorrect point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Then make a bag per night the kid is there with everything they need to make it easy. That’s what I do when mine travel without me. Lots of options.

No, I'm not making a 'bag' per night. My dc lives with their mother AND their father. They have the things they need at both homes because they live there. The parent they are with needs to make sure they are dressed appropriately, groomed and dispense meds. I'm not expecting an elem. age kid to dispense their own medications-but you know that, and just want to argue your incorrect point.

Then why are you posting here? Makes zero sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

If dad lives a distance away and working full time, you have to be reasonable especially if all activities are near mom not dad. A 7 years olds priority should be a relationship with both parents over activities. This mom is petty and unreasonable.

This is absurd. In this hypothetical (or real situation), the mom is the one working full time, not taking any child support, and paying for and getting the kids to all their activities. "Petty" is the last applicable adjective. Try selfless, loving, and putting the child first. The dad here is lazy and self-centered, and his existence only serves to cause problems in people's lives - he doesn't pay a share of any activities, doesn't pay child support, and doesn't do any of the driving. This is likely the parent who doesn't know the name of the child's dentist or pediatrician. Genders can easily be reversed in this scenario if the mom is the one who doesn't do any parenting (who gets in the way and doesn't provide support). It's the parent on another thread who protested letting his child attend a school band concert. Who does that? To him, parenting time is the last vestige of power or control he can exert over other people's lives. He is a liability. The bigger parent plays defense and tries to mitigate the damage. Kids figure it out, and there are lifelong repercussions. They know who butters their bread. The crap parent gets cut out when the child is no longer legally required to spend time with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Then make a bag per night the kid is there with everything they need to make it easy. That’s what I do when mine travel without me. Lots of options.

No, I'm not making a 'bag' per night. My dc lives with their mother AND their father. They have the things they need at both homes because they live there. The parent they are with needs to make sure they are dressed appropriately, groomed and dispense meds. I'm not expecting an elem. age kid to dispense their own medications-but you know that, and just want to argue your incorrect point.

Then why are you posting here? Makes zero sense.

It's a thread about 50/50 . I'm not surprised it makes zero sense to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Then make a bag per night the kid is there with everything they need to make it easy. That’s what I do when mine travel without me. Lots of options.

You are the same poster that insisted there are "plenty" of dance studios in a thread about a similar situation a few years ago. The dad whose daughter's dance team had practice on "his" night (fridays) and didn't want to have to sit in the parking lot and wait for her...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings. :roll:

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

DP. Oh come on. Presumably this is an adult with a normal IQ - he should noy need to “figure out” that a child needs basic hygeine and basic medical care and to be appropriately prepared for school. This is day 1 sh*t, not part of a “learning curve.” If a dad cannot manage this, that tells me that a) he was completely univolved in parenting during the marriage; and b) he is not interested in parenting competeny after the divorce. Both of which are good arguments for being the weekend-only parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Then make a bag per night the kid is there with everything they need to make it easy. That’s what I do when mine travel without me. Lots of options.

I love how this PP keeps on coming up with solutions that just highlight how worthless the dad in this scenario is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Then make a bag per night the kid is there with everything they need to make it easy. That’s what I do when mine travel without me. Lots of options.

What is the point of brush in a bag if the dad doesn’t brush the child’s hair? Is the bag going to do it? Does the bag administer medicine now? Tell us these magical “options” that obviate responsibility of a parent to carry out basic caregiving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Then make a bag per night the kid is there with everything they need to make it easy. That’s what I do when mine travel without me. Lots of options.

I love how this PP keeps on coming up with solutions that just highlight how worthless the dad in this scenario is.

The more that poster says, the more obvious it is that they’re a terrible parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

If dad lives a distance away and working full time, you have to be reasonable especially if all activities are near mom not dad. A 7 years olds priority should be a relationship with both parents over activities. This mom is petty and unreasonable.

This is absurd. In this hypothetical (or real situation), the mom is the one working full time, not taking any child support, and paying for and getting the kids to all their activities. "Petty" is the last applicable adjective. Try selfless, loving, and putting the child first. The dad here is lazy and self-centered, and his existence only serves to cause problems in people's lives - he doesn't pay a share of any activities, doesn't pay child support, and doesn't do any of the driving. This is likely the parent who doesn't know the name of the child's dentist or pediatrician. Genders can easily be reversed in this scenario if the mom is the one who doesn't do any parenting (who gets in the way and doesn't provide support). It's the parent on another thread who protested letting his child attend a school band concert. Who does that? To him, parenting time is the last vestige of power or control he can exert over other people's lives. He is a liability. The bigger parent plays defense and tries to mitigate the damage. Kids figure it out, and there are lifelong repercussions. They know who butters their bread. The crap parent gets cut out when the child is no longer legally required to spend time with them.

There is no evidence dad is lazy or not involved. Child support may not be appropriate. If mom is the sole decision maker and paid for the activities without dad’s consent she can drive them. Simple. You are making assumptions he is a bad dad without the entire story.