Why 50/50? My Attorney Saying 50/50 isn’t likelh

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings. :roll:

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

DP. Oh come on. Presumably this is an adult with a normal IQ - he should noy need to “figure out” that a child needs basic hygeine and basic medical care and to be appropriately prepared for school. This is day 1 sh*t, not part of a “learning curve.” If a dad cannot manage this, that tells me that a) he was completely univolved in parenting during the marriage; and b) he is not interested in parenting competeny after the divorce. Both of which are good arguments for being the weekend-only parent.

Dad seems to manage just fine. It’s just not her way so she makes it sound wrong when it’s not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings. :roll:

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

DP. Oh come on. Presumably this is an adult with a normal IQ - he should noy need to “figure out” that a child needs basic hygeine and basic medical care and to be appropriately prepared for school. This is day 1 sh*t, not part of a “learning curve.” If a dad cannot manage this, that tells me that a) he was completely univolved in parenting during the marriage; and b) he is not interested in parenting competeny after the divorce. Both of which are good arguments for being the weekend-only parent.

Dad seems to manage just fine. It’s just not her way so she makes it sound wrong when it’s not.

Oh yes - the mom is so crazy in her belief that hair brushing, medication, and following basic school rules are important!

Look, if you are a parent and cannot manage to ensure your child has brushed hair, takes meds, and is dressed appropriately - there are serious questions about your fitness b

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings. :roll:

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

DP. Oh come on. Presumably this is an adult with a normal IQ - he should noy need to “figure out” that a child needs basic hygeine and basic medical care and to be appropriately prepared for school. This is day 1 sh*t, not part of a “learning curve.” If a dad cannot manage this, that tells me that a) he was completely univolved in parenting during the marriage; and b) he is not interested in parenting competeny after the divorce. Both of which are good arguments for being the weekend-only parent.

Dad seems to manage just fine. It’s just not her way so she makes it sound wrong when it’s not.

How is “administering medicine on the schedule printed on the medicine bottle”
or “dressing the child in the uniform of the school she attends” somehow gendered to you? You are truly reaching new depths of misogyny in your efforts here…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

If dad lives a distance away and working full time, you have to be reasonable especially if all activities are near mom not dad. A 7 years olds priority should be a relationship with both parents over activities. This mom is petty and unreasonable.

This is absurd. In this hypothetical (or real situation), the mom is the one working full time, not taking any child support, and paying for and getting the kids to all their activities. "Petty" is the last applicable adjective. Try selfless, loving, and putting the child first. The dad here is lazy and self-centered, and his existence only serves to cause problems in people's lives - he doesn't pay a share of any activities, doesn't pay child support, and doesn't do any of the driving. This is likely the parent who doesn't know the name of the child's dentist or pediatrician. Genders can easily be reversed in this scenario if the mom is the one who doesn't do any parenting (who gets in the way and doesn't provide support). It's the parent on another thread who protested letting his child attend a school band concert. Who does that? To him, parenting time is the last vestige of power or control he can exert over other people's lives. He is a liability. The bigger parent plays defense and tries to mitigate the damage. Kids figure it out, and there are lifelong repercussions. They know who butters their bread. The crap parent gets cut out when the child is no longer legally required to spend time with them.

There is no evidence dad is lazy or not involved. Child support may not be appropriate. If mom is the sole decision maker and paid for the activities without dad’s consent she can drive them. Simple. You are making assumptions he is a bad dad without the entire story.

Mom isn't the sole decision maker. The kid asked to to the activity. It's about the kid, not the mom/ex. That's where you're so so wrong. And where the dad is wrong for refusing to support their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

If dad lives a distance away and working full time, you have to be reasonable especially if all activities are near mom not dad. A 7 years olds priority should be a relationship with both parents over activities. This mom is petty and unreasonable.

This is absurd. In this hypothetical (or real situation), the mom is the one working full time, not taking any child support, and paying for and getting the kids to all their activities. "Petty" is the last applicable adjective. Try selfless, loving, and putting the child first. The dad here is lazy and self-centered, and his existence only serves to cause problems in people's lives - he doesn't pay a share of any activities, doesn't pay child support, and doesn't do any of the driving. This is likely the parent who doesn't know the name of the child's dentist or pediatrician. Genders can easily be reversed in this scenario if the mom is the one who doesn't do any parenting (who gets in the way and doesn't provide support). It's the parent on another thread who protested letting his child attend a school band concert. Who does that? To him, parenting time is the last vestige of power or control he can exert over other people's lives. He is a liability. The bigger parent plays defense and tries to mitigate the damage. Kids figure it out, and there are lifelong repercussions. They know who butters their bread. The crap parent gets cut out when the child is no longer legally required to spend time with them.

There is no evidence dad is lazy or not involved. Child support may not be appropriate. If mom is the sole decision maker and paid for the activities without dad’s consent she can drive them. Simple. You are making assumptions he is a bad dad without the entire story.

Mom isn't the sole decision maker. The kid asked to to the activity. It's about the kid, not the mom/ex. That's where you're so so wrong. And where the dad is wrong for refusing to support their kid.

If logistically it doesn’t work for dad on his time, mom needs to do it on her time. She confidently does. Discuss the location, time, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

If dad lives a distance away and working full time, you have to be reasonable especially if all activities are near mom not dad. A 7 years olds priority should be a relationship with both parents over activities. This mom is petty and unreasonable.

This is absurd. In this hypothetical (or real situation), the mom is the one working full time, not taking any child support, and paying for and getting the kids to all their activities. "Petty" is the last applicable adjective. Try selfless, loving, and putting the child first. The dad here is lazy and self-centered, and his existence only serves to cause problems in people's lives - he doesn't pay a share of any activities, doesn't pay child support, and doesn't do any of the driving. This is likely the parent who doesn't know the name of the child's dentist or pediatrician. Genders can easily be reversed in this scenario if the mom is the one who doesn't do any parenting (who gets in the way and doesn't provide support). It's the parent on another thread who protested letting his child attend a school band concert. Who does that? To him, parenting time is the last vestige of power or control he can exert over other people's lives. He is a liability. The bigger parent plays defense and tries to mitigate the damage. Kids figure it out, and there are lifelong repercussions. They know who butters their bread. The crap parent gets cut out when the child is no longer legally required to spend time with them.

There is no evidence dad is lazy or not involved. Child support may not be appropriate. If mom is the sole decision maker and paid for the activities without dad’s consent she can drive them. Simple. You are making assumptions he is a bad dad without the entire story.

Mom isn't the sole decision maker. The kid asked to to the activity. It's about the kid, not the mom/ex. That's where you're so so wrong. And where the dad is wrong for refusing to support their kid.

If logistically it doesn’t work for dad on his time, mom needs to do it on her time. She confidently does. Discuss the location, time, etc.

You can't do team sports, play in an orchestra, or act in the school play on only certain days when you're with one parent. This position turns a child into the prisoner of an unhealthy parent. It's going to backfire - why even ask for parenting time at all if the end result is that your kid grows to resent you and you have no relationship later in life? Be a halfway decent human being and show up for your kid or get out of the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Seven year olds should be able to put on a uniform by themselves in the morning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've dated several divorced dads who really step up once the wife is out of the picture during their custody time. But I can tell from stories they tell that the ex wife did more when they were married.

You can't tell from how a dad acts during marriage how he will act when he is a single dad. A lot of men, if a woman is around, will be lazy and let her do more work. it doesn't mean they CANT do the work. They just act like they cant so they get out of it. Once they get custody, they step up and do tons of stuff their exes
thought they "couldnt" do.

You can’t really tell from that perspective what the divorced dad is actually doing. Even if they are forced to step up and feed and clothe their children, it’s likely still the bare minimum, and mom is still doing all the work of organizing school, medical care, activities …

No. Not always. Definitely not with my fiance. I used to live with him when he had fifty fifty custody. Mom did nothing wrt helping with virtual school, for ex. Kids would arrive at our house with assignments not done and he would have to use his custody days to make sure they got caught up. He took them to doctors appointments, etc. He ordered their clothing. Now, she moved away and he has de facto 100 percent custody in our house and all she does is talk to them on the phone a few times a month and see them once or twice a year. So yeah. I know he does more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

If dad lives a distance away and working full time, you have to be reasonable especially if all activities are near mom not dad. A 7 years olds priority should be a relationship with both parents over activities. This mom is petty and unreasonable.

This is absurd. In this hypothetical (or real situation), the mom is the one working full time, not taking any child support, and paying for and getting the kids to all their activities. "Petty" is the last applicable adjective. Try selfless, loving, and putting the child first. The dad here is lazy and self-centered, and his existence only serves to cause problems in people's lives - he doesn't pay a share of any activities, doesn't pay child support, and doesn't do any of the driving. This is likely the parent who doesn't know the name of the child's dentist or pediatrician. Genders can easily be reversed in this scenario if the mom is the one who doesn't do any parenting (who gets in the way and doesn't provide support). It's the parent on another thread who protested letting his child attend a school band concert. Who does that? To him, parenting time is the last vestige of power or control he can exert over other people's lives. He is a liability. The bigger parent plays defense and tries to mitigate the damage. Kids figure it out, and there are lifelong repercussions. They know who butters their bread. The crap parent gets cut out when the child is no longer legally required to spend time with them.

There is no evidence dad is lazy or not involved. Child support may not be appropriate. If mom is the sole decision maker and paid for the activities without dad’s consent she can drive them. Simple. You are making assumptions he is a bad dad without the entire story.

Mom isn't the sole decision maker. The kid asked to to the activity. It's about the kid, not the mom/ex. That's where you're so so wrong. And where the dad is wrong for refusing to support their kid.

If logistically it doesn’t work for dad on his time, mom needs to do it on her time. She confidently does. Discuss the location, time, etc.

You can't do team sports, play in an orchestra, or act in the school play on only certain days when you're with one parent. This position turns a child into the prisoner of an unhealthy parent. It's going to backfire - why even ask for parenting time at all if the end result is that your kid grows to resent you and you have no relationship later in life? Be a halfway decent human being and show up for your kid or get out of the way.

You can if both parents work together and cooperate. If mom signs up the kid in dad’s time and he is unable due to the location she can step in and drive to the activity and dads house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Seven year olds should be able to put on a uniform by themselves in the morning.

And comb their hair if taught. It may not be oerfect but they are not helpless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Seven year olds should be able to put on a uniform by themselves in the morning.

Not to mention walk to school uphill both ways in the snow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Seven year olds should be able to put on a uniform by themselves in the morning.

And comb their hair if taught. It may not be oerfect but they are not helpless.

Let me guess. You think it’s mom’s job to teach them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Seven year olds should be able to put on a uniform by themselves in the morning.

And comb their hair if taught. It may not be perfect but they are not helpless.

Let me guess. You think it’s mom’s job to teach them.

In our home it is. Dad has no clue how to do long hair. You are being incredibly petty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

Tell a seven year old whose dad couldn’t be bothered to get them in the right uniform, who is the only kid excluded from the party, that it’s not important. I’m sure they’ll agree that it’s insignificant.

Medicine as someone else already posted is often designed to be given not at school.

“A brush and ask the teacher to help” is a really neat way to show disrespect for your kids teacher— they should be your kids nursemaid so the child’s parent doesn’t have to remember little things like grooming. School will hate you.

And you’d actually know all those things if you were a decent parent to a school age kid and so, I’m sorry for your kids or sorry for your wife.

Seven year olds should be able to put on a uniform by themselves in the morning.

Are you expecting the seven year old to run the washer and dryer by themselves?

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Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).

This solution is contingent on the dad giving up some of "his" parenting time. In contentious divorces, the lazy parent can block this option to get back at the ex. It's so horrible to see when one "parent" isn't acting in the best interests of the kids.

If dad lives a distance away and working full time, you have to be reasonable especially if all activities are near mom not dad. A 7 years olds priority should be a relationship with both parents over activities. This mom is petty and unreasonable.

This is absurd. In this hypothetical (or real situation), the mom is the one working full time, not taking any child support, and paying for and getting the kids to all their activities. "Petty" is the last applicable adjective. Try selfless, loving, and putting the child first. The dad here is lazy and self-centered, and his existence only serves to cause problems in people's lives - he doesn't pay a share of any activities, doesn't pay child support, and doesn't do any of the driving. This is likely the parent who doesn't know the name of the child's dentist or pediatrician. Genders can easily be reversed in this scenario if the mom is the one who doesn't do any parenting (who gets in the way and doesn't provide support). It's the parent on another thread who protested letting his child attend a school band concert. Who does that? To him, parenting time is the last vestige of power or control he can exert over other people's lives. He is a liability. The bigger parent plays defense and tries to mitigate the damage. Kids figure it out, and there are lifelong repercussions. They know who butters their bread. The crap parent gets cut out when the child is no longer legally required to spend time with them.

There is no evidence dad is lazy or not involved. Child support may not be appropriate. If mom is the sole decision maker and paid for the activities without dad’s consent she can drive them. Simple. You are making assumptions he is a bad dad without the entire story.

Mom isn't the sole decision maker. The kid asked to to the activity. It's about the kid, not the mom/ex. That's where you're so so wrong. And where the dad is wrong for refusing to support their kid.

If logistically it doesn’t work for dad on his time, mom needs to do it on her time. She confidently does. Discuss the location, time, etc.

You can't do team sports, play in an orchestra, or act in the school play on only certain days when you're with one parent. This position turns a child into the prisoner of an unhealthy parent. It's going to backfire - why even ask for parenting time at all if the end result is that your kid grows to resent you and you have no relationship later in life? Be a halfway decent human being and show up for your kid or get out of the way.

You can if both parents work together and cooperate. If mom signs up the kid in dad’s time and he is unable due to the location she can step in and drive to the activity and dads house.

And dad is stepping in to help when Mom has a transportation conflict? Oh no, of course not. That's dads free time.

I still remember that my best friend wasn't allowed to try out for the high school musical with all of her friends because the show dates were on her dad's weekend. He lived in town and there were no logistical issues. He just didn't allow her to do activities on "his time." That also meant she couldn't play sports, even rec sports. Fortunately the marching band director let her miss on her dad's weekends, but that left a hole in the show. It was just stupid since he lived 6 minutes away.

There's not some grand conspiracy where moms are signing kids up for activities at times to inconvenience dads. Activities are scheduled how they are and either the kid signs up or not. I think many of these posters are thinking of little kid activities that are flexible and not older kid activities where attendance is mandatory and kids want to be with their friends. Activities are a huge social thing.