Why 50/50? My Attorney Saying 50/50 isn’t likelh

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

PP here. Well, the medicine per label is to be given at bedtime. And you can't just give a kid a bottle of meds to carry around-that is not permitted in any school my kids have been in. There isn't a place for dc to store extra clothing, although that's a good idea if it was possible. I did actually give dc a brush for their bag and we are working on that skill-but I don't expect the teacher to do it for dc.

I mean, I don't think I'm perfect because I dress my dc in their uniform, brush hair and give needed meds. It's just parenting. The ex does take reminders well, so I offer them, because it is to my dc's benefit. We are both dcs' parents 100% of the time-they don't disappear into a black hole when they are with their other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

PP here. Well, the medicine per label is to be given at bedtime. And you can't just give a kid a bottle of meds to carry around-that is not permitted in any school my kids have been in. There isn't a place for dc to store extra clothing, although that's a good idea if it was possible. I did actually give dc a brush for their bag and we are working on that skill-but I don't expect the teacher to do it for dc.

I mean, I don't think I'm perfect because I dress my dc in their uniform, brush hair and give needed meds. It's just parenting. The ex does take reminders well, so I offer them, because it is to my dc's benefit. We are both dcs' parents 100% of the time-they don't disappear into a black hole when they are with their other parent.

Then stop by in the morning or put them in public where there are no uniforms. Lots of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.

Actually I am the parent who signs up and we share the driving. Two swim teams, multiple other activities per child, some two or three or more a day. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about and your assumptions are wrong. We spend a small fortune on activities and our lives revolve around them. Stop complaining and make it work. Maybe if you treated your ex better, he’d be more willing.

Um, not divorced here. Happily married. I just know of kids in this situation and it really does suck. Such selfish parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.

Actually I am the parent who signs up and we share the driving. Two swim teams, multiple other activities per child, some two or three or more a day. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about and your assumptions are wrong. We spend a small fortune on activities and our lives revolve around them. Stop complaining and make it work. Maybe if you treated your ex better, he’d be more willing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.

Actually I am the parent who signs up and we share the driving. Two swim teams, multiple other activities per child, some two or three or more a day. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about and your assumptions are wrong. We spend a small fortune on activities and our lives revolve around them. Stop complaining and make it work. Maybe if you treated your ex better, he’d be more willing.

This last line is why you are so so wrong. If not taking the kids to activities is about getting back at the ex, then the parent is an a$$hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.

Actually I am the parent who signs up and we share the driving. Two swim teams, multiple other activities per child, some two or three or more a day. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about and your assumptions are wrong. We spend a small fortune on activities and our lives revolve around them. Stop complaining and make it work. Maybe if you treated your ex better, he’d be more willing.

This last line is why you are so so wrong. If not taking the kids to activities is about getting back at the ex, then the parent is an a$$hole.

We only know your side of it. If he's working, it may not be realistic if he lives an hour away as in this area an hour away is 90-120 minutes each way in rush hour. You could choose to do the activities where he lives or half way to make it more convenient for him, but you insist on doing them near you and don't care about anything else but your needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really think it makes the most sense to consider what makes the most sense for the kids given their schedules (sports, therapy, school, etc), the locations and schedules of the parents, and any family traditions (e.g., vacations, visiting family, holidays). Then calculate the split.

Don't make it 50/50 with a 14 yo who is into competitive swim but who has a parent who lives too far away to take the son to swim practice. Find a way to give both parents time without imposing on the child. That's takes cooperation and putting aside your issues, but really is how it should work.

Regardless it should be 50-50. Don't take away your child's other parent just to spite them. You aren't putting aside your issues if you are saying don't do 50-50. Or, you can do it where the other parent lives and you can do the commute.

No. A kid can't be on two different swim teams. And practices for competitive swimmers are really early before school, so commuting may not be an option.

A kid shouldn't have their life blown up even more because their parents are divorcing. Tweens and teens have their own interests and schedules. For older kids it may end up being 50/50 of the kid's free time when they're not in school or at sports/activities, rather than 50/50 overall custody. Or the parent can find a way to live closer to accommodate. The schedule has to be about the needs of the kids, not some arbitrary formula.

The swim team example is from a prior DCUM thread, not my own life, but it is generally applicable. If kids have goals and priorities, the custody rules should be used as a barrier. Parents should support their kids, not use them as weapons to get back at their ex or to keep from paying more child support while doing the bare minimum.

Seems strange that everyone forgets that kids’ worlds grow larger than their parents. Parents need to support the kid, not take kids away from their social structure because of some mythical 50/50 requirement.

Just because the other parent doesn't do it your way, it doesn't make it wrong. And, if the swim parent is worried, you pick a team 1/2 or near the other parent to make it easier on them. Lots of options. Having a relationship with your parent is more important than swim team.

Uh yeah, you're clearly not the active parent who signs kids up for activities or drives them to/from or who talks to the other parents to stay in the loop about camps, clinics, development, etc. There's so much that goes into supporting your kid. And yes, it's wrong to be the selfish parent who doesn't support their kid's interests or who uses their kid as a weapon to get back at their ex or to get out of paying more child support.

The kid is going to want to be on the team with their friends, with the right schedule, at the right level, with the right coaching, etc. If you aren't the one who's managed this in your family then you have zero idea. Being an obstinate a$$ and making your kid quit a favorite activity because you're getting divorced and too lazy to drive them but still want to stick it to your ex is being a bad parent.

Actually I am the parent who signs up and we share the driving. Two swim teams, multiple other activities per child, some two or three or more a day. You clearly have no idea what you are talking about and your assumptions are wrong. We spend a small fortune on activities and our lives revolve around them. Stop complaining and make it work. Maybe if you treated your ex better, he’d be more willing.

Um, not divorced here. Happily married. I just know of kids in this situation and it really does suck. Such selfish parents.

Many married parents don't do activities for their kids. Its not selfish if its an hour or more away as if you have to do that round trip in traffic, after work and getting the kids, its not reasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Really, if those are the worst offenses, it's ok. No one is early as perfect as you. Pizza parties are not important. Leave extra clothing at school. And, medicine. Leave a brush and ask the teacher to help. Or meet them before school and do it.

PP here. Well, the medicine per label is to be given at bedtime. And you can't just give a kid a bottle of meds to carry around-that is not permitted in any school my kids have been in. There isn't a place for dc to store extra clothing, although that's a good idea if it was possible. I did actually give dc a brush for their bag and we are working on that skill-but I don't expect the teacher to do it for dc.

I mean, I don't think I'm perfect because I dress my dc in their uniform, brush hair and give needed meds. It's just parenting. The ex does take reminders well, so I offer them, because it is to my dc's benefit. We are both dcs' parents 100% of the time-they don't disappear into a black hole when they are with their other parent.

Then stop by in the morning or put them in public where there are no uniforms. Lots of options.

Thanks for your input. The publics have uniforms where we live as well, at the elem level. So for now, the 'option' of reminding and communicating with the school, are best for the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men vary as caregivers. Most are innatentive, incompetent, not paying close enough attention, flouting the rules, etc. they do the bare minimum. They don't have patience. They yell they don't care about routine, baths, and illnesses like pink eye or rash. Yet during divorce they don't want to pay child support and sthink without their wife around they'll manage fine with 50/50. What a crappy situation for the kids and the poor mothers having to worry

A newly divorced dad at our elementary school sent his 6 yo to school in tights and a t shirt, with no pants or skirt. You could see her underwear. They had to send her to the office to get something from lost and found. Apparently he didn't know the difference between tights and leggings.

I can believe it! While my ex and I have a good co-parenting relationship, he remains a ding dong. I'm the one who gets the emails about dress code violations when he puts our child in non uniform items to go to the school they've been going to for three years. And I have to remind him about things like brushing their hair. It could be worse, but it is a difference.

If those are your worst complaints it sounds like he’s doing a good job.

They aren't my worst complaints...but in general he does ok. I do remind about things like brushing hair and giving allergy meds. Even when you have 50/50 time, you're still their mother/father 100% of the time!

You sound incredibly petty.

I’m a DP but you, PP, sound like you don’t know much about raising school-age children.

Kid comes to school without uniform and gets violations because their dad can’t dress them? Has a “discipline problem” at school. Depending on the discipline structure at school that means various consequences like missing pizza parties or other privileges. You really think a kid whose parents are splitting needs a harder life?

Kid comes to school without allergy medicine and either spends the day miserable or the nurse calls a parent (probably not dad) to disrupt their day and bring the meds. You think that’s better for learning?

Kid shows up without even brushed hair? Best case the other kids are awful to her— and again you feel like that’s something a kid with divorced parents needs?— worst case the teachers are all gossiping about how X Family is neglectful.

They’ve studied this pretty rigorously that well groomed children get more attention in school. Your kid doesn’t even have their hair brushed? As an elementary school teacher said to me once— teachers don’t think it’s their job to care more than the parents.

Pp here - thank you, you understand. I am the parent who gets the emails and calls about the issue. I am helping my dc with self care skills so at some point this won't be an issue. Thankfully, ex is open to reminders. I also dialogue with the school. Like I posted - we're parents 100% of the time.

Then tell them it's dad's day and call dad. Here is the number.

I could see that with an older child. But with a younger one, I need to be in the loop about stuff like meds. So they call me.

No, you don’t need to be in the loop on dad’s day. You need to let him parent. You are the problem.

The child still needs meds and appropriate clothing and grooming on 'dads day'. It's about the child's best interest.

Back off and let him figure it out. If you keep micromanaging and criticizing he will never figure it out. I can only imagine how difficult you make things for him. And, do some of the activities near his house.

Some amount of letting a child figure it out is fine. Meds need to be supervised by an adult. I disagree that moving activities toward the other parent's house to make it more convenient for that parent is in the child's best interests. If a kid is in an established program with a group of supportive peers, that should not be disturbed. Divorce and two households are really hard on kids - taking away the few outlets and support systems they have so as to avoid inconvenience to a parent is a big mistake.

And that’s probably why dad cannot take kids to activities. If he has to work full time and drive kids an hour back and forth to school the activities, it’s not reasonable or realistic. Why should mom get an easy quick drive for the kids but not dad. Equal parenting means equal and this is no way equal. Mom does what’s best for her, not for the kids or dad. Then complains without caring why.

There are workarounds. I know a mom who works full time, doesn't get any child support, pays for all activities, and drives (or arranges a carpool) for the kids to and from their activities. Dad's parenting time starts after the conclusion of the activities as stipulated in the parenting agreement. Dad gets to remain lazy, and occasionally complain per his nature, but not otherwise screw up the kids preexisting life around school and sports. Mom works much harder and has less free time and money but views this as better than the alternative (dad's laziness and obstinacy taking away the kid's activities and friendships).