Marriage is hard

[Anonymous]

Marriage takes work, especially in the beginning. Marrying the right partner makes all the difference. It can be great or hell on earth if you choose the wrong partner.

[Anonymous]

Our values have always been pretty aligned, we are both low maintenance and we don’t sweat the small stuff. Marriage is never easy and is always a work in process and times can be hard but our marriage has never been hard. It also helps that we have maintained a great sex life over many years.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

Who is to say who is the "right person?" What does this mean? People change. People change after they marry they change, stop performing etc.

Smug morons on this board who think they have all the answers because their lives with their spouses are “easy” but for some reason they are simultaneously wildly insecure.

Who hurt you?

The people who respond to every marriage related problem and question with “you chose him” “I chose well” “why did you choose him” etc. Those people hurt me.

Same. ((Hugs PP))

Have better judgment in who you choose for a spouse. That’s your fault and no one else’s You hurt yourself.

You are a terrible human.

bad judgment makes you terrible.

Everyone shows bad judgment at least a few times in their life. Like for example, you show bad judgment in being an anonymous jerk on the internet. The question is, do you have any redeeming qualities to overcome that? Doubtful.🤨

NP. I mean if you equate judging someone as a “jerk” on the internet to judging how you pick a spouse, I would say you do have very poor judgement.

Being a jerk worse than picking a lousy spouse. The former is a mistake, the latter is the product of malice.

The “jerk” thing is subjective. Just because someone is truthful and you don’t like it doesn’t make them a jerk.
Picking the wrong spouse is profoundly bad.
Everyone is a jerk at times, including you. Picking a wrong spouse is for life.

Both are subjective, actually. Someone may believe that they picked the wrong spouse but it was the best spouse for them. Or there could be an unintended positive outcome from their marriage, like personal growth and understanding or a child with a really positive impact on the world.

There are no benefits to writing nasty comments on the internet beyond entertainment value. Even if the value is subjective, even if one person thinks you are being a jerk you are lowering the value of the DCUM for them and other people too.

The nasty comments came from the ones accusing another of being a jerk. Calling someone a jerk should tell you who the jerk is. They are in fact devaluing dcum themselves with calling any one with a different viewpoint from them juvenile names.

No, there is value in calling out the people who believe it is their God-given duty to inform others that everything bad that happens to them is their own fault, and there are a lot of those people on this website. Those people are jerks.

If you happen to be one of those people and you don’t like it, oh well.

NP. Because someone said that marriage is hard if they choose the wrong spouse?!
That is absolutely correct and anyone who thinks choosing the wrong spouse doesn’t make marriage hard is a damn fool. Talking to you, pp.

Try to keep up. The original pp said that marriage can be hard if your spouse changes for the worse. This happens all the time. People change for the worse all the time. It’s not your fault for “choosing wrong.”

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

Who is to say who is the "right person?" What does this mean? People change. People change after they marry they change, stop performing etc.

Smug morons on this board who think they have all the answers because their lives with their spouses are “easy” but for some reason they are simultaneously wildly insecure.

Who hurt you?

The people who respond to every marriage related problem and question with “you chose him” “I chose well” “why did you choose him” etc. Those people hurt me.

Same. ((Hugs PP))

Have better judgment in who you choose for a spouse. That’s your fault and no one else’s You hurt yourself.

You are a terrible human.

bad judgment makes you terrible.

Everyone shows bad judgment at least a few times in their life. Like for example, you show bad judgment in being an anonymous jerk on the internet. The question is, do you have any redeeming qualities to overcome that? Doubtful.🤨

NP. I mean if you equate judging someone as a “jerk” on the internet to judging how you pick a spouse, I would say you do have very poor judgement.

Being a jerk worse than picking a lousy spouse. The former is a mistake, the latter is the product of malice.

The “jerk” thing is subjective. Just because someone is truthful and you don’t like it doesn’t make them a jerk.
Picking the wrong spouse is profoundly bad.
Everyone is a jerk at times, including you. Picking a wrong spouse is for life.

Both are subjective, actually. Someone may believe that they picked the wrong spouse but it was the best spouse for them. Or there could be an unintended positive outcome from their marriage, like personal growth and understanding or a child with a really positive impact on the world.

There are no benefits to writing nasty comments on the internet beyond entertainment value. Even if the value is subjective, even if one person thinks you are being a jerk you are lowering the value of the DCUM for them and other people too.

The nasty comments came from the ones accusing another of being a jerk. Calling someone a jerk should tell you who the jerk is. They are in fact devaluing dcum themselves with calling any one with a different viewpoint from them juvenile names.

No, there is value in calling out the people who believe it is their God-given duty to inform others that everything bad that happens to them is their own fault, and there are a lot of those people on this website. Those people are jerks.

If you happen to be one of those people and you don’t like it, oh well.

Oh, well, back to you. You think it’s your god-given duty to shut down anyone who has a different view from you. You can’t and you won’t.

It would be shutting down the discussion of I simply called you a jerk for no reason. But I’ve clearly stated the reason, and the conversation has not shut down because you are like the energizer bunny of smugness.

You called me a jerk because you don’t like that choices have consequences and that bothers you because you don’t want to be held responsible when you are responsible for something.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

Who is to say who is the "right person?" What does this mean? People change. People change after they marry they change, stop performing etc.

Smug morons on this board who think they have all the answers because their lives with their spouses are “easy” but for some reason they are simultaneously wildly insecure.

Who hurt you?

The people who respond to every marriage related problem and question with “you chose him” “I chose well” “why did you choose him” etc. Those people hurt me.

Same. ((Hugs PP))

Have better judgment in who you choose for a spouse. That’s your fault and no one else’s You hurt yourself.

You are a terrible human.

bad judgment makes you terrible.

Everyone shows bad judgment at least a few times in their life. Like for example, you show bad judgment in being an anonymous jerk on the internet. The question is, do you have any redeeming qualities to overcome that? Doubtful.🤨

NP. I mean if you equate judging someone as a “jerk” on the internet to judging how you pick a spouse, I would say you do have very poor judgement.

Being a jerk worse than picking a lousy spouse. The former is a mistake, the latter is the product of malice.

The “jerk” thing is subjective. Just because someone is truthful and you don’t like it doesn’t make them a jerk.
Picking the wrong spouse is profoundly bad.
Everyone is a jerk at times, including you. Picking a wrong spouse is for life.

Both are subjective, actually. Someone may believe that they picked the wrong spouse but it was the best spouse for them. Or there could be an unintended positive outcome from their marriage, like personal growth and understanding or a child with a really positive impact on the world.

There are no benefits to writing nasty comments on the internet beyond entertainment value. Even if the value is subjective, even if one person thinks you are being a jerk you are lowering the value of the DCUM for them and other people too.

The nasty comments came from the ones accusing another of being a jerk. Calling someone a jerk should tell you who the jerk is. They are in fact devaluing dcum themselves with calling any one with a different viewpoint from them juvenile names.

No, there is value in calling out the people who believe it is their God-given duty to inform others that everything bad that happens to them is their own fault, and there are a lot of those people on this website. Those people are jerks.

If you happen to be one of those people and you don’t like it, oh well.

NP. Because someone said that marriage is hard if they choose the wrong spouse?!
That is absolutely correct and anyone who thinks choosing the wrong spouse doesn’t make marriage hard is a damn fool. Talking to you, pp.

Try to keep up. The original pp said that marriage can be hard if your spouse changes for the worse. This happens all the time. People change for the worse all the time. It’s not your fault for “choosing wrong.”

Try to keep up. You chose wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The not strangling on a daily basis...to begin with...and that is why I am educating my daughters. Marriage to a man means bowing down or digging those spurs in forever.

Why are you telling your daughters that they have to bow down or dig in spurs to be married? You’re doing the opposite of educating them.

Women who grew up without brothers are shocked -- as I was -- to learn what men are really like and what they want in partners. My daughters will know that, despite the current fashionable discourse to the contrary:

1 - Most men feel that love is shown through respect(ful submission and strategic silence);
2 - Most men like to work hard only for the 3 P's - pay, prestige, pleasure - I first described on DCUM years ago;
3 - Most men will not even pretend to do anything like an equal amount of unfun stuff (housekeeping, admin, parent-teacher conferences, etc.) after the kids come even if their wives are literally saving the world by helping to develop the corona vaccine.

They look like us, but they are nothing like us.

Your daughters will choose to remain single rather than have a marriage like yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage takes work, especially in the beginning. Marrying the right partner makes all the difference. It can be great or hell on earth if you choose the wrong partner.

Oh, no. You cannot say that you should marry the right partner. There’s a poster on here who will call you a jerk for that!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

Who is to say who is the "right person?" What does this mean? People change. People change after they marry they change, stop performing etc.

Smug morons on this board who think they have all the answers because their lives with their spouses are “easy” but for some reason they are simultaneously wildly insecure.

Who hurt you?

The people who respond to every marriage related problem and question with “you chose him” “I chose well” “why did you choose him” etc. Those people hurt me.

Same. ((Hugs PP))

Have better judgment in who you choose for a spouse. That’s your fault and no one else’s You hurt yourself.

You are a terrible human.

bad judgment makes you terrible.

Everyone shows bad judgment at least a few times in their life. Like for example, you show bad judgment in being an anonymous jerk on the internet. The question is, do you have any redeeming qualities to overcome that? Doubtful.🤨

NP. I mean if you equate judging someone as a “jerk” on the internet to judging how you pick a spouse, I would say you do have very poor judgement.

Being a jerk worse than picking a lousy spouse. The former is a mistake, the latter is the product of malice.

The “jerk” thing is subjective. Just because someone is truthful and you don’t like it doesn’t make them a jerk.
Picking the wrong spouse is profoundly bad.
Everyone is a jerk at times, including you. Picking a wrong spouse is for life.

Both are subjective, actually. Someone may believe that they picked the wrong spouse but it was the best spouse for them. Or there could be an unintended positive outcome from their marriage, like personal growth and understanding or a child with a really positive impact on the world.

There are no benefits to writing nasty comments on the internet beyond entertainment value. Even if the value is subjective, even if one person thinks you are being a jerk you are lowering the value of the DCUM for them and other people too.

The nasty comments came from the ones accusing another of being a jerk. Calling someone a jerk should tell you who the jerk is. They are in fact devaluing dcum themselves with calling any one with a different viewpoint from them juvenile names.

No, there is value in calling out the people who believe it is their God-given duty to inform others that everything bad that happens to them is their own fault, and there are a lot of those people on this website. Those people are jerks.

If you happen to be one of those people and you don’t like it, oh well.

NP. Because someone said that marriage is hard if they choose the wrong spouse?!
That is absolutely correct and anyone who thinks choosing the wrong spouse doesn’t make marriage hard is a damn fool. Talking to you, pp.

Try to keep up. The original pp said that marriage can be hard if your spouse changes for the worse. This happens all the time. People change for the worse all the time. It’s not your fault for “choosing wrong.”

No honey. Try to keep up.

[Anonymous]

Being single is much easier than having responsibilities, frictions and restrictions of marriage and parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:forgot to add that most feel love is additionally shown through sexual availability (high-libido) or uncomplaining suppression of your needs (low-libido), all of which still adds up to

WOMAN, PLEASE BOW DOWN.

So you don't know how to pick a mate either?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The not strangling on a daily basis...to begin with...and that is why I am educating my daughters. Marriage to a man means bowing down or digging those spurs in forever.

Why are you telling your daughters that they have to bow down or dig in spurs to be married? You’re doing the opposite of educating them.

Women who grew up without brothers are shocked -- as I was -- to learn what men are really like and what they want in partners. My daughters will know that, despite the current fashionable discourse to the contrary:

1 - Most men feel that love is shown through respect(ful submission and strategic silence);
2 - Most men like to work hard only for the 3 P's - pay, prestige, pleasure - I first described on DCUM years ago;
3 - Most men will not even pretend to do anything like an equal amount of unfun stuff (housekeeping, admin, parent-teacher conferences, etc.) after the kids come even if their wives are literally saving the world by helping to develop the corona vaccine.

They look like us, but they are nothing like us.

You’re emotionally unbalanced and bitter because you apparently hooked up with a bum.

I am obviously emotionally unbalanced, but that does not mean I am wrong, judging by the many DCUM threads about just these matters. Why, might I ask, do women initiate the majority of divorces? Clearly, they are disproportionately more likely to be dissatisfied with their partners. Mere coincidence? I think not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

I kinda agree with this. I don't find it harder than any other aspect of life but my husband and I are at heart pretty chill understanding people. My sister is having a hard time with marriage and just as a sister she's a difficult person who has to be in control at all times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

Who is to say who is the "right person?" What does this mean? People change. People change after they marry they change, stop performing etc.

Smug morons on this board who think they have all the answers because their lives with their spouses are “easy” but for some reason they are simultaneously wildly insecure.

Who hurt you?

The people who respond to every marriage related problem and question with “you chose him” “I chose well” “why did you choose him” etc. Those people hurt me.

Same. ((Hugs PP))

Have better judgment in who you choose for a spouse. That’s your fault and no one else’s You hurt yourself.

You are a terrible human.

bad judgment makes you terrible.

Everyone shows bad judgment at least a few times in their life. Like for example, you show bad judgment in being an anonymous jerk on the internet. The question is, do you have any redeeming qualities to overcome that? Doubtful.🤨

NP. I mean if you equate judging someone as a “jerk” on the internet to judging how you pick a spouse, I would say you do have very poor judgement.

Being a jerk worse than picking a lousy spouse. The former is a mistake, the latter is the product of malice.

The “jerk” thing is subjective. Just because someone is truthful and you don’t like it doesn’t make them a jerk.
Picking the wrong spouse is profoundly bad.
Everyone is a jerk at times, including you. Picking a wrong spouse is for life.

Both are subjective, actually. Someone may believe that they picked the wrong spouse but it was the best spouse for them. Or there could be an unintended positive outcome from their marriage, like personal growth and understanding or a child with a really positive impact on the world.

There are no benefits to writing nasty comments on the internet beyond entertainment value. Even if the value is subjective, even if one person thinks you are being a jerk you are lowering the value of the DCUM for them and other people too.

The nasty comments came from the ones accusing another of being a jerk. Calling someone a jerk should tell you who the jerk is. They are in fact devaluing dcum themselves with calling any one with a different viewpoint from them juvenile names.

No, there is value in calling out the people who believe it is their God-given duty to inform others that everything bad that happens to them is their own fault, and there are a lot of those people on this website. Those people are jerks.

If you happen to be one of those people and you don’t like it, oh well.

NP. Because someone said that marriage is hard if they choose the wrong spouse?!
That is absolutely correct and anyone who thinks choosing the wrong spouse doesn’t make marriage hard is a damn fool. Talking to you, pp.

Try to keep up. The original pp said that marriage can be hard if your spouse changes for the worse. This happens all the time. People change for the worse all the time. It’s not your fault for “choosing wrong.”

What are these out of the blue negative changes that happen with no warning? I can acknowledge that people MAY develop addiction issues or health issues, but absent that personalities don't just devolve without some level of foreshadowing. Some people may ignore those warning signs and end up choosing wrong, but they are usually always there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

Who is to say who is the "right person?" What does this mean? People change. People change after they marry they change, stop performing etc.

Smug morons on this board who think they have all the answers because their lives with their spouses are “easy” but for some reason they are simultaneously wildly insecure.

Who hurt you?

The people who respond to every marriage related problem and question with “you chose him” “I chose well” “why did you choose him” etc. Those people hurt me.

Same. ((Hugs PP))

Have better judgment in who you choose for a spouse. That’s your fault and no one else’s You hurt yourself.

You are a terrible human.

bad judgment makes you terrible.

Everyone shows bad judgment at least a few times in their life. Like for example, you show bad judgment in being an anonymous jerk on the internet. The question is, do you have any redeeming qualities to overcome that? Doubtful.🤨

NP. I mean if you equate judging someone as a “jerk” on the internet to judging how you pick a spouse, I would say you do have very poor judgement.

Being a jerk worse than picking a lousy spouse. The former is a mistake, the latter is the product of malice.

The “jerk” thing is subjective. Just because someone is truthful and you don’t like it doesn’t make them a jerk.
Picking the wrong spouse is profoundly bad.
Everyone is a jerk at times, including you. Picking a wrong spouse is for life.

Both are subjective, actually. Someone may believe that they picked the wrong spouse but it was the best spouse for them. Or there could be an unintended positive outcome from their marriage, like personal growth and understanding or a child with a really positive impact on the world.

There are no benefits to writing nasty comments on the internet beyond entertainment value. Even if the value is subjective, even if one person thinks you are being a jerk you are lowering the value of the DCUM for them and other people too.

The nasty comments came from the ones accusing another of being a jerk. Calling someone a jerk should tell you who the jerk is. They are in fact devaluing dcum themselves with calling any one with a different viewpoint from them juvenile names.

No, there is value in calling out the people who believe it is their God-given duty to inform others that everything bad that happens to them is their own fault, and there are a lot of those people on this website. Those people are jerks.

If you happen to be one of those people and you don’t like it, oh well.

Oh, well, back to you. You think it’s your god-given duty to shut down anyone who has a different view from you. You can’t and you won’t.

It would be shutting down the discussion of I simply called you a jerk for no reason. But I’ve clearly stated the reason, and the conversation has not shut down because you are like the energizer bunny of smugness.

You called me a jerk because you don’t like that choices have consequences and that bothers you because you don’t want to be held responsible when you are responsible for something.

You are responsible for your choices, but so is your spouse. Sometimes people we tether ourselves to make bad choices, but that’s neither our fault nor our responsibility. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with the consequences, you will. And how you deal with that is your responsibility. But getting on your high horse about how other people made bad choices is being a

Jerk.

Also, my spouse has only gotten better and better over the years. We both have, and it’s not because we chose good spouses. We both chose to BE good spouses and make the best of the decision we made. Sometimes my spouse made very bad choices and I had to be the good spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

Who is to say who is the "right person?" What does this mean? People change. People change after they marry they change, stop performing etc.

Smug morons on this board who think they have all the answers because their lives with their spouses are “easy” but for some reason they are simultaneously wildly insecure.

Who hurt you?

The people who respond to every marriage related problem and question with “you chose him” “I chose well” “why did you choose him” etc. Those people hurt me.

Same. ((Hugs PP))

Have better judgment in who you choose for a spouse. That’s your fault and no one else’s You hurt yourself.

You are a terrible human.

bad judgment makes you terrible.

Everyone shows bad judgment at least a few times in their life. Like for example, you show bad judgment in being an anonymous jerk on the internet. The question is, do you have any redeeming qualities to overcome that? Doubtful.🤨

NP. I mean if you equate judging someone as a “jerk” on the internet to judging how you pick a spouse, I would say you do have very poor judgement.

Being a jerk worse than picking a lousy spouse. The former is a mistake, the latter is the product of malice.

The “jerk” thing is subjective. Just because someone is truthful and you don’t like it doesn’t make them a jerk.
Picking the wrong spouse is profoundly bad.
Everyone is a jerk at times, including you. Picking a wrong spouse is for life.

Both are subjective, actually. Someone may believe that they picked the wrong spouse but it was the best spouse for them. Or there could be an unintended positive outcome from their marriage, like personal growth and understanding or a child with a really positive impact on the world.

There are no benefits to writing nasty comments on the internet beyond entertainment value. Even if the value is subjective, even if one person thinks you are being a jerk you are lowering the value of the DCUM for them and other people too.

The nasty comments came from the ones accusing another of being a jerk. Calling someone a jerk should tell you who the jerk is. They are in fact devaluing dcum themselves with calling any one with a different viewpoint from them juvenile names.

No, there is value in calling out the people who believe it is their God-given duty to inform others that everything bad that happens to them is their own fault, and there are a lot of those people on this website. Those people are jerks.

If you happen to be one of those people and you don’t like it, oh well.

Oh, well, back to you. You think it’s your god-given duty to shut down anyone who has a different view from you. You can’t and you won’t.

It would be shutting down the discussion of I simply called you a jerk for no reason. But I’ve clearly stated the reason, and the conversation has not shut down because you are like the energizer bunny of smugness.

You called me a jerk because you don’t like that choices have consequences and that bothers you because you don’t want to be held responsible when you are responsible for something.

You are responsible for your choices, but so is your spouse. Sometimes people we tether ourselves to make bad choices, but that’s neither our fault nor our responsibility. That doesn’t mean you don’t have to deal with the consequences, you will. And how you deal with that is your responsibility. But getting on your high horse about how other people made bad choices is being a

Jerk.

Also, my spouse has only gotten better and better over the years. We both have, and it’s not because we chose good spouses. We both chose to BE good spouses and make the best of the decision we made. Sometimes my spouse made very bad choices and I had to be the good spouse.

No, those people did make bad choices and if you think I’m the jerk for them making a bad choice, then that’s on you.