Marriage is hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We've been married 30-some years, I don't think marriage is hard. it's the best thing there is. it can be hard if you put yourself first.

Do you always put yourself last? For instance, if your spouse is gone for half the month and then spends their free time when they are back with their friends. Is that okay with you? Is that how you made it work?

something like that have never happened to us so hate to speculate.

Hmm. So you/your spouse never traveled. Did you have deadbeat in-laws nearby? If so, how did you handle that?

Get your meds straight before posting.

I did not post. Someone else did. Are you OP or PP? What is your issue with me posting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

And if you aren't the right person. A lot of people think it's always the spouse's fault but can't take accountability for their own shortcomings.

Marriage hasn't been hard for us even with highs and lows. We both have the common goal of wanting to try our best to treat the other well and it ends up working out pretty wonderfully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

And if you aren't the right person. A lot of people think it's always the spouse's fault but can't take accountability for their own shortcomings.

Marriage hasn't been hard for us even with highs and lows. We both have the common goal of wanting to try our best to treat the other well and it ends up working out pretty wonderfully.

the issue is when you are with someone that doesn’t have the common goal.

[Anonymous]

Because you have to become comfortable with yourself - you are in it for the long haul - you can't just focus on yourself and flee when something gets tough.

It's easier to keep up good impressions, even to yourself, when you aren't close with someone, daily, nightly, through years, children, health issues, etc.

I am amazed that I am loved by my husband even after my own failings, becoming much more unattractive (In my eyes, anyway, what with having 3 kids, now falling into the obesity range, sleeping with a g-d CPAP machine, etc...) and my husband and I still love each other, manage to have a love life, etc

Different sides of the same coin, I guess. But for me one of the hardest things has been to just be alright with myself in all my failings, letting myself really be seen, instead of being at a distance, giving up/moving on to someone or something different really just to deny myself to be me ...

Maybe a bit of a philosophical answer, but that's my response for why marriage is hard!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because you have to become comfortable with yourself - you are in it for the long haul - you can't just focus on yourself and flee when something gets tough.

It's easier to keep up good impressions, even to yourself, when you aren't close with someone, daily, nightly, through years, children, health issues, etc.

I am amazed that I am loved by my husband even after my own failings, becoming much more unattractive (In my eyes, anyway, what with having 3 kids, now falling into the obesity range, sleeping with a g-d CPAP machine, etc...) and my husband and I still love each other, manage to have a love life, etc

Different sides of the same coin, I guess. But for me one of the hardest things has been to just be alright with myself in all my failings, letting myself really be seen, instead of being at a distance, giving up/moving on to someone or something different really just to deny myself to be me ...

Maybe a bit of a philosophical answer, but that's my response for why marriage is hard!

But what about when you are not loved by your husband?

[Anonymous]

Marriage is hard sometimes, but other times it's not. DH and I have been through periods of passion, joy, discord, distance, and partnership. I love DH. He is a kind person with very high integrity. I know who he is and what he stands for. We don't always agree, and sometimes he makes me batty. But I know he will always be there for me and our kids. I like the security and dependability of having a partner who shares my commitment to our family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

And if you aren't the right person. A lot of people think it's always the spouse's fault but can't take accountability for their own shortcomings.

Marriage hasn't been hard for us even with highs and lows. We both have the common goal of wanting to try our best to treat the other well and it ends up working out pretty wonderfully.

the issue is when you are with someone that doesn’t have the common goal.

+1. No common goal + and/or won't accept you for you and/or spend time and/or share any of the same passions = see ya!

[Anonymous]

Yes, it’s hard to agree to live with someone for the rest of your life, not knowing how each of you might change over the years.

[Anonymous]

It’s not hard if you are lucky to be well wired from early on. I knew my husband for a few years before we got together and we had a great friendship. Even with that there have been challenges but we’ve been able to deal with them as partners. I know we are very luck so I don’t discount that marriage is hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because you have to become comfortable with yourself - you are in it for the long haul - you can't just focus on yourself and flee when something gets tough.

It's easier to keep up good impressions, even to yourself, when you aren't close with someone, daily, nightly, through years, children, health issues, etc.

I am amazed that I am loved by my husband even after my own failings, becoming much more unattractive (In my eyes, anyway, what with having 3 kids, now falling into the obesity range, sleeping with a g-d CPAP machine, etc...) and my husband and I still love each other, manage to have a love life, etc

Different sides of the same coin, I guess. But for me one of the hardest things has been to just be alright with myself in all my failings, letting myself really be seen, instead of being at a distance, giving up/moving on to someone or something different really just to deny myself to be me ...

Maybe a bit of a philosophical answer, but that's my response for why marriage is hard!

But what about when you are not loved by your husband?

DP. That isn’t a marriage.

[Anonymous]

For me engagement and the first few months were hard for me mentally. Processing the finality of it, closing other doors in that part of my life. Every argument felt big because of the commitment of choosing someone for life. But years later I’m very happy I took the leap.

[Anonymous]

In retrospect, I should have married someone who had better alignment with values and family. I absolutely detest certain members of my spouse's family who are addicts and cheaters. My spouse had a horrible childhood and hardly anyone who stayed married in their family and it makes things so hard. I am tired of arguing about basic things like tell me when you are going to be home at night and don't binge drink.

I am over this marriage and wish I had married a former flame that grew up in a normal family and knew how to be a good spouse. I had no idea it could be this hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard if you don’t marry the right person.

Who is to say who is the "right person?" What does this mean? People change. People change after they marry they change, stop performing etc.

[Anonymous]

Nothing. I chose well so my life is pretty easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We've been married 30-some years, I don't think marriage is hard. it's the best thing there is. it can be hard if you put yourself first.

It is also hard if your partner puts themselves first.