PSA - If your kids are dating, make sure they have birth control!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t need to be 21 to buy condoms. Using condoms can’t kill someone if you get behind the wheel. Stop comparing apples to oranges.

If they’re not mature enough to get their own condoms. Whether that be from the counselors office at school, or asking for a store employee to unlock the antitheft case and then have the cashier ring them up—then they’re not mature enough for sex.

This is exactly my view as well.

And only mature people have sex? What world are you living in? Horny teens don't say to themselves, "I'm too immature to have sex."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please, if your kid is dating, even if you don't "think" they're having sex, provide them with birth control. Even better, two kinds!

DD recently accompanied her friend (16) to the drugstore to get Plan B because "the condom broke." Yes, a condom is a start but friend is not on BC.

Yes, DD is on BC.

Yup. My son has access to condoms, Plan B, and pregnancy tests. And I've told him to share with any friends who may need them. I will replace, no questions asked.

Really? If my teen is using up condoms, plan B and pregnancy tests on the regular, I’m going to have some questions and we’ll need to have a chat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t need to be 21 to buy condoms. Using condoms can’t kill someone if you get behind the wheel. Stop comparing apples to oranges.

If they’re not mature enough to get their own condoms. Whether that be from the counselors office at school, or asking for a store employee to unlock the antitheft case and then have the cashier ring them up—then they’re not mature enough for sex.

This is exactly my view as well.

You’re missing the part where plenty of kids are doing it anyway. So the question is this:

If your kid elected to disregard your advice and counsel and have sex, would you like him or her to have protected sex or unprotected sex? I assume we can agree even if every parent said not to, some kids will anyway. Should those kids have control over their own bodies and have protection if that is their wish and desire? Or, should those kids assume all risks of STDs and pregnancy because they failed to heed their parents’ warning AND failed to buy their own condoms?

Quite frankly, I’ve had the sex talk, we’ve discussed the risks of pregnancy and std’s and i have made them aware of my personal views that having sex with someone with whom you are not ready to have a child (note that i do not say that the point of sex is to have a kid, merely that this is one of the more obvious outcomes) is really effing stupid. And obviously if they are too immature to buy condoms, they’re too immature to have sex.

If they choose to disregard all of those warnings, you are right in that I can’t stop them, but unfortunately the consequences are on them. I am NOT buying them condoms, because I do NOT approve of them having sex while still in high school. Just like I am not going to buy them alcohol even though lot of high school kids drink.

That’s not what I asked. I didn’t say anything about you buying the condoms. The questions were:

if your kids ignored your advice, would you want them to use a condom when they had sex?

Should kids have control over their own bodies and have protection if that is their wish and desire? Or, should those kids assume all risks of STDs and pregnancy because they failed to heed their parents’ warning AND failed to buy their own condoms?

I honestly don’t understand what you’re asking here, but I’ll take a shot.

The answer to your first question is: of course.

To the second question:
If kids have control over their own bodies, that also means they have *responsibility* over their own bodies. They go hand in hand. (And I think we all believe they should have control over their own bodies at some point, but that point is different for everyone. That’s why many parents have no-dating rules before a certain age, for example.)

Which leads to the answer to the third question:
If they have responsibility over their own bodies, then yes they assume all risks involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t need to be 21 to buy condoms. Using condoms can’t kill someone if you get behind the wheel. Stop comparing apples to oranges.

If they’re not mature enough to get their own condoms. Whether that be from the counselors office at school, or asking for a store employee to unlock the antitheft case and then have the cashier ring them up—then they’re not mature enough for sex.

No one decides to have sex because of condom availability, if that’s what you’re trying to say. They have sex because they want to, and if condoms are readily available, they have safer sex. That mom is doing nothing wrong by having them on offer.

actually, they do. you send the message to you kids that is ok for your them to have sex. presumably this is the message you want to send. but don't pretend boxes of condoms have no implications.

Teens who receive straightforward sex ed and have access to BC are less likely to be sexually active than teens who have abstinence focused sex ed and lack access to BC.

If kids have money and a way to get to the store, they have access to birth control. How do you not understand that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t need to be 21 to buy condoms. Using condoms can’t kill someone if you get behind the wheel. Stop comparing apples to oranges.

If they’re not mature enough to get their own condoms. Whether that be from the counselors office at school, or asking for a store employee to unlock the antitheft case and then have the cashier ring them up—then they’re not mature enough for sex.

No one decides to have sex because of condom availability, if that’s what you’re trying to say. They have sex because they want to, and if condoms are readily available, they have safer sex. That mom is doing nothing wrong by having them on offer.

actually, they do. you send the message to you kids that is ok for your them to have sex. presumably this is the message you want to send. but don't pretend boxes of condoms have no implications.

Teens who receive straightforward sex ed and have access to BC are less likely to be sexually active than teens who have abstinence focused sex ed and lack access to BC.

stop with the "abstinence focused sex ed". sex ed itself is the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t need to be 21 to buy condoms. Using condoms can’t kill someone if you get behind the wheel. Stop comparing apples to oranges.

If they’re not mature enough to get their own condoms. Whether that be from the counselors office at school, or asking for a store employee to unlock the antitheft case and then have the cashier ring them up—then they’re not mature enough for sex.

No one decides to have sex because of condom availability, if that’s what you’re trying to say. They have sex because they want to, and if condoms are readily available, they have safer sex. That mom is doing nothing wrong by having them on offer.

actually, they do. you send the message to you kids that is ok for your them to have sex. presumably this is the message you want to send. but don't pretend boxes of condoms have no implications.

Teens who receive straightforward sex ed and have access to BC are less likely to be sexually active than teens who have abstinence focused sex ed and lack access to BC.

Straightforward sex ed is fine

and condoms are widely available at every single grocery store, drug store, gas station, etc.

But that doesn’t mean you buy your kid condoms—

which unlike hormonal BC are only used while having sex/being sexually active.

But no, sorry. Not going to make it easy for them. If they wanna have sex like an adult they can buy their own condoms like an adult and find somewhere other than their parent’s house—like an adult.

Otherwise they risk ruining their lives by becoming a teen parent—I will NOT be taking care of a grandchild birthed by my teenage child. And if I caught my kid going behind my back to have sex you can be sure all privileges (car, car insurance, cell phone, etc) will be lost as well. You wanna do adult things? Okay, well that doesn’t mean just the fun stuff, be prepared to pay for all the stuff I’m not legally required to pay for (i.e. you will be provided shelter and food).

This is not hard, and you can still have a wonderful parent-child relationship (I do with my parents who took the same approach with sexual activity and dating in high school).

It’s simply called: being willing to be a parent instead of trying to be your teenager’s bff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Better yet, abstinence and no dating. Problem solved.

My kids have dated and not had sex with the person they were dating, and had sex with people they weren’t dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t need to be 21 to buy condoms. Using condoms can’t kill someone if you get behind the wheel. Stop comparing apples to oranges.

If they’re not mature enough to get their own condoms. Whether that be from the counselors office at school, or asking for a store employee to unlock the antitheft case and then have the cashier ring them up—then they’re not mature enough for sex.

No one decides to have sex because of condom availability, if that’s what you’re trying to say. They have sex because they want to, and if condoms are readily available, they have safer sex. That mom is doing nothing wrong by having them on offer.

actually, they do. you send the message to you kids that is ok for your them to have sex. presumably this is the message you want to send. but don't pretend boxes of condoms have no implications.

Teens who receive straightforward sex ed and have access to BC are less likely to be sexually active than teens who have abstinence focused sex ed and lack access to BC.

stop with the "abstinence focused sex ed". sex ed itself is the problem.

Ok, MAGA.

[Anonymous]

I've always been very open with my sons about sex and how babies are made. I also told them having a baby out of wedlock and before they finished college would ruin them. I told them you must use birth control 100% of the time.

So far so good. My older son is in medical school. His long term girlfriend has an IUD.

[Anonymous]

If a kid comes from a family which prohibits dating until a certain age and sex as a teen, comes to a friend and asks for condoms after ignoring those prohibitions, that’s okay, right? You’re not mandating the purchase, but rather you’re not going to be the condom supplier. Is that it?

[Anonymous]

What age did your DD go on birth control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well, my DS is dating and hasn't had sex. "Having a baby would derail all my plans, Mom."

Teens lie. Surprise, surprise.

He cares way more about attending his chosen college (which prohibits children) vs. having sex. Sorry yours don't have goals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The biggest hurdle is to make girls understand the BCP does not prevent STD’s and the boys still need to use condoms. My friend and her boyfriend were both virgins but he cheated on her and she didn’t know until she got herpes in the late 90’s. Never trust anyone

Absolutely YES on condoms for safe-sex / prevention of disease, every time (no exceptions).

And kids need it explained to them to use a new/fresh condom for each act of intercourse, even in the same night. No wonder OP’s kid experienced a breakage.

Girls especially need to also be educated and insist on condoms for oral. This is why they make the unlubed condoms, and the flavored ones. No condom? No sex.

As a parent, make sure you provide both types of condoms.

This is about as likely as fetch happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Better yet, abstinence and no dating. Problem solved.

This does not happen in a vacuum. Parents have to be very engaged with the kids and the kids have to have a full plate with academics, sports, ECs and supportive and positive appropriate socializing. Just telling kids that they have to practice absitinence will not work. You have to keep them busy, provide support that they feel encouraged, and help them to work towards a worthwhile goal.

Also, if the kid has faced sexual grooming, abuse and neglect as a kid, or the family is dysfunctional then the kid can be promiscuous sexually. So, the birth control, condoms, dental dams, and HPV vaccines are super important.

It was this combination of wholesome values that makes abstinence the greatest predictor of teen pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t need to be 21 to buy condoms. Using condoms can’t kill someone if you get behind the wheel. Stop comparing apples to oranges.

If they’re not mature enough to get their own condoms. Whether that be from the counselors office at school, or asking for a store employee to unlock the antitheft case and then have the cashier ring them up—then they’re not mature enough for sex.

No one decides to have sex because of condom availability, if that’s what you’re trying to say. They have sex because they want to, and if condoms are readily available, they have safer sex. That mom is doing nothing wrong by having them on offer.

actually, they do. you send the message to you kids that is ok for your them to have sex. presumably this is the message you want to send. but don't pretend boxes of condoms have no implications.

Teens who receive straightforward sex ed and have access to BC are less likely to be sexually active than teens who have abstinence focused sex ed and lack access to BC.

Straightforward sex ed is fine

and condoms are widely available at every single grocery store, drug store, gas station, etc.

But that doesn’t mean you buy your kid condoms—

which unlike hormonal BC are only used while having sex/being sexually active.

But no, sorry. Not going to make it easy for them. If they wanna have sex like an adult they can buy their own condoms like an adult and find somewhere other than their parent’s house—like an adult.

Otherwise they risk ruining their lives by becoming a teen parent—I will NOT be taking care of a grandchild birthed by my teenage child. And if I caught my kid going behind my back to have sex you can be sure all privileges (car, car insurance, cell phone, etc) will be lost as well. You wanna do adult things? Okay, well that doesn’t mean just the fun stuff, be prepared to pay for all the stuff I’m not legally required to pay for (i.e. you will be provided shelter and food).

This is not hard, and you can still have a wonderful parent-child relationship (I do with my parents who took the same approach with sexual activity and dating in high school).

It’s simply called: being willing to be a parent instead of trying to be your teenager’s bff.

Oh, I parented. We talked a lot and I shared my perspective and belief that waiting [time I think is right which is different for different families] is best and why. I also was honest- people have sex because it feels good, for what feels like acceptance, HOWEVER- these are the danger… Only trying to scare them is ineffective. You have to acknowledge the things that they perceive as positive drives.

We started talking early. I always wanted them to feel comfortable coming to me and hopefully get information from me rather than peers. I made it clear that I would never condemn or judge them for any question and as they got older, yes BC was available. I have one still at home. I believe all my olders waited.

Also, it’s not just about dating. Having a large family I’ve watched a huge culture shift into hook up culture. There are so few boyfriend girlfriend relationships anymore. This is definitely changed how I talk to my younger kids now and I did with my oldere who are mid 20s now.