Would it be weird to ask future boss to grab coffee before start date?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I accepted a job offer yesterday and don't start for 2 months. It's a remote role with the other team members being dispersed throughout the country, but my future boss and I just coincidentally live in the same city. Would it be weird to send her an email and say I'm excited to join the team and would love to meet for coffee prior to my start date? All of my interviews were virtual so we haven't met in person.

My thoughts: don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think there's one SAHM on here posting non-stop about this. Because this person clearly has no actual job experience. Calling it a "date" or "inappropriate" is such a bizarre take.

In 2024 it's still widely acceptable to get coffee with bosses, co-workers, industry peers, etc.

You are very dramatic and way too invested in what someone called it. It’s not important and doesn’t change if she should or shouldn’t ask. Stay focused and not so fixated on irrelevant words.

Words aren't irrelevant. By calling something a 'date', you're intentionally trying to make it sound non-work related and to imply that it's unseemly.

OMG. We all know this is her boss. Everyone who responded knows this. You are obsessed with a word that has nothing to do with what the topic is.

[Anonymous]

As an introvert, I would hate it if this happened to me. I would feel panicky and wonder if there is a polite way to say no. I'm also a people pleaser and would not want to start off on the wrong foot with my new team member. In the end, I'd probably agree to do it but would be nervous and uncomfortable about it.

[Anonymous]

^^ I"m the poster above, I also meant to add I have a bit of social anxiety.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It's not a coffee date. It's networking.

How have people never grabbed coffee with industry people before?

Such a bizarre take that it's now asking your boss on a date to suggest this.

She has the job. Whatever you want to call it. Doesn’t change the fact that she should not ask her boss.

That's not a fact. That's an opinion and best and one that many of us who are experienced professionals disagree with.

Not who you responded to but I am an experienced professional and disagree with you. She should allowed her supervisor to initiate a meet up.

This isn't how you advance in the world.

Not asking one’s boss out for coffee prior to starting work date is not going to put one’s career at a standstill.

It's the attitude behind it that's the issue, thinking that there can only be a top down flow.

“Top down flow” is something to consider. If you think that is irrelevant, you are tremulously naive.

Oh yes. The way to make connections and develop meaningful work relationships is to sit quietly at your desk in your basement and hope that your superior graciously requests your presence.

Keep calling me naive. I some how doubt you've advanced very far.

I’m not the person you are responding to but if op doesn’t have her boss for coffee doesn’t mean this weird scenario you’ve dreamed up is what is occurring. Maybe in your world it is. It will be okay if she doesn’t ask her boss for coffee, I promise you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a coffee date. It's networking.

How have people never grabbed coffee with industry people before?

Such a bizarre take that it's now asking your boss on a date to suggest this.

She has the job. Whatever you want to call it. Doesn’t change the fact that she should not ask her boss.

That's not a fact. That's an opinion and best and one that many of us who are experienced professionals disagree with.

Not who you responded to but I am an experienced professional and disagree with you. She should allowed her supervisor to initiate a meet up.

This isn't how you advance in the world.

Not asking one’s boss out for coffee prior to starting work date is not going to put one’s career at a standstill.

It's the attitude behind it that's the issue, thinking that there can only be a top down flow.

“Top down flow” is something to consider. If you think that is irrelevant, you are tremulously naive.

Oh yes. The way to make connections and develop meaningful work relationships is to sit quietly at your desk in your basement and hope that your superior graciously requests your presence.

Keep calling me naive. I some how doubt you've advanced very far.

I’m not the person you are responding to but if op doesn’t have her boss for coffee doesn’t mean this weird scenario you’ve dreamed up is what is occurring. Maybe in your world it is. It will be okay if she doesn’t ask her boss for coffee, I promise you.

And it will be ok if she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a coffee date. It's networking.

How have people never grabbed coffee with industry people before?

Such a bizarre take that it's now asking your boss on a date to suggest this.

She has the job. Whatever you want to call it. Doesn’t change the fact that she should not ask her boss.

That's not a fact. That's an opinion and best and one that many of us who are experienced professionals disagree with.

Not who you responded to but I am an experienced professional and disagree with you. She should allowed her supervisor to initiate a meet up.

This isn't how you advance in the world.

Not asking one’s boss out for coffee prior to starting work date is not going to put one’s career at a standstill.

It's the attitude behind it that's the issue, thinking that there can only be a top down flow.

“Top down flow” is something to consider. If you think that is irrelevant, you are tremulously naive.

Oh yes. The way to make connections and develop meaningful work relationships is to sit quietly at your desk in your basement and hope that your superior graciously requests your presence.

Keep calling me naive. I some how doubt you've advanced very far.

I’m not the person you are responding to but if op doesn’t have her boss for coffee doesn’t mean this weird scenario you’ve dreamed up is what is occurring. Maybe in your world it is. It will be okay if she doesn’t ask her boss for coffee, I promise you.

And it will be ok if she does.

And if she doesn’t, it doesn’t mean she is “sitting quietly at her desk in her basement and hope that her superior graciously requests her presence.” I assure you.
She will be okay. You won’t, but this isn’t about you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, do not ask your boss for a coffee date. She should ask and you need to read the room. There has been no meeting in person asked by her and other employees don’t meet either.

You people are nuts. I really question whether you have any pre-2020 work experience.

Seriously. The "no" posters scream social anxiety, and will be wondering why they've never advanced enough to afford a SFH.

I have social anxiety. I started my job in my early 20s, had an entry level position, and was making low 20's. Thirty years later I make a six-figure salary, I'm a director and I have 4 direct reports. I'm a single mom of two who owns her own home in DC. Social anxiety does not mean you are a failure in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a coffee date. It's networking.

How have people never grabbed coffee with industry people before?

Such a bizarre take that it's now asking your boss on a date to suggest this.

She has the job. Whatever you want to call it. Doesn’t change the fact that she should not ask her boss.

That's not a fact. That's an opinion and best and one that many of us who are experienced professionals disagree with.

Not who you responded to but I am an experienced professional and disagree with you. She should allowed her supervisor to initiate a meet up.

This isn't how you advance in the world.

Not asking one’s boss out for coffee prior to starting work date is not going to put one’s career at a standstill.

It's the attitude behind it that's the issue, thinking that there can only be a top down flow.

“Top down flow” is something to consider. If you think that is irrelevant, you are tremulously naive.

Oh yes. The way to make connections and develop meaningful work relationships is to sit quietly at your desk in your basement and hope that your superior graciously requests your presence.

Keep calling me naive. I some how doubt you've advanced very far.

I’m not the person you are responding to but if op doesn’t have her boss for coffee doesn’t mean this weird scenario you’ve dreamed up is what is occurring. Maybe in your world it is. It will be okay if she doesn’t ask her boss for coffee, I promise you.

And it will be ok if she does.

And it’ll be best if she doesn’t. She can do it later when the time is right.

[Anonymous]

Someone posted something very similar on Fishbowl and the consensus was it can be creepy to ask to someone to meet prior to the start date. Depends a lot on the genders involved and how much internet stalking you did to find out where the person lives or get their contact info.

https://joinfishbowl.com/post_k95ju2ir5q

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, I would hate it if this happened to me. I would feel panicky and wonder if there is a polite way to say no. I'm also a people pleaser and would not want to start off on the wrong foot with my new team member. In the end, I'd probably agree to do it but would be nervous and uncomfortable about it.

About getting coffee? I have some social anxiety of my own but what about getting coffee with a coworker would cause you to panic?

Boy, people are very sensitive! I'd say don't overthink it and it's fine. Just give your boss an out in case they don't want to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, I would hate it if this happened to me. I would feel panicky and wonder if there is a polite way to say no. I'm also a people pleaser and would not want to start off on the wrong foot with my new team member. In the end, I'd probably agree to do it but would be nervous and uncomfortable about it.

About getting coffee? I have some social anxiety of my own but what about getting coffee with a coworker would cause you to panic?

Boy, people are very sensitive! I'd say don't overthink it and it's fine. Just give your boss an out in case they don't want to do it.

^ Also congrats on the job, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not a coffee date. It's networking.

How have people never grabbed coffee with industry people before?

Such a bizarre take that it's now asking your boss on a date to suggest this.

She has the job. Whatever you want to call it. Doesn’t change the fact that she should not ask her boss.

That's not a fact. That's an opinion and best and one that many of us who are experienced professionals disagree with.

Not who you responded to but I am an experienced professional and disagree with you. She should allowed her supervisor to initiate a meet up.

This isn't how you advance in the world.

Not asking one’s boss out for coffee prior to starting work date is not going to put one’s career at a standstill.

It's the attitude behind it that's the issue, thinking that there can only be a top down flow.

“Top down flow” is something to consider. If you think that is irrelevant, you are tremulously naive.

Oh yes. The way to make connections and develop meaningful work relationships is to sit quietly at your desk in your basement and hope that your superior graciously requests your presence.

Keep calling me naive. I some how doubt you've advanced very far.

I’m not the person you are responding to but if op doesn’t have her boss for coffee doesn’t mean this weird scenario you’ve dreamed up is what is occurring. Maybe in your world it is. It will be okay if she doesn’t ask her boss for coffee, I promise you.

And it will be ok if she does.

And if she doesn’t, it doesn’t mean she is “sitting quietly at her desk in her basement and hope that her superior graciously requests her presence.” I assure you.
She will be okay. You won’t, but this isn’t about you.

Sure, maybe.

But she doesnt need to dampen her networking or entrepreneurial spirit because some other basement losers are telling her its akin to asking the boss on a date or that shes going to have her offer rescinded if she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an introvert, I would hate it if this happened to me. I would feel panicky and wonder if there is a polite way to say no. I'm also a people pleaser and would not want to start off on the wrong foot with my new team member. In the end, I'd probably agree to do it but would be nervous and uncomfortable about it.

About getting coffee? I have some social anxiety of my own but what about getting coffee with a coworker would cause you to panic?

Boy, people are very sensitive! I'd say don't overthink it and it's fine. Just give your boss an out in case they don't want to do it.

It's not about getting coffee, I love coffee dates. I have gotten coffee with my colleagues. It's about meeting up with a stranger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Someone posted something very similar on Fishbowl and the consensus was it can be creepy to ask to someone to meet prior to the start date. Depends a lot on the genders involved and how much internet stalking you did to find out where the person lives or get their contact info.

https://joinfishbowl.com/post_k95ju2ir5q

This is a good point. OP, how do you know your manager is local to you?