Moving meetings to accommodate daycare pickup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Maybe for dinosaurs like you. This simply isn't true anymore.

Expectations only exist until they don't. Just change it. Especially if you are a MAN.

OP will rue this position. If she insists her DH keep moving meetings and leaving early, his career will backslide and she will end up as the breadwinner. I have never met a happy breadwinner DW — they regret the time lost with their kids, the pressure to work while all the other class moms are doing parties and coffee after drop off. It’s lonely and stressful.

Just how the world works — even today any man who is a family man over a career man are looked as lazy and not committed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If neither of you has the "bigger" job or more flexible job, then you should each be doing half of the drop off/pickups. If he wants to keep that meeting he needs to take drop off and go in later that morning instead. That way he has 1 drop off/4 pickups and you have 4 drop offs/1 pickup.

This.

If he doesn't take drop of that day (and go into work later) so you can go in earlier, then that's an issue. If you jobs and careers are equally important, why do you need to be the only one being flexible? As you will have to leave work early to accommodate him.

And be prepared, there are going to be an exponential growth in kid things (during normal business hours) as the kids get older and begin school.

YEP!

We have our usual routine- dh does drop off, I pickup in the afternoons.

But when he travels I do it all. When I have meetings in DC or Baltimore (that they run from 8-5pm ugh)- he does it all. We have a calendar on the wall where we note everything. I aim to pick the little kids up from daycare at 4pm, but some days, 5:30 is just fine. They're super happy in the evenings too, they get extra snacks and they combine classrooms/extra play time. My oldest's karate doesn't even end until 5 (karate picks up from school).

We never really argue about whose events or meetings get bumped when there's a conflict. We discuss and usually it's obvious. We both make the same, but he loves his job and I'm a manager (meaning I have more sway sometimes).

That being said, we're getting a nanny next year. We used daycare this year because it's attached to a preschool and we felt it was important for my middle child to have Pre-K and not a nanny. I can't wait for them to just *arrive* home to me versus me spending an hour picking them all up. It maximizes my quality time with the kids. Elementary school doesn't allow kids to walk home without a parent, which is our main problem. I'm teleworking but can't walk to school daily. I really wish school would let them walk the less than one block home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If neither of you has the "bigger" job or more flexible job, then you should each be doing half of the drop off/pickups. If he wants to keep that meeting he needs to take drop off and go in later that morning instead. That way he has 1 drop off/4 pickups and you have 4 drop offs/1 pickup.

This.

If he doesn't take drop of that day (and go into work later) so you can go in earlier, then that's an issue. If you jobs and careers are equally important, why do you need to be the only one being flexible? As you will have to leave work early to accommodate him.

And be prepared, there are going to be an exponential growth in kid things (during normal business hours) as the kids get older and begin school.

YEP!

We have our usual routine- dh does drop off, I pickup in the afternoons.

But when he travels I do it all. When I have meetings in DC or Baltimore (that they run from 8-5pm ugh)- he does it all. We have a calendar on the wall where we note everything. I aim to pick the little kids up from daycare at 4pm, but some days, 5:30 is just fine. They're super happy in the evenings too, they get extra snacks and they combine classrooms/extra play time. My oldest's karate doesn't even end until 5 (karate picks up from school).

We never really argue about whose events or meetings get bumped when there's a conflict. We discuss and usually it's obvious. We both make the same, but he loves his job and I'm a manager (meaning I have more sway sometimes).

That being said, we're getting a nanny next year. We used daycare this year because it's attached to a preschool and we felt it was important for my middle child to have Pre-K and not a nanny. I can't wait for them to just *arrive* home to me versus me spending an hour picking them all up. It maximizes my quality time with the kids. Elementary school doesn't allow kids to walk home without a parent, which is our main problem. I'm teleworking but can't walk to school daily. I really wish school would let them walk the less than one block home.

That’s ridiculous to expect a kinder to walk alone along the street. Take a 15 minute break and pick up your kid! Drivers are all on their phone and your kid is 3 ft tall…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting in a few months and after my maternity leave will both be working full time. DH goes into the office pretty early (arrives by 7:30) and doesn't take a lunch, so most days he is able to head home around 3:30 which means he can do pickup and afternoons. I will be 100% responsible for mornings and will be moving a lot of meetings to make that possible. He has a standing weekly meeting with a couple of coworkers that ends closer to 4:30, meaning one day a week I would need to be on both AM and PM duty. He feels that it is not reasonable to disrupt any work meetings for childcare. How can I help him understand that he is going to need to get comfortable figuring out how to integrate childcare responsibilities with work? Or do I just need to suck it up and accept this?

FWIW, neither of us has a "bigger" job so we can't really prioritize one over the other; we're both mid-level, make the same amount of money, and work the same number of hours per week.

What industry is chill about people kicking out at 330 even before they have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Maybe for dinosaurs like you. This simply isn't true anymore.

Expectations only exist until they don't. Just change it. Especially if you are a MAN.

OP will rue this position. If she insists her DH keep moving meetings and leaving early, his career will backslide and she will end up as the breadwinner. I have never met a happy breadwinner DW — they regret the time lost with their kids, the pressure to work while all the other class moms are doing parties and coffee after drop off. It’s lonely and stressful.

Just how the world works — even today any man who is a family man over a career man are looked as lazy and not committed.

Spare us the gender bullsh*t. They are equal earners, like many/most families these days. The DH is declaring ahead of time that he will not be flexible and his job is more important than OP’s. That’s not fair when they are equal earners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Maybe for dinosaurs like you. This simply isn't true anymore.

Expectations only exist until they don't. Just change it. Especially if you are a MAN.

OP will rue this position. If she insists her DH keep moving meetings and leaving early, his career will backslide and she will end up as the breadwinner. I have never met a happy breadwinner DW — they regret the time lost with their kids, the pressure to work while all the other class moms are doing parties and coffee after drop off. It’s lonely and stressful.

Just how the world works — even today any man who is a family man over a career man are looked as lazy and not committed.

Spare us the gender bullsh*t. They are equal earners, like many/most families these days. The DH is declaring ahead of time that he will not be flexible and his job is more important than OP’s. That’s not fair when they are equal earners.

They are equal earners now. Women can’t step back and while incurring some career drag, for men who act the same they will have much more severe impediments to their career. I don’t like it and we tried to have DH be the primary parent because my job paid better, but it really hurt his career growth and he was laid off twice. His boss was always frustrated with him leaving early and asking why I couldn’t do it.

[Anonymous]

I find it interesting that folks say it’s easier for women than men to adjust schedules. My husband has been adjusting for years, and everyone just thinks he’s the most awesome involved dad, helping out his wife. My changes have led to my being mommy-tracked. He’s now a senior VP at a Fortune 50 company and reschedules all the time for kid stuff. Of course, when he travels or meets with the CEO, I cover!
In other words, we’re both in there swinging every day and we both think the other person’s job is important!

[Anonymous]

There will be plenty of days when DH and OP need flexibility from their jobs in order to accomodate the chaos that is a small child. Choosing to start this battle off prior to the kid being born and over a time that is very well within the bounds of a normal work/childcare day would be a stupid move for either a mom or dad.

[Anonymous]

I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Maybe for dinosaurs like you. This simply isn't true anymore.

Expectations only exist until they don't. Just change it. Especially if you are a MAN.

OP will rue this position. If she insists her DH keep moving meetings and leaving early, his career will backslide and she will end up as the breadwinner. I have never met a happy breadwinner DW — they regret the time lost with their kids, the pressure to work while all the other class moms are doing parties and coffee after drop off. It’s lonely and stressful.

Just how the world works — even today any man who is a family man over a career man are looked as lazy and not committed.

This is just false. You conflate your outdated opinions with reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

If you don't want your baby to be at daycare during the hours you are at work, then one of you needs to find a part time job or one with flexible hours.

Why do you think there's a meaningful difference of your husband picking your baby up at 4pm vs. 5pm? or you dropping off in the am at 8 am vs. 9 am? In the grand scheme of things, your baby will not know the difference.

If your daycare is open 8 to 6 most of the babies there will be there for the full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it interesting that folks say it’s easier for women than men to adjust schedules. My husband has been adjusting for years, and everyone just thinks he’s the most awesome involved dad, helping out his wife. My changes have led to my being mommy-tracked. He’s now a senior VP at a Fortune 50 company and reschedules all the time for kid stuff. Of course, when he travels or meets with the CEO, I cover!
In other words, we’re both in there swinging every day and we both think the other person’s job is important!

+1000

This. In my experience men were always applauded for being the "best" dads and family men (assuming they still got their work done). However, if a woman tried to leave early due to family obligations she would be looked down on and mommy-tracked, even if she was outperforming the guys. It's definitely more of a career killer for women then men.

And, yes, if either person has a conflicting meeting with the CEO, the other spouse should step up that day (whichever spouse it is).

[Anonymous]

Women sadly are default caretaker in a dual income household, double annoying sometimes if parents split child care responsibilities both daddy and mommy get mommy tracked.