Moving meetings to accommodate daycare pickup

[Anonymous]

Ma’am if this is an issue even before your baby is here and even apparently before you know your daycare hours this is going to be a long parenting journey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably missed this, but why do you have to rearrange meetings for drop off? Why can't you just drop off early? Our daycare opened at 7:00.

Essentially Op has massive daycare guilt and wants to keep it to a minimum time. We did the same thing, but both our careers are mommy tracked so she needs to go in eyes wide open

It’s this. OP wants them both mommy tracked.

That’s an option, but I would make sure both of your employers support that. If not, it’s helpful to have one person primarily mommy tracked & the other not, ie available as necessary. It doesn’t need to be a man vs woman thing, but if both of your jobs were in jeopardy, is there 1 that is more advantageous for you 2 to keep? (Ie has the health insurance, higher salary, or other?)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

You must be a dinosaur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

You must be a dinosaur.

I’m just speaking from my experience, i was similar to OP. Maybe things have changed in the last 5 years radically, that is possible. But never being available after 3pm seems like a career killer unless you are like an AI SME or some niche skill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

You must be a dinosaur.

I’m just speaking from my experience, i was similar to OP. Maybe things have changed in the last 5 years radically, that is possible. But never being available after 3pm seems like a career killer unless you are like an AI SME or some niche skill.

But OP already works those hours, and there's no reason to say he's going to be laid off for working those hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Men are expected to work the same hours as colleagues. Women can switch stuff around. May not be fair, or ideal, but that's how it goes. Good thing he gets it, hopefully his career will stay on track.

Not true. -a working mom

Okay, so women are expected the same hours as well? That’s definitely true of the content to be mommy tracked.

But men don’t generally get mommy tracked, they get laid off

You must be a dinosaur.

I’m just speaking from my experience, i was similar to OP. Maybe things have changed in the last 5 years radically, that is possible. But never being available after 3pm seems like a career killer unless you are like an AI SME or some niche skill.

But OP already works those hours, and there's no reason to say he's going to be laid off for working those hours.

“ most days he is able to head home around 3:30 ”

Which is great. But it’s reasonable to build in a plan so he can occasionally stay later.

[Anonymous]

OP,
did your Dh ask or demand for you to move around your early morning meetings so that you could go into work later?
Or is this something you decided to do on your own?
From your OP, it sounds like you haven't actually made the changes yet, you just plan to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can think of a gazillion reasons unrelated to childcare for which someone might reasonably request to change the regular time of a weekly meeting. Regular weekly meetings are almost never set in stone, unless it's a core fuction of the job but nothing in the OP indicates this. So I do not get all the folks who say you can't ask for this and OP shouldn't expect her DH to do this - that's just ridiculous.

What concerns me most is one of you already making lots of schedule changes to accomodate the new pickup/dropoff schedule while the other one refuses to make *any*. As many others have said, that is not reasonable in any universe and foreshadows lots of problems in the future when flexibility will become necessary.

FWIW, my DH makes $300k+/yr as an individual contributor at a major tech firm (so, not management or executive). I make $30k/yr as a part time, fully WFH nonprofit staffer. We have two preteen SN kids with crazy schedules. I do 75% of regular pickups and dropoffs, and closer to 90% of the random appointments and sick days - that's the main reason for my PT/WFH schedule. However, ~4 times a year I have to travel for work for a week at a time (nonnegotiable core function of my job), and he takes over everything without question or complaint. He will even shift his on-call rotation to accomodate my travel if necessary. Because we are a team, and we approach our family calendar as a team effort.

Sure, some places still follow outdated/sexist norms, but the status quo won't change if no one bothers to try. I'm not even saying DH has to change the meeting, but it's about the attitude. This would absolutely be a hill I'd die on.

According to what OP said, her Dh is ok with the child attending daycare as much as needed to accommodate work schedules, while she feels the child should be in daycare fewer than 9 hours per day. If it's important to OP, SHE should be the one to figure it out. It's inappropriate of her to demand that he jeopardize his career prospects to accommodate her want.
Whether in daycare or with the parents, the child will be safe and cared for.

+1

If they are not on the same page about how much day care is ok, and OP has decided to adjust her schedule to make that happen, it doesn't follow that he is required to make the same career-limiting choices if he doesn't think they are necessary to raising their kid.

And for those saying there is no harm asking to move a standing meeting, I assure you that I've accommodated those requests without question but rolled my eyes and lowered my opinion of the askers who felt that their personal needs/wants were superior to everyone else who was just quietly adjusting without pushing everyone else around. I don't want to be that colleague, and sounds like OP's husband doesn't want to either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can think of a gazillion reasons unrelated to childcare for which someone might reasonably request to change the regular time of a weekly meeting. Regular weekly meetings are almost never set in stone, unless it's a core fuction of the job but nothing in the OP indicates this. So I do not get all the folks who say you can't ask for this and OP shouldn't expect her DH to do this - that's just ridiculous.

What concerns me most is one of you already making lots of schedule changes to accomodate the new pickup/dropoff schedule while the other one refuses to make *any*. As many others have said, that is not reasonable in any universe and foreshadows lots of problems in the future when flexibility will become necessary.

FWIW, my DH makes $300k+/yr as an individual contributor at a major tech firm (so, not management or executive). I make $30k/yr as a part time, fully WFH nonprofit staffer. We have two preteen SN kids with crazy schedules. I do 75% of regular pickups and dropoffs, and closer to 90% of the random appointments and sick days - that's the main reason for my PT/WFH schedule. However, ~4 times a year I have to travel for work for a week at a time (nonnegotiable core function of my job), and he takes over everything without question or complaint. He will even shift his on-call rotation to accomodate my travel if necessary. Because we are a team, and we approach our family calendar as a team effort.

Sure, some places still follow outdated/sexist norms, but the status quo won't change if no one bothers to try. I'm not even saying DH has to change the meeting, but it's about the attitude. This would absolutely be a hill I'd die on.

According to what OP said, her Dh is ok with the child attending daycare as much as needed to accommodate work schedules, while she feels the child should be in daycare fewer than 9 hours per day. If it's important to OP, SHE should be the one to figure it out. It's inappropriate of her to demand that he jeopardize his career prospects to accommodate her want.
Whether in daycare or with the parents, the child will be safe and cared for.

+1

If they are not on the same page about how much day care is ok, and OP has decided to adjust her schedule to make that happen, it doesn't follow that he is required to make the same career-limiting choices if he doesn't think they are necessary to raising their kid.

And for those saying there is no harm asking to move a standing meeting, I assure you that I've accommodated those requests without question but rolled my eyes and lowered my opinion of the askers who felt that their personal needs/wants were superior to everyone else who was just quietly adjusting without pushing everyone else around. I don't want to be that colleague, and sounds like OP's husband doesn't want to either.

I agree. I've heard lots of, "he thinks he's the first person in the world to ever have a baby," met with lots of eyerolls.

[Anonymous]

How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

[Anonymous]

OP if you’re already micro managing this stuff over one hour, you need to just get a nanny. Clearly your dh isn’t going to give an inch when the baby is home sick or you are called to pick it uo early bc of sickness. Get a nanny and then the baby won’t have sick days. Also, this is ridiculous over one extra hour in day care a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

Just like you are going to both learn to be flexible, you need to let go of some made-up number you self imposed. If the baby is at daycare later 1 day a week, it’s not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.