Moving meetings to accommodate daycare pickup
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Anonymous
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We are expecting in a few months and after my maternity leave will both be working full time. DH goes into the office pretty early (arrives by 7:30) and doesn't take a lunch, so most days he is able to head home around 3:30 which means he can do pickup and afternoons. I will be 100% responsible for mornings and will be moving a lot of meetings to make that possible. He has a standing weekly meeting with a couple of coworkers that ends closer to 4:30, meaning one day a week I would need to be on both AM and PM duty. He feels that it is not reasonable to disrupt any work meetings for childcare. How can I help him understand that he is going to need to get comfortable figuring out how to integrate childcare responsibilities with work? Or do I just need to suck it up and accept this?
FWIW, neither of us has a "bigger" job so we can't really prioritize one over the other; we're both mid-level, make the same amount of money, and work the same number of hours per week. |
Anonymous
| Which one of you has the more flexible job? |
Anonymous
They're equally flexible, which is to say that we both have a good amount of control over our calendars with a few exceptions. He just thinks that childcare pickup is not a reasonable reason to ask to move a regular meeting. |
Anonymous
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“He feels that it is not reasonable to disrupt any work meetings for childcare.”
Good luck navigating with this guy when the child is sick. He’s going to have a steep learning curve. |
Anonymous
| If it's just an internal call with coworkers I think it's pretty reasonable to shift it a bit. |
Anonymous
You have DH issues, not child issues |
Anonymous
He needs to do drop off on that day. |
Anonymous
| If your DH is stating that 1 day a week he cannot do pick up then appreciate the 4 other days he can and you go into work earlier on his late day or ask to work remotely to accomodate day care pick up. Parenting and logistics is a negotiation a lot of times. There will be lots of hills, pick the right ones to die on. |
Anonymous
| If neither of you has the "bigger" job or more flexible job, then you should each be doing half of the drop off/pickups. If he wants to keep that meeting he needs to take drop off and go in later that morning instead. That way he has 1 drop off/4 pickups and you have 4 drop offs/1 pickup. |
Anonymous
| All the other members of his team shouldn't have to change their plans for him. Maybe they have pickup too. |
Anonymous
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Does he ever TW? Maybe does drop off and pickup on the same day.
FWIW my DW frequently has meetings and I have to do both pickup and dropoff at least once per week. It's not ideal but not the end of the world either. It may not be realistic to reschedule the meeting depending on the size of the team. |
Anonymous
| If it’s coworkers have him change the time or do it via zoom after the pick up. |
Anonymous
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Most daycares are open until 6 (or at least 5). Have him pick up later on the day he has a meeting until 4:30.
Sometimes you might have to bring the baby in early because of a work commitment. That's also ok & hopefully he won't give you grief about it. Being a working parent is hard sometimes. Being flexible and assuming your partner has good intentions helps. FWIW, your baby's nap and eating schedule might end up dictating some of this too. At one point we were shifted our pickup 30 mins later because the earlier pick up conflicted with the post-nap snack and it was better for the kid to get a full sleep and feed in than be transported during that time. Congrats on your upcoming addition!! |
Anonymous
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He has months to work with his coworkers to find another time for this standing meeting so that he can do pickup.
Or, as others have suggested, he will need to do drop-off that day, or some other agreement that you both work out. Having a kid/kids is going to require all sorts of changes and flexibility, at work and at home. He needs to understand that. |
Anonymous
+1 |