Moving meetings to accommodate daycare pickup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I probably missed this, but why do you have to rearrange meetings for drop off? Why can't you just drop off early? Our daycare opened at 7:00.

Essentially Op has massive daycare guilt and wants to keep it to a minimum time. We did the samej thing, but both our careers are mommy tracked so she needs to go in eyes wide open

Yes, God forbid they only make a combined 250K when if they put their baby in daycare from open to close they could be making 400K.

It’s not “open to close.” It’s one hour per week. Four days a week he leaves at 3:30 and one day a week he leaves at 4:30.
All of this drama and 11 pages of posts about a baby being in daycare for 46 hours per week instead of 45.

It's pregnancy hormones and nesting instinct. It will pass after birth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Parenting is a job. Someone should take a long leave, or both alternating.

Where are the grandparents? Aunts and uncles?

Why would it matter where the grandparents and aunts and uncles are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think OP has come back to respond/answer any questions.
OP (if you are still reading) what kind of daycare is this that pick up has to be so early? The best solution is to find a daycare that is open long enough hours to accommodate your ( plural-meaning both you and your husband) work schedule.

OP here. I didn't come back and respond because of all the dumb comments I saw telling me that I need to give up on my career, how dare I send my baby to daycare etc. The issue at hand is not daycare hours, rather that neither of us want the baby to be at daycare for 9+ hours.

No one said that ("how dare you send your baby to daycare.")

So it IS possible for your baby to stay at daycare longer, you just don't want that? And you think your Dh's co-workers and boss should accommodate what you want?

Get over yourself. Seriously. The world does not revolve around you and your baby.

What a world we live in where a new dad apparently can't even ask if it's possible to move a standing meeting without being judged. I feel very lucky to be in a job that puts families first - whether it's flexibility for kids, elder care, or other family. And, we still manage to get a lot of work done.

He’s ALREADY leaving almost EVERY DAY at 330 pm. I think this is just the final straw of what he can pull off.

Which is fine but that means he needs to flip his schedule on days he cannot do pickup so he can drop off.

Not all jobs can be that flexible where you switch around meeting times, arrive and leave at different times, etc.
Maybe yours is, maybe OP’s is…but apparently OP’s husband feels that his is not.

lol sure he “feels” it is not. Do you think moms enjoy having to scrape out the flexibility we need? no we do not. unless he is in surgery or teaching or something, he can flex his schedule once a week.

Parenting is a job. Someone should take a long leave, or both alternating.

Where are the grandparents? Aunts and uncles?

Thank God we have another high and mighty SAHP to tell us how we working parents are terrible for our children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are expecting in a few months and after my maternity leave will both be working full time. DH goes into the office pretty early (arrives by 7:30) and doesn't take a lunch, so most days he is able to head home around 3:30 which means he can do pickup and afternoons. I will be 100% responsible for mornings and will be moving a lot of meetings to make that possible. He has a standing weekly meeting with a couple of coworkers that ends closer to 4:30, meaning one day a week I would need to be on both AM and PM duty. He feels that it is not reasonable to disrupt any work meetings for childcare. How can I help him understand that he is going to need to get comfortable figuring out how to integrate childcare responsibilities with work? Or do I just need to suck it up and accept this?

FWIW, neither of us has a "bigger" job so we can't really prioritize one over the other; we're both mid-level, make the same amount of money, and work the same number of hours per week.

I could not read all the pages, but he’s setting himself up for dropping it on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

You know the schedule of all of these people, and also the schedule of all of these people's other contacts? And also the schedule of all of those contacts, contacts? WTF

Again, you’ve never had a meeting change? Maybe you are a peon, subject to the whims of your superiors’ schedules? I have the flexibility to move most my meetings if I need to, to accommodate weekly or ad-hoc personal commitments. I don’t do it often but I can for something important. When the meeting conflict is with someone several levels senior than me, I wouldn’t request to move it, I would change my personal conflict or ask a teammate or manager to fill in. But those don’t happen frequently enough to really impede my flexibility. Again, so sorry you have so little control or agency over your own meeting calendar.

I have had my entire division change the universal in-office day because of a change in one dad's childcare schedule.

The problem was that this had happened in September - and my husband had already arranged HIS in person work schedule to accommodate pickup on the days i had to be in the office based on this person's previous schedule, and couldn't change his own "late days" on short notice. So we then had to spend more money for childcare at the last minute.

It was really frustrating. Yes, some meetings can move, but sometimes you DO actually inconvenience other people who ALSO have kids and working spouses and long commutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

You know the schedule of all of these people, and also the schedule of all of these people's other contacts? And also the schedule of all of those contacts, contacts? WTF

Again, you’ve never had a meeting change? Maybe you are a peon, subject to the whims of your superiors’ schedules? I have the flexibility to move most my meetings if I need to, to accommodate weekly or ad-hoc personal commitments. I don’t do it often but I can for something important. When the meeting conflict is with someone several levels senior than me, I wouldn’t request to move it, I would change my personal conflict or ask a teammate or manager to fill in. But those don’t happen frequently enough to really impede my flexibility. Again, so sorry you have so little control or agency over your own meeting calendar.

I have had my entire division change the universal in-office day because of a change in one dad's childcare schedule.

The problem was that this had happened in September - and my husband had already arranged HIS in person work schedule to accommodate pickup on the days i had to be in the office based on this person's previous schedule, and couldn't change his own "late days" on short notice. So we then had to spend more money for childcare at the last minute.

It was really frustrating. Yes, some meetings can move, but sometimes you DO actually inconvenience other people who ALSO have kids and working spouses and long commutes.

Omg pushing a meeting 1 hour earlier is nothin remotely close to that. Stop being so dramatic. Some of you have such crap logic skills.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe 1 hour extra a week in daycare warrants a 13 page thread.

OP, your baby can stay an extra hour one day. It will be fine.

Wait until you have a 2nd kid-- you can't wait to get those kids to daycare. Trust me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

You know the schedule of all of these people, and also the schedule of all of these people's other contacts? And also the schedule of all of those contacts, contacts? WTF

Again, you’ve never had a meeting change? Maybe you are a peon, subject to the whims of your superiors’ schedules? I have the flexibility to move most my meetings if I need to, to accommodate weekly or ad-hoc personal commitments. I don’t do it often but I can for something important. When the meeting conflict is with someone several levels senior than me, I wouldn’t request to move it, I would change my personal conflict or ask a teammate or manager to fill in. But those don’t happen frequently enough to really impede my flexibility. Again, so sorry you have so little control or agency over your own meeting calendar.

I have had my entire division change the universal in-office day because of a change in one dad's childcare schedule.

The problem was that this had happened in September - and my husband had already arranged HIS in person work schedule to accommodate pickup on the days i had to be in the office based on this person's previous schedule, and couldn't change his own "late days" on short notice. So we then had to spend more money for childcare at the last minute.

It was really frustrating. Yes, some meetings can move, but sometimes you DO actually inconvenience other people who ALSO have kids and working spouses and long commutes.

Omg pushing a meeting 1 hour earlier is nothin remotely close to that. Stop being so dramatic. Some of you have such crap logic skills.

It may not be able to move up one hour because of other conflicts, and where it ends up may impact someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How long is your commute? How do you commute? That matters.

I had a lot of resentment in the early years because my husband didn’t seem to understand that I had a hard stop every day to leave work at get to daycare. He didn’t work super late, but he could take the extra 15-30 min to finish up an email or type up notes from a meeting before leaving. When you have a job where you aren’t clocking in and out for a set shift, you don’t realize how flexible the last 20 min of your day are until you are like Cinderella at midnight only it’s 5pm sharp and daycare.

If you drive and the commute is long, one or both of you can rearrange meetings to have one on one checkpoints while you drive. If you can work remotely, your husband can leave early and take the 4:30pm call from the daycare parking lot. You both need to get creative.

If you are taking time away from work to pump, I would argue that he can rearrange his 4:30 meeting until you are done pumping and then you can both figure out an alternative schedule one day a week.

He can?

Maybe. But OP's Dh isn't having a meeting all by himself. The meetings involve his co-workers, who have planned THEIR schedule and other meetings and work obligations around this meeting. So they may have to change around multpile aspects of their schedule. And then the other people involved in THOSE meetings may also have to change things around. It can be a huge domino effect and ultimately you could have people five degrees removed from OP's husband having to completely blow up their schedule, all so one baby (that they never heard of and will never meet) won't have to spend an extra hour in daycare.

But it's really nice of you to determine that all these people you don't know should do that....because OP's baby is the center of the universe.

You’ve never had a meeting change? They are all rigid and set in stone? WTF

You know the schedule of all of these people, and also the schedule of all of these people's other contacts? And also the schedule of all of those contacts, contacts? WTF

Again, you’ve never had a meeting change? Maybe you are a peon, subject to the whims of your superiors’ schedules? I have the flexibility to move most my meetings if I need to, to accommodate weekly or ad-hoc personal commitments. I don’t do it often but I can for something important. When the meeting conflict is with someone several levels senior than me, I wouldn’t request to move it, I would change my personal conflict or ask a teammate or manager to fill in. But those don’t happen frequently enough to really impede my flexibility. Again, so sorry you have so little control or agency over your own meeting calendar.

I have had my entire division change the universal in-office day because of a change in one dad's childcare schedule.

The problem was that this had happened in September - and my husband had already arranged HIS in person work schedule to accommodate pickup on the days i had to be in the office based on this person's previous schedule, and couldn't change his own "late days" on short notice. So we then had to spend more money for childcare at the last minute.

It was really frustrating. Yes, some meetings can move, but sometimes you DO actually inconvenience other people who ALSO have kids and working spouses and long commutes.

Omg pushing a meeting 1 hour earlier is nothin remotely close to that. Stop being so dramatic. Some of you have such crap logic skills.

Np my school ends at 3pm. So I don’t like 3pm meetings. 4:30 is better for me actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, clearly this is going to be a contrarian opinion, but I think parenting will be a lot easier if you accept that not everything is going to be exactly 50/50, not for all tasks and all the time. So what if you do one extra pick up a week, maybe he’ll cook dinner one extra night or take the baby for a few extra hours on a weekend or whatever. Flexibility and compromise is key in my opinion. Because there will be a time when you’ll need him to do two sick days in a row because you have some huge thing at work or whatever. Or maybe he gets a big project at work and for a time can’t do 50% of the pick up. I know my marriage wouldn’t have survived if we bean counted every single parenting thing.

This! You’ll drive yourself nuts if you operate this way. It can’t be 50/50 with everything. Also, you are going to find that you and your husband excel at and/or enjoy different parts of childcare. My husband LOVES taking the kids to the playground….i don’t really enjoy it. He will take them out to play on the weekends while I stay home and do stuff around the house. I love bathtime and getting the kids settled at night. He will often get online and work while I’m bathing the kids. My husband loves taking the kids to school…I find it to be a bit stressful. Some weeks I take on 90 percent of kid duties while my husband works long hours. It is what it is. You can’t have your elbows up or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know, clearly this is going to be a contrarian opinion, but I think parenting will be a lot easier if you accept that not everything is going to be exactly 50/50, not for all tasks and all the time. So what if you do one extra pick up a week, maybe he’ll cook dinner one extra night or take the baby for a few extra hours on a weekend or whatever. Flexibility and compromise is key in my opinion. Because there will be a time when you’ll need him to do two sick days in a row because you have some huge thing at work or whatever. Or maybe he gets a big project at work and for a time can’t do 50% of the pick up. I know my marriage wouldn’t have survived if we bean counted every single parenting thing.

This! You’ll drive yourself nuts if you operate this way. It can’t be 50/50 with everything. Also, you are going to find that you and your husband excel at and/or enjoy different parts of childcare. My husband LOVES taking the kids to the playground….i don’t really enjoy it. He will take them out to play on the weekends while I stay home and do stuff around the house. I love bathtime and getting the kids settled at night. He will often get online and work while I’m bathing the kids. My husband loves taking the kids to school…I find it to be a bit stressful. Some weeks I take on 90 percent of kid duties while my husband works long hours. It is what it is. You can’t have your elbows up or you’ll drive yourself crazy.

Of course he loves taking them, he lets them loose on the fenced playyard then kicks back and watches sports on his phone

Taking them to school is way easier than pickup, impacts work less, and I 100% sure he doesn’t care if they are late, while you do.