Mother of bride hosting bridal shower?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NONE of these “traditions” matter in the least.

There are no wedding etiquette rules, except those made up by uptight people.

Just do what you want.

And that's why it's fine to attend the wedding (or shower) and not send a gift, if that's what you want. Don't get hung up on other people's rules!

Exactly, it's customary to pay $250/pp as a cash gift? $500 for a couple? No. I don't even know you all or like you that much. I feel $100 from the two of us is generous enough.

It costs $250 per person to host a wedding with open bar in a 4-star hotel. You should skip the wedding if you cannot afford to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Traditionally there was the notion that bridal showers would get a bit raunchy, since it meant the bride was losing her virginity. So you had already-married women discussing their sex lives, their "wedding night," giving the bride lingerie, exchanging practical advice....and who wants to have those conversations in front of their mother?

But these days vast majority of couples are not "saving it for marriage" and are already cohabitating. Thus, the bridal shower is probably more low key and open to a wider range of friends and family.

Just host it for your daughter. She asked you because she cares.

What? Isn't that the bachelorette party?

Our bridal shower for a relative was a lots of games, beautiful dresses, make up, photo ops props, lots of food, pretty place settings, pretty decoration, photoshoot, games, music, mimosas, wine and lots of gifts for the guests.

[Anonymous]

My DD is getting married and has opted out of a bridal shower or bachelorette party.

Her MOH and bridesmaids will be accompanying her for a spa day that we will pay for it. We will also pay for the bridesmaids dresses and jewelry for the wedding.

No one but both sets of parents. & the bride and the groom should be paying for the wedding. Certainly not the friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NONE of these “traditions” matter in the least.

There are no wedding etiquette rules, except those made up by uptight people.

Just do what you want.

And that's why it's fine to attend the wedding (or shower) and not send a gift, if that's what you want. Don't get hung up on other people's rules!

Exactly, it's customary to pay $250/pp as a cash gift? $500 for a couple? No. I don't even know you all or like you that much. I feel $100 from the two of us is generous enough.

It costs $250 per person to host a wedding with open bar in a 4-star hotel. You should skip the wedding if you cannot afford to attend.

If you cannot afford the wedding you want, you should make adjustments rather than expect your guests to reimburse you the cost of the party YOU claim to be hosting. Tacky.

[Anonymous]

I would’ve flipped my lid if I had to pay for some or all of my friends’ bridal showers when I was in their wedding parties. I was broke in my 20s and could barely afford the dress, bachelorette trip, gifts, etc. Where I’m from it is assumed that the mother of the bride will pay for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would’ve flipped my lid if I had to pay for some or all of my friends’ bridal showers when I was in their wedding parties. I was broke in my 20s and could barely afford the dress, bachelorette trip, gifts, etc. Where I’m from it is assumed that the mother of the bride will pay for it.

It was not a young/contemporary aged friend. Historically it was an aunt, an older cousin, your mother's close friend, etc. Someone a half to a whole generation older than you with disposable income and a home in which to host. Food was upscale tea party style food, prepared by the host and maybe another woman, not a full meal and not hosted at some expensive restaurant or party venue.

Maybe young women today who need their mother to host have impossible standards that no one else could or would be willing to meet.

[Anonymous]

The boomers on this thread sure are boomering!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what you think about at 3am? Get a life.

Yes, my daughter had asked me to host her shower. It’s been awhile since I had been to one and immediately agreed. Ive mentioned it to a few people who seemed shocked, so trying to figure out if I’m committing a faux pas. Trust me, I have other issues as well, but this is the one on my mind tonight!

Yes you are committing a faux pas. The younger generations don’t care though. Don’t you have friends who could host or doesn’t she have friends who could host but you cover most of the expenses?

Agree, it's not good form.
I think you could subsidize a friend who wants to host but direct family hosting a shower smacks of family gift grubbing.
Everyone here says the opinion depends on your particular circle, which is a way of saying, if your circle is tacky and low-rent then this is acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Traditionally there was the notion that bridal showers would get a bit raunchy, since it meant the bride was losing her virginity. So you had already-married women discussing their sex lives, their "wedding night," giving the bride lingerie, exchanging practical advice....and who wants to have those conversations in front of their mother?

But these days vast majority of couples are not "saving it for marriage" and are already cohabitating. Thus, the bridal shower is probably more low key and open to a wider range of friends and family.

Just host it for your daughter. She asked you because she cares.

What? Isn't that the bachelorette party?

Our bridal shower for a relative was a lots of games, beautiful dresses, make up, photo ops props, lots of food, pretty place settings, pretty decoration, photoshoot, games, music, mimosas, wine and lots of gifts for the guests.

Bachelorette parties are pretty new. Now the bride and groom have bachelor(ette) parties and they both participate in the shower with traditional male gifts in the register (wg, table saw, drill).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what you think about at 3am? Get a life.

Yes, my daughter had asked me to host her shower. It’s been awhile since I had been to one and immediately agreed. Ive mentioned it to a few people who seemed shocked, so trying to figure out if I’m committing a faux pas. Trust me, I have other issues as well, but this is the one on my mind tonight!

Yes you are committing a faux pas. The younger generations don’t care though. Don’t you have friends who could host or doesn’t she have friends who could host but you cover most of the expenses?

Agree, it's not good form.
I think you could subsidize a friend who wants to host but direct family hosting a shower smacks of family gift grubbing.
Everyone here says the opinion depends on your particular circle, which is a way of saying, if your circle is tacky and low-rent then this is acceptable.

We found the harpie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is what you think about at 3am? Get a life.

Yes, my daughter had asked me to host her shower. It’s been awhile since I had been to one and immediately agreed. Ive mentioned it to a few people who seemed shocked, so trying to figure out if I’m committing a faux pas. Trust me, I have other issues as well, but this is the one on my mind tonight!

Yes you are committing a faux pas. The younger generations don’t care though. Don’t you have friends who could host or doesn’t she have friends who could host but you cover most of the expenses?

Agree, it's not good form.
I think you could subsidize a friend who wants to host but direct family hosting a shower smacks of family gift grubbing.
Everyone here says the opinion depends on your particular circle, which is a way of saying, if your circle is tacky and low-rent then this is acceptable.

We found the harpie.

As you can see, there are plenty of tacky, low-rent types on this board telling OP that this is no big deal.
Next, let's tell OP it's ok to instruct guests to BYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NONE of these “traditions” matter in the least.

There are no wedding etiquette rules, except those made up by uptight people.

Just do what you want.

There are no rules at all. We don’t even recognize that there are males and females anymore.

All of your friends and family are trans or non-binary? Like 99% of the people I know recognize themselves as male or female based on their sex at birth. Where do you live that you don't recognize that there are males and females?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:NONE of these “traditions” matter in the least.

There are no wedding etiquette rules, except those made up by uptight people.

Just do what you want.

And that's why it's fine to attend the wedding (or shower) and not send a gift, if that's what you want. Don't get hung up on other people's rules!

Exactly, it's customary to pay $250/pp as a cash gift? $500 for a couple? No. I don't even know you all or like you that much. I feel $100 from the two of us is generous enough.

I guess it’s all relative, but you should at least cover that cost of your meal. Or else don’t friggin go. How cheap and rude of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it now acceptable for mother of the bride to host a bridal shower? I know in the the past this was considered bad manners, but apparently it is now acceptable?

I’ve done my google research, now looking for some real life experiences, lol. Thanks !

My DIL’s mom did during the pandemic. She lives close to DIL’s old friends so it made sense to me. The etiquette never crossed my mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my circle, it’s becoming more common for the mothers to host bridal and baby showers. It used to be an aunt or cousin was the host, but maybe with people living fat apart, it has been left to the mothers.

I also think the expense of them has made it more difficult for non-family to host.