Mother of bride hosting bridal shower?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tacky. Please get one of her friends or another relative to host. Looks like just a gift grab otherwise.

Isn't it a gift grab no matter who's hosting? I don't understand how it's different if someone other than your mother is paying for the shower.

Why do people still insist on pretending that gifts aren’t expected (on a societal level) at certain events (e.g. weddings, showers, children’s birthday parties) at which gifts are OBVIOUSLY expected (again, on a societal level)? And then follow that up with this ridiculous notion that any mention of gifts is now “tacky” (even when the mention is something like “please DON’T bring a gift”)?

This is illogical and frankly, a sign of low intelligence/lack of critical thinking skills.

[Anonymous]

Ticky tacky

[Anonymous]

Traditionally there was the notion that bridal showers would get a bit raunchy, since it meant the bride was losing her virginity. So you had already-married women discussing their sex lives, their "wedding night," giving the bride lingerie, exchanging practical advice....and who wants to have those conversations in front of their mother?

But these days vast majority of couples are not "saving it for marriage" and are already cohabitating. Thus, the bridal shower is probably more low key and open to a wider range of friends and family.

Just host it for your daughter. She asked you because she cares.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's tacky. Please get one of her friends or another relative to host. Looks like just a gift grab otherwise.

Isn't it a gift grab no matter who's hosting? I don't understand how it's different if someone other than your mother is paying for the shower.

Because traditionally, if the parents wanted their daughter to have something on the registry, it was assumed they could afford to buy it for her?

[Anonymous]

Showers originated because there was no dowry. The bride was either from a poor family or her father wouldn't give her one and it was a way for her to bring something to the marriage. With people getting married later and later they hardly need the gifts because they already have them or can afford to buy them. Seems like the showers themselves are antiquated and unnecessary.

[Anonymous]

Eh, my Mom hosted my bridal shower 25 years ago. My bridesmaids were all over the country, and most of my family and invited guests were near my hometown. It was much easier on everyone. And no one cared - the only question was "is there going to be a shower?". Not "who is hosting the shower?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DIL's mom and I co-hosted her shower at my house and I was happy to do it.

Of course you were happy to grab gifts for your son and DIL.

Most of the gifts were from the bride's young friends who just graduated from college or who are in grad school, which is why they didn't host. So, sorry to disappoint, but there was no "gift grab."

You can go STFU now.

[Anonymous]

Just because some of your mothers hosted your showers a long time ago doesn’t mean it wasn’t tacky then. It was, just as tacky as it is now/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DIL's mom and I co-hosted her shower at my house and I was happy to do it.

Of course you were happy to grab gifts for your son and DIL.

Most of the gifts were from the bride's young friends who just graduated from college or who are in grad school, which is why they didn't host. So, sorry to disappoint, but there was no "gift grab."

You can go STFU now.

There was a party and the point of the party was to collect presents but the party was not a gift grab because of who hosted? That's your argument?

[Anonymous]

Some of you sound like Heddy on Ghosts. So antiquated. I guess you need to harp on your so-called traditions to feel relevant. If we were going to really be “traditional” we’d be watching the couple consummate their marriage and be whooping and hollering when they did it. I bet these harpies still expect to inspect the bedsheets the morning after.

[Anonymous]

Whoever has the time, money, and energy to throw the party should do it. Period.

I’m still bitter about being strong-armed into hosting a bridal shower for someone twenty years ago. The bride’s mother insisted it would be inappropriate for her to host the shower, so she and the bride bullied the bridesmaids to chip in and host a big party. Never mind that the mother of the bride was retired, wealthy, and owned a ginormous home centrally located for all guests while the bridesmaids were mostly in grad school (and busy!) or recently married and renting tiny apartments. I’m still annoyed that we had to pick up the costs when the parents of the couple were far better equipped to handle it.

Both my mother and mother-in-law hosted showers for me (in different states for different relatives/friends). I’ll offer to do the same for my kids (including my sons).

[Anonymous]

OP - please just make sure your daughter knows she needs to send thank you cards for the gifts she receives. My SIL (husband’s brother’s wife) hosted the bridal shower for my niece last year, and my niece still hasn’t sent thank you cards for the shower (which was close to a year ago), or the wedding itself. My SIL is completely embarrassed (she herself told me this - we are close and have an excellent relationship), given how generous people were. In short, I don’t think it’s tacky to host the shower yourself. What IS tacky and incredibly rude is to not send thank you cards, and if your daughter doesn’t, you are closely associated with the rudeness since you hosted the shower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whoever has the time, money, and energy to throw the party should do it. Period.

I’m still bitter about being strong-armed into hosting a bridal shower for someone twenty years ago. The bride’s mother insisted it would be inappropriate for her to host the shower, so she and the bride bullied the bridesmaids to chip in and host a big party. Never mind that the mother of the bride was retired, wealthy, and owned a ginormous home centrally located for all guests while the bridesmaids were mostly in grad school (and busy!) or recently married and renting tiny apartments. I’m still annoyed that we had to pick up the costs when the parents of the couple were far better equipped to handle it.

Both my mother and mother-in-law hosted showers for me (in different states for different relatives/friends). I’ll offer to do the same for my kids (including my sons).

I’d be bitter too. Too bad you couldn’t gracefully bow out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you sound like Heddy on Ghosts. So antiquated. I guess you need to harp on your so-called traditions to feel relevant. If we were going to really be “traditional” we’d be watching the couple consummate their marriage and be whooping and hollering when they did it. I bet these harpies still expect to inspect the bedsheets the morning after.

I’m not familiar with voyeurism as a traditional part of weddings

[Anonymous]

In my circles - mom, MIL, SIL or sister is supposed to host and bear the cost of bridal shower and baby shower.

However, we are a different culture and we have our own version of bridal shower and baby shower in our culture which is a religious traditional event. And it is those events that have morphed with the American version of bridal and baby shower.

In reality, having a traditional American baby shower in my culture is a no-no, because you might jinx the baby by buying it clothes etc before they are born. So, in our culture, we have a prayer and protection ritual for the well being of the mom and baby. Now we just have incorporated the American baby shower elements into it.