Parents of transgender teens in private school.

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10/01/2024 18:46

Subject: Parents of transgender teens in private school.

Anonymous

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Anonymous wrote:It's definitely becoming more and more popular. It's totally real and not a social contagion that follows the exact same trend lines of other opt-in social-signaling fads of past centuries.

You probably didn't mean to use popular here (based on your second sentence). Perhaps you meant it is more common to find students who feel comfortable enough to be their genuine selves in public - these students always existed - they were just hiding their truths.

Very much disagree both that it is real in every case and that the relatively friendlier atmosphere of today accounts for the visibility of trans kids. Activists and kneejerk proponents tend to rely on unprovable or un-dis-provable assertions like this.

Just because someone explores something while trying to find their identity doesn't mean it's not "real" if they eventually determine that was not the right fit. It can certainly be true, that as transgender becomes more accepted in our culture - there will be some people who explore as they are finding themselves. For some, they have known 100% from a very young age, for others it takes longer to determine exactly who they are.

I'd add that negative pressures from the outside (parents, community) only make life more difficult for a young (or grown!) person to discover their true self.

I said nothing about exploration not being associated with "realness". Not sure what that has to do with anything. Its obvious that many kids at our DC school are exploring. In some cases, it is the "true self", in others, it is a temporary stop on life's journey. We see it a lot at our school.

Negative pressures from the parents, if anything I have seen, is "parenting". Our school sees itself as in loco parentis to the degree that it socially transitions kids as young as FOUR without cluing in the parents. And our school is so over the top about promoting this (not just leveling the playing field) ... if I was in kindergarten and there were balloons and rainbows and boas to celebrate me and frequently tell me how extra-special I am, I'd find a way to join the rainbow.

You sound paranoid.

If you care so much, then be a parent at home and describe what rainbows can mean. You can like rainbows and still be cis hetero. It's just like you can explain to your four year old that boys can like pink, and girls can like blue - colors don't define gender. You either care to be inclusive and communicate these sorts of things to your child when appropriate or you don't. A school is not going to socialize a kid into being trans. But that kid ever starts to feel different or unsure about their identity, they will have trans as an identity that they can consider while they putting the pieces together for themselves.

Disagree. With personal experience to back it up. Our Big 3 school trips over themselves facilitating social transition and keeps parents in the dark. We can disagree but this is not okay for some ages (in our school, starting at age 4, the written policy is to not tell parents). In my kid's case, the teachers definitely followed this guidance for years. And congratulated/high fived my kid when they changed names. Coming from an adult in a position of authority, that it tantamount to a psychological intervention. I'd very much prefer that our school would knock it off with the social programming and stick to academics.

Out of curiosity, how supportive are you of your child’s transition? Do you feel you/your spouse/your family/your home are a safe space for that, and are sad that your child felt they needed to hide and therefore wish the school had told you so you could have supported and welcomed your child?

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10/02/2024 07:29