Parents of transgender teens in private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will add that our school, in its policy of not telling any parents, no matter the age, is triangulating in a harmful way. And letting kids know that keeping secrets from parents is okay and sometimes necessary. What does that teach a kid about the parents and honesty? Not good lessons is what I believe. In this way, this Big 3 school is choosing to substitute its judgment for that of the parents. WTF

It's worse when a Big 3 HS principal tell the student body (repeatedly) that their parents are crazy and to tune them out. And then the HS has no effective mentoring system from the teachers.

Weird principal, that’s a very damaging thing to tell a teen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those parents who have a transgender high school student at Maret or GDS, would you mind sharing your experience? Does your child feel accepted and respected by students and staff? Please only respond if this question pertains to you. Thank you.

This is supposed to be an anonymous forum. Why are you asking people to out themselves? Transgenderism is so incredibly rare.

Do you even have a clue? Or any kind of empathy for OP? The OP is looking for information for their kid, and asking the question doesn’t out anyone. And not everyone is in the closet—that’s an archaic way of thinking about it. Maybe some parents/kids have good experiences and don’t mind sharing. Maybe they are out at their school and happy there, and happy to share. And exactly—it’s anonymous. And no one has to respond if they are worried about people knowing who they are.

I have more than a clue. Look, this is so incredibly rare that it’s likely many of these schools don’t have any at all or if they did it’s one child total. So essentially asking those people to share experiences in an “anonymous” forum and yet it isn’t hard to deduce who they are. Which violates the child’s privacy.

I realize that with all the culture war stuff it might sound like transgenderism is common or normal but it’s actually so incredibly deviant from the norm that when it does occur it’s really obvious. I suppose the appetite to share publicly probably varies from person to person but in this instance you’re essentially calling out known people. Not cool.

It's problematic that you think you have more of a clue than this parent. Again you never addressed the point that there could be out kids who like their school and do not mind sharing, which would be great info for the OP. Your need to speak up for the trans community isn't bad, but your criticism is misplaced. (And your term, "deviant from the norm," while not necessarily statistically inaccurate, is totally dehumanizing.) So, again, get a clue. No one has to chime in, and those who want to, can. No one is trying to call out anyone. No one has to respond. And I agree that it is archaic to assume that all trans kids are closeted.

I won't name the school, but DD is at a Catholic all girls school with a rather large portion of trans/non-binary students. It's not just one or two and if it is being accepted at a religious school, I suspect it is a non-issue at secular schools.

Stone Ridge.

Interesting that there were a lot of trans / non-binary students at SR during the pandemic and suddenly the phenomenon has dried up in the middle school and younger high school. It certainly looks like a social contagion.

NP. Probably because if you are aware of the families that have been admitted to Stone Ridge in high number in the past 5 years you would understand that they would not be that welcoming to these families or kids so that makes sense. Lots of republican Congo Chevy families admitted to SR in past few years. Changed dynamic of the school.

I’ve seen that shift but wonder why republican Congo Chevy families aren’t equally likely to be trans if it’s not a fad or just popular but instead a natural shift in the younger demographic.

Are you dim? You've never heard of the closet? You are being disingenuous here.

I’m sure that there are some closeted people, but I also think there are a lot of people who weren’t indoctrinated into the current fad of exploring their gender identity as a rite of passage and instead just kept on identifying as the gender they were told since birth very happily. You’re not doing kids any favors by introducing this at young ages and pretending it’s all fine.

Wonder if they throw out the actual stats in this globally or the progressive school survey “stats?”
The latter would make me furious. So misguided.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I will add that our school, in its policy of not telling any parents, no matter the age, is triangulating in a harmful way. And letting kids know that keeping secrets from parents is okay and sometimes necessary. What does that teach a kid about the parents and honesty? Not good lessons is what I believe. In this way, this Big 3 school is choosing to substitute its judgment for that of the parents. WTF

It's worse when a Big 3 HS principal tell the student body (repeatedly) that their parents are crazy and to tune them out. And then the HS has no effective mentoring system from the teachers.

Weird principal, that’s a very damaging thing to tell a teen.

Looking at schools for 8th grader. Can you be more specific about which school this is so I can add to my avoid at all costs list? I am fine with schools providing a supportive environment for all kids but not at the expense of the relationship with the parents (who pay the tuition and whose job it is to raise the child in a way that aligns with their beliefs).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a very proud, very butch lesbian who strongly identifies as a woman. She's middle aged and didn't go to a progressive private school. When she was a kid, she played lots of sports and was a tomboy. She says that if she were born 25 years later and had gone to some progressive high school, she probably would have ended up as a trans man. She's supportive of trans rights but with some reservations, because she's glad she's a woman today.

Absolutely, it wasn’t a fad then to be trans and she wouldn’t have been pushed in that direction though some people still found themselves there if was a very small minority. Telling all of our kids that having any weird feelings around puberty means they’re trans is so damaging and could have life long repercussions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know a very proud, very butch lesbian who strongly identifies as a woman. She's middle aged and didn't go to a progressive private school. When she was a kid, she played lots of sports and was a tomboy. She says that if she were born 25 years later and had gone to some progressive high school, she probably would have ended up as a trans man. She's supportive of trans rights but with some reservations, because she's glad she's a woman today.

Congrats. You know one lesbian. I'm also a cisgender lesbian. Maybe I would have tried on identifying as a boy for awhile as a kid, maybe not. But as a pediatrician, I treat plenty of trans and gender-non-conforming kids in my practice. (Yes, the number of kids who identify as something other than cis has gone up in the last 10 years. No one is arguing that it hasn't, and that social media hasn't played a role in that, nor is anyone saying that all, or even most, of these kids trying on being nonbinary or transgender will continue in that identity as an adult.) Very, very few of these kids are doing anything past changing their hair and their clothes. That's something that I have no problem wholeheartedly supporting. No reservations from me. None. There are literally no drawbacks to allowing your child to experiment with how they present themselves. Is there a small minority of kids (mostly biologically female, in my experience) who identify as nonbinary or trans-masculine because they feel like they don't fit in, and social media is telling them it might be because they're really male? Yes, absolutely. And telling that child that no, who they feel like they are inside is wrong because you say so will literally only feed in to that child feeling even more misunderstood and out-of-place, AND that now their own parents also don't understand them. Digging your heels in only exacerbates the situation. And if you react like that and the child IS one of the minority that will grow up to identify as trans? Yeah, don't expect them to come home for Thanksgiving. If you accept and love your child the way they are, believe them when they tell you who they are, support them in experimenting even if you don't in your heart of hearts think that that's an accurate identity for them, you'll be doing your child and your relationship with child an enormous service.

A lot of stuff in the media is centered around medical transitioning in minors. Not a single one of my colleagues (at least that I'm aware of) is suggesting any kind of medical treatment, including hormone blockers, as a routine treatment for non-cis kids. When we HAVE prescribed hormone blockers (I can count the number of cases my practice has had in the last 15 years on one hand), it's only in kids where the child maintains a stable gender identity for an extended period of time (multiple years at least), is experiencing significant distress that increased during puberty, is getting evidence-based treatment for any co-existing mental health problems, and multiple psychs say that allowing them to postpone puberty while they figure out their gender identity is in their best interest. For people who will go on to identify as trans, the puberty blockers can be life-saving. Imagine knowing with all of your heart as a 12 year old that you're a girl, and having to grow peach fuzz and back hair and getting lats. Truly horrifying. A professor of mine in med school talked about how he once treated a transgender high school boy (biologically female) who had tried to cut his breasts off by himself. No underlying mental health conditions. And if they decide that they're actually cis and the trans thing was a phase, they just stop getting the blocker shots and they'll naturally go through puberty as their biological sex.

There are some medical risks involved in blockers, as there are for any medication, but there are also great potentials for harm that can be averted if a transgender child is able to avoid going through puberty in a gender that feels wrong for them. The adult transgender people I know undergo multiple risky and painful surgeries and pay tens of thousands of dollars just to begin to undo the secondary sex characteristics they developed during puberty. Trans people who don’t pass (passing meaning you can’t tell that they’re trans by looking at them) are at dramatically increased risk of being victims of a violent crime. It’s harder for them to get jobs. It’s harder for them to live a normal life. People who are visibly identifiable as trans are at increased risk of social isolation and suicide. If you could potentially spare a child from all of that, why on earth wouldn't you? And the side effects can be managed with careful growth monitoring and calcium and vitamin D supplementation. Again- totally reversible!!!

I do know that our practice has never prescribed any kind of gender-affirming hormones to a child under the age of 18. Ever. I know that peds do prescribe them occasionally, but those cases are typically very compelling and they're the exception by a wide margin. I'm not sure I would ever approve something that causes permanent changes to a child's body before they're old enough to consent themselves.

I'm curious if any of these people who seem hell-bent on saying that it's bad parenting to allow a child to choose how they identify actually KNOW any adult trans people? It seems like they're really digging in to the idea that transgenderism is a fad. Sure, experimenting with gender is more common now, but trans people exist, trans children exist, and they always have. I'll get off my soapbox now, but GAHHHHHH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those parents who have a transgender high school student at Maret or GDS, would you mind sharing your experience? Does your child feel accepted and respected by students and staff? Please only respond if this question pertains to you. Thank you.

This is supposed to be an anonymous forum. Why are you asking people to out themselves? Transgenderism is so incredibly rare.

Do you even have a clue? Or any kind of empathy for OP? The OP is looking for information for their kid, and asking the question doesn’t out anyone. And not everyone is in the closet—that’s an archaic way of thinking about it. Maybe some parents/kids have good experiences and don’t mind sharing. Maybe they are out at their school and happy there, and happy to share. And exactly—it’s anonymous. And no one has to respond if they are worried about people knowing who they are.

I have more than a clue. Look, this is so incredibly rare that it’s likely many of these schools don’t have any at all or if they did it’s one child total. So essentially asking those people to share experiences in an “anonymous” forum and yet it isn’t hard to deduce who they are. Which violates the child’s privacy.

Someone worried about being outed is not going to respond, and that is OK. OP asked about two schools. I can’t speak to Maret but there are a number of transgender students in the GDS High School and from my imperfect third party observation I believe they feel supported and accepted there. As a previous poster noted, you can’t guarantee 100% acceptance, but from the administration and the student body generally its just not that big of a deal. But call the school and someone can help you. Good luck!

I realize that with all the culture war stuff it might sound like transgenderism is common or normal but it’s actually so incredibly deviant from the norm that when it does occur it’s really obvious. I suppose the appetite to share publicly probably varies from person to person but in this instance you’re essentially calling out known people. Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those parents who have a transgender high school student at Maret or GDS, would you mind sharing your experience? Does your child feel accepted and respected by students and staff? Please only respond if this question pertains to you. Thank you.

This is supposed to be an anonymous forum. Why are you asking people to out themselves? Transgenderism is so incredibly rare.

Do you even have a clue? Or any kind of empathy for OP? The OP is looking for information for their kid, and asking the question doesn’t out anyone. And not everyone is in the closet—that’s an archaic way of thinking about it. Maybe some parents/kids have good experiences and don’t mind sharing. Maybe they are out at their school and happy there, and happy to share. And exactly—it’s anonymous. And no one has to respond if they are worried about people knowing who they are.

I have more than a clue. Look, this is so incredibly rare that it’s likely many of these schools don’t have any at all or if they did it’s one child total. So essentially asking those people to share experiences in an “anonymous” forum and yet it isn’t hard to deduce who they are. Which violates the child’s privacy.

I realize that with all the culture war stuff it might sound like transgenderism is common or normal but it’s actually so incredibly deviant from the norm that when it does occur it’s really obvious. I suppose the appetite to share publicly probably varies from person to person but in this instance you’re essentially calling out known people. Not cool.

Sorry, I put my response in the wrong spot in the prior post. Someone worried about being outed is not going to respond, and that is OK. OP asked about two schools. I can’t speak to Maret but there are a number of transgender students in the GDS High School and from my imperfect third party observation I believe they feel supported and accepted there. As a previous poster noted, you can’t guarantee 100% acceptance, but from the administration and the student body generally its just not that big of a deal. But call the school and someone can help you. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will add that our school, in its policy of not telling any parents, no matter the age, is triangulating in a harmful way. And letting kids know that keeping secrets from parents is okay and sometimes necessary. What does that teach a kid about the parents and honesty? Not good lessons is what I believe. In this way, this Big 3 school is choosing to substitute its judgment for that of the parents. WTF

Hear, hear!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely becoming more and more popular. It's totally real and not a social contagion that follows the exact same trend lines of other opt-in social-signaling fads of past centuries.

You probably didn't mean to use popular here (based on your second sentence). Perhaps you meant it is more common to find students who feel comfortable enough to be their genuine selves in public - these students always existed - they were just hiding their truths.

Very much disagree both that it is real in every case and that the relatively friendlier atmosphere of today accounts for the visibility of trans kids. Activists and kneejerk proponents tend to rely on unprovable or un-dis-provable assertions like this.

Just because someone explores something while trying to find their identity doesn't mean it's not "real" if they eventually determine that was not the right fit. It can certainly be true, that as transgender becomes more accepted in our culture - there will be some people who explore as they are finding themselves. For some, they have known 100% from a very young age, for others it takes longer to determine exactly who they are.

I'd add that negative pressures from the outside (parents, community) only make life more difficult for a young (or grown!) person to discover their true self.

I said nothing about exploration not being associated with "realness". Not sure what that has to do with anything. Its obvious that many kids at our DC school are exploring. In some cases, it is the "true self", in others, it is a temporary stop on life's journey. We see it a lot at our school.

Negative pressures from the parents, if anything I have seen, is "parenting". Our school sees itself as in loco parentis to the degree that it socially transitions kids as young as FOUR without cluing in the parents. And our school is so over the top about promoting this (not just leveling the playing field) ... if I was in kindergarten and there were balloons and rainbows and boas to celebrate me and frequently tell me how extra-special I am, I'd find a way to join the rainbow.

You sound paranoid.

If you care so much, then be a parent at home and describe what rainbows can mean. You can like rainbows and still be cis hetero. It's just like you can explain to your four year old that boys can like pink, and girls can like blue - colors don't define gender. You either care to be inclusive and communicate these sorts of things to your child when appropriate or you don't. A school is not going to socialize a kid into being trans. But that kid ever starts to feel different or unsure about their identity, they will have trans as an identity that they can consider while they putting the pieces together for themselves.

Disagree. With personal experience to back it up. Our Big 3 school trips over themselves facilitating social transition and keeps parents in the dark. We can disagree but this is not okay for some ages (in our school, starting at age 4, the written policy is to not tell parents). In my kid's case, the teachers definitely followed this guidance for years. And congratulated/high fived my kid when they changed names. Coming from an adult in a position of authority, that it tantamount to an psychological intervention. I'd very much prefer that our school would knock it off with the social programming and stick to academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely becoming more and more popular. It's totally real and not a social contagion that follows the exact same trend lines of other opt-in social-signaling fads of past centuries.

You probably didn't mean to use popular here (based on your second sentence). Perhaps you meant it is more common to find students who feel comfortable enough to be their genuine selves in public - these students always existed - they were just hiding their truths.

Very much disagree both that it is real in every case and that the relatively friendlier atmosphere of today accounts for the visibility of trans kids. Activists and kneejerk proponents tend to rely on unprovable or un-dis-provable assertions like this.

Just because someone explores something while trying to find their identity doesn't mean it's not "real" if they eventually determine that was not the right fit. It can certainly be true, that as transgender becomes more accepted in our culture - there will be some people who explore as they are finding themselves. For some, they have known 100% from a very young age, for others it takes longer to determine exactly who they are.

This is horrible. Please let us know which school this is so that parents that don't want to be kept in the dark about their young children can avoid.

I'd add that negative pressures from the outside (parents, community) only make life more difficult for a young (or grown!) person to discover their true self.

I said nothing about exploration not being associated with "realness". Not sure what that has to do with anything. Its obvious that many kids at our DC school are exploring. In some cases, it is the "true self", in others, it is a temporary stop on life's journey. We see it a lot at our school.

Negative pressures from the parents, if anything I have seen, is "parenting". Our school sees itself as in loco parentis to the degree that it socially transitions kids as young as FOUR without cluing in the parents. And our school is so over the top about promoting this (not just leveling the playing field) ... if I was in kindergarten and there were balloons and rainbows and boas to celebrate me and frequently tell me how extra-special I am, I'd find a way to join the rainbow.

You sound paranoid.

If you care so much, then be a parent at home and describe what rainbows can mean. You can like rainbows and still be cis hetero. It's just like you can explain to your four year old that boys can like pink, and girls can like blue - colors don't define gender. You either care to be inclusive and communicate these sorts of things to your child when appropriate or you don't. A school is not going to socialize a kid into being trans. But that kid ever starts to feel different or unsure about their identity, they will have trans as an identity that they can consider while they putting the pieces together for themselves.

Disagree. With personal experience to back it up. Our Big 3 school trips over themselves facilitating social transition and keeps parents in the dark. We can disagree but this is not okay for some ages (in our school, starting at age 4, the written policy is to not tell parents). In my kid's case, the teachers definitely followed this guidance for years. And congratulated/high fived my kid when they changed names. Coming from an adult in a position of authority, that it tantamount to an psychological intervention. I'd very much prefer that our school would knock it off with the social programming and stick to academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those parents who have a transgender high school student at Maret or GDS, would you mind sharing your experience? Does your child feel accepted and respected by students and staff? Please only respond if this question pertains to you. Thank you.

This is supposed to be an anonymous forum. Why are you asking people to out themselves? Transgenderism is so incredibly rare.

Do you even have a clue? Or any kind of empathy for OP? The OP is looking for information for their kid, and asking the question doesn’t out anyone. And not everyone is in the closet—that’s an archaic way of thinking about it. Maybe some parents/kids have good experiences and don’t mind sharing. Maybe they are out at their school and happy there, and happy to share. And exactly—it’s anonymous. And no one has to respond if they are worried about people knowing who they are.

I have more than a clue. Look, this is so incredibly rare that it’s likely many of these schools don’t have any at all or if they did it’s one child total. So essentially asking those people to share experiences in an “anonymous” forum and yet it isn’t hard to deduce who they are. Which violates the child’s privacy.

I realize that with all the culture war stuff it might sound like transgenderism is common or normal but it’s actually so incredibly deviant from the norm that when it does occur it’s really obvious. I suppose the appetite to share publicly probably varies from person to person but in this instance you’re essentially calling out known people. Not cool.

It's problematic that you think you have more of a clue than this parent. Again you never addressed the point that there could be out kids who like their school and do not mind sharing, which would be great info for the OP. Your need to speak up for the trans community isn't bad, but your criticism is misplaced. (And your term, "deviant from the norm," while not necessarily statistically inaccurate, is totally dehumanizing.) So, again, get a clue. No one has to chime in, and those who want to, can. No one is trying to call out anyone. No one has to respond. And I agree that it is archaic to assume that all trans kids are closeted.

I won't name the school, but DD is at a Catholic all girls school with a rather large portion of trans/non-binary students. It's not just one or two and if it is being accepted at a religious school, I suspect it is a non-issue at secular schools.

Stone Ridge.

Interesting that there were a lot of trans / non-binary students at SR during the pandemic and suddenly the phenomenon has dried up in the middle school and younger high school. It certainly looks like a social contagion.

NP. Probably because if you are aware of the families that have been admitted to Stone Ridge in high number in the past 5 years you would understand that they would not be that welcoming to these families or kids so that makes sense. Lots of republican Congo Chevy families admitted to SR in past few years. Changed dynamic of the school.

SR, Visi, and Holy Child are all attracting and admitting many of the same families - they tend to be conservative and very entrenched into the country club scene. Curious where families not wanting to be in this type of community would go? St. John's? What other Catholic school options are there for girls in the close in DMV area or would you need to go to non-Catholic like Holton, NCS, or Madeira? Not talking about administration but the parent/student community which affects the student more in my opinion.

St. John's is racially and economically diverse, but the community is very conservative Catholic where LGBTQ+ is concerned. I would not be looking there for trans support.

[Anonymous]

People asking for liberal Catholic schools confuse me. Catholic schools are varying shades of conservative, pretty much by definition (like, you want Catholic education but not the parts where Catholics call homosexuality a sin, or what?).

Catholic without the conservative is Episcopalian, y’all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those parents who have a transgender high school student at Maret or GDS, would you mind sharing your experience? Does your child feel accepted and respected by students and staff? Please only respond if this question pertains to you. Thank you.

This is supposed to be an anonymous forum. Why are you asking people to out themselves? Transgenderism is so incredibly rare.

Do you even have a clue? Or any kind of empathy for OP? The OP is looking for information for their kid, and asking the question doesn’t out anyone. And not everyone is in the closet—that’s an archaic way of thinking about it. Maybe some parents/kids have good experiences and don’t mind sharing. Maybe they are out at their school and happy there, and happy to share. And exactly—it’s anonymous. And no one has to respond if they are worried about people knowing who they are.

I have more than a clue. Look, this is so incredibly rare that it’s likely many of these schools don’t have any at all or if they did it’s one child total. So essentially asking those people to share experiences in an “anonymous” forum and yet it isn’t hard to deduce who they are. Which violates the child’s privacy.

I realize that with all the culture war stuff it might sound like transgenderism is common or normal but it’s actually so incredibly deviant from the norm that when it does occur it’s really obvious. I suppose the appetite to share publicly probably varies from person to person but in this instance you’re essentially calling out known people. Not cool.

It's problematic that you think you have more of a clue than this parent. Again you never addressed the point that there could be out kids who like their school and do not mind sharing, which would be great info for the OP. Your need to speak up for the trans community isn't bad, but your criticism is misplaced. (And your term, "deviant from the norm," while not necessarily statistically inaccurate, is totally dehumanizing.) So, again, get a clue. No one has to chime in, and those who want to, can. No one is trying to call out anyone. No one has to respond. And I agree that it is archaic to assume that all trans kids are closeted.

I won't name the school, but DD is at a Catholic all girls school with a rather large portion of trans/non-binary students. It's not just one or two and if it is being accepted at a religious school, I suspect it is a non-issue at secular schools.

Stone Ridge.

Interesting that there were a lot of trans / non-binary students at SR during the pandemic and suddenly the phenomenon has dried up in the middle school and younger high school. It certainly looks like a social contagion.

NP. Probably because if you are aware of the families that have been admitted to Stone Ridge in high number in the past 5 years you would understand that they would not be that welcoming to these families or kids so that makes sense. Lots of republican Congo Chevy families admitted to SR in past few years. Changed dynamic of the school.

I’ve seen that shift but wonder why republican Congo Chevy families aren’t equally likely to be trans if it’s not a fad or just popular but instead a natural shift in the younger demographic.

Are you dim? You've never heard of the closet? You are being disingenuous here.

+1 The Congo Chevy families are also much less likely to have "out" gay parents, but Grindr still breaks down under the strain of use during the RNC whenever it comes to town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely becoming more and more popular. It's totally real and not a social contagion that follows the exact same trend lines of other opt-in social-signaling fads of past centuries.

Then I would be wary to use a word such as "popular" to describe the phenomenon. The point is there are more *visible* trans or nonbinary students nowadays because they feel more empowered to articulate/share their truth. The same goes for other people who identify as LGBQ. One has to wonder how many other students have these feelings, but do not feel empowered to share them with others.

Or how many kids are confused and awkward during puberty and we are leading them to this conclusion. Some schools have become so extremely LBGTQ+ accepting / positive that the straight kids are in the minority. I’m not doubting that trans kids exist, but telling every awkward elementary kid they could be trans is not the answer.

The point is that we should let children explore their identity rather than foist one on them. If a kid questions their gender identity and eventually realizes they are cis, good on them! Just giving them the space and opportunity to explore it themselves is the answer.

This is what complete moral and social ambiguity looks like, as if there are no differences in outcomes for your child based on their trans identity. Giving space to explore a trans identity is not in the best interest of many children.

No, this is what healthy parenting should look like. Why are you assigning moral value to a child's exploration of their gender identity? Give them to freedom to decide who they are rather than try to foist your own beliefs and gender identity, which I have a hunch are very dated? Be there to answer questions and help guide them on their discovery, but leave your own hang-ups out of it.

Because it is the role of good parents to guide and lead their kids into becoming what they are, not let them simply wander on their own and try to be whatever they think they want to be. Would you encourage your genetically-predisposed small kid to invest his entire childhood/ youth in becoming an NBA star? No? Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's definitely becoming more and more popular. It's totally real and not a social contagion that follows the exact same trend lines of other opt-in social-signaling fads of past centuries.

You probably didn't mean to use popular here (based on your second sentence). Perhaps you meant it is more common to find students who feel comfortable enough to be their genuine selves in public - these students always existed - they were just hiding their truths.

Very much disagree both that it is real in every case and that the relatively friendlier atmosphere of today accounts for the visibility of trans kids. Activists and kneejerk proponents tend to rely on unprovable or un-dis-provable assertions like this.

Just because someone explores something while trying to find their identity doesn't mean it's not "real" if they eventually determine that was not the right fit. It can certainly be true, that as transgender becomes more accepted in our culture - there will be some people who explore as they are finding themselves. For some, they have known 100% from a very young age, for others it takes longer to determine exactly who they are.

I'd add that negative pressures from the outside (parents, community) only make life more difficult for a young (or grown!) person to discover their true self.

I said nothing about exploration not being associated with "realness". Not sure what that has to do with anything. Its obvious that many kids at our DC school are exploring. In some cases, it is the "true self", in others, it is a temporary stop on life's journey. We see it a lot at our school.

Negative pressures from the parents, if anything I have seen, is "parenting". Our school sees itself as in loco parentis to the degree that it socially transitions kids as young as FOUR without cluing in the parents. And our school is so over the top about promoting this (not just leveling the playing field) ... if I was in kindergarten and there were balloons and rainbows and boas to celebrate me and frequently tell me how extra-special I am, I'd find a way to join the rainbow.

You sound paranoid.

If you care so much, then be a parent at home and describe what rainbows can mean. You can like rainbows and still be cis hetero. It's just like you can explain to your four year old that boys can like pink, and girls can like blue - colors don't define gender. You either care to be inclusive and communicate these sorts of things to your child when appropriate or you don't. A school is not going to socialize a kid into being trans. But that kid ever starts to feel different or unsure about their identity, they will have trans as an identity that they can consider while they putting the pieces together for themselves.

Disagree. With personal experience to back it up. Our Big 3 school trips over themselves facilitating social transition and keeps parents in the dark. We can disagree but this is not okay for some ages (in our school, starting at age 4, the written policy is to not tell parents). In my kid's case, the teachers definitely followed this guidance for years. And congratulated/high fived my kid when they changed names. Coming from an adult in a position of authority, that it tantamount to an psychological intervention. I'd very much prefer that our school would knock it off with the social programming and stick to academics.

Horrible. I really hope this isn't Sidwell.