What to do with my sweet boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are sexually incompatible, this will eventually loom so large in the relationship that it will have to end or one of you will have to change for the other.

Even for a sexually compatible couple, these shift become necessary due to health issues and the different seasons of life that affect time for sex negatively.

Starting with a disagreement this strong with so little on the table is not promising for a LTR.

OP. For crying out loud, I wouldn’t characterize this as a disagreement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men have been conditioned socially to not be too aggressive sexually.

Which is ironic given the amount of porn consumption.

Consuming porn is the lowest possible sexual aggression while still being sexual. It doesn't even (require) having a partner present for the act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He likes to “make love” which I also want to do, but I also like adventurous, imaginative, vigorous, wild sex. This seems to be new territory for him. I really enjoy the latter and don’t want to give it up, but I love him. Can this be taught or inspired?

I assume he was the one who asked you out and pursued you

Yes. He has taken the lead with advancing each stage of the relationship; not bc I can’t but bc I believe a man who wants you will do something about it so I wanted to see if he would.

Ah, pillow princess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

Totally kills the thrill. Completely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

Totally kills the thrill. Completely.

This exchange reminds me of the Louis C.K. bit where he talked about a woman who kept saying no but the next day she says “I just wanted you to go for it.” To which he responds, "you wanted me to RAPE you, on the off chance that you might be into that shit?"

[Anonymous]

So swinging = road to divorce?

Makes sense.

It led to divorce for us. I do not want to make it appear it was a picnic. It cost me well into seven figures in spousal support and retirement savings/investments.

Our kids were adults when we split. Even then, it was tough on them.

However, once it (the swinging) all went down, I could not stand to be around my wife. It started because she wanted more. But she did not consider what might happen if I found out I wanted more.

My point was that the OP should carefully consider how she proceeds.

I understand that I took my journey too far, and now I believe that because I was angry that she was unhappy, I was much more open to exploring what I found. Once I found it, however, I did not want to go backward.

[Anonymous]

OP. I find porn totally unsexy and repulsive. That’s not really what I’m looking to emulate.

Totally agree - last time I saw a site, it was all incest, assault, totally disrespectful, objectifying and disturbing. Is there any out there that isnt those things? Does that even exist?

OP, I suggest you ask your BF to start reading racy romance novels. Their target audience is women, and writers often do a great job discussing what women feel and want before, during, and after sex.

The plots are somewhat cheesy. However, most women find the action in them exciting, and reading them can give men insight into what women may want in romantic situations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

Totally kills the thrill. Completely.

This exchange reminds me of the Louis C.K. bit where he talked about a woman who kept saying no but the next day she says “I just wanted you to go for it.” To which he responds, "you wanted me to RAPE you, on the off chance that you might be into that shit?"

Oh please. No I don’t want anyone to rape me. I want my partner to have enough skill and intelligence to test the waters and listen to my feedback and observe the way my body is responding.

It’s the same as the guys who as “may I kiss you” instead of using body language to figure it out.

If I have to tell you in explicit detail what to do with me, the interactivity is totally lost and I will get very bored.

That’s not to say we can’t discuss what we like and don’t like. But in the moment, don’t make me give you instructions like I’m a piece of IKEA furniture; this is not how you build tension and excitement.

As for Louis CK, he jokes a lot about raping little children so the fact you brought him up at all is 🤮.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sexually incompatible. BTDT. You will never be really happy. It would be kind to let him go so you both can find someone you can be happy with. Dating is the time to find out these things. You found out and now it's time to go.

I love him a lot and I am not letting him go.

Will he let you have a bull?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can get him there. Watch porn together and have some wine. Trust me in this one. He just has to get more comfortable and uninhibited.

OP. I find porn totally unsexy and repulsive. That’s not really what I’m looking to emulate.

Yes, today’s porn is gross.

99% of the people in modern porn are heavily tatted up & only 10% of the women in them are ever even reasonably attractive. 😵

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men have been conditioned socially to not be too aggressive sexually.

Which is ironic given the amount of porn consumption.

The vast majority of porn is made for men. That conditions them to be sexually aggressive because so much of the sh!t on there is men using women has nothing but sex objects.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

Totally kills the thrill. Completely.

This exchange reminds me of the Louis C.K. bit where he talked about a woman who kept saying no but the next day she says “I just wanted you to go for it.” To which he responds, "you wanted me to RAPE you, on the off chance that you might be into that shit?"

Oh please. No I don’t want anyone to rape me. I want my partner to have enough skill and intelligence to test the waters and listen to my feedback and observe the way my body is responding.

It’s the same as the guys who as “may I kiss you” instead of using body language to figure it out.

If I have to tell you in explicit detail what to do with me, the interactivity is totally lost and I will get very bored.

That’s not to say we can’t discuss what we like and don’t like. But in the moment, don’t make me give you instructions like I’m a piece of IKEA furniture; this is not how you build tension and excitement.

As for Louis CK, he jokes a lot about raping little children so the fact you brought him up at all is 🤮.

If you have never had a tall hot man ask if he can kiss you, already knowing the answer, you are missing out on life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

Totally kills the thrill. Completely.

This exchange reminds me of the Louis C.K. bit where he talked about a woman who kept saying no but the next day she says “I just wanted you to go for it.” To which he responds, "you wanted me to RAPE you, on the off chance that you might be into that shit?"

Oh please. No I don’t want anyone to rape me. I want my partner to have enough skill and intelligence to test the waters and listen to my feedback and observe the way my body is responding.

It’s the same as the guys who as “may I kiss you” instead of using body language to figure it out.

If I have to tell you in explicit detail what to do with me, the interactivity is totally lost and I will get very bored.

That’s not to say we can’t discuss what we like and don’t like. But in the moment, don’t make me give you instructions like I’m a piece of IKEA furniture; this is not how you build tension and excitement.

As for Louis CK, he jokes a lot about raping little children so the fact you brought him up at all is 🤮.

If you have never had a tall hot man ask if he can kiss you, already knowing the answer, you are missing out on life.

I have. I preferred the one who leaned in without asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

Totally kills the thrill. Completely.

This exchange reminds me of the Louis C.K. bit where he talked about a woman who kept saying no but the next day she says “I just wanted you to go for it.” To which he responds, "you wanted me to RAPE you, on the off chance that you might be into that shit?"

Oh please. No I don’t want anyone to rape me. I want my partner to have enough skill and intelligence to test the waters and listen to my feedback and observe the way my body is responding.

It’s the same as the guys who as “may I kiss you” instead of using body language to figure it out.

If I have to tell you in explicit detail what to do with me, the interactivity is totally lost and I will get very bored.

That’s not to say we can’t discuss what we like and don’t like. But in the moment, don’t make me give you instructions like I’m a piece of IKEA furniture; this is not how you build tension and excitement.

As for Louis CK, he jokes a lot about raping little children so the fact you brought him up at all is 🤮.

If you have never had a tall hot man ask if he can kiss you, already knowing the answer, you are missing out on life.

I have. I preferred the one who leaned in without asking.

OP, if this is you, you sound impossible to deal with. Just communicate. Men cannot read your mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

Totally kills the thrill. Completely.

This exchange reminds me of the Louis C.K. bit where he talked about a woman who kept saying no but the next day she says “I just wanted you to go for it.” To which he responds, "you wanted me to RAPE you, on the off chance that you might be into that shit?"

Oh please. No I don’t want anyone to rape me. I want my partner to have enough skill and intelligence to test the waters and listen to my feedback and observe the way my body is responding.

It’s the same as the guys who as “may I kiss you” instead of using body language to figure it out.

If I have to tell you in explicit detail what to do with me, the interactivity is totally lost and I will get very bored.

That’s not to say we can’t discuss what we like and don’t like. But in the moment, don’t make me give you instructions like I’m a piece of IKEA furniture; this is not how you build tension and excitement.

As for Louis CK, he jokes a lot about raping little children so the fact you brought him up at all is 🤮.

If you have never had a tall hot man ask if he can kiss you, already knowing the answer, you are missing out on life.

I have. I preferred the one who leaned in without asking.

OP, if this is you, you sound impossible to deal with. Just communicate. Men cannot read your mind.

I can pick up on signals. But I mostly don't want to. I want a woman who can and will use her words. Letting me pick up on signals isn't charming or preserving some kind of intriguing mystery. It's off putting.