What to do with my sweet boyfriend

[Anonymous]

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

[Anonymous]

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:He likes to “make love” which I also want to do, but I also like adventurous, imaginative, vigorous, wild sex. This seems to be new territory for him. I really enjoy the latter and don’t want to give it up, but I love him. Can this be taught or inspired?

I assume he was the one who asked you out and pursued you

Yes. He has taken the lead with advancing each stage of the relationship; not bc I can’t but bc I believe a man who wants you will do something about it so I wanted to see if he would.

Why am I not surprised and I assume you are both in your twenties

I think it’s true at any age. A man who wants you will act on it. If he doesn’t, he either doesn’t want you or isn’t a worthwhile man.

Something I've always had a lifelong hatred towards it's like why is the man supposed to go after the woman and why are women not meant to go after men? Why does it make the man worthwhile?

This is just something I’ve learned after a lifetime of dealing with men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can get him there. Watch porn together and have some wine. Trust me in this one. He just has to get more comfortable and uninhibited.

OP. I find porn totally unsexy and repulsive. That’s not really what I’m looking to emulate.

Totally agree - last time I saw a site, it was all incest, assault, totally disrespectful, objectifying and disturbing. Is there any out there that isnt those things? Does that even exist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was in your exact situation. I married him. It hasn’t changed. He is an amazing husband.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can get him there. Watch porn together and have some wine. Trust me in this one. He just has to get more comfortable and uninhibited.

OP. I find porn totally unsexy and repulsive. That’s not really what I’m looking to emulate.

Totally agree - last time I saw a site, it was all incest, assault, totally disrespectful, objectifying and disturbing. Is there any out there that isnt those things? Does that even exist?

Obviously it does.

search for bellesa

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

No to worry, he has already had this idea, but hasn’t executed it yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

No to worry, he has already had this idea, but hasn’t executed it yet.

Consider yourself lucky

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not at all. I’m very energetic and responsive and at times directive, and it’s frequently me initiating or turning up the heat. There are certain things I can’t do, anatomically, and you know what they are.

OP - You sound like my ExDW. She was a "Goldilocks," so everything we tried was too hard or not hard enough, too edgy or not edgy enough, etc.

We tried going on vacation to spice things up and met up with another couple there. We swapped with them, and it was great for my DW (she really wanted to do it) but a disaster for me since the other wife was doing it just to please her husband.

However, I found that I enjoyed being in complete control of the other wife (it was the only part we both enjoyed).

When we returned home, I found a woman in our friend group who wanted to swing with me. My wife tried to stop it (she had no interest in the other DH) but we did it.It was wonderful, and I found once I opened the door to someone who was truly submissive, I never wanted to go back.

Afterward, I found my wife did not appeal to me and we split up. My life has been way better since then.

So swinging = road to divorce?

Makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in your exact situation. I married him. It hasn’t changed. He is an amazing husband.

That’s the thing! I love him so much and he is an amazing caring supportive helpful kind hardworking disciplined adorable human whose love language is acts of service. Part of the issue is that we’re the same size and I’m used to bigger/taller. But those men were nowhere near as wonderful as he is.

Yeah, I married this guy. Sex life is middling (he’s also relatively low drive) but he’s an awesome partner in almost every other way. Fifteen years in and I haven’t met the person I would trade him for. I do sometimes wish we had a truly great sex life, or that he was big and manly (he’s fit and attractive but small and I’m tall), but we both still really like each other, he’s amazingly supportive and pulls more than his fair weight at home, is a great dad, and we have nice enough vanilla sex once a week which is probably more than many of my friends can say at this point in their marriages.

[Anonymous]

Our sex live is pretty average as my wife is pretty vanilla but somewhat more adventurous than years ago. But, she is off the charts wonderful on just about everything else and I know I am very lucky. My efforts to spice it up have not gone over well but I won’t give up. So if OPs BF is great in every other department she is very lucky. And he has years to learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

" I want you to tie me up" should do it

If she has to ask, it is not as much fun.

No to worry, he has already had this idea, but hasn’t executed it yet.

Consider yourself lucky

I do. Not sure what you mean by this comment, but I trust him completely and would do this if he wants to.

[Anonymous]

If you are sexually incompatible, this will eventually loom so large in the relationship that it will have to end or one of you will have to change for the other.

Even for a sexually compatible couple, these shift become necessary due to health issues and the different seasons of life that affect time for sex negatively.

Starting with a disagreement this strong with so little on the table is not promising for a LTR.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are sexually incompatible. BTDT. You will never be really happy. It would be kind to let him go so you both can find someone you can be happy with. Dating is the time to find out these things. You found out and now it's time to go.

I love him a lot and I am not letting him go.

If he's a great partner in everything else, don't let him go. It's really hard to find a good man.

you can always explore and teach him what you like in the bedroom, but it's much harder to teach a man to be a good partner outside the bedroom.

So change or train him?

Train him. A great life partner is hard to find. Just look at this site. Littered with people complaining about their husbands not doing enough.

[Anonymous]

Men have been conditioned socially to not be too aggressive sexually.

Which is ironic given the amount of porn consumption.