What to do with my sweet boyfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP can you lead the wild vigorous sex? From your mention about the bigger/taller priors I assume that it isnt just the force, tempo, etc. it is actually being dominated physically that is appealing.

This! Get on top and control the tempo.

OP. Being on top has never done much for me. I do it for variety and to give him a break.

OP, you’ve been given plenty of suggestions and don’t seem open to any of them. Are you one of those women who is a starfish? And expects the guy to do everything?

Not at all. I’m very energetic and responsive and at times directive, and it’s frequently me initiating or turning up the heat. There are certain things I can’t do, anatomically, and you know what they are

[Anonymous]

Not at all. I’m very energetic and responsive and at times directive, and it’s frequently me initiating or turning up the heat. There are certain things I can’t do, anatomically, and you know what they are.

OP - You sound like my ExDW. She was a "Goldilocks," so everything we tried was too hard or not hard enough, too edgy or not edgy enough, etc.

We tried going on vacation to spice things up and met up with another couple there. We swapped with them, and it was great for my DW (she really wanted to do it) but a disaster for me since the other wife was doing it just to please her husband.

However, I found that I enjoyed being in complete control of the other wife (it was the only part we both enjoyed).

When we returned home, I found a woman in our friend group who wanted to swing with me. My wife tried to stop it (she had no interest in the other DH) but we did it.It was wonderful, and I found once I opened the door to someone who was truly submissive, I never wanted to go back.

Afterward, I found my wife did not appeal to me and we split up. My life has been way better since then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The obvious answer is to tell him what you want.

He knows. It’s almost like he finds it disturbing, although he recognizes my needs are valid and isn’t judging yet doesn’t think of himself that way.

Can you be very specfic? Like, bring out a belt and ask him to tie you up and then go for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not at all. I’m very energetic and responsive and at times directive, and it’s frequently me initiating or turning up the heat. There are certain things I can’t do, anatomically, and you know what they are.

OP - You sound like my ExDW. She was a "Goldilocks," so everything we tried was too hard or not hard enough, too edgy or not edgy enough, etc.

We tried going on vacation to spice things up and met up with another couple there. We swapped with them, and it was great for my DW (she really wanted to do it) but a disaster for me since the other wife was doing it just to please her husband.

However, I found that I enjoyed being in complete control of the other wife (it was the only part we both enjoyed).

When we returned home, I found a woman in our friend group who wanted to swing with me. My wife tried to stop it (she had no interest in the other DH) but we did it.It was wonderful, and I found once I opened the door to someone who was truly submissive, I never wanted to go back.

Afterward, I found my wife did not appeal to me and we split up. My life has been way better since then.

Cool story bro.

[Anonymous]

You are sexually incompatible. BTDT. You will never be really happy. It would be kind to let him go so you both can find someone you can be happy with. Dating is the time to find out these things. You found out and now it's time to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are sexually incompatible. BTDT. You will never be really happy. It would be kind to let him go so you both can find someone you can be happy with. Dating is the time to find out these things. You found out and now it's time to go.

I love him a lot and I am not letting him go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sexually incompatible. BTDT. You will never be really happy. It would be kind to let him go so you both can find someone you can be happy with. Dating is the time to find out these things. You found out and now it's time to go.

I love him a lot and I am not letting him go.

If he's a great partner in everything else, don't let him go. It's really hard to find a good man.

you can always explore and teach him what you like in the bedroom, but it's much harder to teach a man to be a good partner outside the bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He likes to “make love” which I also want to do, but I also like adventurous, imaginative, vigorous, wild sex. This seems to be new territory for him. I really enjoy the latter and don’t want to give it up, but I love him. Can this be taught or inspired?

I assume he was the one who asked you out and pursued you

Yes. He has taken the lead with advancing each stage of the relationship; not bc I can’t but bc I believe a man who wants you will do something about it so I wanted to see if he would.

Aha! So you are a poor communicator who thinks the man should be reading her mind. Don't assume they can. Try being direct and clear about what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He likes to “make love” which I also want to do, but I also like adventurous, imaginative, vigorous, wild sex. This seems to be new territory for him. I really enjoy the latter and don’t want to give it up, but I love him. Can this be taught or inspired?

I assume he was the one who asked you out and pursued you

Yes. He has taken the lead with advancing each stage of the relationship; not bc I can’t but bc I believe a man who wants you will do something about it so I wanted to see if he would.

Why am I not surprised and I assume you are both in your twenties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He likes to “make love” which I also want to do, but I also like adventurous, imaginative, vigorous, wild sex. This seems to be new territory for him. I really enjoy the latter and don’t want to give it up, but I love him. Can this be taught or inspired?

I assume he was the one who asked you out and pursued you

Yes. He has taken the lead with advancing each stage of the relationship; not bc I can’t but bc I believe a man who wants you will do something about it so I wanted to see if he would.

Why am I not surprised and I assume you are both in your twenties

I think it’s true at any age. A man who wants you will act on it. If he doesn’t, he either doesn’t want you or isn’t a worthwhile man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He likes to “make love” which I also want to do, but I also like adventurous, imaginative, vigorous, wild sex. This seems to be new territory for him. I really enjoy the latter and don’t want to give it up, but I love him. Can this be taught or inspired?

I assume he was the one who asked you out and pursued you

Yes. He has taken the lead with advancing each stage of the relationship; not bc I can’t but bc I believe a man who wants you will do something about it so I wanted to see if he would.

Why am I not surprised and I assume you are both in your twenties

I think it’s true at any age. A man who wants you will act on it. If he doesn’t, he either doesn’t want you or isn’t a worthwhile man.

Something I've always had a lifelong hatred towards it's like why is the man supposed to go after the woman and why are women not meant to go after men? Why does it make the man worthwhile?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was in your exact situation. I married him. It hasn’t changed. He is an amazing husband.

That’s the thing! I love him so much and he is an amazing caring supportive helpful kind hardworking disciplined adorable human whose love language is acts of service. Part of the issue is that we’re the same size and I’m used to bigger/taller. But those men were nowhere near as wonderful as he is.

You can’t have it all.

Realize what is important in a life partner (hint:it is not height).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Not at all. I’m very energetic and responsive and at times directive, and it’s frequently me initiating or turning up the heat. There are certain things I can’t do, anatomically, and you know what they are.

OP - You sound like my ExDW. She was a "Goldilocks," so everything we tried was too hard or not hard enough, too edgy or not edgy enough, etc.

We tried going on vacation to spice things up and met up with another couple there. We swapped with them, and it was great for my DW (she really wanted to do it) but a disaster for me since the other wife was doing it just to please her husband.

However, I found that I enjoyed being in complete control of the other wife (it was the only part we both enjoyed).

When we returned home, I found a woman in our friend group who wanted to swing with me. My wife tried to stop it (she had no interest in the other DH) but we did it.It was wonderful, and I found once I opened the door to someone who was truly submissive, I never wanted to go back.

Afterward, I found my wife did not appeal to me and we split up. My life has been way better since then.

Not a good look that you prefer totally submissive women, that you can control.

Consider therapy(to figure out why an equal partner does not appeal to you).

[Anonymous]

Not a good look that you prefer totally submissive women, that you can control.

Consider therapy(to figure out why an equal partner does not appeal to you).

How would you know it is "Not a good look"? Do you have any clinical psychological training? My bet is no.

You are triggered because you do not like the idea of a man controlling a woman in the bedroom, even when both people enjoy it. If it is not your thing, you should STFU and move on.

Do you have other hang-ups regarding what happens between consenting adults? You will respond with something made-up, such as "My sex life is great" or "I am doing just fine." However, we know this is false, and therapy would help you figure that out.

You lack the knowledge that women are multifaced, and while a lover likes being submissive in bed, it does not mean she likes being submissive outside of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are sexually incompatible. BTDT. You will never be really happy. It would be kind to let him go so you both can find someone you can be happy with. Dating is the time to find out these things. You found out and now it's time to go.

I love him a lot and I am not letting him go.

If he's a great partner in everything else, don't let him go. It's really hard to find a good man.

you can always explore and teach him what you like in the bedroom, but it's much harder to teach a man to be a good partner outside the bedroom.

So change or train him?