Do visiting family REALLY expect ‘cocktail hour’ on night SIX of a visit?

[Anonymous]

My mom is like this, except with coffee. I only drink coffee in the morning, but she wants a daily, sit-down coffee ritual at like 3 PM with snacks and chatting. It used to annoy me (I am busy, young kids, etc.), but as she gets up there in age I've started to appreciate taking a few minutes to sit and chill with her for a few minutes each day on these visits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:House guests, like fish, start to rot after 3 days.

Do you think you are original, or did I miss the part where the first poster to trot out this well-worn line (and yes, we all know it is Benjamin Franklin) wins a $100 gift card to Ace Hardware?

Its well-worn because its true. And if everyone knows it, WHY ARE OP's INLAWS STILL THERE?

[Anonymous]

Happy hour is nightly at 5 at my parents’ house. If you are there, dad hand delivers your preferred beverage to you at precisely 5 and mom sets out snacks. Even when I visit and am still working, my drink is handed to me at 5, which was interesting to explain during COVID to my colleagues who were bemused by my dad appearing in my zoom background and handing me a beverage. I think it’s adorable and he has always stocked the ingredients for everyone’s favorite drink, even if he only has one friend who likes that drink “just in case Jim stops by.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually LOVE the good time Charlie boomers who do this. Let’s all get loose and socializing. Why dilly dally and be bored from 4pm to whenever dinner is served. Then after dinner you’re full and tired (especially “sun setting” elderly family). Getting a buzz and kibitzing when everyone is still sharp and alert 4pm-7pm is great fun. Cherish it.

YES. My much-adored MIL is here for several weeks. More nights than not she'll pop the cork on a chardonnay and say to me "Sweetie, can I pour you a glass?" While I nod she does just that and puts some nuts in a bowl. We sit by the fire for a few and tell some stories and share our day. How this is a problem or a chore for some I have no idea. One day she will be gone and I'll miss her and this ritual so much.

Becasue she offered it to you and made it for you and helped herself. Which is different than asking someone who has been working hard to make nice meals for you for nearly a week and essentially “make the Christmas magic” for the household where your cocktail hour is on night six of a visit. If you don’t get that, you’re being deliberately obtuse.

You sound very clenched. Why be miserable about something so inconsequential?

[Anonymous]

You can tell these "cocktail" hour at 5pm folks never had long commutes and two people working full time jobs.

I would ask them to mix something up for everyone OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can tell these "cocktail" hour at 5pm folks never had long commutes and two people working full time jobs.

I would ask them to mix something up for everyone OP.

I am a SAHM with a workaholic husband who mostly WFH. 5pm is like the middle of the afternoon for him and nowhere close to the end of the working day. We're lucky to see him by 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH isn’t allowed to work days that his parents are visiting.

Oh, so your DH is a surgeon, too? You’re welcome, by the way, that he’s here when you and your family need him. -OP

OP, please tell me you aren’t one of those mommy martyrs/husband of a surgeon 🙄.

People treat you the way you let them. Either tell them it’s self-serve or get over it. But stewing is a waste of energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Happy hour is nightly at 5 at my parents’ house. If you are there, dad hand delivers your preferred beverage to you at precisely 5 and mom sets out snacks. Even when I visit and am still working, my drink is handed to me at 5, which was interesting to explain during COVID to my colleagues who were bemused by my dad appearing in my zoom background and handing me a beverage. I think it’s adorable and he has always stocked the ingredients for everyone’s favorite drink, even if he only has one friend who likes that drink “just in case Jim stops by.”

That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever read.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is like this, except with coffee. I only drink coffee in the morning, but she wants a daily, sit-down coffee ritual at like 3 PM with snacks and chatting. It used to annoy me (I am busy, young kids, etc.), but as she gets up there in age I've started to appreciate taking a few minutes to sit and chill with her for a few minutes each day on these visits.

Yes, even with small kids and a busy life, it is nice to take a few moments for a simple ritual with those you love. I really need to do this more

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who TF says cocktail hour?

Boomers, as a way to cover up their excessive drinking. Both my parents and my ILs do this.

They act like everyone puts on a big show at 5 p.m. every night. Um, no, DH and I maybe have a drink at home once a week. We don’t put on an elaborate ritual every night to make binge drinking seem civilized.

Shut up about boomers, lazy millennial who hates her parents. Sick of you!

Shut up, defensive Boomer/proto-Boomer. Sick of you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful they are still alive.

Manipulative twaddle. Yawn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who TF says cocktail hour?

Boomers, as a way to cover up their excessive drinking. Both my parents and my ILs do this.

They act like everyone puts on a big show at 5 p.m. every night. Um, no, DH and I maybe have a drink at home once a week. We don’t put on an elaborate ritual every night to make binge drinking seem civilized.

Because everyone in separate rooms scrolling social media on their phones all day and taking selfies and pretending to WFH (sending emails) and binge watching netflix is so superior to having a cocktail and socializing with guests at a set time at the end of the day.

Did you know people can converse even when they are drinking sparkling water, or nothing at all? I just spent two hours talking with DH, my parents, and my kids, and none of us were drinking anything but water. Try it sometime, conversing with no alcohol.

Zzzzzzzzz.

Oh, you’re an adolescent. Got it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell these "cocktail" hour at 5pm folks never had long commutes and two people working full time jobs.

I would ask them to mix something up for everyone OP.

I am a SAHM with a workaholic husband who mostly WFH. 5pm is like the middle of the afternoon for him and nowhere close to the end of the working day. We're lucky to see him by 7.

Like I said, you can tell.the in laws never had to work too hard if they were able to have "cocktail hour" at 5pm every night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws have been taking the kids on a little walk around the neighborhood as it’s been getting dark. They look at the Christmas lights. When they come in, they put on tea and make the kids hot chocolate. Which is lovely but I’m so worried that they are going to fall out there in the dark and the 6 year old is not going to know how to help.

Cool story. If I were at your house for Christmas I’d be guzzling bleach in the bathroom.

Looking at Christmas lights. Tea. Worrying about falling down.

Did you mother have any kids that lived?

I fervently hope you are in middle school, because if not, how embarrassing for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can tell these "cocktail" hour at 5pm folks never had long commutes and two people working full time jobs.

I would ask them to mix something up for everyone OP.

I am a SAHM with a workaholic husband who mostly WFH. 5pm is like the middle of the afternoon for him and nowhere close to the end of the working day. We're lucky to see him by 7.

Like I said, you can tell.the in laws never had to work too hard if they were able to have "cocktail hour" at 5pm every night.

I’m the one with the parents with happy hour at 5. My mother taught school and my dad was a self employed tradesman. My mom taught in the town we lived in, so her commute was all of 5 minutes and my dad took jobs in our town and the surrounding small towns so he was rarely more than 20 minutes from home. They absolutely worked hard, manual labor is backbreaking. But I’m guessing you mean work hard as a euphemism for 12+ hour days at a corporate gig in a city with long commutes.