Do visiting family REALLY expect ‘cocktail hour’ on night SIX of a visit?

[Anonymous]

Long stare and pause. Then say, “What am I planning to do for what now?” When she repeats herself, tell her what’s for dinner and what time it’s being served, then with a big smile tell her she should absolutely make herself at home and have whatever she can find and feels like.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who TF says cocktail hour?[/quote]

Boomers, as a way to cover up their excessive drinking. Both my parents and my ILs do this.

They act like everyone puts on a big show at 5 p.m. every night. Um, no, DH and I maybe have a drink at home once a week. We don’t put on an elaborate ritual every night to make binge drinking seem civilized. [/quote]

[b]Says the old man whose wife never worked a minute in her life and was ready at the door to promptly start cocktail hour at 5 pm every single day if her uneventful life with him. 😆 [/b]

Shut up about boomers, lazy millennial who hates her parents. Sick of you![/quote][/quote]

Yuck to your response. I’m a millennial woman with a job but it is so rude to discount all the actual WORK that generation did, often not bc they wanted to, but bc as women it was difficult for them to be gainfully, meaningfully, or safely employed. Just because it was unpaid labor does not mean it was not work. And God forbid people CHOSE to take their limited resources and tried to make their family life and their corner of the world beautiful with them. I wonder if you have any idea what generations of women before us struggled through, to make your sneering attitude possible. So disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so over hosting my ILs! They’re still here, which I wouldn’t mind so much, but they are very much still in “we expect to be hosted” mode. DH is at work and doesn’t get home until 6:30. I’m phoning in dinner with a Stouffer’s lasagna, a salad, and some breadsticks.

ILs asked “what are you planning to serve for cocktail hour.” Um, nothing. There’s beer and wine if you want to help yourself. You can scrounge around and make yourself cheese and crackers if you want to. But like, the nights of shrimp and full service are over. Thank goodness they leave tomorrow. Who expects to be fully hosted after so much time parked in someone else’s home?

This forum has turned into nothing but anti social cranks.

My grandpa was a very successful and very busy attorney and loved to entertain and host family and friends. Cocktail hour was every night at 5 pm. Didn’t matter who was visiting, he would have some light food, pour everyone booze and get people socializing.

Everyone has fond memories of my grandpa. What memories will people have of a crank who serves frozen lasagna?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so over hosting my ILs! They’re still here, which I wouldn’t mind so much, but they are very much still in “we expect to be hosted” mode. DH is at work and doesn’t get home until 6:30. I’m phoning in dinner with a Stouffer’s lasagna, a salad, and some breadsticks.

ILs asked “what are you planning to serve for cocktail hour.” Um, nothing. There’s beer and wine if you want to help yourself. You can scrounge around and make yourself cheese and crackers if you want to. But like, the nights of shrimp and full service are over. Thank goodness they leave tomorrow. Who expects to be fully hosted after so much time parked in someone else’s home?

This forum has turned into nothing but anti social cranks.

My grandpa was a very successful and very busy attorney and loved to entertain and host family and friends. Cocktail hour was every night at 5 pm. Didn’t matter who was visiting, he would have some light food, pour everyone booze and get people socializing.

Everyone has fond memories of my grandpa. What memories will people have of a crank who serves frozen lasagna?

Frozen lasagna for close family on night SIX of a visit is perfectly fine. Did you miss that part?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who TF says cocktail hour?

Boomers, as a way to cover up their excessive drinking. Both my parents and my ILs do this.

They act like everyone puts on a big show at 5 p.m. every night. Um, no, DH and I maybe have a drink at home once a week. We don’t put on an elaborate ritual every night to make binge drinking seem civilized.

Because everyone in separate rooms scrolling social media on their phones all day and taking selfies and pretending to WFH (sending emails) and binge watching netflix is so superior to having a cocktail and socializing with guests at a set time at the end of the day.

[Anonymous]

My FIL and his wife use "cocktail hour" (they're in their 80s) and, having grown up with it, my DH does too. I don't mind it and we have a bar so when they are here we always have what they like. It's not "binge drinking" but a drink or two while making/eating dinner.

Luckily, none of our parent have EVERY come to stay for 6 days. WTF? But by then, I'd tell them "bar's downstairs" and I'd be ordering takeout. Once the 26th rolls around, unless there is some sort of delayed holiday meal or something special happening, the holiday hosting expectations are done.

[Anonymous]

For my ILs brown liquor is definitely part of it, but it’s really about marking the beginning of the evening by coming together and sinking down into a cozy living or family room and just talking a bit with each other. Then we’ll head to the table for dinner, and then back to the sofas after dinner to keep the conversation going. They’re very social. I think it’s a wonderful routine.

[Anonymous]

^but yes to go back to the question at hand, no way would they expect me to be passing around hors d’oeuvres or whatever 6 days into a holiday stay. The above is just a description of their own routine when hosting in their own home.

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Who TF says cocktail hour?[/quote]

Boomers, as a way to cover up their excessive drinking. Both my parents and my ILs do this.

They act like everyone puts on a big show at 5 p.m. every night. Um, no, DH and I maybe have a drink at home once a week. We don’t put on an elaborate ritual every night to make binge drinking seem civilized. [/quote]

[b]Says the old man whose wife never worked a minute in her life and was ready at the door to promptly start cocktail hour at 5 pm every single day if her uneventful life with him. 😆 [/b]

Shut up about boomers, lazy millennial who hates her parents. Sick of you![/quote][/quote]

Yuck to your response. I’m a millennial woman with a job but it is so rude to discount all the actual WORK that generation did, often not bc they wanted to, but bc as women it was difficult for them to be gainfully, meaningfully, or safely employed. Just because it was unpaid labor does not mean it was not work. And God forbid people CHOSE to take their limited resources and tried to make their family life and their corner of the world beautiful with them. I wonder if you have any idea what generations of women before us struggled through, to make your sneering attitude possible. So disrespectful.[/quote]

I agree it’s all disrespectful. But cocktail hours and the struggles you describe are more greatest and silent generations, not boomers, IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ Who are these people who expect busy working parents and professionals to host their retired a**es

People who had help when their kids were young.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Long stare and pause. Then say, “What am I planning to do for what now?” When she repeats herself, tell her what’s for dinner and what time it’s being served, then with a big smile tell her she should absolutely make herself at home and have whatever she can find and feels like.

The state abba cage suggested comment are silly, but yea, OP should have told them this on Day 3. It’s family!

[Anonymous]

NP. My mom pulled this on her last visit, which was over 4 years ago because we have not invited her back for a host of reasons.

My mom expects to be fully hosted every hour of the day like it’s a European river cruise. When my DD was 3 weeks old and I was bedridden, she brought the 36 hour old flowers from the vase in her room to me to let me know they were wilting and that I should probably put in fresh ones, and then asked what was for lunch. She’s also the type to barely eat dinner and make a big show of not being hungry and saying that she really just doesn’t need much food, but only after she’s had first breakfast when she wakes up, second breakfast when we wake up, a “light morning snack”, an “early lunch because that’s what I’m used to”, real lunch with the rest of us, and cocktail hour.

By day 4 or 5 of visiting she always feels unwell, probably because of eating the 6 meals/day that she expects.

[Anonymous]

My boomer inlaws are like this. Will eat cereal for breakfast and then starve for the rest of the day. 5:01 clicks over on the clock and they act like ravenous raccoons downing cheese and crackers and vodka tonics. Dinner at 7, then they pass out by 9. Apparently lunch is for "fat" people. DW succumbs to this schedule when they are around and I have to force time in the schedule so my kids can eat lunch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am so over hosting my ILs! They’re still here, which I wouldn’t mind so much, but they are very much still in “we expect to be hosted” mode. DH is at work and doesn’t get home until 6:30. I’m phoning in dinner with a Stouffer’s lasagna, a salad, and some breadsticks.

ILs asked “what are you planning to serve for cocktail hour.” Um, nothing. There’s beer and wine if you want to help yourself. You can scrounge around and make yourself cheese and crackers if you want to. But like, the nights of shrimp and full service are over. Thank goodness they leave tomorrow. Who expects to be fully hosted after so much time parked in someone else’s home?

This forum has turned into nothing but anti social cranks.

My grandpa was a very successful and very busy attorney and loved to entertain and host family and friends. Cocktail hour was every night at 5 pm. Didn’t matter who was visiting, he would have some light food, pour everyone booze and get people socializing.

Everyone has fond memories of my grandpa. What memories will people have of a crank who serves frozen lasagna?

PP, your grandpa worked at time when vendor contracts (including attorneys) were rarely reviewed and workers expected to walk out the door at 5 PM. Those days are gone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who TF says cocktail hour?

Boomers, as a way to cover up their excessive drinking. Both my parents and my ILs do this.

They act like everyone puts on a big show at 5 p.m. every night. Um, no, DH and I maybe have a drink at home once a week. We don’t put on an elaborate ritual every night to make binge drinking seem civilized.

Because everyone in separate rooms scrolling social media on their phones all day and taking selfies and pretending to WFH (sending emails) and binge watching netflix is so superior to having a cocktail and socializing with guests at a set time at the end of the day.

Did you know people can converse even when they are drinking sparkling water, or nothing at all? I just spent two hours talking with DH, my parents, and my kids, and none of us were drinking anything but water. Try it sometime, conversing with no alcohol.