How to maintain an active sex life over the decades?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are at least two other threads discussing changes in libido as people age within marriage. Any suggestions as to how to ensure that sex remains a core part of your marriage that both partners value? One person talked about having a wife in her 50s who barely makes any effort in bed now because she didn't need to back in her youth when she was gorgeous with a perfect body. I imagine that is a recipe for a dead bedroom as the decades pass. What things should couples avoid and what things should they proactively do besides setting aside a date night?

How old are you, op? At some point sex just isn't as important..gasp!

So, this is Exhibit 1 of the problem. For some people at some point sex just isn’t as important. But it’s not so for others, so from the beginning be brutally honest with each other about your sexual needs and don’t assume that your way is the only way.

As sad as it sounds, sex can be a deal breaker for some couples, and there can be irreconcilable differences.

I don’t know. Men on here keep saying that sex is incredibly important to them, but in real life, it seems like there are a lot of things that are just as important if not more important.
For example, my husband, a physician, had to give a lecture to his fellows over lunch today. He could have skipped it without it impacting his career, come home, and we would have had sex. But he didn’t want to do that. Or he could leave the academic center and get a job doing chart reviews or telemedicine, and we would have more sex. But he doesn’t want to do that either.
Sex is just not the most important thing in life for anyone, man or woman.

You sound incredibly stupid. People have multiple responsibilities and more than one thing can be important to a person. It’s about managing your time

Yes. People can have multiple things that are important to them, but certain things take priority over others.
Even young-ish men with high libidos (like my husband) can think of many things that they do that take priority over sex (school, career, kids).

If you can think of times when sex isn’t your priority, then maybe you can better understand your wife when she tells you that sex isn’t her priority right now.

And then, if you can understand where she is coming from, then you can explain to her why you want get to make it a higher priority, and/or you can help her take care of other higher priority items so that she will be more interested in sex. (Ex. I could ask my husband to move his lectures to the morning when I’m getting kids off to school so that he could come home at lunch when the house is empty).