How to maintain an active sex life over the decades?

[Anonymous]

We’ve been married 38 years and we still maintain an active sex life although it’s down to once a week, sometimes twice. On a daily basis there is always some affection. We never fight, rarely argue and when we disagree we find a reasonable way to resolve it. We are both pretty independent and low maintenance. We raised three successful kids and we were always aligned on parenting. We both had successful careers and my husband was very supportive of the crazy path I took. While we are independent we do rely on each other for advice and help. In a nutshell we are great friends and sex is still a part of that friendship and the sex has always been good enough that we both initiate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are at least two other threads discussing changes in libido as people age within marriage. Any suggestions as to how to ensure that sex remains a core part of your marriage that both partners value? One person talked about having a wife in her 50s who barely makes any effort in bed now because she didn't need to back in her youth when she was gorgeous with a perfect body. I imagine that is a recipe for a dead bedroom as the decades pass. What things should couples avoid and what things should they proactively do besides setting aside a date night?

How old are you, op? At some point sex just isn't as important..gasp!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be open minded inside and outside the bedroom. Don’t shoot down your spouse’s ideas.

As you get older and are married longer, you have to get a little creative to keep things going in the bedroom. This can be a little difficult and awkward. The only way it works is if your spouse knows that you are open to trying and won’t laugh.

But if you aren’t open when your wife tells you she wants to try swing dancing or to paint the living room yellow, then she is never going to tell you that she wants to dress in a leather corset and spank you.

I will have to remember that last part! Good advice.

[Anonymous]

I don't know how old you are OP, but as a woman ages and hits menopause, intercourse can be really painful. I'm going through that now.

[Anonymous]

Lose weight

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gummies

THIS ^

Which? Open to trying something new.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know how old you are OP, but as a woman ages and hits menopause, intercourse can be really painful. I'm going through that now.

This is the root of it for perimenopausal+ couples, and men need to understand this reality. Hormones are gone, which means the old 'turned on' feeling is nil or hard to gin up, and the physical changes to the female body for some women can mean that PIV results in bleeding, shredding of tissues and pain for days or weeks after. Not exactly a turn on. Then there is the gas, bloating, incontinence, etc. Also not sexy. HRT can help some, but the relationship and intimacy need to adapt to the new reality. It isn't inevitable, doesn't happen to everyone, but it's very normal, so be prepared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gummies

THIS ^

Which? Open to trying something new.

Cannabis is legal in MD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We’ve been married 38 years and we still maintain an active sex life although it’s down to once a week, sometimes twice. On a daily basis there is always some affection. We never fight, rarely argue and when we disagree we find a reasonable way to resolve it. We are both pretty independent and low maintenance. We raised three successful kids and we were always aligned on parenting. We both had successful careers and my husband was very supportive of the crazy path I took. While we are independent we do rely on each other for advice and help. In a nutshell we are great friends and sex is still a part of that friendship and the sex has always been good enough that we both initiate.

Did you do HRT or just get lucky?

[Anonymous]

"This is the root of it for perimenopausal+ couples, and men need to understand this reality. Hormones are gone, which means the old 'turned on' feeling is nil or hard to gin up, and the physical changes to the female body for some women can mean that PIV results in bleeding, shredding of tissues and pain for days or weeks after. Not exactly a turn on. Then there is the gas, bloating, incontinence, etc. Also not sexy. HRT can help some, but the relationship and intimacy need to adapt to the new reality. It isn't inevitable, doesn't happen to everyone, but it's very normal, so be prepared."

I really don't think this is the norm at all. This sort of thing calls for medical intervention.

[Anonymous]

I didn't post in the other thread because I see how unusual we are. You'll swear I'm a troll, but at over 20yrs married dh could go 2-3x/day. It's not that shocking and I'm usually up for half that but I think I'd like his drive to slow down. He is thin so maybe the weight thing has a ring of truth to it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There are at least two other threads discussing changes in libido as people age within marriage. Any suggestions as to how to ensure that sex remains a core part of your marriage that both partners value? One person talked about having a wife in her 50s who barely makes any effort in bed now because she didn't need to back in her youth when she was gorgeous with a perfect body. I imagine that is a recipe for a dead bedroom as the decades pass. What things should couples avoid and what things should they proactively do besides setting aside a date night?

General advice:

TALK about sex. Talk about dry spells rather than wishing and hoping your spouse will simply figure out you're frustrated. Talk before you reach the point of frustration. If your partner isn't a talker, you need them to be, and don't be afraid to get outside help like couples therapy or sex therapy if communication is truly bad. I'm amazed how many posts here seem to be from people who just hope their spouses will magically realize they want more sex, or different sex, and who don't want to tell their spouses that.

“Yes, it’s a dry spell, because I’m just not interested. I think it’s going to stay that way for a long while.”

Is this what you mean by talking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"This is the root of it for perimenopausal+ couples, and men need to understand this reality. Hormones are gone, which means the old 'turned on' feeling is nil or hard to gin up, and the physical changes to the female body for some women can mean that PIV results in bleeding, shredding of tissues and pain for days or weeks after. Not exactly a turn on. Then there is the gas, bloating, incontinence, etc. Also not sexy. HRT can help some, but the relationship and intimacy need to adapt to the new reality. It isn't inevitable, doesn't happen to everyone, but it's very normal, so be prepared."

I really don't think this is the norm at all. This sort of thing calls for medical intervention.

+1. Let that same “dry and painful” sex happen with a new lover for that woman and she’ll be slippery as a snail. It’s monogamy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gummies

Works for us

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"This is the root of it for perimenopausal+ couples, and men need to understand this reality. Hormones are gone, which means the old 'turned on' feeling is nil or hard to gin up, and the physical changes to the female body for some women can mean that PIV results in bleeding, shredding of tissues and pain for days or weeks after. Not exactly a turn on. Then there is the gas, bloating, incontinence, etc. Also not sexy. HRT can help some, but the relationship and intimacy need to adapt to the new reality. It isn't inevitable, doesn't happen to everyone, but it's very normal, so be prepared."

I really don't think this is the norm at all. This sort of thing calls for medical intervention.

+1. Let that same “dry and painful” sex happen with a new lover for that woman and she’ll be slippery as a snail. It’s monogamy.

Well duh, new is exciting but eventually new is not new anymore. For many of us, we’ll take the boringness monogamy over STIs and multiple partners.