SAHM: how much does spouse have to earn to make it work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I've been a SAHM and a WOHM mom. Now I kind of split the difference. But the most important thing is this: stay home because you WANT TO STAY HOME. Not because it makes life easier or whatever. It's not easier. Being a SAHM is a vocation and unless you really want to do it you'll be miserable.

This is great advice. Take the PTO to care for you sick baby, make your partner take PTO to care for the baby, fly your parents in, re-adjust you expectations of yourself but do not leave the workforce bc of a rough few weeks. - -(Someone who had this thought many times in the baby years, took a more flexible but still full time job for a while, am now WFH 5x/week and so freakin glad I still have my career now that kids are elementary age).

And I've been a SAHP for 20+. Was happy to do it and don't regret it. Sure I could have added $50-100K to the family after paying for daycare when they were little, but I wanted to be home with them and wouldn't give up that time. Now HNW/UHNW so no need to go back. Plenty to keep me busy most days with volunteer work and a spouse with a stressful job with some travel.

[Anonymous]

My DH makes $600k but I’ll never stop working. I won’t ever put myself in the position of being financially dependent on someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes 800k now and I still work. I’ve told myself that once he makes 1mm, I’m out of here. We have a lot of expenses (private school, travel, mortgage).

FWIW I quit when DH was around there and I was surprised by how many expenses (especially convenience taxes) evaporated when I was home to mind the budget. It didn't burn nearly as much as you'd think... and I was making $300k so nothing to sneeze at.

Well $150k went to taxes right off the top.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a SAHM to 3 kids and homeschool. My husband makes 100k. We’re not big spenders and I had a good salary before becoming a SAHM, so I had savings to help pay down the mortgage. We live in Alexandria.

What’s your PITI?

I think it was 1800 or 2000 a month. I can’t remember. We paid it off and then built a small addition to accommodate our growing family. So now we have that payment, which I believe is $700 a month and then 6k a year in taxes. Our duplex isn’t fancy. It’s maybe worth 650k now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For us it came down to this formula:

my income-daycare=not enough to make a major difference in our lifestyle

Agree but it would be my after tax income. If my daycare plus working costs are$50,000 I assume my gross income needs to be at least $75,000 to breakeven.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes 800k now and I still work. I’ve told myself that once he makes 1mm, I’m out of here. We have a lot of expenses (private school, travel, mortgage).

FWIW I quit when DH was around there and I was surprised by how many expenses (especially convenience taxes) evaporated when I was home to mind the budget. It didn't burn nearly as much as you'd think... and I was making $300k so nothing to sneeze at.

Well $150k went to taxes right off the top.

Same--when I worked, 50% went directly to taxes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

This is such bullshit. My siblings and I all went to Holton-Arms or Landon, where the richest of the rich send their kids. We know LOTS of former classmates making individually in the $80-$140K range. The idea that $700K is the norm if you were UMC or went to college is totally false.

You must only know duds. Or those who chose fake jobs while living on their parents' dole. Any middle of the road corporate is paying new college grads $90k for their first year out of college this year.

[Anonymous]

Wow. This thread is like DCUM Bingo!

“I have to make $800k to live.”
“Dual feds make $400k.” (Ahaha the highest paid non-SES lawyers at regulatory agencies get 220k. I don’t imagine there are lots of dual feds over $400k.)
“College grads should get 90k.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This thread is like DCUM Bingo!

“I have to make $800k to live.”
“Dual feds make $400k.” (Ahaha the highest paid non-SES lawyers at regulatory agencies get 220k. I don’t imagine there are lots of dual feds over $400k.)
“College grads should get 90k.”

Thank you for some reality. 🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

This is such bullshit. My siblings and I all went to Holton-Arms or Landon, where the richest of the rich send their kids. We know LOTS of former classmates making individually in the $80-$140K range. The idea that $700K is the norm if you were UMC or went to college is totally false.

You must only know duds. Or those who chose fake jobs while living on their parents' dole. Any middle of the road corporate is paying new college grads $90k for their first year out of college this year.

We also know a fair amount of the high earners. Guess what? Not everyone wants to work a BS corporate job and need anti-anxiety medication to get through the day.

Some of these Holton and Landon alums are teachers, NGO workers, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. This thread is like DCUM Bingo!

“I have to make $800k to live.”
“Dual feds make $400k.” (Ahaha the highest paid non-SES lawyers at regulatory agencies get 220k. I don’t imagine there are lots of dual feds over $400k.)
“College grads should get 90k.”

Go check Fed, OCC, and CFPB pay scales and report back about that $220k claim.

[Anonymous]

Why the bickering about Fed pay? Its not like the $800k posters think they could live on ANY of the Fed amounts.

Signed,

DH makes $400k and I SAH but we could easily live on $200k in exchange for 40 hours a week and Fed benefits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes $600k but I’ll never stop working. I won’t ever put myself in the position of being financially dependent on someone else.

What happens if your boss lets you go? Will you still get paid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

This is such bullshit. My siblings and I all went to Holton-Arms or Landon, where the richest of the rich send their kids. We know LOTS of former classmates making individually in the $80-$140K range. The idea that $700K is the norm if you were UMC or went to college is totally false.

You must only know duds. Or those who chose fake jobs while living on their parents' dole. Any middle of the road corporate is paying new college grads $90k for their first year out of college this year.

We went to visitation/Gonzaga and I don’t know anyone making that little. I’ve stayed home from $1m-$250k,
All were fine, but piti is only $5k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don’t want to SAH on $800k HHI, you don’t want to SAH. Period. It’s ok, but own it.

I’m PP. not true at all for me. I really want to SAH but 800k really doesn’t cut it in a HCOL city.

Nope. You are either a troll or an actual moron. Wanting to be a rich SAHM is not the same as wanting to be home with your kids. If you really wanted it, you would have already done it. You just don’t want it that badly.

It’s possible to want both things badly. I want to be home with my kids. I also want to be rich. Right now, being rich is more important to me than being home, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want the latter very very much.