We do it with 3 kids on $150 as well. It was less when I started SAHM, maybe $135? Actually I was earning $150K when I left paid work and DH has just gotten to that. Child care was costing more than DH's salary at the time. We don't have a child with special needs but two kids have minor health issues, one requires a lot of MD appointments (about one every other month), the other MD and therapies (currently one weekly appointment, one appointment every other week, one appointment every other month). Plus the regular stuff kids see a doctor for, and the times they are sick. +1,000% on one parent being the point person for medical stuff. I really resented DH for a long time because he NEVER gave medication, ever, and tried to keep him in the loop just as an interested parent (which he is in other ways). It was so much effort with zero return. |
For me it’s more about how much I have saved in my retirement, brokerage ($2m goal), and 529 plans ($250k per kid minimum). My dad made 7-figures decades ago and used money to control my mom, and I’m just not a great full time parent of really young children (maternity leave was hard for me), so this is how I arrived at my numbers. DH has made over any minimum I would need since our oldest was first born, so if that was the deciding factor, I’d be done with work already. |
I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all. In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC. DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe. |
+1. It’s weird that they are trying to spin it like they “want” to stay at home but they “can’t.” |
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Maybe I need to broaden my circle but I really don't think this is representative of most fed and nonprofit jobs. GS 15 step 10 tops out at just over $180K. Yes I know some of the finacial regulators (maybe others) have special authoriteis to offer more, but it is far from the norm you describe. https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/salaries-wages/salary-tables/23Tables/html/DCB.aspx You also seem to write about only high skill niche legal areas, and business (certainly not all business, just the super successful and lucrative business it seems)? Seems a rather small slice of even HCOL professional careers. But I do agree with your broader point about women (and society) undervaluing themselves. |
Your friends in the federal gov have mommy track nonprofit jobs? You know that’s not a thing, right? The fed gov is not a nonprofit. I work in the private sector but know many highly educated hard working people who are GS-14s or at NIH or State and they are making around $150K in their mid-30s. There are not a bunch of mommy tracked women in the fed gov making $220-250K. There are actually very few women and men overall making that much in the fed gov. My husband and I are mid-30s HHI $800K and we are in the private sector. Tech and investment banking. |
Director of Diversity & Inclusion at a F500. |
I am a SAHM to 3 kids and homeschool. My husband makes 100k. We’re not big spenders and I had a good salary before becoming a SAHM, so I had savings to help pay down the mortgage. We live in Alexandria. |
. I am the poster who asked the question and I think the poster who (I believe in good faith) answered is living in a VERY tiny bubble to have come to her conclusions. And I really don’t understand how she thinks Feds “easily” get to HHI of 400-500k… I guess it’s possible but it certainly isn’t the norm, not even in DC! My spouse and I are college educated dual Feds in DC (and I DO have a STEM degree - hot tip, your average rocket scientist isn’t paid nearly as well as your average lawyer) but we can realistically expect to top out in the 300k range, COMBINED. And we are relatively well paid in our fields, although neither of us are lawyers so maybe that’s the disconnect. I suspect the “college fraternity” aspect has more to do with these crazy high salaries than anything else PPP mentioned. |
Agree with this but base salaries can also be misleading because with various increases you can make like $40K more than your base, so that $180K could actually be $220K. That said, I just wrote what you did — making this type of salary is incredibly far from the norm. |
Be sure to include the loss of basic savings if you leave your outside job. Even basic 401K with a company match would be significant over a number of years. |
If they have built a lifestyle that requires the 800K+, then they have choices to make. Fact is most people live at/above their means. If they make 500K, they live and spend most of it. If they make a million, they live to use most of it. If house is locked in, you can't easily downsize without selling/moving |
NP here. I think we all know what the pp meant. Mommy tracked feds, lawyers and people working in non profit. I know lots of these people as well. The dual flex job people who probably have a HHI of $250-400k. I think pp may be slightly off by 100k too high with 2 feds. To answer OP’s question, I would need DH to earn 500k to stay home. I started staying home when he earned 800k. Now he earns $2m+. I have considered going back to work and then Covid happened. We have a high standard of living. If Dh earned only earned 150k, I would have gone back to work a long time ago. |
+ social security in addition to losing financial security in the case of a spouse’s death or job loss or divorce. The combined risk of a high earning spouse dying or losing their job or initiating a divorce would keep me working. Two of the three happened with my parents (mom was SAHM) and my husband’s parents. These things are unfortunately very common. My thinking with everything - fertility, career, etc is “You are not an outlier.” My actions are very much geared towards protecting myself and my family in worst case scenarios. |