SAHM: how much does spouse have to earn to make it work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We do it with 3 kids and 150K

The key is we refinanced when rates were low and our mortgage is 1,900. We could not afford to buy our house today.

2 kids in daycare would cost more than my salary. Yes, I know daycare is temporary blah blah. Still, taking in all the stress and knowing that we weren’t even breaking even on all the work I was doing was enough to quit.

We also have one child with special needs and the constant doctors appointments are brutal. Even as a SAHM it is draining. Plus it’s not something that you can truly divide and conquer—it’s important to coordinate with the doctors and make sure you’re getting all the information, so you need a point person. Even if I was working we would have redistributed other chores so one parent could be the point person for doctors/therapists/etc. and realistically that person was always going to be me. Just one small example, I can keep DS calm during an MRI, my husband absolutely cannot and he has a hard time coordinating with medical staff. This is not something you can say “have him take half of the doctor’s visits.” It’s not like soccer practice where you just drive and zone out and come home.

We do it with 3 kids on $150 as well. It was less when I started SAHM, maybe $135? Actually I was earning $150K when I left paid work and DH has just gotten to that. Child care was costing more than DH's salary at the time. We don't have a child with special needs but two kids have minor health issues, one requires a lot of MD appointments (about one every other month), the other MD and therapies (currently one weekly appointment, one appointment every other week, one appointment every other month). Plus the regular stuff kids see a doctor for, and the times they are sick. +1,000% on one parent being the point person for medical stuff. I really resented DH for a long time because he NEVER gave medication, ever, and tried to keep him in the loop just as an interested parent (which he is in other ways). It was so much effort with zero return.

[Anonymous]

For me it’s more about how much I have saved in my retirement, brokerage ($2m goal), and 529 plans ($250k per kid minimum). My dad made 7-figures decades ago and used money to control my mom, and I’m just not a great full time parent of really young children (maternity leave was hard for me), so this is how I arrived at my numbers. DH has made over any minimum I would need since our oldest was first born, so if that was the deciding factor, I’d be done with work already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us it came down to this formula:

my income-daycare=not enough to make a major difference in our lifestyle

This was it for me. Plus I had a job that I knew I could go back to.

Same for us. When ours were very young DH’s company had a lot going on and he worked long hours and had to travel. I would have had to be the primary parent for everything and my job wasn’t flexible. It made more sense to step out for a bit.

Agree with the others commenting about those in the 800+ income range being able to take a break if they wanted. It’s totally fine to keep working if you love your job and lifestyle. But you truly could stay home if you wanted. That’s a different situation than OP is asking about.

Actually many of them could not stay at home if they wanted, because they have built a lifestyle around the High Double income. If your ability to pay mortgage and monthly "needs" you have established as well as retirement/college/emergency fund requires both incomes then you cannot stay home without major adjustments.
I agree---it's ridiculous to live like that IMO, but many do. If the mortgage is more than 50% of the top earners salary, the other cannot really stay home without selling the house and moving (not going to happen in todays environment)

You contradict yourself. They could absolutely stay at home if they wanted, but they don’t want to. Certainly not as much as they want the expensive house.

+1. It’s weird that they are trying to spin it like they “want” to stay at home but they “can’t.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH makes 800k now and I still work. I’ve told myself that once he makes 1mm, I’m out of here. We have a lot of expenses (private school, travel, mortgage).

FWIW I quit when DH was around there and I was surprised by how many expenses (especially convenience taxes) evaporated when I was home to mind the budget. It didn't burn nearly as much as you'd think... and I was making $300k so nothing to sneeze at.

DP. Don’t be a fool and quit working unless your net worth is such that you can routinely roll hundred dollar notes to snort and hundred dollar notes to light cigarettes with. Otherwise you will hate yourself for quitting prematurely.
Wow I make what you made. I keep working so our HHI stays above a million. Do you have examples of things you saved? Im not sure I want to be a SAHm if it means having to be frugal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

Maybe I need to broaden my circle but I really don't think this is representative of most fed and nonprofit jobs. GS 15 step 10 tops out at just over $180K. Yes I know some of the finacial regulators (maybe others) have special authoriteis to offer more, but it is far from the norm you describe. https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/salaries-wages/salary-tables/23Tables/html/DCB.aspx You also seem to write about only high skill niche legal areas, and business (certainly not all business, just the super successful and lucrative business it seems)? Seems a rather small slice of even HCOL professional careers. But I do agree with your broader point about women (and society) undervaluing themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

Your friends in the federal gov have mommy track nonprofit jobs? You know that’s not a thing, right? The fed gov is not a nonprofit. I work in the private sector but know many highly educated hard working people who are GS-14s or at NIH or State and they are making around $150K in their mid-30s. There are not a bunch of mommy tracked women in the fed gov making $220-250K. There are actually very few women and men overall making that much in the fed gov. My husband and I are mid-30s HHI $800K and we are in the private sector. Tech and investment banking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

Director of Diversity & Inclusion at a F500.

[Anonymous]

I am a SAHM to 3 kids and homeschool. My husband makes 100k. We’re not big spenders and I had a good salary before becoming a SAHM, so I had savings to help pay down the mortgage. We live in Alexandria.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

Maybe I need to broaden my circle but I really don't think this is representative of most fed and nonprofit jobs. GS 15 step 10 tops out at just over $180K. Yes I know some of the finacial regulators (maybe others) have special authoriteis to offer more, but it is far from the norm you describe. https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/salaries-wages/salary-tables/23Tables/html/DCB.aspx You also seem to write about only high skill niche legal areas, and business (certainly not all business, just the super successful and lucrative business it seems)? Seems a rather small slice of even HCOL professional careers. But I do agree with your broader point about women (and society) undervaluing themselves.

.

I am the poster who asked the question and I think the poster who (I believe in good faith) answered is living in a VERY tiny bubble to have come to her conclusions. And I really don’t understand how she thinks Feds “easily” get to HHI of 400-500k… I guess it’s possible but it certainly isn’t the norm, not even in DC! My spouse and I are college educated dual Feds in DC (and I DO have a STEM degree - hot tip, your average rocket scientist isn’t paid nearly as well as your average lawyer) but we can realistically expect to top out in the 300k range, COMBINED. And we are relatively well paid in our fields, although neither of us are lawyers so maybe that’s the disconnect.

I suspect the “college fraternity” aspect has more to do with these crazy high salaries than anything else PPP mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

Maybe I need to broaden my circle but I really don't think this is representative of most fed and nonprofit jobs. GS 15 step 10 tops out at just over $180K. Yes I know some of the finacial regulators (maybe others) have special authoriteis to offer more, but it is far from the norm you describe. https://www.opm.gov/policy-data-oversight/pay-leave/salaries-wages/salary-tables/23Tables/html/DCB.aspx You also seem to write about only high skill niche legal areas, and business (certainly not all business, just the super successful and lucrative business it seems)? Seems a rather small slice of even HCOL professional careers. But I do agree with your broader point about women (and society) undervaluing themselves.

Agree with this but base salaries can also be misleading because with various increases you can make like $40K more than your base, so that $180K could actually be $220K. That said, I just wrote what you did — making this type of salary is incredibly far from the norm.

[Anonymous]

Be sure to include the loss of basic savings if you leave your outside job. Even basic 401K with a company match would be significant over a number of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For us it came down to this formula:

my income-daycare=not enough to make a major difference in our lifestyle

This was it for me. Plus I had a job that I knew I could go back to.

Same for us. When ours were very young DH’s company had a lot going on and he worked long hours and had to travel. I would have had to be the primary parent for everything and my job wasn’t flexible. It made more sense to step out for a bit.

Agree with the others commenting about those in the 800+ income range being able to take a break if they wanted. It’s totally fine to keep working if you love your job and lifestyle. But you truly could stay home if you wanted. That’s a different situation than OP is asking about.

I can't even understand these posts (if it's not a troll). We make 300K as a dual income couple and we just reached that in our mid-40's (public servants). It's incomprehensible that people think 800k isn't going to be enough.

+1.

If they have built a lifestyle that requires the 800K+, then they have choices to make. Fact is most people live at/above their means. If they make 500K, they live and spend most of it. If they make a million, they live to use most of it. If house is locked in, you can't easily downsize without selling/moving

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People can lol at the comments about $800k not being enough (it probably would be for us), but here's the thing: If someone is making $800k, they probably work a lot and have a pretty high stress job. You go down to one income, and while you definitely have a nice life still, you don't have a "rich" life where you don't have to worry about costs. If you have two kids, $800k does not pay for 13 years of private school plus college and grad school and summer camps, plus a couple expensive vacations every year. So you have one person working the life of a high income person and making the money of a high income person, but with only one income you're not actually in the income bracket where money doesn't matter. And as someone who makes that kind of money myself (as does DH), i can tell you that the idea of putting this insane level of effort into my job for the next twenty years isn't doable. At some point (soon) both of us need to downshift. If you have another person making $250k (pretty normal in HCOL city if one spouse makes $800k; eg dual lawyers where one is a fed), now you have that extra money to pay for the schools and camps and all the extra stuff.

So yes of course $800k is more than enough to have a sahm. But it's not rolling in it money. And if i'm the spouse working hard enough to make $800k, i'd like to be rolling in it.

I come from a middle class family (and I mean actual middle class, not DCUM middle class) - and from the type of place where hitting 100K salary means you have MADE IT BIG.

Serious question:

What do all of you actually DO that warrants these 500k+ salaries? I honestly cannot wrap my brain around it. And if possible (if you feel like answering) please avoid using corporate jargon catchphrases that don’t actually impart any meaningful information to those of us outside the know.

I'm a private sector attorney. My billing rate for my very niche, high skill area is $1575 an hour. People pay me that to be available to them for a lot of hours every week. So do the math on what my revenue is per year. Overhead and other costs get paid out of that too, so I don't see it all.

In DC, I have many friends in the federal govt with "mommy track" lawyer and nonprofit jobs making $220-250k. So two feds or comparable nonprofit jobs easily get you to HHI of $400-$500k. That's why people claiming $700k is some bizarre hyper wealthy upper class salary are living in a fantasy world. Yes, if you look at the US as a whole, and look at people of all earning ages, $500k is a very high salary. But if you look at people ages 38-52 (basically, the group this thread is about) in HCOL cities (SF, NY, DC, LA) with college degrees..... it's pretty run of the mill UMC.

DH has a group of buddies from his college fraternity. Public school in the south, back when it was easy to get in. None of them are rocket scientists, none did STEM degrees (lots of "business" and history degrees). But by their mid 40s, the whole group of 7 guys live in HCOL cities and makes in the $300-$700k range. Women (especially ones trying to justify staying home) use national data to undervalue themselves so frequently. "Oh the average household income is only $45k! We're rich at $100k!" Without acknowledging that average HHI includes unemployed students and the 35% of americans that are retired. If you actually look at full time working people in the middle of their careers (not early years, where it's common to make crap, and not later years where people start to do a lot of non-job jobs), people with true "careers" rather than "jobs" generally make a lot more money than a lot of women would like to believe.

Your friends in the federal gov have mommy track nonprofit jobs? You know that’s not a thing, right? The fed gov is not a nonprofit. I work in the private sector but know many highly educated hard working people who are GS-14s or at NIH or State and they are making around $150K in their mid-30s. There are not a bunch of mommy tracked women in the fed gov making $220-250K. There are actually very few women and men overall making that much in the fed gov. My husband and I are mid-30s HHI $800K and we are in the private sector. Tech and investment banking.

NP here. I think we all know what the pp meant. Mommy tracked feds, lawyers and people working in non profit. I know lots of these people as well. The dual flex job people who probably have a HHI of $250-400k. I think pp may be slightly off by 100k too high with 2 feds.

To answer OP’s question, I would need DH to earn 500k to stay home. I started staying home when he earned 800k. Now he earns $2m+. I have considered going back to work and then Covid happened. We have a high standard of living. If Dh earned only earned 150k, I would have gone back to work a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be sure to include the loss of basic savings if you leave your outside job. Even basic 401K with a company match would be significant over a number of years.

+ social security in addition to losing financial security in the case of a spouse’s death or job loss or divorce.

The combined risk of a high earning spouse dying or losing their job or initiating a divorce would keep me working. Two of the three happened with my parents (mom was SAHM) and my husband’s parents. These things are unfortunately very common. My thinking with everything - fertility, career, etc is “You are not an outlier.” My actions are very much geared towards protecting myself and my family in worst case scenarios.