Unwelcome gift from grandparents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents know we don’t give our 2 year old candy. They sent a huge box of expensive candy for Halloween with a note that said “To Larla, love grandparents”.

What should we do? With their other gifts, I usually send a photo of the kid with the gift but we have no intention of giving kid the giant box of candy. Just text thank you? Is it disingenuous to do so when we are really just going to chuck the box/donate? I am also annoyed they would give this and would almost just rather ignore the “gift” and make it clear we do not appreciate this.

The horror! Unclench, you need to relax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd tell them "thank you, but do you want us to return it because as you know we don't give Larla candy. She loves books and puzzles."

It's okay for them to get upset. They may act like they're upset with you but it's displaced anger - they will be upset with themselves.

Scrooge. You really suck, do you know that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn’t toss it! I’d eat it myself!

Same. Parents with a two year need to get used to getting useless gifts and being gracious. I wouldn’t be dramatic over it. It’s not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents know we don’t give our 2 year old candy. They sent a huge box of expensive candy for Halloween with a note that said “To Larla, love grandparents”.

What should we do? With their other gifts, I usually send a photo of the kid with the gift but we have no intention of giving kid the giant box of candy. Just text thank you? Is it disingenuous to do so when we are really just going to chuck the box/donate? I am also annoyed they would give this and would almost just rather ignore the “gift” and make it clear we do not appreciate this.

Politely thank them and then tell them not to send gifts of candy/cookies/pastries as well as no sugar free candy. You have to tell them so they know not to send the products for any upcoming events like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. You can give it away or stick it out if having large number of people over.

You don’t dictate to people what they are allowed to buy for presents. That’s poor manners. It’s so easy to say thank you and give it to someone who will love it.

[Anonymous]

Oh my. Just send a thank you note, and do whatever you want with the candy. Take it to work, eat it, whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to get so worked up about this sort of issues with my MIL, who never respected our values and rules. Well, my kids are now college aged and at some point she stopped sending them gifts, and with maturity I can see at least in part that is my fault because I probably scared her off so much from gift giving since many of her gifts prompted me to remind her of our rules and why she was disregarding them. If I could do it over, I’d just smile, say thank you, snap a pic for her of grandkids and gifts, and find my own way of dealing with the gift that matched my own values (eg, donating the unecessary clothes, giving away the candy, etc). Life is too short to get so worked up about gifts.

+1 Older mom here and I so agree. I used to get so worked up and was really controlling. It seemed so important at the time, but it really isn’t in the grand scheme of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to get so worked up about this sort of issues with my MIL, who never respected our values and rules. Well, my kids are now college aged and at some point she stopped sending them gifts, and with maturity I can see at least in part that is my fault because I probably scared her off so much from gift giving since many of her gifts prompted me to remind her of our rules and why she was disregarding them. If I could do it over, I’d just smile, say thank you, snap a pic for her of grandkids and gifts, and find my own way of dealing with the gift that matched my own values (eg, donating the unecessary clothes, giving away the candy, etc). Life is too short to get so worked up about gifts.

Same.

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I used to get so worked up about this sort of issues with my MIL, who never respected our values and rules. Well, my kids are now college aged and at some point she stopped sending them gifts, and with maturity I can see at least in part that is my fault because I probably scared her off so much from gift giving since many of her gifts prompted me to remind her of our rules and why she was disregarding them. If I could do it over, I’d just smile, say thank you, snap a pic for her of grandkids and gifts, and find my own way of dealing with the gift that matched my own values (eg, donating the unecessary clothes, giving away the candy, etc). Life is too short to get so worked up about gifts.

+1 Older mom here and I so agree. I used to get so worked up and was really controlling. It seemed so important at the time, but it really isn’t in the grand scheme of things.

+2 my oldest is now 11 but man, I was really controlling when she was a toddler/preschooler.

[Anonymous]

This is a small problem.

Eat it, throw it away, say thanks, and remind them that you ate it because your kid doesn't eat candy.

[Anonymous]

"Thanks! Spouse and I will enjoy it. Larla is still too young."

Then enjoy.

[Anonymous]

My mom gives candy all the time and we just eat it or save it for teacher gifts, etc. You can just say thanks.

[Anonymous]

Eat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say thank you. Eat one piece of candy. Then bring the rest to work.

This is the right answer. Don’t try to use this as some sort of boundary setting exercise, it’s not a hill worth dying on. I assume at some point in their life you’ll let your kid have some candy? It’s not like they sent something completely over the top extravagant or unsafe. Just move on.

[Anonymous]

Lots of great perspectives here, I am proud of dcum for answers.

I wonder if OP really thinks that her ILS are that delusional to think that a 2-year-old can actually eat that much candy. I would think apart from the label it was really for her and their son.

[Anonymous]

Gift giving of this sort is fun for the giver. There is no need to drill down on whether Larla will eat the candy or not. A simple text: "Thank you for the Halloween gift, how fun!" is fine. Because it is fun! It's a holiday, it's celebratory. Use the gift however you see fit - regift it to a neighbor, eat a few pieces yourself and throw the rest away, throw away the whole thing, whatever.

Have we all forgotten the adage: it's the thought that counts? If a gift giver interrogates you on whether or how you used their gift, THEY are the rude one. But if someone gives you something you don't want, simply smile, thank them, and get rid of it later.