Unwelcome gift from grandparents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg it's just a symbolic gesture. Halloween = candy. It's meant to build a memory. Grandma sent candy. Candy goes with Halloween

It's really weird how people are over interpreting this. No one is trying to make your kid eat candy.

This.

Just eat the candy.

People with the dumb “thanks - we handed it out to tricker treaters” nonsense

[Anonymous]

Some day you will look back and hopefully chuckle at how anxious and uptight you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents know we don’t give our 2 year old candy. They sent a huge box of expensive candy for Halloween with a note that said “To Larla, love grandparents”.

What should we do? With their other gifts, I usually send a photo of the kid with the gift but we have no intention of giving kid the giant box of candy. Just text thank you? Is it disingenuous to do so when we are really just going to chuck the box/donate? I am also annoyed they would give this and would almost just rather ignore the “gift” and make it clear we do not appreciate this.

Do they know? Do they remember? How many times has this come up recently? They are older, correct?

Also, I can imagine my mom doing this and thinking she was being so funny by addressing it to my child, but she would be expecting me to eat it. Is it possible the gift is actually intended for you and your spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

Hopefully by the time the kid is old enough to triangulate, op will allow her to have candy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents know we don’t give our 2 year old candy. They sent a huge box of expensive candy for Halloween with a note that said “To Larla, love grandparents”.

What should we do? With their other gifts, I usually send a photo of the kid with the gift but we have no intention of giving kid the giant box of candy. Just text thank you? Is it disingenuous to do so when we are really just going to chuck the box/donate? I am also annoyed they would give this and would almost just rather ignore the “gift” and make it clear we do not appreciate this.

Politely thank them and then tell them not to send gifts of candy/cookies/pastries as well as no sugar free candy. You have to tell them so they know not to send the products for any upcoming events like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. You can give it away or stick it out if having large number of people over.

My mom has given my son sugary treats and candy as little gifts for years. Sometimes we (DS and dh and I) eat it, sometimes we toss it. But why do you have to tell them to stop? I guess I don't understand why people allow absolutely zero treats, especially candy on Halloween.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some day you will look back and hopefully chuckle at how anxious and uptight you are.

This.

Two years olds don’t eat candy but say thanks and forget it!

And don’t send photos anymore. I’m the future they (and other people) will likely send gifts and your kids don’t like and you and they can just say thanks and you won’t be expected to document it.

I’m sure you’ve gotten gifts you don’t like, need or want before. Your kids need to learn to say thanks and think that the sender had good intentions, even if you don’t think so. I once suspected some a gift I was given by a relative was actually an insult. What would I say that wouldn’t make me look bad? Say thanks, move on.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand your frustration. It's not about the candy, it's about the grandparents not respecting your parenting. We had a similar situation, not about Halloween, and my spouse talked to his sibling about it, rather than his parents. The sibling said we should be graceful, say thank you, and move on. And, at two, you can do that. Presents can disappear and your two year old won't remember.

I think after sibling told us that, they told their parents to knock it off, because the inappropriate gifts stopped. And in our case it wasn't about candy

And yes, communication is dysfunctional in spouses family and we both know it and vow not to repeat the same mistakes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Grandparents know we don’t give our 2 year old candy. They sent a huge box of expensive candy for Halloween with a note that said “To Larla, love grandparents”.

What should we do? With their other gifts, I usually send a photo of the kid with the gift but we have no intention of giving kid the giant box of candy. Just text thank you? Is it disingenuous to do so when we are really just going to chuck the box/donate? I am also annoyed they would give this and would almost just rather ignore the “gift” and make it clear we do not appreciate this.

Politely thank them and then tell them not to send gifts of candy/cookies/pastries as well as no sugar free candy. You have to tell them so they know not to send the products for any upcoming events like Thanksgiving, Christmas, etc. You can give it away or stick it out if having large number of people over.

My mom has given my son sugary treats and candy as little gifts for years. Sometimes we (DS and dh and I) eat it, sometimes we toss it. But why do you have to tell them to stop? I guess I don't understand why people allow absolutely zero treats, especially candy on Halloween.

IDK and I'm the PP quoted on telling the grandparents not to buy. Some people like OP behave like the food police and it's best to not get them started so don't waste money on gifts sent to their household. OP can say NO when any host serves pie, cake, cookies, a kringle or babka. So if everyone else at Thanksgiving gets pie with ice cream or whipped cream ...my kids at 2 would have seen others eating it and rebelled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

+1 the only thing I would add is to tell them what to send instead. That way, you're not telling them to stop doing something, you are telling them to switch out and continue to do something.

I think it’s rude to tell people to send a different gift.

Its VERY rude! You send a short thank-you text and toss it in the trash or give it away. They can keep spending money on crap you don't want, and you are free to do whatever you like with it once you receive it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed by the amount of posters here saying to hand out loose, unwrapped chocolates to trick or treaters

Obviously,you either let kid choose one piece of candy or you wrap in colored Satan wrap.

What? That's disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m amazed by the amount of posters here saying to hand out loose, unwrapped chocolates to trick or treaters

Obviously,you either let kid choose one piece of candy or you wrap in colored Satan wrap.

What? That's disgusting.

Most parents don't let their kids take loose candy trick or treating...or at least generation x parents-we grew up with razor warnings-anyone remember that?

I've said it before here, but it depends on the relationship. If someone told me I gave a gift that I was told already was unwelcome, I would apologize and than them for letting me know. My FIL and step mom would be fine with us just letting them know. My MIL would purposely give a gift we said not to give just to try to show us who's boss and the best way to shut it down was to not give a thank you. When she asked we said it was donated. She would try to start drama, but her kids all get annoyed and would shut it down and tell her to stop being manipulative. Her daughter would simply give it back and tell her to stop the games.

If it was a well meaning mistake and they are great people that is a different story. Manipulation should not be reinforced, no matter how small, but sweet people forgetting is no big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

Hopefully by the time the kid is old enough to triangulate, op will allow her to have candy.

Two year olds can totally triangulate.

-- former preschool teacher

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to get so worked up about this sort of issues with my MIL, who never respected our values and rules. Well, my kids are now college aged and at some point she stopped sending them gifts, and with maturity I can see at least in part that is my fault because I probably scared her off so much from gift giving since many of her gifts prompted me to remind her of our rules and why she was disregarding them. If I could do it over, I’d just smile, say thank you, snap a pic for her of grandkids and gifts, and find my own way of dealing with the gift that matched my own values (eg, donating the unecessary clothes, giving away the candy, etc). Life is too short to get so worked up about gifts.

This is op. This was the most helpful post of the thread. I took this advice and just took a photo of the box, said thank you and nothing else.

I am eating the box now and it’s delicious! None for my kid though. They have years in the future when at school to enjoy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relax. This is not worth getting upset about.

+1. Just say thanks. Making it a huge deal is not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

+1 the only thing I would add is to tell them what to send instead. That way, you're not telling them to stop doing something, you are telling them to switch out and continue to do something.

I think it’s rude to tell people to send a different gift.

This is close family, PP. It helps them out, otherwise you get random gifts no one's interested in. Be practical.