Unwelcome gift from grandparents

[Anonymous]

Grandparents know we don’t give our 2 year old candy. They sent a huge box of expensive candy for Halloween with a note that said “To Larla, love grandparents”.

What should we do? With their other gifts, I usually send a photo of the kid with the gift but we have no intention of giving kid the giant box of candy. Just text thank you? Is it disingenuous to do so when we are really just going to chuck the box/donate? I am also annoyed they would give this and would almost just rather ignore the “gift” and make it clear we do not appreciate this.

[Anonymous]

Just take a picture of the kid next to the box and send it to them. I like chocolate and would eat it if it was good.

[Anonymous]

Take a picture of the kid handing it out, putting it in bags of trick or treaters, on Halloween and add a Thanks! to the pic.

[Anonymous]

It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take a picture of the kid handing it out, putting it in bags of trick or treaters, on Halloween and add a Thanks! to the pic.

I prefer this or not at all. I would not reinforce this in any way by taking a picture of your child with the candy unless it is your child giving it to trick or treaters. Boundaries are important. If they are decent with honest communication I would politely remind them of the candy boundary. If they cannot handle it and will cause drama, donate the chocolate. People will say it's wrong, but I would not write a thank you note for a gift you said was off limits. If they ask about it, let them know.

Gifts can absolutely be a way for someone to be passive aggressive. Grandparents trying to win over kids with sweets has happened for generations, but that doesn't make it OK. Children need boundaries and healthy families need boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t toss it! I’d eat it myself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

+1 the only thing I would add is to tell them what to send instead. That way, you're not telling them to stop doing something, you are telling them to switch out and continue to do something.

[Anonymous]

I'd tell them "thank you, but do you want us to return it because as you know we don't give Larla candy. She loves books and puzzles."

It's okay for them to get upset. They may act like they're upset with you but it's displaced anger - they will be upset with themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

+1 the only thing I would add is to tell them what to send instead. That way, you're not telling them to stop doing something, you are telling them to switch out and continue to do something.

I think it’s rude to tell people to send a different gift.

[Anonymous]

Relax. This is not worth getting upset about.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t take a pic if the kid with it, but I would say thank you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

+1 the only thing I would add is to tell them what to send instead. That way, you're not telling them to stop doing something, you are telling them to switch out and continue to do something.

I think it’s rude to tell people to send a different gift.

+1 such a rude gift. I’d not acknowledge and pass it along to someone who’d enjoy it. If they asked if I received, I’d say “yes, thank you” and change the subject.

[Anonymous]

I’d profusely thank them telling them how yummy all your friends thought the candy all was.

[Anonymous]

Dude, she's 2 and will have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It's easy now because she's 2, can't read, can't open the mailbox or packages and probably can't see where you hide the box.

But you still need to tell them what your rules are, and that they shouldn't have sent the candy, because otherwise those are the types to keep doing this, until she can open packages herself and triangulate the adults exactly like how her grandparents want her to do! Not only that, but I feel it's going to take several talks with them before something gets through.

+1 the only thing I would add is to tell them what to send instead. That way, you're not telling them to stop doing something, you are telling them to switch out and continue to do something.

I think it’s rude to tell people to send a different gift.

It's mature. It sets up the family for long term success.