I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am suprised so many people think it is unreasonable to chat with your parents when they are dropping something off / picking something up. If my husband was upset because my parents stopped by to drop something off and we ended up chatting for a bit - that is his issue. And if he then tried to get me to leave them and bring him food and drink I would be doubly irritated.

Some controlling people on this board!

A parent chatting with their child is reasonable. Expecting your DW/DIL to socialize when you weren't expected is unreasonable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am suprised so many people think it is unreasonable to chat with your parents when they are dropping something off / picking something up. If my husband was upset because my parents stopped by to drop something off and we ended up chatting for a bit - that is his issue. And if he then tried to get me to leave them and bring him food and drink I would be doubly irritated.

Some controlling people on this board!

A parent chatting with their child is reasonable. Expecting your DW/DIL to socialize when you weren't expected is unreasonable.

DP, I agree with you.

But nobody knows the IL’s expectation. They may have been perfectly fine chatting with their son and understanding that their DIL was tired.

It makes me sad that she spent time she could have been peacefully resting worrying about what her ILs thought, feeling potentially guilty, and posting about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This just seems insane. You can't go downstairs in your pajamas? Just go down, be a normal human being, get a drink of water and say you're sorry - that you have a headache and want to lie down.

I say this as someone who thinks it's completely fine of you not to interact with them, but to behave like you're somehow trapped in your room makes zero sense.

You mentioned a funeral...maybe they're sad? And want to be with family? I don't know.

My ils would be more angry if I said hello and went back upstairs. What I hated was how even when we said they needed to go, they wouldn’t. They were control freaks and had the attitude that they called the shots even in our house.

I’d just be like “okay, nice to see you, we’re going to bed.” Turn off all lights, go upstairs, commence bedtime ablutions. What are they going to do, sit in the dark? Follow you upstairs and into bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unless your in laws are the queen of England (or king now), I really do not understand what the issue is. They do not need entertaining. Their son is there I assume. Why are you disrupting your own routine? Why are you hungry, and thirsty in your own house? They’ve never seen you in a pajama? Add a robe or something, and go wave “hi”, tell them you’re dead tired, get food, make yourself tea, eat, drink and go to bed. They are your family! Stop the drama.

What is all this suggestion of tea?! Multiple people have mentioned it. Did OP mention she was gasping for a cuppa?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am suprised so many people think it is unreasonable to chat with your parents when they are dropping something off / picking something up. If my husband was upset because my parents stopped by to drop something off and we ended up chatting for a bit - that is his issue. And if he then tried to get me to leave them and bring him food and drink I would be doubly irritated.

Some controlling people on this board!

A parent chatting with their child is reasonable. Expecting your DW/DIL to socialize when you weren't expected is unreasonable.

DP, I agree with you.

But nobody knows the IL’s expectation. They may have been perfectly fine chatting with their son and understanding that their DIL was tired.

It makes me sad that she spent time she could have been peacefully resting worrying about what her ILs thought, feeling potentially guilty, and posting about it.

PP you responded to here. Good point! I agree with you! I'm sorry OP gave this any space in her head. One of the things I really appreciate about aging is the loss of f@ck5 to give. I'm losing those even faster than skin elasticity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP's husband probably knew that OP was exhausted and that's why he said they are just going to park their car and go, but then that didn't happen.

OP, I have been married 20 years. My MIL would ignore all boundaries. I complained to DH; he'd say he'd do something about it and never did. FIL passed away and now MIL is over here spending the night all the time even though she doesn't live far away. I'm hiding in my room now.

I urge you to discuss boundaries with your husband now. I sense this isn't about them coming over for an hour, but a routinely ignoring your wants and needs in favor of their own. If you bottle this up for a couple of decades like I did, eventually you are going to totally lose it, like I am right now. Yes - it's fine to stay in your room. Text your husband, tell him to bring you some food and water and tell him to tell your in-laws you are exhausted and taking some time for yourself.

Oh, Pp. it’s never too late. Just do it calmly and when you are not irritated/about to loose it. And be specific, e.g. i would prefer for you mom to stay overnight 2 times per year max.