I am hiding from my in laws. Please tell me this is okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its no big deal but you seem to want to escalate it to be. Just go out, let them know that you are feeling down, grab a snack, excuse yourself. They are family, it would've been rude for your DH to make them park and leave.

No it would not have been rude for him to walk outside, talk for 2 minutes, and head in. These in-laws don’t care that they had someone die.

I have a relative like you. Married late, no children, oversteps horribly with her dh’s kids families. She loves to criticize and hates any boundaries the couples try to put up. She talks big about family but when they have reunions or holiday gatherings she flies in for one day and only spends a few hours with family. She even tried to get me, a mom with young kids to fly in to take care of her sil who I barely knew to take care of her when she had a mental breakdown. Did cuz help with her sil, hell naw.

[Anonymous]

Greet them. And tell them you are needing a nap and so sorry you're not up to socializing. It's being rude, weird and way too dramatic, if you don't see them at all.

Put the burden on them to be understanding. Most people are understanding. Decide to be a good person and assume the best of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The OP didn’t mention anything about the in laws were terrible human beings. Seems like the introverts are out today 😀

I’m not introverted at all. Dcum has a crazy mil who spends her life trying to insert her mil victimhood in every single post here.

[Anonymous]

I am suprised so many people think it is unreasonable to chat with your parents when they are dropping something off / picking something up. If my husband was upset because my parents stopped by to drop something off and we ended up chatting for a bit - that is his issue. And if he then tried to get me to leave them and bring him food and drink I would be doubly irritated.

Some controlling people on this board!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is not universally rude for parents to stop in and visit for a while when they are coming to your house.

It is not universally rude for you to choose not to interact with them.

Both behaviors are fine. Nobody is wrong here.

But if you are thirsty, you should probably go get a drink.

It is rude to say you are going to “drop something off” and then impose for a visit.

First, the IL's had the conversation with the DH, and he doesn't appear to have a problem with talking with them for a bit. OP was just "under the impression" that they would wave and leave.

Second, in my family/social circle we often stop by and chat. In fact, it might be considered odd for me to be literally at a friend/family member's house and not stop in. EX: a friend comes by to drop off a borrowed dish and she comes in and we chat for a while. If I'm busy, I tell her and she leaves. (Which is what DH should do if he has no more time to spend with them.)

Not saying the above is what everybody should do. But it is absolutely what many people do in fact do, and it is normal and accepted.

Not universally rude.

You don’t work and live in Mayberry, right. Bet you don’t even have kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am suprised so many people think it is unreasonable to chat with your parents when they are dropping something off / picking something up. If my husband was upset because my parents stopped by to drop something off and we ended up chatting for a bit - that is his issue. And if he then tried to get me to leave them and bring him food and drink I would be doubly irritated.

Some controlling people on this board!

They know the couple are exhausted and don’t care. Most people I know are more considerate of people with young children. I guess I know people who were raised right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
It is not universally rude for parents to stop in and visit for a while when they are coming to your house.

It is not universally rude for you to choose not to interact with them.

Both behaviors are fine. Nobody is wrong here.

But if you are thirsty, you should probably go get a drink.

It is rude to say you are going to “drop something off” and then impose for a visit.

First, the IL's had the conversation with the DH, and he doesn't appear to have a problem with talking with them for a bit. OP was just "under the impression" that they would wave and leave.

Second, in my family/social circle we often stop by and chat. In fact, it might be considered odd for me to be literally at a friend/family member's house and not stop in. EX: a friend comes by to drop off a borrowed dish and she comes in and we chat for a while. If I'm busy, I tell her and she leaves. (Which is what DH should do if he has no more time to spend with them.)

Not saying the above is what everybody should do. But it is absolutely what many people do in fact do, and it is normal and accepted.

Not universally rude.

You don’t work and live in Mayberry, right. Bet you don’t even have kids.

Huh? I have two kids. But not sure why that matters.

[Anonymous]

What has happened to people post pandemic? Your DH's parents have stopped by for a brief visit and this has enraged you? And, you're actually hiding? This makes me wonder how OP copes during a regular day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for
almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.

Grow up.

Found the rude, pushy in-law.

DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.

So, yes, grow up.

Answer: She doesn't want to. And she is not required to do so. And that is a valid position.

Do you routinely show up unannounced and sit around someone else's house? Because, that's rude af.

Some of you are really just looking for reasons to be upset. These aren't random people. These are the parents of her husband.

Yes, and? It was still rude of them to say they were coming by for a very quick errand, and to park it on the couch, acting as if they are owed entertainment by tired parents with a baby. I would never do that, not to my siblings, not to my parents, not to my kids.

If you want to come over for a visit, you ask. You don’t assume, you don’t impose: you ask.

Uh no. My parents aren’t visitors

They are my parents and they are welcome in my house whenever

Thsts called family


Sad you don’t have that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for
almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.

Grow up.

Found the rude, pushy in-law.

DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.

So, yes, grow up.

Answer: She doesn't want to. And she is not required to do so. And that is a valid position.

Do you routinely show up unannounced and sit around someone else's house? Because, that's rude af.

Some of you are really just looking for reasons to be upset. These aren't random people. These are the parents of her husband.

Yes, and? It was still rude of them to say they were coming by for a very quick errand, and to park it on the couch, acting as if they are owed entertainment by tired parents with a baby. I would never do that, not to my siblings, not to my parents, not to my kids.

If you want to come over for a visit, you ask. You don’t assume, you don’t impose: you ask.

Uh no. My parents aren’t visitors

They are my parents and they are welcome in my house whenever

Thsts called family


Sad you don’t have that

What I have are family who are considerate and don’t assume and don’t impose. They understand that sometimes life is busy and you are drained—like when you have a baby and just got back FROM A FUNERAL. We respect each other’s time, capacity, and energy. We read the room. We are there to support, not take and drain. I’m sorry you don’t have that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for
almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.

Grow up.

Found the rude, pushy in-law.

DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.

So, yes, grow up.

Answer: She doesn't want to. And she is not required to do so. And that is a valid position.

Do you routinely show up unannounced and sit around someone else's house? Because, that's rude af.

Some of you are really just looking for reasons to be upset. These aren't random people. These are the parents of her husband.

Yes, and? It was still rude of them to say they were coming by for a very quick errand, and to park it on the couch, acting as if they are owed entertainment by tired parents with a baby. I would never do that, not to my siblings, not to my parents, not to my kids.

If you want to come over for a visit, you ask. You don’t assume, you don’t impose: you ask.

Uh no. My parents aren’t visitors

They are my parents and they are welcome in my house whenever

Thsts called family


Sad you don’t have that

Do your in-laws also drop by regularly unannounced because they are family? My guess is no, they don’t.

[Anonymous]

I hope OP comes back and tells us exactly how long the in laws were in her house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for
almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.

Grow up.

Found the rude, pushy in-law.

DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.

So, yes, grow up.

Answer: She doesn't want to. And she is not required to do so. And that is a valid position.

Do you routinely show up unannounced and sit around someone else's house? Because, that's rude af.

Some of you are really just looking for reasons to be upset. These aren't random people. These are the parents of her husband.

Yes, and? It was still rude of them to say they were coming by for a very quick errand, and to park it on the couch, acting as if they are owed entertainment by tired parents with a baby. I would never do that, not to my siblings, not to my parents, not to my kids.

If you want to come over for a visit, you ask. You don’t assume, you don’t impose: you ask.

Uh no. My parents aren’t visitors

They are my parents and they are welcome in my house whenever

Thsts called family


Sad you don’t have that

What I have are family who are considerate and don’t assume and don’t impose. They understand that sometimes life is busy and you are drained—like when you have a baby and just got back FROM A FUNERAL. We respect each other’s time, capacity, and energy. We read the room. We are there to support, not take and drain. I’m sorry you don’t have that.

I'm not the PP, but I don't understand why people have to assume somebody is at fault here.

DH's parents told him they were coming by. OP assumed they would not stay. (Not at all clear what DH thought, what the ILs conveyed, or what DH told OP)

They did come in and DH has been with them for an hour. OP chose not to join.

Nobody is wrong here. Nobody is imposing on anyone. OP didn't say that the ILs expected her to be there at all or were complaining. DH is apparently happy talking to his parents (and the baby?) while OP rests in her room.

IT IS ALL FINE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They’ve been here for
almost an hour now. I’m hungry. I’m thirsty. They didn’t tell us they were visiting. I’m really annoyed.

Grow up.

Found the rude, pushy in-law.

DP here, and I'm not a pushy in-law of anyone yet. But seriously, why can't she just say, Hello! Great to see you. I'm exhausted and am going to grab something to eat then crash, but so happy you're getting to catch up with DH. They might then leave! As is, it is clear you don't want to see them, which is insulting and the fact it they are your DH's parents.

So, yes, grow up.

Answer: She doesn't want to. And she is not required to do so. And that is a valid position.

Do you routinely show up unannounced and sit around someone else's house? Because, that's rude af.

Some of you are really just looking for reasons to be upset. These aren't random people. These are the parents of her husband.

Yes, and? It was still rude of them to say they were coming by for a very quick errand, and to park it on the couch, acting as if they are owed entertainment by tired parents with a baby. I would never do that, not to my siblings, not to my parents, not to my kids.

If you want to come over for a visit, you ask. You don’t assume, you don’t impose: you ask.

Uh no. My parents aren’t visitors

They are my parents and they are welcome in my house whenever

Thsts called family


Sad you don’t have that

Do your in-laws also drop by regularly unannounced because they are family? My guess is no, they don’t.

They did not drop by unannounced.

[Anonymous]

OP's husband probably knew that OP was exhausted and that's why he said they are just going to park their car and go, but then that didn't happen.

OP, I have been married 20 years. My MIL would ignore all boundaries. I complained to DH; he'd say he'd do something about it and never did. FIL passed away and now MIL is over here spending the night all the time even though she doesn't live far away. I'm hiding in my room now.

I urge you to discuss boundaries with your husband now. I sense this isn't about them coming over for an hour, but a routinely ignoring your wants and needs in favor of their own. If you bottle this up for a couple of decades like I did, eventually you are going to totally lose it, like I am right now. Yes - it's fine to stay in your room. Text your husband, tell him to bring you some food and water and tell him to tell your in-laws you are exhausted and taking some time for yourself.