I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

Someone who is completely happy and fulfilled in their marriage isn't having sex with others behind their spouse's back. Yes, the marriage is somehow lacking. OP deserves a man who doesn't lie and cheat, but her self-esteem is too low to realize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What would she get? He dropped her the minute I discovered it and has been completely no contact, doing everything he can to show remorse, work on marriage, etc. this is for me…

So why bother then?

It's like taking a victory lap after a race.

A victory lap because you "won" a cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

This isn't a love story. Your mom was a chump with low self esteem.

[Anonymous]

OP-do what you need. Karma often takes care of it. Ex-AP’s husband found out she had been having men in their house for years and she’s now in her 50s having to work a job that 20-somethings do only as a side hustle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted before and I know that tge overwhelming advice is not to, but I am really thinking I have to or it’s going to bother me forever. Anyone do this and glad they did?

Yes he’s the one I hold accountable, but it’s a matter of pride or something deep in me that feels this need so strongly.

Your choice of words is interesting, OP.

If you had pride you would not stoop to something that cannot possibly go well.

The affair will always be with you although it may not "bother you forever."

You sound very immature, impulsive and dramatic. Are you in counseling?

I’m none of those things but thank you for the uplifting words when I’m in a very hard place…

[Anonymous]

It would be better to contact her husband if she has one. Do it anonymously.

[Anonymous]

Don't contact her.

Go after her marriage, career, kids. You want to blow her life up like she blew up yours, confronting her won't do it. Gotta make her suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I say go for it OP. Then report back the result.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted before and I know that tge overwhelming advice is not to, but I am really thinking I have to or it’s going to bother me forever. Anyone do this and glad they did?

Yes he’s the one I hold accountable, but it’s a matter of pride or something deep in me that feels this need so strongly.

Your choice of words is interesting, OP.

If you had pride you would not stoop to something that cannot possibly go well.

The affair will always be with you although it may not "bother you forever."

You sound very immature, impulsive and dramatic. Are you in counseling?

I’m none of those things but thank you for the uplifting words when I’m in a very hard place…

PP is trying to save you from making a mockery of yourself.

Sometimes, being blunt is necessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

This isn't a love story. Your mom was a chump with low self esteem.

So true. Someone who stays with a cheater always takes the L eventually, though sometimes they will waste years in false reconciliation. Couldn't be me. I couldn't stay with someone who lied, cheated and didn't care how much pain it would cause me if I found out. I mean, WTF?!

[Anonymous]

Don't break no contact for closure -

We are reinforcing their centrality in our lives. It is the opposite of meh.

We may think we’re seeking closure to shame them, or demand accountability. They don’t see it that way. They see it as kibbles. “Isn’t that sweet? Chump can’t get over me. They’re so broken up. God, I’m fabulous. I’m sorry there isn’t enough of me to go around. Well really, I offered you a piece but you wanted the whole thing. Too bad, so sad.”

Closure doesn’t exist. Well, not in the sense that they’re going to give you a reason that will make the heavens part and confer enlightenment. You do the hard work to heal yourself over time and find acceptance

https://www.chumplady.com/2023/08/dont-break-no-contact-for-closure/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't contact her.

Go after her marriage, career, kids. You want to blow her life up like she blew up yours, confronting her won't do it. Gotta make her suffer.

Doing this would make OP look insane to others, which is likely what her darling husband told his mistresses to get them into bed in the first place...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

Someone who is completely happy and fulfilled in their marriage isn't having sex with others behind their spouse's back. Yes, the marriage is somehow lacking. OP deserves a man who doesn't lie and cheat, but her self-esteem is too low to realize that.

It is the cheater who is lacking. His infidelity is not ops fault.

[Anonymous]

Man these threads fire up the OW/APs out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go ahead and confront the AP, maybe you'll feel a moment of satisfaction. You still have to go home and live with your lying, cheating husband who stuck his tongue, fingers and penis in another woman. You win!

Ha. Bitter, bitter whore

Well, the mistress is off living her life without a care in the world. She's not stuck at home with a selfish, self-serving husband -- that's OP. Which is why OP is desperate to confront her. She wants someone to feel as badly as she does (her cheating husband clearly doesn't).

Ah well. When he cheats again, maybe OP will get furious at the person responsible for making her feel like garbage, you know, the one who vowed to be faithful and honest but wasn't.

Girl, you're salty AF.