I think I’m going to have to contact my husband’s affair partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is the OP going to chase down all of her husband's affair partners? Because this particular mistress probably wasn't the first and definitely won't be the last. The marriage is clearly lacking if he's screwing around on her. The "remorse" that he's showing will wear off and he'll be back on the apps looking for strange once he thinks the coast is clear. *shrug*

It is the dh who is lacking character by cheating. Op has abided his cheating and he will never leave her. It's not an ideal relationship to many of us, but it is a strong one. I couldn't stay with a cheater, but I was raised by a cheating father and a mother who put up with it. Their marriage lasted through cheating. Eventually, my dad settled down and my mom enjoyed 30 more years without him cheating. They died 3 months apart, having been married 50 years.

This isn't a love story. Your mom was a chump with low self esteem.

I wasn't presenting it as a love story. It was an example of a marriage lasting through infidelity. You missed where I said I wouldn't stay with a cheater. My mom was a lot of things, but she wasn't a chump. She knew exactly what was up and she was ride or die for my dad, even to the exclusion of their kids' feelings. I 100% do not recommend, but if op wants her dh for life, she has him because it is hard for anyone to walk away from unconditional love. And, yes, I know it's not ideal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man these threads fire up the OW/APs out there.

and bitter judgemental women who can't tolerate a person making a different choice than they would.

[Anonymous]

OP, people get killed in these triangle situations. If you decide to meet her make sure it is in a very, very public place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve posted before and I know that tge overwhelming advice is not to, but I am really thinking I have to or it’s going to bother me forever. Anyone do this and glad they did?

Yes he’s the one I hold accountable, but it’s a matter of pride or something deep in me that feels this need so strongly.

Your choice of words is interesting, OP.

If you had pride you would not stoop to something that cannot possibly go well.

The affair will always be with you although it may not "bother you forever."

You sound very immature, impulsive and dramatic. Are you in counseling?

I’m none of those things but thank you for the uplifting words when I’m in a very hard place…

Think about what you just said.

A lot of posters understand that and are saying this isn’t the right thing for you to do for yourself at this time. People are well-advised not to make important decisions from a place of grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be better to contact her husband if she has one. Do it anonymously.

Or pretend to be a 2nd or 3rd AP, to mess with her thinking she was special. And then say that the husband gave her an STD

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I understand the impulse, but the fact that you seem to want this so much suggests the outcome is going to disappoint you. I mean, if you just wanted to yell and cuss her out, I get it. That would be fine. But you seem to want more, and when she tells you awful lies in response they are going to stick in your head. Nothing good is going to come of this in your particular case.

Well the reality is that she might not say "awful lies," she might tell you honest things that will be more hurtful than you have imagined.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't contact her.

Go after her marriage, career, kids. You want to blow her life up like she blew up yours, confronting her won't do it. Gotta make her suffer.

Doing any of this pouts op in stalking and harassment territory. Legal trouble. It also invites AP back into her life and causes op to lose sympathy from others even possibly her DH.

Op your time is better spent in individual therapy

[Anonymous]

[twitter]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I did it and it was great!

She was shaking in her shoes. To her I was just and idea and a lie. When she saw exactly who I was she felt small and pathetic.

Everyone needs to be held accountable for their action, everyone.

Go for it!

Agree. I think APs have been posting.

No just mature women with sense. The two of you are clearly 15 year old trolls who think real life is like high school and Twitter

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't contact her.

Go after her marriage, career, kids. You want to blow her life up like she blew up yours, confronting her won't do it. Gotta make her suffer.

Doing any of this pouts op in stalking and harassment territory. Legal trouble. It also invites AP back into her life and causes op to lose sympathy from others even possibly her DH.

Op your time is better spent in individual therapy

Nope. Not if she’s wise and calculated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't contact her.

Go after her marriage, career, kids. You want to blow her life up like she blew up yours, confronting her won't do it. Gotta make her suffer.

Doing any of this pouts op in stalking and harassment territory. Legal trouble. It also invites AP back into her life and causes op to lose sympathy from others even possibly her DH.

Op your time is better spent in individual therapy

Nope. Not if she’s wise and calculated.

Being wise and calculated doesn't stop crazy from the other end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't contact her.

Go after her marriage, career, kids. You want to blow her life up like she blew up yours, confronting her won't do it. Gotta make her suffer.

Doing any of this pouts op in stalking and harassment territory. Legal trouble. It also invites AP back into her life and causes op to lose sympathy from others even possibly her DH.

Op your time is better spent in individual therapy

Not necessarily.

[Anonymous]

He won’t remember her name in a couple years or even less. For men it’s just sex. Read the other thread with the article cited about this. If this was a midlife thing due to his own issues and he’s done the work, he isn’t even thinking of her. I can’t remember her last name or much of anything and the trauma it caused pretty much caused a black out of the that time. Women carry this thing for a long time. For men it’s nothing. Don’t ruin a marriage if it were happy up until this point. Infidelity in a long marriage is close to 65%. I wish you peace. Don’t get stuck. She wants to stay relevant and believes she had some impact. She needs to or she just feels used. Move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He won’t remember her name in a couple years or even less. For men it’s just sex. Read the other thread with the article cited about this. If this was a midlife thing due to his own issues and he’s done the work, he isn’t even thinking of her. I can’t remember her last name or much of anything and the trauma it caused pretty much caused a black out of the that time. Women carry this thing for a long time. For men it’s nothing. Don’t ruin a marriage if it were happy up until this point. Infidelity in a long marriage is close to 65%. I wish you peace. Don’t get stuck. She wants to stay relevant and believes she had some impact. She needs to or she just feels used. Move on.

So OP's DH ( and you) risked his marriage over " nothing", but OP will be "ruining" her otherwise " happy" marriage if she makes decisions based on the reality that she is married to someone who is willing to gamble his marriage away for "nothing." Why would she be happy living with an impulsive liar who will throw away they life they've built for nothing?

Are you and all cheaters this stupid, PP?

I hope you are seeing a shrink...

[Anonymous]

I contacted her DH as we were all in the same circle of friends and he was a good guy who deserved to know. I left my DH shortly after and heard they too eventually split years later. Never spoke to AP and didn’t care, my DH was the dirtbag.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she married too? Just anonymously tip off her husband. Done.

+1