Dating a man who makes less than me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH made half of what I did when we met 15 years ago, but I didn’t care because he’s a great human and now dad all around. He ended up switching careers completely and now the roles are reversed. OP, you seem to want to live a lifestyle he can’t provide, do both yourselves a favor and let him go.

Also, agree with PP. Have no issues eating at Olive Garden

I love how this is offered as if you're so past being superficial. But if this switch hadn't happened, you'd be here complaining.

This. Marrying a smart temporarily low earning guy with ambition at the start of his career is different from marrying someone who has no potential for upside.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH made half of what I did when we met 15 years ago, but I didn’t care because he’s a great human and now dad all around. He ended up switching careers completely and now the roles are reversed. OP, you seem to want to live a lifestyle he can’t provide, do both yourselves a favor and let him go.

Also, agree with PP. Have no issues eating at Olive Garden

I love how this is offered as if you're so past being superficial. But if this switch hadn't happened, you'd be here complaining.

This. Marrying a smart temporarily low earning guy with ambition at the start of his career is different from marrying someone who has no potential for upside.

People define ambition and potential differently. I’m very ambitious, but it’s toward doing what I do well and not toward filling my bank account.

Perhaps this guy has bucketloads of potential, but it’s measured in something other than event tickets and dinner reservations. It sounds like he’d rather contribute to society than take from it. That sounds pretty amazing to me.

[Anonymous]

No one is forcing you to date him. Unless you can't do any "better"?

[Anonymous]

I dated a guy who made significantly less than me but he still paid for everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH made half of what I did when we met 15 years ago, but I didn’t care because he’s a great human and now dad all around. He ended up switching careers completely and now the roles are reversed. OP, you seem to want to live a lifestyle he can’t provide, do both yourselves a favor and let him go.

Also, agree with PP. Have no issues eating at Olive Garden

I love how this is offered as if you're so past being superficial. But if this switch hadn't happened, you'd be here complaining.

This. Marrying a smart temporarily low earning guy with ambition at the start of his career is different from marrying someone who has no potential for upside.

People define ambition and potential differently. I’m very ambitious, but it’s toward doing what I do well and not toward filling my bank account.

Perhaps this guy has bucketloads of potential, but it’s measured in something other than event tickets and dinner reservations. It sounds like he’d rather contribute to society than take from it. That sounds pretty amazing to me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy who made significantly less than me but he still paid for everything.

This guy is too. He is just paying for significantly cheaper things than OP wants.

[Anonymous]

Everyone has a Constitution-given right to be an a******, but not to get a sympathy for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it’s entirely possible to have a mature and long-lasting relationship with someone who makes more or less than you.

yeah, men do it all the time. It's exactly what OP wants, she just wants to be the low earner.

bingo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP maybe you a catch... for someone else.
You seem to enjoy the finer things in life, and just want someone else to pay for them. There are many many men who will sign up for this arrangement.
Throw this one back.

OP did not say she wanted someone else to pay for her to enjoy the finer things. She likes to do certain activities that she perceives he cannot afford. She seems kind of okay paying more to enjoy those activities with him but perceives that he will be offended if she pays.

"Don’t mind buying tickets or dinner now and then but always living the life of free/cheap/public is going to get old really fast
foreseeing that crappy vacations, appreciating nature bc we have to, and not great music could start dividing us"

Yeah, clearly sounds like she's super on-board supporting this lifestyle. If she dates this person she will be "settling" for his lifestyle, because that's who will be paying. I'm not saying one has to be a sugar momma, but it's clear she wants someone who can buy her all these nice things. How dare she be forced to appreciate nature!

OP. I'm not sure why you are fixated on this argument but it seems very hard for you to comprehend what I am saying, thought other posters seemed to have grasped it without too much trouble. Are you a man by any chance?

Nope. I am a woman who made more than my dh for most of our lives though. I actually grasped your concept quite easily. If you want someone who can afford to shower you in gifts and trips and dinners you need to find someone else. Throw him back for another lady who will appreciate him!

No, you haven’t grasped it at all. Please reread the posts from others who did.

Many others did the same as I did... It's pretty clear.

-You don't want to do cheap activities
-He will only pay for cheap activities
-You don't want to pay for more expensive activities
-You are already resenting him for this

What else is there to grasp?

NP here. The initial example of going on dates that are inexpensive doesn’t seem like as big a deal to me because I look among friends and family and not everyone has the same kind of money. While treating now and then is fine, people mostly settle on what is affordable for everyone so you can still enjoy activities together else plan really far in advance so people can save money. This assumes that fundamentally you enjoy and value the same things it’s just different scales that you can do so.

If you are planning a long term future where you plan to merge finances and have kids together that is a different story because you absolutely have to be on the same page about lifestyle and trade offs.

[Anonymous]

Don’t feed the troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH made half of what I did when we met 15 years ago, but I didn’t care because he’s a great human and now dad all around. He ended up switching careers completely and now the roles are reversed. OP, you seem to want to live a lifestyle he can’t provide, do both yourselves a favor and let him go.

Also, agree with PP. Have no issues eating at Olive Garden

I love how this is offered as if you're so past being superficial. But if this switch hadn't happened, you'd be here complaining.

This. Marrying a smart temporarily low earning guy with ambition at the start of his career is different from marrying someone who has no potential for upside.

People define ambition and potential differently. I’m very ambitious, but it’s toward doing what I do well and not toward filling my bank account.

Perhaps this guy has bucketloads of potential, but it’s measured in something other than event tickets and dinner reservations. It sounds like he’d rather contribute to society than take from it. That sounds pretty amazing to me.

When you’re dead, no one care who you were or what you did. Make money and enjoy life while you are alive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH made half of what I did when we met 15 years ago, but I didn’t care because he’s a great human and now dad all around. He ended up switching careers completely and now the roles are reversed. OP, you seem to want to live a lifestyle he can’t provide, do both yourselves a favor and let him go.

Also, agree with PP. Have no issues eating at Olive Garden

I love how this is offered as if you're so past being superficial. But if this switch hadn't happened, you'd be here complaining.

This. Marrying a smart temporarily low earning guy with ambition at the start of his career is different from marrying someone who has no potential for upside.

People define ambition and potential differently. I’m very ambitious, but it’s toward doing what I do well and not toward filling my bank account.

Perhaps this guy has bucketloads of potential, but it’s measured in something other than event tickets and dinner reservations. It sounds like he’d rather contribute to society than take from it. That sounds pretty amazing to me.

When you’re dead, no one care who you were or what you did. Make money and enjoy life while you are alive.

Not quite. People care about your kindness/positive qualities and what you contributed. They don’t remotely care about how wealthy you were.

And how much money do I need to enjoy life? Much of what I love costs nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH made half of what I did when we met 15 years ago, but I didn’t care because he’s a great human and now dad all around. He ended up switching careers completely and now the roles are reversed. OP, you seem to want to live a lifestyle he can’t provide, do both yourselves a favor and let him go.

Also, agree with PP. Have no issues eating at Olive Garden

I love how this is offered as if you're so past being superficial. But if this switch hadn't happened, you'd be here complaining.

This. Marrying a smart temporarily low earning guy with ambition at the start of his career is different from marrying someone who has no potential for upside.

People define ambition and potential differently. I’m very ambitious, but it’s toward doing what I do well and not toward filling my bank account.

Perhaps this guy has bucketloads of potential, but it’s measured in something other than event tickets and dinner reservations. It sounds like he’d rather contribute to society than take from it. That sounds pretty amazing to me.

When you’re dead, no one care who you were or what you did. Make money and enjoy life while you are alive.

Not quite. People care about your kindness/positive qualities and what you contributed. They don’t remotely care about how wealthy you were.

And how much money do I need to enjoy life? Much of what I love costs nothing.

There's a middle ground... make *enough* and be a good person.