Open Marriage with kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So everyone who steps out of their marriage is 'sick' and has it in them to harm children.

Got it.

Glad I know that now.

People who cheat hurt their families.

People who spend time with outside sexual partners instead of being a present parent who puts their kids first are selfish and neglectful.

Parents who have open open marriages embarrass their kids publicly. The kids will be bullied and harassed by their peers.

[Anonymous]

People who spend time with outside sexual partners instead of being a present parent who puts their kids first are selfish and neglectful.

So people who are parents should not have friends. Guys' night. Girls' night. A golf weekend. A spa weekend. All of those things are wrong. You have a lot of DCUM threads to add to if you think so!

Parents who have open open marriages embarrass their kids publicly.

This is far from universally true. Plenty of ENM people know how to be discreet around adult acquaintances, let alone when children are in the mix.

The kids will be bullied and harassed by their peers.

You write this as if it's always the case. It rarely is. Peers generally don't know and most that do do not care.

In any case 13:32 is saying that ENM people are sick and more likely to abuse children who are guests in the home. Which is just stupid and you know it.

[Anonymous]

So what’s the purpose of this thread? Op, go do what you want. People argue but no one really gives F about you or your kids. Well maybe care just a little bit about your kids because they are innocent bystanders. It’s too bad they will turn out to be a sick looser just like you. Every child deserves a decent chance in life. It’s going to be a very hard life for them but, like I said, if you don’t give a F, I sure don’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

People who spend time with outside sexual partners instead of being a present parent who puts their kids first are selfish and neglectful.

So people who are parents should not have friends. Guys' night. Girls' night. A golf weekend. A spa weekend. All of those things are wrong. You have a lot of DCUM threads to add to if you think so!

Parents who have open open marriages embarrass their kids publicly.

This is far from universally true. Plenty of ENM people know how to be discreet around adult acquaintances, let alone when children are in the mix.

The kids will be bullied and harassed by their peers.

You write this as if it's always the case. It rarely is. Peers generally don't know and most that do do not care.

In any case 13:32 is saying that ENM people are sick and more likely to abuse children who are guests in the home. Which is just stupid and you know it.

Having hobbies you share with friends is different from meeting your bang partner for a hook up and you know it.

You don’t center your life around sex with outside partners if you are married with kids, and if you do and think it’s ok- you are a crap parent who feels entitled to put their outside sexual needs before their family and kids.

[Anonymous]

Having hobbies you share with friends is different from meeting your bang partner for a hook up and you know it.

Why? Someone who golfs for 8 hours every weekend is a better parent than someone who spends say 8 hours a month with their bang partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Having hobbies you share with friends is different from meeting your bang partner for a hook up and you know it.

Why? Someone who golfs for 8 hours every weekend is a better parent than someone who spends say 8 hours a month with their bang partner?

Uuuuh... on what planet is it NOT?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So everyone who steps out of their marriage is 'sick' and has it in them to harm children.

Got it.

Glad I know that now.

People who cheat hurt their families.

People who spend time with outside sexual partners instead of being a present parent who puts their kids first are selfish and neglectful.

Parents who have open open marriages embarrass their kids publicly. The kids will be bullied and harassed by their peers.

I think we know whose kids are doing the bullying and harassing and where they got it from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Having hobbies you share with friends is different from meeting your bang partner for a hook up and you know it.

Why? Someone who golfs for 8 hours every weekend is a better parent than someone who spends say 8 hours a month with their bang partner?

Uuuuh... on what planet is it NOT?

So on your planet 32 is less than 8.

Okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Having hobbies you share with friends is different from meeting your bang partner for a hook up and you know it.

Why? Someone who golfs for 8 hours every weekend is a better parent than someone who spends say 8 hours a month with their bang partner?

Golf isn't going to make the kids anxious that their parents are getting a divorce. A parent could even take kid to golf with them once in a while. The whole family could go golfing. Kid can be around the golf buddies on the golf course.

Funny though how you create this example where 4x as much time is spent on the golf to make it seem worse. I doubt that's true. Golf is probably not taking the parents away on overnights and trips. And when you factor in the time parent is emotionally unavailable, the affair/banging probably takes more time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

People who spend time with outside sexual partners instead of being a present parent who puts their kids first are selfish and neglectful.

So people who are parents should not have friends. Guys' night. Girls' night. A golf weekend. A spa weekend. All of those things are wrong. You have a lot of DCUM threads to add to if you think so!

Parents who have open open marriages embarrass their kids publicly.

This is far from universally true. Plenty of ENM people know how to be discreet around adult acquaintances, let alone when children are in the mix.

The kids will be bullied and harassed by their peers.

You write this as if it's always the case. It rarely is. Peers generally don't know and most that do do not care.

In any case 13:32 is saying that ENM people are sick and more likely to abuse children who are guests in the home. Which is just stupid and you know it.

DP. I generally don’t care about what people do in privacy. But if someone was really publicly invested in their idenity vis a vis a particular sexual practice - yeah, that would concern me as a parent.

What the “ENM people” don’t seem to get is that it’s not normal/ok to want to flaunt your sexual habits. Doing so absolutely suggests you have poor boundaries wrt sex … and no, I don’t want my kid around that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Having hobbies you share with friends is different from meeting your bang partner for a hook up and you know it.

Why? Someone who golfs for 8 hours every weekend is a better parent than someone who spends say 8 hours a month with their bang partner?

I don't think either of them is winning parenting awards.

When you have young kids, your focus should be those kids. Of course you can have friends and hobbies, but they can't be prioritized over your kids because your kids need you more. What you give them in childhood forms the foundation for their entire life. It's really important and worth missing out on some golf or only seeing your friends a couple nights a month so that you can be fully present. People also step back at work to be their for their kids. No one is saying that an open relationship is worse than being an absent parent in other ways.

But the logistics of an open relationship absolutely pose issues in terms of being very present for your kid. Especially in a situation like OP's where it sounds like the marriage has become transactional and they have ZERO interest in monogamy. OP and their spouse have decided they just can't sacrifice some of their own preferences for the sake of their kids. That sucks for the kids, no matter what it is they won't sacrifice.

Why not open your marriage before and after having young kids, if that matters to you? What the problem with just keeping things monogamous for maybe 10-15 years while you raise kids? The same way you might suck it up and live in the house with good schools instead of the city apartment near all the great nightlife, or take the job that is going to help you pay for college instead of following the passion project that doesn't pay as well. People sacrifice for their kids all the time. It's normal and actually good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Having hobbies you share with friends is different from meeting your bang partner for a hook up and you know it.

Why? Someone who golfs for 8 hours every weekend is a better parent than someone who spends say 8 hours a month with their bang partner?

Golf isn't going to make the kids anxious that their parents are getting a divorce. A parent could even take kid to golf with them once in a while. The whole family could go golfing. Kid can be around the golf buddies on the golf course.

Funny though how you create this example where 4x as much time is spent on the golf to make it seem worse. I doubt that's true. Golf is probably not taking the parents away on overnights and trips. And when you factor in the time parent is emotionally unavailable, the affair/banging probably takes more time.

Our golf club has a pool, tennis courts, a clubhouse with food/meals and live music every weekend. We can go as a family. We can swim and play tennis while dad golfs. We can play games and enjoy ourselves- the whole family. The kids like driving the golf cart, sneakily. We enjoy ourselves as a family while also enjoying our hobbies.

Meanwhile- the parents take turns dumping the kids off on each other and spending time, money, emotional and physical capital while banging their extramarital partners.

Why get married and have kids if you are spending hours a week banging other people while leaving your spouse and kids home? It’s really unfair to the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So everyone who steps out of their marriage is 'sick' and has it in them to harm children.

Got it.

Glad I know that now.

People who cheat hurt their families.

People who spend time with outside sexual partners instead of being a present parent who puts their kids first are selfish and neglectful.

Parents who have open open marriages embarrass their kids publicly. The kids will be bullied and harassed by their peers.

I think we know whose kids are doing the bullying and harassing and where they got it from.

You spend more time sexting, taking or receiving dick pics, face timing your bang partner , traveling to have sex with strangers that you barely know, and pretending you are desirable and sought after (gag) than you do with your poor kids.

You have little to do with them, and counting the seconds until you can escape them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So everyone who steps out of their marriage is 'sick' and has it in them to harm children.

Got it.

Glad I know that now.

People who cheat hurt their families.

People who spend time with outside sexual partners instead of being a present parent who puts their kids first are selfish and neglectful.

Parents who have open open marriages embarrass their kids publicly. The kids will be bullied and harassed by their peers.

I think we know whose kids are doing the bullying and harassing and where they got it from.

You spend more time sexting, taking or receiving dick pics, face timing your bang partner , traveling to have sex with strangers that you barely know, and pretending you are desirable and sought after (gag) than you do with your poor kids.

You have little to do with them, and counting the seconds until you can escape them.

You are indeed describing a lot of ENM people. But this is certainly not EVERY enm person.

It really seems like you're describing an individual from your life. A parent? An aunt or uncle?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So everyone who steps out of their marriage is 'sick' and has it in them to harm children.

Got it.

Glad I know that now.

People who cheat hurt their families.

People who spend time with outside sexual partners instead of being a present parent who puts their kids first are selfish and neglectful.

Parents who have open open marriages embarrass their kids publicly. The kids will be bullied and harassed by their peers.

I think we know whose kids are doing the bullying and harassing and where they got it from.

You spend more time sexting, taking or receiving dick pics, face timing your bang partner , traveling to have sex with strangers that you barely know, and pretending you are desirable and sought after (gag) than you do with your poor kids.

You have little to do with them, and counting the seconds until you can escape them.

You are indeed describing a lot of ENM people. But this is certainly not EVERY enm person.

It really seems like you're describing an individual from your life. A parent? An aunt or uncle?

I am describing a lot of ENM people that post their gross lives on the internet.

They are so vocal, and lacking in boundaries, it’s pathological. Their kids are being emotionally abused and neglected.