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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]Having hobbies you share with friends is different from meeting your bang partner for a hook up and you know it.[/quote]

Why? Someone who golfs for 8 hours every weekend is a better parent than someone who spends say 8 hours a month with their bang partner? [/quote]

I don't think either of them is winning parenting awards.

When you have young kids, your focus should be those kids. Of course you can have friends and hobbies, but they can't be prioritized over your kids because your kids need you more. What you give them in childhood forms the foundation for their entire life. It's really important and worth missing out on some golf or only seeing your friends a couple nights a month so that you can be fully present. People also step back at work to be their for their kids. No one is saying that an open relationship is worse than being an absent parent in other ways.

But the logistics of an open relationship absolutely pose issues in terms of being very present for your kid. Especially in a situation like OP's where it sounds like the marriage has become transactional and they have ZERO interest in monogamy. OP and their spouse have decided they just can't sacrifice some of their own preferences for the sake of their kids. That sucks for the kids, no matter what it is they won't sacrifice.

Why not open your marriage before and after having young kids, if that matters to you? What the problem with just keeping things monogamous for maybe 10-15 years while you raise kids? The same way you might suck it up and live in the house with good schools instead of the city apartment near all the great nightlife, or take the job that is going to help you pay for college instead of following the passion project that doesn't pay as well. People sacrifice for their kids all the time. It's normal and actually good.[/quote]

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