Any Ivy graduates here? Ivy League graduate son in a funk, humuliated, & remains jobless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

Not to be rude, but a huge part of the problem here seems to be that both you and he think there's something really special or different about getting a job out of an Ivy League school than any other school. Sure, there are differences, but get over it.

Yes, he should absolutely contact his career services office.

How many 22 year old Ivy League graduates are minted each year? It is pretty rarefied air and some employers do actually pay a hefty premium to employ them.

This kind of stupid attitude is how he ended up where he is.

No, pandemic-fueled depression and anxiety led to this.

God, this excuse is getting so, so damn tired. Pandemic card denied.

The fact is, your first job out of college is a direct result of the internships, volunteering, and extracurriculars you did throughout undergrad. So your son started letting himself fall behind long before the pandemic. At my Ivy, the drive for resume building was in the water and everybody but a small handful (all male, interestingly) was always thinking about the next, post-graduation step. The handful who ignored the resume game either ended up going into family-connected jobs or, I'm sorry to say, just failed to achieve liftoff. I guess they convinced themselves a great job at graduation was their birthright, but that was willful ignorance, because all they had to do was watch peers and students in front of them to see how the game was being played.

He needs to go back and do the steps his peers did earlier. Internships, volunteering, student programs. Have him look at programs that have an application involving more than a resume, like Americorps or Service Year.

Another option could be going through some kind of coding or data science bootcamp. Some programs have job placement services with good success rates and the credential can help make up for lack of experience.

[Anonymous]

Didn’t read the whole thread but I was a middle class non-athlete Ivy grad and had to seriously hustle in order to get a shitty entry level job. Key was my parents weren’t whispering in my ear that my Ivy education should have meant otherwise. Your son needs a schedule to combat his depression and you need to stop even hinting that he’s somehow more deserving than others. A retail job plus some volunteering could impart some good habits and perspective - as well as improve his resume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read the whole thread but I was a middle class non-athlete Ivy grad and had to seriously hustle in order to get a shitty entry level job. Key was my parents weren’t whispering in my ear that my Ivy education should have meant otherwise. Your son needs a schedule to combat his depression and you need to stop even hinting that he’s somehow more deserving than others. A retail job plus some volunteering could impart some good habits and perspective - as well as improve his resume.

RE: "shitty entry level job"

I don't mean this facetiously, were you targeted in a negative way for having a "prestigious" degree in a setting with presumably few or zero prestigious degrees? Curious what your trajectory was like after that. How long you remained in that "shitty" job, did you ever end up tapping an Ivy network as you job hopped, or did go back to grad school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

URM? A 22-year-old URM with an Ivy degree and half-decent personality is very rare for lack of a better word and people on here would be shocked at how many $80,000 to six-figure plum jobs are out there for such a kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter your education, it's perfectly reasonable to take an entry-level professional job and then work your way up, and/or take a temp or job that doesn't require a college education while job hunting - and in this economy, he won't have much trouble. When I graduated decades ago, I spent about 4 months doing temp clerical work while looking for a permanent job. It was much better - financially, psychologically, and professionally - than job hunting full time.

But taking any job means you're not tapping the Ivy college resources and/or your Ivy network, which in theory should have access to higher paying dream jobs. And you're also creating more distance from your Ivy network instead of building a bond through the new job hunt and job offer. And without the network help, you may end up in a job that couldn't care less about the Ivy degree, if not have some contempt for you. It all seems a little shortsighted when there are employers who will pay a premium to add a [Dartmouth or whatever] graduate to their roster.

Just who are these employers that will pay a premium for the bottom of the pool Ivy graduate over a stelar one from a bit less prestigious place? Comparable stats + Ivy - sure. But the kid has to offer something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. Do you really want her son, a graduate, to go back to his alma mater and try to hang out with the jocks and buddy up to them for connections? Well, all right, all right, all right.

Unless you think you have a time machine, that is what you are suggesting. Get a grip.

No one is suggesting that. If OP's kid didn't figure this out while in college, the young adult shouldn't be at Ivy in the first place.

Okay, dude, but that's why PP told you (or the other one) that this advice wasn't beneficial for OP's son. And you (or the other one) asked why, like a numbnut.

[Anonymous]

Hi - I graduated from an Ivy 20 years ago and I’m very sympathetic to the depression and anxiety of this graduate but also would say that my Ivy degree has given me few advantages in jobs. I started at an entry level analyst position with people from a wide variety of schools and eventually moved to government where my degree means very little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi - I graduated from an Ivy 20 years ago and I’m very sympathetic to the depression and anxiety of this graduate but also would say that my Ivy degree has given me few advantages in jobs. I started at an entry level analyst position with people from a wide variety of schools and eventually moved to government where my degree means very little.

Same. Being an Ivy in gov is like a badge of diminished expectations. I wanted the flexible stable job to be an involved parent.

[Anonymous]

I was like your son and I graduated straight into a recession, no connections, no parent money. Pretty sure I was depressed but didn't know it. So yes I had to take horrible entry level jobs where people said what are YOU doing here, or she's too good for this place. It was just the path I had to take to grow up.

He just needs to take one job and start. He can always keep looking but that one job will teach him a lot about what it takes to survive in the real world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

Not to be rude, but a huge part of the problem here seems to be that both you and he think there's something really special or different about getting a job out of an Ivy League school than any other school. Sure, there are differences, but get over it.

Yes, he should absolutely contact his career services office.

+1
The other problem is that you are both assuming everyone got their internships and jobs from connections. This couldn’t be further from the truth, you are just grasping to the ones you know about. I worked on wall st for a while and did undergrad recruiting at my alma mater (everyone did). The kids going through the recruiting process were from across the board. Very few were connected and even when those ones were given summer internships, they often weren’t given full time offers. Many of the kids were first generation and/or from incredibly poor backgrounds. What they had was drive and ambition. I’m not saying your son can’t get there but stop feeding an attitude that it’s not his fault bc you’re not upper class or connected.
Your son needs to fill up that resume asap and craft a story. Did he not love his major? Then go to a local,even community, college and take a class in what he’s going to aim for. Take accounting or finance classes and get sn A. At the same time he needs a meaningful volunteer job. Tutor at a summer school or something. Then for the third concurrent thing he needs to get a job. It can be the bottom of the barrel but in the area he’s interested in. If he doesn’t know then work for a tutoring company.

+1 I went to an Ivy and have some recruiting there. The jobs go to kids with prior experience (including things like RA for a professor etc), good GPA, come across well in interviews etc. The pendulum has swung too far in everyone assuming that kids getting jobs are all nepo babies etc. The whole point with these top schools is that there are opportunities for a lot of ppl.

[Anonymous]

Taking a job, any job, is bad advice for a new Ivy League graduate. That is just adding another red flag to his CV. And it's not how Ivy Leaguers think. The kid needs to find some self-confidence and be strategic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was like your son and I graduated straight into a recession, no connections, no parent money. Pretty sure I was depressed but didn't know it. So yes I had to take horrible entry level jobs where people said what are YOU doing here, or she's too good for this place. It was just the path I had to take to grow up.

He just needs to take one job and start. He can always keep looking but that one job will teach him a lot about what it takes to survive in the real world.

How long were in "horrible" jobs until you found something worthwhile? Did you tap Ivy connections or use the degree help escape that rung?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Taking a job, any job, is bad advice for a new Ivy League graduate. That is just adding another red flag to his CV. And it's not how Ivy Leaguers think. The kid needs to find some self-confidence and be strategic.

This is terrible advice. Many Ivy Leaguers don’t “think” this way because they come from wealthy, connected families and can get away with messing around for a couple years post-college. I know several who traveled overseas, lived in places like Jackson Hole, etc. before starting their careers. But OP’s son isn’t in that position and his problems are only going to get worse the longer he lives with his parents unemployed.

[Anonymous]

Robert Half, Beacon Hill or other legal staffing agencies for temp jobs. Having hired quite a few entry level temp paralegal-ish people, a good degree will be attractive in the temp legal world. But he also needs to actually work at the job when he is there and not consider it beneath him or the law firm is quickly going to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything

OP, sounds like a humbling experience. In the long run, this will likely be good. He'll figure it out.

I have no patience for these type of people. Ops son thinks he is better than others because he went to an ivy. Too good for an entry level job. The longer he stays at home moping the worse his resume looks. He needs to get an entry level job.