Any Ivy graduates here? Ivy League graduate son in a funk, humuliated, & remains jobless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nephew also graduated from Duke and had similar difficulty finding a job despite a decent GPA in Public Policy & honored acouple of semesters as an athlete/scholar by the ACC. (Makes a good first impression due to polite, clean-cut, athletic appearance.) Then got a business related masters degree at Duke open to those with minimal post college degree work experience. Still no job prospects. After a year, landed a modest-paying position doing due diligence type work. After another two years, was able to land a modest paying position with a major employer in a non-lucrative industry.

Almost all of his college friends & teammates are wealthy & connected, but offered no help to nephew even though they continue to vacation together frequently.

Your nephew hangs out with the wrong crowd. My DS graduated from Duke recently with 2.9 GPA with a degree in communications as a student athlete. He got an offer in IB from one of his teammates whose father is a big shot at an IB shop. He also got another offer in consulting from another teammate whose father is an managing director of the consulting unit. It is all about connections. Going to Ivies or Duke by itself is not enough. You need connections to get those gravy jobs, unless you are an academic superstar. Even then, it is still tough without connections.

Yes, middle class students who are not competitive athletes are basically wasting their time at ivys.

They just won’t otherwise be in the orbit of the connected wealthy class — they won’t have money to do ski trips and weekends in Vegas, and will be seen as opportunist hanger ons. On a sports team, they bring their value to the team as a competitive athlete, and thus are seen as worthy to socialize with.

I was middle class kid non athlete, and I actually tutored a bunch of upper class in math and computer science, and helped them with their computers etc, but that never earned me a place at their social table. Sports is about it I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nephew also graduated from Duke and had similar difficulty finding a job despite a decent GPA in Public Policy & honored acouple of semesters as an athlete/scholar by the ACC. (Makes a good first impression due to polite, clean-cut, athletic appearance.) Then got a business related masters degree at Duke open to those with minimal post college degree work experience. Still no job prospects. After a year, landed a modest-paying position doing due diligence type work. After another two years, was able to land a modest paying position with a major employer in a non-lucrative industry.

Almost all of his college friends & teammates are wealthy & connected, but offered no help to nephew even though they continue to vacation together frequently.

Your nephew hangs out with the wrong crowd. My DS graduated from Duke recently with 2.9 GPA with a degree in communications as a student athlete. He got an offer in IB from one of his teammates whose father is a big shot at an IB shop. He also got another offer in consulting from another teammate whose father is an managing director of the consulting unit. It is all about connections. Going to Ivies or Duke by itself is not enough. You need connections to get those gravy jobs, unless you are an academic superstar. Even then, it is still tough without connections.

For what it's worth, "become really good friends with a guy whose dad is a bigshot at an IB" is not really actionable advice for OP's kid, PP's nephew, or virtually anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nephew also graduated from Duke and had similar difficulty finding a job despite a decent GPA in Public Policy & honored acouple of semesters as an athlete/scholar by the ACC. (Makes a good first impression due to polite, clean-cut, athletic appearance.) Then got a business related masters degree at Duke open to those with minimal post college degree work experience. Still no job prospects. After a year, landed a modest-paying position doing due diligence type work. After another two years, was able to land a modest paying position with a major employer in a non-lucrative industry.

Almost all of his college friends & teammates are wealthy & connected, but offered no help to nephew even though they continue to vacation together frequently.

Your nephew hangs out with the wrong crowd. My DS graduated from Duke recently with 2.9 GPA with a degree in communications as a student athlete. He got an offer in IB from one of his teammates whose father is a big shot at an IB shop. He also got another offer in consulting from another teammate whose father is an managing director of the consulting unit. It is all about connections. Going to Ivies or Duke by itself is not enough. You need connections to get those gravy jobs, unless you are an academic superstar. Even then, it is still tough without connections.

For what it's worth, "become really good friends with a guy whose dad is a bigshot at an IB" is not really actionable advice for OP's kid, PP's nephew, or virtually anyone.

Because? Care to elaborate more?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nephew also graduated from Duke and had similar difficulty finding a job despite a decent GPA in Public Policy & honored acouple of semesters as an athlete/scholar by the ACC. (Makes a good first impression due to polite, clean-cut, athletic appearance.) Then got a business related masters degree at Duke open to those with minimal post college degree work experience. Still no job prospects. After a year, landed a modest-paying position doing due diligence type work. After another two years, was able to land a modest paying position with a major employer in a non-lucrative industry.

Almost all of his college friends & teammates are wealthy & connected, but offered no help to nephew even though they continue to vacation together frequently.

Your nephew hangs out with the wrong crowd. My DS graduated from Duke recently with 2.9 GPA with a degree in communications as a student athlete. He got an offer in IB from one of his teammates whose father is a big shot at an IB shop. He also got another offer in consulting from another teammate whose father is an managing director of the consulting unit. It is all about connections. Going to Ivies or Duke by itself is not enough. You need connections to get those gravy jobs, unless you are an academic superstar. Even then, it is still tough without connections.

For what it's worth, "become really good friends with a guy whose dad is a bigshot at an IB" is not really actionable advice for OP's kid, PP's nephew, or virtually anyone.

Because? Care to elaborate more?

To be that kind of athlete you have to start as a small child, in addition, you don’t know what to make about the team will be when you get there, it could be full of middle-class drivers who really good at basketball. Finally, we have to actually come good friends with that one or two connected, we are coming tha. Cross has a gold digger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nephew also graduated from Duke and had similar difficulty finding a job despite a decent GPA in Public Policy & honored acouple of semesters as an athlete/scholar by the ACC. (Makes a good first impression due to polite, clean-cut, athletic appearance.) Then got a business related masters degree at Duke open to those with minimal post college degree work experience. Still no job prospects. After a year, landed a modest-paying position doing due diligence type work. After another two years, was able to land a modest paying position with a major employer in a non-lucrative industry.

Almost all of his college friends & teammates are wealthy & connected, but offered no help to nephew even though they continue to vacation together frequently.

Your nephew hangs out with the wrong crowd. My DS graduated from Duke recently with 2.9 GPA with a degree in communications as a student athlete. He got an offer in IB from one of his teammates whose father is a big shot at an IB shop. He also got another offer in consulting from another teammate whose father is an managing director of the consulting unit. It is all about connections. Going to Ivies or Duke by itself is not enough. You need connections to get those gravy jobs, unless you are an academic superstar. Even then, it is still tough without connections.

For what it's worth, "become really good friends with a guy whose dad is a bigshot at an IB" is not really actionable advice for OP's kid, PP's nephew, or virtually anyone.

Because? Care to elaborate more?

DP. Do you really want her son, a graduate, to go back to his alma mater and try to hang out with the jocks and buddy up to them for connections? Well, all right, all right, all right.

Unless you think you have a time machine, that is what you are suggesting. Get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For what it's worth, "become really good friends with a guy whose dad is a bigshot at an IB" is not really actionable advice for OP's kid, PP's nephew, or virtually anyone.

Because? Care to elaborate more?

To be that kind of athlete you have to start as a small child, in addition, you don’t know what to make about the team will be when you get there, it could be full of middle-class drivers who really good at basketball. Finally, we have to actually come good friends with that one or two connected, we are coming tha. Cross has a gold digger.

Almost all members on the golf, tennis, polo, and fencing team are from wealthy families.  Most of them are very well connected and they are willing to help team members from MC families.  Everyone can achieve academic success but only very few can become elite athletes.  You can't just become an elite D1/D2/D3 athlete because it takes a lot of hard work and sacrifices, and no amount of money can change that.  That's why college kids with rich parents want to hang out with athletes and are willing to help them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DP. Do you really want her son, a graduate, to go back to his alma mater and try to hang out with the jocks and buddy up to them for connections? Well, all right, all right, all right.

Unless you think you have a time machine, that is what you are suggesting. Get a grip.

No one is suggesting that. If OP's kid didn't figure this out while in college, the young adult shouldn't be at Ivy in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For what it's worth, "become really good friends with a guy whose dad is a bigshot at an IB" is not really actionable advice for OP's kid, PP's nephew, or virtually anyone.

Because? Care to elaborate more?

To be that kind of athlete you have to start as a small child, in addition, you don’t know what to make about the team will be when you get there, it could be full of middle-class drivers who really good at basketball. Finally, we have to actually come good friends with that one or two connected, we are coming tha. Cross has a gold digger.

Almost all members on the golf, tennis, polo, and fencing team are from wealthy families.  Most of them are very well connected and they are willing to help team members from MC families.  Everyone can achieve academic success but only very few can become elite athletes.  You can't just become an elite D1/D2/D3 athlete because it takes a lot of hard work and sacrifices, and no amount of money can change that.  That's why college kids with rich parents want to hang out with athletes and are willing to help them out.

Polo???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. Do you really want her son, a graduate, to go back to his alma mater and try to hang out with the jocks and buddy up to them for connections? Well, all right, all right, all right.

Unless you think you have a time machine, that is what you are suggesting. Get a grip.

No one is suggesting that. If OP's kid didn't figure this out while in college, the young adult shouldn't be at Ivy in the first place.

I went to an Ivy for a world class education and to learn with equally talented peers. This career gold digging seems crass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. Do you really want her son, a graduate, to go back to his alma mater and try to hang out with the jocks and buddy up to them for connections? Well, all right, all right, all right.

Unless you think you have a time machine, that is what you are suggesting. Get a grip.

No one is suggesting that. If OP's kid didn't figure this out while in college, the young adult shouldn't be at Ivy in the first place.

It says a lot about you actually.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. Do you really want her son, a graduate, to go back to his alma mater and try to hang out with the jocks and buddy up to them for connections? Well, all right, all right, all right.

Unless you think you have a time machine, that is what you are suggesting. Get a grip.

No one is suggesting that. If OP's kid didn't figure this out while in college, the young adult shouldn't be at Ivy in the first place.

I went to an Ivy for a world class education and to learn with equally talented peers. This career gold digging seems crass.

You can’t have it both ways. Got a world class education at an Ivy and yet couldn’t find a job after graduation. What you call “career gold digging”, others call networking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. Do you really want her son, a graduate, to go back to his alma mater and try to hang out with the jocks and buddy up to them for connections? Well, all right, all right, all right.

Unless you think you have a time machine, that is what you are suggesting. Get a grip.

No one is suggesting that. If OP's kid didn't figure this out while in college, the young adult shouldn't be at Ivy in the first place.

I went to an Ivy for a world class education and to learn with equally talented peers. This career gold digging seems crass.

You can’t have it both ways. Got a world class education at an Ivy and yet couldn’t find a job after graduation.

How are these things mutually exclusive?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DP. Do you really want her son, a graduate, to go back to his alma mater and try to hang out with the jocks and buddy up to them for connections? Well, all right, all right, all right.

Unless you think you have a time machine, that is what you are suggesting. Get a grip.

No one is suggesting that. If OP's kid didn't figure this out while in college, the young adult shouldn't be at Ivy in the first place.

I went to an Ivy for a world class education and to learn with equally talented peers. This career gold digging seems crass.

You can’t have it both ways. Got a world class education at an Ivy and yet couldn’t find a job after graduation. What you call “career gold digging”, others call networking.

Networking is your professor putting a good word in for you at the employer they know where a former student is manager. Getting hocked up for $$$ jobs simply because you are good at sportsball with someone’s son is bordering on nepotism. Don’t pretend that athletes at Ivy League are the only hard working, hard charging people there, that’s just America sports obsession.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

Not to be rude, but a huge part of the problem here seems to be that both you and he think there's something really special or different about getting a job out of an Ivy League school than any other school. Sure, there are differences, but get over it.

Yes, he should absolutely contact his career services office.

How many 22 year old Ivy League graduates are minted each year? It is pretty rarefied air and some employers do actually pay a hefty premium to employ them.

This kind of stupid attitude is how he ended up where he is.

No, pandemic-fueled depression and anxiety led to this.

God, this excuse is getting so, so damn tired. Pandemic card denied.

[Anonymous]

He should apply for Peace Corp. They accept people on a rolling basis.