Any Ivy graduates here? Ivy League graduate son in a funk, humuliated, & remains jobless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Networking is your professor putting a good word in for you at the employer they know where a former student is manager. Getting hocked up for $$$ jobs simply because you are good at sportsball with someone’s son is bordering on nepotism. Don’t pretend that athletes at Ivy League are the only hard working, hard charging people there, that’s just America sports obsession.

Unless your kid is an elite D1, D2 or D3 athlete, this is just pure jealousy. I am sure your DC will do the same thing (e.g use networking to get a better paying job) if he/she were in the same situation. There is nothing wrong with that, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Didn’t read the whole thread but I was a middle class non-athlete Ivy grad and had to seriously hustle in order to get a shitty entry level job. Key was my parents weren’t whispering in my ear that my Ivy education should have meant otherwise. Your son needs a schedule to combat his depression and you need to stop even hinting that he’s somehow more deserving than others. A retail job plus some volunteering could impart some good habits and perspective - as well as improve his resume.

RE: "shitty entry level job"

I don't mean this facetiously, were you targeted in a negative way for having a "prestigious" degree in a setting with presumably few or zero prestigious degrees? Curious what your trajectory was like after that. How long you remained in that "shitty" job, did you ever end up tapping an Ivy network as you job hopped, or did go back to grad school?

NP - I had a similar background and experience with a shitty entry level job. I was promoted after 10 months and stayed at that level for a few years (typical in my field). I knew I didn’t fit in at my first company, though, so I made a lateral move into one where degrees from prestigious schools were more common. I got my next promotion 5 years into my career and have moved up every 18-36 months since then.

The Ivy network became much more useful once I was about 10 years into my career and had deeper hands-on experience. I’ve job-hopped to work for other alumni, and gained visibility I wouldn’t have had otherwise. I’m pretty introverted, but I have leveraged my quietness into sort of an ‘Ivy nerd’ persona and I don’t think I would have been able to do that with a degree from GMU or UMD.

[Anonymous]

Literally pack his bags and put them to curb. Then he will beg to stay and you say he needs a job in 30 days or you are calling marshals

[Anonymous]

Seek mental health treatment

Encourage him to be sure he has SOMETHING in his schedule to get him out of the house every day---it would be good for him to build up his social life if he is not still close with his high school friends, it's important that he has enjoyable things going on and isn't spending 24/7 lamenting his (temporary) position in life. He is failing to recognize how good he has it. So many young people do not have many opportunities at all and he is effectively on 3rd base whether he realizes it or not.

Be realistic with him, it will likely take 6 or more months to get a job. Encourage him to take advantage of the fact that he has more freedom and control over his waking hours now than he will have once he does find employment. Time is a limited resource and he has a lot of it right now.

His situation is actually quite common, Ivy Leaguer or not. He needs to adjust his attitude and apply for the entry level jobs that he feels are somehow beneath him.

I was in a situation like his 25 years ago along with several of my classmates. We were all people with a ton of academic success but that doesn't translate to being able to market yourself when looking for jobs. The career services dept at my Ivy was not helpful, and many of us were useless when it came to networking. All of us had a moody, stressful summer and ended up taking jobs that we weren't super excited about. Thankfully you get to be more choosy when you're looking for the next one. All of us are well-established in our career areas now and like where we landed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The career services dept at my Ivy was not helpful, and many of us were useless when it came to networking.

^This. One of the main purposes of attending Ivies is to have access to a much better network than UVA or UMD. The problem is that most people don't know how to take advantage of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nephew also graduated from Duke and had similar difficulty finding a job despite a decent GPA in Public Policy & honored acouple of semesters as an athlete/scholar by the ACC. (Makes a good first impression due to polite, clean-cut, athletic appearance.) Then got a business related masters degree at Duke open to those with minimal post college degree work experience. Still no job prospects. After a year, landed a modest-paying position doing due diligence type work. After another two years, was able to land a modest paying position with a major employer in a non-lucrative industry.

Almost all of his college friends & teammates are wealthy & connected, but offered no help to nephew even though they continue to vacation together frequently.

Your nephew hangs out with the wrong crowd. My DS graduated from Duke recently with 2.9 GPA with a degree in communications as a student athlete. He got an offer in IB from one of his teammates whose father is a big shot at an IB shop. He also got another offer in consulting from another teammate whose father is an managing director of the consulting unit. It is all about connections. Going to Ivies or Duke by itself is not enough. You need connections to get those gravy jobs, unless you are an academic superstar. Even then, it is still tough without connections.

While your advice seems reasonable, it is not accurate in the case of my nephew. Spends a lot of time vacationing with school friends. Very wealthy--even by Duke standards. Nephew is from an upper middle class or lower upper class income family (full pay at Duke except for a small athletic scholarship). Friends have serious wealth, but I do not know anything about their businesses or positions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was like your son and I graduated straight into a recession, no connections, no parent money. Pretty sure I was depressed but didn't know it. So yes I had to take horrible entry level jobs where people said what are YOU doing here, or she's too good for this place. It was just the path I had to take to grow up.

He just needs to take one job and start. He can always keep looking but that one job will teach him a lot about what it takes to survive in the real world.

How long were in "horrible" jobs until you found something worthwhile? Did you tap Ivy connections or use the degree help escape that rung?

Total about 3 years, different job each year. The first job was in my field but horrible work environment. The next two, I knew the some of the execs via networking and both places only hired people from top schools. I stayed at the 4th job for a long time and by then I'd established myself. I am in tech (which is not related to my degree - I coded as a hobby and helped close deals early on) so it wasn't strange to job hop so often early on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Networking is your professor putting a good word in for you at the employer they know where a former student is manager. Getting hocked up for $$$ jobs simply because you are good at sportsball with someone’s son is bordering on nepotism. Don’t pretend that athletes at Ivy League are the only hard working, hard charging people there, that’s just America sports obsession.

Unless your kid is an elite D1, D2 or D3 athlete, this is just pure jealousy. I am sure your DC will do the same thing (e.g use networking to get a better paying job) if he/she were in the same situation. There is nothing wrong with that, IMHO.

Sure, just like other forms of nepotism and discrimination is just "networking."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He got Covid-depression and now it's snowballing. He needs to get a part time retail job immediately. He needs to swallow his ego and get over the Ivy thing. Go flip burgers at McDonalds, work at Old Navy, apply to be a mentor at Boys & Girls Club (they have camps), etc. Get ANYTHING to put on his resume, and he needs to know that a lot of kids got Covid depression and their forward progression ground to a halt. We just don't hear about it much because people stay quiet about it.

These passive-aggressive posts are ridiculous. Why would any grown adult with a bachelor's degree, let alone a $300,000 bachelor's degree, waste their life in a McDonald's unless they're a franchisee? It's something. Yeah, something to set off every red flag there is. A spruced up resume and a little bit of effort over the next few weeks should net any new Ivy graduate a $60,000 salary and benefits. Minimum. And a good amount of effort will net far more than one offer, so he or she can negotiate from there. An Ivy League degree is a lottery ticket.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He got Covid-depression and now it's snowballing. He needs to get a part time retail job immediately. He needs to swallow his ego and get over the Ivy thing. Go flip burgers at McDonalds, work at Old Navy, apply to be a mentor at Boys & Girls Club (they have camps), etc. Get ANYTHING to put on his resume, and he needs to know that a lot of kids got Covid depression and their forward progression ground to a halt. We just don't hear about it much because people stay quiet about it.

These passive-aggressive posts are ridiculous. Why would any grown adult with a bachelor's degree, let alone a $300,000 bachelor's degree, waste their life in a McDonald's unless they're a franchisee? It's something. Yeah, something to set off every red flag there is. A spruced up resume and a little bit of effort over the next few weeks should net any new Ivy graduate a $60,000 salary and benefits. Minimum. And a good amount of effort will net far more than one offer, so he or she can negotiate from there. An Ivy League degree is a lottery ticket.

did you mean to say 'golden' ticket here?

[Anonymous]

Middle class cannot afford ivy league so maybe you lifestyle and expectations impacted him the wrong way. He needs to get any job that will get him into the door and go to grad school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nephew also graduated from Duke and had similar difficulty finding a job despite a decent GPA in Public Policy & honored acouple of semesters as an athlete/scholar by the ACC. (Makes a good first impression due to polite, clean-cut, athletic appearance.) Then got a business related masters degree at Duke open to those with minimal post college degree work experience. Still no job prospects. After a year, landed a modest-paying position doing due diligence type work. After another two years, was able to land a modest paying position with a major employer in a non-lucrative industry.

Almost all of his college friends & teammates are wealthy & connected, but offered no help to nephew even though they continue to vacation together frequently.

Your nephew hangs out with the wrong crowd. My DS graduated from Duke recently with 2.9 GPA with a degree in communications as a student athlete. He got an offer in IB from one of his teammates whose father is a big shot at an IB shop. He also got another offer in consulting from another teammate whose father is an managing director of the consulting unit. It is all about connections. Going to Ivies or Duke by itself is not enough. You need connections to get those gravy jobs, unless you are an academic superstar. Even then, it is still tough without connections.

While your advice seems reasonable, it is not accurate in the case of my nephew. Spends a lot of time vacationing with school friends. Very wealthy--even by Duke standards. Nephew is from an upper middle class or lower upper class income family (full pay at Duke except for a small athletic scholarship). Friends have serious wealth, but I do not know anything about their businesses or positions.

NP. Wealth doesn’t matter. Having friends does. Also, applying everywhere. My rising Junior at at top-25 sent out 85+ apps for internships and jobs. Also, told everyone he knew he was looking. Got one internship, and one job (for weekends) both from referrals. But, he’s willing to get 85+ rejections. He told me that he’s been watching videos of kids graduating and it’s not uncommon to send 120-150 applications. It takes time and persistence. While the internship was a referral, he basically suggested it when he reached out as a contact. They were slow, and he kept following up and jumping through hoops. It’s not like people are always handed stuff. But, people will hear “referral” and not anything after.

OP, suggest your DS seeks out this confirmation of what it takes now. IDK if it was IG, Tiktok, or YouTube, but im sure he’ll find it. Apparently kids are showing spreadsheets showing their work/stats.Besides, only action will get him out of funk.

[Anonymous]

There is no Ivy League network really, it can help you get into grad school and that’s about it.

The employers that pay a premium for an Ivy grad are actually looking for the hallmarks of a connected family and upbringing — rowing crew and interned in banking etc.

Only the closest of friends (or often a significant other) will go bat and hook you up.

Not true at my Ivy. As someone else said, my Ivy maintains a list of alumni who are willing to mentor grads or just talk to them about careers. A lot of the people who do it come from humble beginnings and are on the lookout for others from humble beginnings.

In addition to contacting career services, he should check out the qualifications and application process for substitute teaching. He may not get anything until September, but he should get the ball rolling as soon as possible. He might also contact his old high school about that.

He should also check out attorneys, especially ones in smaller practices, who might take him on as a temporary paralegal. (Online alumni directory usually lets you sort by occupation.)

Talk to the chair of the department he majored in or better yet, a prof who liked him.. A friend of my kid's was jobless and asked a grad student in the department who'd been her TA for advice. TA talked to profs and one gave her a job for a year. It was low-paying, but a good resume builder.

Another thing to do is talk to the admissions office. Sometimes they hire recent grads to interview applicants or visit high schools, etc.

Is there an X Club in the city where you live? I know one of them used to hire unemployed recent grads as bartenders and wait staff. Interacting with alums using the club sometimes led to permanent employment for those with an outgoing personality.

Sign up with temp agencies.

[Anonymous]

Military, talk to each branch, several of my sisters classmates from Wharton Business School did not have jobs once they graduated from their Ivy. My sister and several of the fellows joined the Marine officer program.

The military likes to recruit Ivy graduates.

My sister had great military job assignments all over Europe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These passive-aggressive posts are ridiculous. Why would any grown adult with a bachelor's degree, let alone a $300,000 bachelor's degree, waste their life in a McDonald's unless they're a franchisee? It's something. Yeah, something to set off every red flag there is. A spruced up resume and a little bit of effort over the next few weeks should net any new Ivy graduate a $60,000 salary and benefits. Minimum. And a good amount of effort will net far more than one offer, so he or she can negotiate from there. An Ivy League degree is a lottery ticket.

I can think of one reason why: because the guy sounds really depressed. He needs to get out of the house and feel productive and useful. McDonalds can do that. He needs to break his current state. From there he'll move on and find his path.