Any Ivy graduates here? Ivy League graduate son in a funk, humuliated, & remains jobless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

I just want to add that it sounds like you think he should be reaching out via his friends to his friends’ parents. I don’t think this is usually appropriate or done. A close friend might offer up a parent as a resource, sure, but it doesn’t sound like this is happening. His friends might be useful sounding boards but it’s unlikely they can get him hired. Career services should be one prong of his job search, and so should regular job listings out in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

Not to be rude, but a huge part of the problem here seems to be that both you and he think there's something really special or different about getting a job out of an Ivy League school than any other school. Sure, there are differences, but get over it.

Yes, he should absolutely contact his career services office.

How many 22 year old Ivy League graduates are minted each year? It is pretty rarefied air and some employers do actually pay a hefty premium to employ them.

This kind of stupid attitude is how he ended up where he is.

+1 he's not better than all those other people who graduated from other colleges. or if he is, then he should see it in the numbers when he starts applying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter your education, it's perfectly reasonable to take an entry-level professional job and then work your way up, and/or take a temp or job that doesn't require a college education while job hunting - and in this economy, he won't have much trouble. When I graduated decades ago, I spent about 4 months doing temp clerical work while looking for a permanent job. It was much better - financially, psychologically, and professionally - than job hunting full time.

But taking any job means you're not tapping the Ivy college resources and/or your Ivy network, which in theory should have access to higher paying dream jobs. And you're also creating more distance from your Ivy network instead of building a bond through the new job hunt and job offer. And without the network help, you may end up in a job that couldn't care less about the Ivy degree, if not have some contempt for you. It all seems a little shortsighted when there are employers who will pay a premium to add a [Dartmouth or whatever] graduate to their roster.

Well then keep doing nothing - that way you never have to debase yourself by taking a regular job like a regular person!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter your education, it's perfectly reasonable to take an entry-level professional job and then work your way up, and/or take a temp or job that doesn't require a college education while job hunting - and in this economy, he won't have much trouble. When I graduated decades ago, I spent about 4 months doing temp clerical work while looking for a permanent job. It was much better - financially, psychologically, and professionally - than job hunting full time.

But taking any job means you're not tapping the Ivy college resources and/or your Ivy network, which in theory should have access to higher paying dream jobs. And you're also creating more distance from your Ivy network instead of building a bond through the new job hunt and job offer. And without the network help, you may end up in a job that couldn't care less about the Ivy degree, if not have some contempt for you. It all seems a little shortsighted when there are employers who will pay a premium to add a [Dartmouth or whatever] graduate to their roster.

Realistically there aren’t that many jobs like that, fewer than the number of new grads. and he’s not likely to land one. Like most Ivy grads, he will get a regular job. His network will ripen as his friends grow up and become successful. He’ll use his skills to figure out his path. He will be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter your education, it's perfectly reasonable to take an entry-level professional job and then work your way up, and/or take a temp or job that doesn't require a college education while job hunting - and in this economy, he won't have much trouble. When I graduated decades ago, I spent about 4 months doing temp clerical work while looking for a permanent job. It was much better - financially, psychologically, and professionally - than job hunting full time.

But taking any job means you're not tapping the Ivy college resources and/or your Ivy network, which in theory should have access to higher paying dream jobs. And you're also creating more distance from your Ivy network instead of building a bond through the new job hunt and job offer. And without the network help, you may end up in a job that couldn't care less about the Ivy degree, if not have some contempt for you. It all seems a little shortsighted when there are employers who will pay a premium to add a [Dartmouth or whatever] graduate to their roster.

There is no Ivy League network really, it can help you get into grad school and that’s about it.

The employers that pay a premium for an Ivy grad are actually looking for the hallmarks of a connected family and upbringing — rowing crew and interned in banking etc.

Only the closest of friends (or often a significant other) will go bat and hook you up.

Ivy is not an easy stepping stone to the UMC world, usually the most sure fire path I’ve seen is by marrying a classmate.

For truly MC students, the best option is consulting, from Accenture to BCG — they take a wider variety of “types”, and know that the banks and tech world get the high prestige candidates now, and they work them hard but it can lead to good roles and is good training.

From my experience as a 90s Ivy grad, all of the MC students ended up in normal jobs, like teaching or consulting, unless they married up and basically bad that backing and safety net to make the leap.

[Anonymous]

If OP is venting, OK, I'm sorry kid is having a rough time. A lot of us have had bad times like this.

If OP wants to solve the problem, then failing to mention the major or any sort of interests or skills or career direction is either a huge red flag of someone who has been bobbing along through life aimlessly, or parent with poor communication skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my fellow ivy grads who didn't have a job and iffy GPAs after graduation are all doing fine now. they all ended up with shitty service jobs to start, but somehow all figured stuff out. it took time. some eventually went into teaching, some went back to school, some did political organizing. today, all of them are doing pretty well. they all rose quickly, but it was a rocky few years for some of them.

tell your kid do get a job and become a grunt. my friend who was a barista is now an VP at huge multinational conglomerate in charge of their entire logistics and shipping operations. she was super depressed after gradation, especially since some of best friends seem to land dream jobs or grad school spots.

career paths are not always straightforward.

What are the steps in the career ladder for that? Is it related to the undergrad degree at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter your education, it's perfectly reasonable to take an entry-level professional job and then work your way up, and/or take a temp or job that doesn't require a college education while job hunting - and in this economy, he won't have much trouble. When I graduated decades ago, I spent about 4 months doing temp clerical work while looking for a permanent job. It was much better - financially, psychologically, and professionally - than job hunting full time.

But taking any job means you're not tapping the Ivy college resources and/or your Ivy network, which in theory should have access to higher paying dream jobs. And you're also creating more distance from your Ivy network instead of building a bond through the new job hunt and job offer. And without the network help, you may end up in a job that couldn't care less about the Ivy degree, if not have some contempt for you. It all seems a little shortsighted when there are employers who will pay a premium to add a [Dartmouth or whatever] graduate to their roster.

There is no Ivy League network really, it can help you get into grad school and that’s about it.

The employers that pay a premium for an Ivy grad are actually looking for the hallmarks of a connected family and upbringing — rowing crew and interned in banking etc.

Only the closest of friends (or often a significant other) will go bat and hook you up.

Ivy is not an easy stepping stone to the UMC world, usually the most sure fire path I’ve seen is by marrying a classmate.

For truly MC students, the best option is consulting, from Accenture to BCG — they take a wider variety of “types”, and know that the banks and tech world get the high prestige candidates now, and they work them hard but it can lead to good roles and is good training.

From my experience as a 90s Ivy grad, all of the MC students ended up in normal jobs, like teaching or consulting, unless they married up and basically bad that backing and safety net to make the leap.

Back in the day I was told consulting firms have GPA cutoffs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I posted a few months ago about my son's looming graduation. Now he is home and moping around. He finally opened up that feels like an idiot, he's overwhelmed and he's humiliated compared to all of his overachieving classmates. He's scared to ask his more connected friends (and their parents) for help because his resume is so vacant and they seem so perfect. He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime. Any help in coaxing him out of this funk and where he should be looking is appreciated. Should he contact career services at his alma mater or would reaching out to his network of friends and their parents offer far more opportunities?

I want to stress his resume is basically vacant outside of the new BA and his GPA is pretty abysmal, so he thinks he's going to be mocked or his resume will just be ignored.

Not to be rude, but a huge part of the problem here seems to be that both you and he think there's something really special or different about getting a job out of an Ivy League school than any other school. Sure, there are differences, but get over it.

Yes, he should absolutely contact his career services office.

How many 22 year old Ivy League graduates are minted each year? It is pretty rarefied air and some employers do actually pay a hefty premium to employ them.

This kind of stupid attitude is how he ended up where he is.

+1

The name brand is one thing and the person who possesses it is an altogether different thing. It's what you do that matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter your education, it's perfectly reasonable to take an entry-level professional job and then work your way up, and/or take a temp or job that doesn't require a college education while job hunting - and in this economy, he won't have much trouble. When I graduated decades ago, I spent about 4 months doing temp clerical work while looking for a permanent job. It was much better - financially, psychologically, and professionally - than job hunting full time.

But taking any job means you're not tapping the Ivy college resources and/or your Ivy network, which in theory should have access to higher paying dream jobs. And you're also creating more distance from your Ivy network instead of building a bond through the new job hunt and job offer. And without the network help, you may end up in a job that couldn't care less about the Ivy degree, if not have some contempt for you. It all seems a little shortsighted when there are employers who will pay a premium to add a [Dartmouth or whatever] graduate to their roster.

There is no Ivy League network really, it can help you get into grad school and that’s about it.

The employers that pay a premium for an Ivy grad are actually looking for the hallmarks of a connected family and upbringing — rowing crew and interned in banking etc.

Only the closest of friends (or often a significant other) will go bat and hook you up.

Ivy is not an easy stepping stone to the UMC world, usually the most sure fire path I’ve seen is by marrying a classmate.

For truly MC students, the best option is consulting, from Accenture to BCG — they take a wider variety of “types”, and know that the banks and tech world get the high prestige candidates now, and they work them hard but it can lead to good roles and is good training.

From my experience as a 90s Ivy grad, all of the MC students ended up in normal jobs, like teaching or consulting, unless they married up and basically bad that backing and safety net to make the leap.

Back in the day I was told consulting firms have GPA cutoffs.

I sure BCG and Bain do, but as an Ivy C student, I had offers from Accenture and Sapient

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter your education, it's perfectly reasonable to take an entry-level professional job and then work your way up, and/or take a temp or job that doesn't require a college education while job hunting - and in this economy, he won't have much trouble. When I graduated decades ago, I spent about 4 months doing temp clerical work while looking for a permanent job. It was much better - financially, psychologically, and professionally - than job hunting full time.

But taking any job means you're not tapping the Ivy college resources and/or your Ivy network, which in theory should have access to higher paying dream jobs. And you're also creating more distance from your Ivy network instead of building a bond through the new job hunt and job offer. And without the network help, you may end up in a job that couldn't care less about the Ivy degree, if not have some contempt for you. It all seems a little shortsighted when there are employers who will pay a premium to add a [Dartmouth or whatever] graduate to their roster.

There is no Ivy League network really, it can help you get into grad school and that’s about it.

The employers that pay a premium for an Ivy grad are actually looking for the hallmarks of a connected family and upbringing — rowing crew and interned in banking etc.

Only the closest of friends (or often a significant other) will go bat and hook you up.

Ivy is not an easy stepping stone to the UMC world, usually the most sure fire path I’ve seen is by marrying a classmate.

For truly MC students, the best option is consulting, from Accenture to BCG — they take a wider variety of “types”, and know that the banks and tech world get the high prestige candidates now, and they work them hard but it can lead to good roles and is good training.

From my experience as a 90s Ivy grad, all of the MC students ended up in normal jobs, like teaching or consulting, unless they married up and basically bad that backing and safety net to make the leap.

Back in the day I was told consulting firms have GPA cutoffs.

I sure BCG and Bain do, but as an Ivy C student, I had offers from Accenture and Sapient

PS I was the middle class underprepared rube at my Ivy; simply graduating was a miracle and it was demoralizing. I know for myself State U would have been a happier path, likely for Op son as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He needs to just start doing something -- an unpaid internship, entry level position somewhere. Doing *something* and getting up and getting dressed is going to change his outlook profoundly. And doing something is SO MUCH better than doing nothing.

Don't worry what the other grads are doing.

Totally agree with this - and he needs to get over the idea that he's too good for regular jobs (or that people will be disappointed with him or look down on him). It doesn't matter. You run your own race, and you do your best with it.

Also have him watch Reality Bites. He is far from the first person to worry about not meeting his full potential. Just about everyone worries about it at some point in life. What he's feeling is normal, and all you an do is put one foot in front of the other.

By the time he's applying for his second job - and maybe even the first one - no one will care about his GPA. Before long no one will care where he went to college, either.

This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He knows he can apply for random entry-level jobs any random college grad can apply for but he feels like he has wasted the opportunity if he settles for anything. He does not mean that in a snobby way–we are just a middle class family–but I also know how that could come across. It was a very expensive education and the opportunity of a lifetime.

This isn't the right attitude. It's important that he finds an entry-level career now, rather than wait around for something he considers worthy of an Ivy grad. The longer he waits, the harder it will be to find anything at all. If he got admitted to an Ivy--especially as a non-legacy--he clearly has the potential to impress his employer and work his way up, but he needs to start somewhere. In just a few years he can get to the point where his degree and connections can more meaningfully impact his career.

Your son's education certainly wasn't "wasted," but it probably will be if does nothing for the next two years before trying to enter the workforce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No matter your education, it's perfectly reasonable to take an entry-level professional job and then work your way up, and/or take a temp or job that doesn't require a college education while job hunting - and in this economy, he won't have much trouble. When I graduated decades ago, I spent about 4 months doing temp clerical work while looking for a permanent job. It was much better - financially, psychologically, and professionally - than job hunting full time.

But taking any job means you're not tapping the Ivy college resources and/or your Ivy network, which in theory should have access to higher paying dream jobs. And you're also creating more distance from your Ivy network instead of building a bond through the new job hunt and job offer. And without the network help, you may end up in a job that couldn't care less about the Ivy degree, if not have some contempt for you. It all seems a little shortsighted when there are employers who will pay a premium to add a [Dartmouth or whatever] graduate to their roster.

He won’t be able to get an impressive job with his “abysmal” GPA. He’s not going to get a job at a consulting firm, bank etc.

His best bet is a small locally owned company or through a connection. He needs to contact career services and network like crazy.

He also needs a regular service job in the meantime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reach out to career services today. Working to get an entry job through them will be better than just through indeed. He should also ask if there are alumni he can reach out to for some career counseling. Maybe they know of good volunteering or entry level things he could try.

Bingo! Make sure too that he is active on Linkedin.