Trying to get over husband’s affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, I’m guessing that you don’t work or are financially dependent on your husband for your current lifestyle. Otherwise it truly doesn’t make sense to twist yourself into knots condoning his shameless behavior.
Whatever you need to make it work, but just remember that however remorseful he may seem now, it won’t change the fact that if it weren’t for you discovering his deeds he would have kept right at it.

Last part I wrestle with, for sure. As stated earlier, finances are not an issue. It’s definitely nice to know that is not playing into my decision making.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s tough OP. I posted in the other affair thread. It’s very early for you. I was a wreck that close after.

Time. Take time. No rash decisions. Your feelings will go in a million different directions. I didn’t do marriage counseling and pretty much told him I was done. He was in individual therapy to deal with himself and some depression. Only at a point I was ready and I saw the change did I agree to MC. It was like 7 months after.

My situation- I also contacted OW, but she actually said he never said a bad word about me. His therapist told me he was always very highly complimentary. I also was fortunate to never see a message, photo, etc.

Triggers are awful and every single show or movie we watch seems to have cheating. Every single show. I’m mostly on the other side - 3.5 years later and one of the happier marriages, better communication and healthier spouse after dealing with their internal crap.

Here’s the thing everyone is different. It’s quite possible he didn’t mean any of that but was part of the escape fantasy and needed to do to disassociate from you/mental gymnastics. You won’t know for awhile. It’s a long road and it can be very much worth it, or maybe not. And that’s okay too. But everyone told me 3-5 years is the timeframe for getting over and through this no matter which side you land.

I wish you the best. You never deserved any of this.

Thank you. Very kind and wise post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think the “I could never forgive that” comments from people who have NOT been through infidelity or some sort of betrayal are really helpful at all and I hope OP is taking them with a grain of salt. You DO NOT know what you would do in this situation until it happens to you!

+1000. Until you are actually in a situation, you have no idea what you would really do. Talking from experience.

How have you missed all the posts from people who HAVE been betrayed commenting on their regrets on trying to make their marriages work or how much better their lives were after divorce?

I've gone through this and two of my kids have SN. It was about 10 years ago. We worked with a counselor and while I didn't have the same level confidence in the relationship that I did the first 10 years we were together, I thought our relationship was solid enough - even though, at times, I would get triggered by his actions/events. Recently, my husband began exhibiting behaviors that I saw when he was in the midst of his betrayal 10 years ago.

I regret giving the marriage another chance. I regret not recognizing that something is broken in my husband that he could do this not only the first time but that he's doing it now. I will be divorcing him as soon as I can get my ducks in a row. I don't know what the right choice is for OP but my husband didn't bash me to his AP like OP's husband has. My husband didn't have the same level of vitriol that OP's husband has communicated. I couldn't have given my marriage a second chance if I had such concrete evidence of my husband's contempt for me - I mean, certainly banging another woman was an act of contempt but the words just take it to a whole 'nother level as does the truth trickle.

I guess you have missed all the posts from people who have been betrayed and came out the other end with even stronger relationships. I'm sorry you went through such a terrible time, but your situation is not indicative of anyone else's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you having sex with him? It's the last thing you should be giving him right now.

Why do you think it's giving instead of taking?

DP. The OP said she's having difficulty having/enjoying sex with him because during sex, she cannot stop thinking about his having sex with the OW. So OP is not doing some empowered "I'll have sex with him because I want it and I'll take what I want!" attitude.

The 2 are not related

That's a strange take. So you think she's sticking it to him, empowering herself and taking charge when she has sex with him? Even though she herself says it's unpleasant because the whole time she's thinking about him doing it to the OW? But you say those two things are "unrelated." They're very much related. It's not empowering, or a way of regaining your mojo and sway over a man if, while having sex, there is another person in your mind invading that intimacy every minute. It would be more empowering to say no to sex altogether and let him realize sex is a privilege -- not his right.

If She is having sex because she wants sex it’s not giving it to him.

If she’s having sex “to give it to him” then it’s is giving it to him.

If I want sex buy them something negative comes up during sex.., dryness, bad thoughts, fatigue, inability to finish…, it’s related to the affair. It’s not related to wanting sex in spite of the affair.

Why give up sex ? Why deny yourself if you want it? To prove a point? That seems immature.

If she’s doing it “to kept him” yea stop that. But if she just want pleasure go for it… also get a vibrator.

Well, there is some truth to not rewarding a man for bad behavior. I’m not saying she’s wrong for having a sex drive. But why should a man have any incentive to stop sleeping around? She’s staying, she’s putting out, he’s off the hook.

A man stops cheating because he want to be a better person/father not because

His wife has sex with him
His wife loses weight
His wife doesn’t leave him
His wife “becomes a better wife”

The affair has nothing to do with the wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

But frankly if OP isn’t a troll it kind of makes you wonder what kind of character SHE has that she’s willing to continue entertaining and sleeping with a man of such low morals and standards. Yes, his actions reflect on him, but at some point you’re only as good as the company you keep.

[Anonymous]

PP I think this is an interesting take
I do believe my husband (I’m the OP) sincerely wants to be a better husband, father, person.
The things he said, as noted are one of the bigger impediments for me, however I am actually fairly self confident, but it did stand out to me that he didn’t really need to say all that - he could’ve just said we’d grown apart, leading separate lives or similar. So yes, his choice of words is concerning. I also think she knew who I am, and he may have thought she’d be intimidated (ironically) and so “over did it” but who knows? That’s the hardest part, there’s a lot of who knows/unknown/can’t know for sure to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

But frankly if OP isn’t a troll it kind of makes you wonder what kind of character SHE has that she’s willing to continue entertaining and sleeping with a man of such low morals and standards. Yes, his actions reflect on him, but at some point you’re only as good as the company you keep.

Not a troll. I’m pretty confident of my character. I love my husband, we are trying to make it work, that should be reason enough, it is to me. Doesn’t mean intimacy has been easy at this juncture, but it certainly not done to “win him back” or any other degrading motives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you having sex with him? It's the last thing you should be giving him right now.

Why do you think it's giving instead of taking?

DP. The OP said she's having difficulty having/enjoying sex with him because during sex, she cannot stop thinking about his having sex with the OW. So OP is not doing some empowered "I'll have sex with him because I want it and I'll take what I want!" attitude.

The 2 are not related

That's a strange take. So you think she's sticking it to him, empowering herself and taking charge when she has sex with him? Even though she herself says it's unpleasant because the whole time she's thinking about him doing it to the OW? But you say those two things are "unrelated." They're very much related. It's not empowering, or a way of regaining your mojo and sway over a man if, while having sex, there is another person in your mind invading that intimacy every minute. It would be more empowering to say no to sex altogether and let him realize sex is a privilege -- not his right.

If She is having sex because she wants sex it’s not giving it to him.

If she’s having sex “to give it to him” then it’s is giving it to him.

If I want sex buy them something negative comes up during sex.., dryness, bad thoughts, fatigue, inability to finish…, it’s related to the affair. It’s not related to wanting sex in spite of the affair.

Why give up sex ? Why deny yourself if you want it? To prove a point? That seems immature.

If she’s doing it “to kept him” yea stop that. But if she just want pleasure go for it… also get a vibrator.

Well, there is some truth to not rewarding a man for bad behavior. I’m not saying she’s wrong for having a sex drive. But why should a man have any incentive to stop sleeping around? She’s staying, she’s putting out, he’s off the hook.

A man stops cheating because he want to be a better person/father not because

His wife has sex with him
His wife loses weight
His wife doesn’t leave him
His wife “becomes a better wife”

The affair has nothing to do with the wife.

A man stops cheating because he wants to be a better person/father not because

He gets caught
He needed his therapist to tell him that calling his wife ugly to his side chick was the wrong thing to do and he suddenly saw the light


Fixed it for you.

Nope.

Some get caught, some don’t.
Some stay, some don’t.

The therapist won’t tell him it’s bad that he called his wife names, they will help figure out why he called his wife names.

And it’s not because he actually thinks those things.

Some dudes say their wife has cancer, or they aren’t married… and we accept.., oh he lied, why are you so intent on needing to think he didn’t just lie for the game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

But frankly if OP isn’t a troll it kind of makes you wonder what kind of character SHE has that she’s willing to continue entertaining and sleeping with a man of such low morals and standards. Yes, his actions reflect on him, but at some point you’re only as good as the company you keep.

Not a troll. I’m pretty confident of my character. I love my husband, we are trying to make it work, that should be reason enough, it is to me. Doesn’t mean intimacy has been easy at this juncture, but it certainly not done to “win him back” or any other degrading motives.

OP you sound super in denial. Your husband is not a good man and you know this somewhere deep down. If you chose to continue loving a bad man and one who has been so cruel to you, snickering about you with his AP about how ugly you are and how much he dislikes you, then you are signing yourself up for many more years of desperate and heartbroken posts. These things never turn out well, and your love for him isn’t enough to carry the day. Perhaps your feels for him are more important than the way he treats others, including you. That’s your choice to make and your choice alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

But frankly if OP isn’t a troll it kind of makes you wonder what kind of character SHE has that she’s willing to continue entertaining and sleeping with a man of such low morals and standards. Yes, his actions reflect on him, but at some point you’re only as good as the company you keep.

Not a troll. I’m pretty confident of my character. I love my husband, we are trying to make it work, that should be reason enough, it is to me. Doesn’t mean intimacy has been easy at this juncture, but it certainly not done to “win him back” or any other degrading motives.

OP you sound super in denial. Your husband is not a good man and you know this somewhere deep down. If you chose to continue loving a bad man and one who has been so cruel to you, snickering about you with his AP about how ugly you are and how much he dislikes you, then you are signing yourself up for many more years of desperate and heartbroken posts. These things never turn out well, and your love for him isn’t enough to carry the day. Perhaps your feels for him are more important than the way he treats others, including you. That’s your choice to make and your choice alone.

Seriously this sounds like a current OW hoping you kick him out because sees rooting for the AP ending up with the h,

The post is that out of bounds of normal thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

But frankly if OP isn’t a troll it kind of makes you wonder what kind of character SHE has that she’s willing to continue entertaining and sleeping with a man of such low morals and standards. Yes, his actions reflect on him, but at some point you’re only as good as the company you keep.

Not a troll. I’m pretty confident of my character. I love my husband, we are trying to make it work, that should be reason enough, it is to me. Doesn’t mean intimacy has been easy at this juncture, but it certainly not done to “win him back” or any other degrading motives.

OP you sound super in denial. Your husband is not a good man and you know this somewhere deep down. If you chose to continue loving a bad man and one who has been so cruel to you, snickering about you with his AP about how ugly you are and how much he dislikes you, then you are signing yourself up for many more years of desperate and heartbroken posts. These things never turn out well, and your love for him isn’t enough to carry the day. Perhaps your feels for him are more important than the way he treats others, including you. That’s your choice to make and your choice alone.

Seriously this sounds like a current OW hoping you kick him out because sees rooting for the AP ending up with the h,

The post is that out of bounds of normal thinking.

To be fair, you sound like the husband hoping you can have your cake and eat it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

But frankly if OP isn’t a troll it kind of makes you wonder what kind of character SHE has that she’s willing to continue entertaining and sleeping with a man of such low morals and standards. Yes, his actions reflect on him, but at some point you’re only as good as the company you keep.

Not a troll. I’m pretty confident of my character. I love my husband, we are trying to make it work, that should be reason enough, it is to me. Doesn’t mean intimacy has been easy at this juncture, but it certainly not done to “win him back” or any other degrading motives.

How can you love someone who treats you like s*? How would you feel if this would happen to your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

I truly believe that people like you and OP get treated this way because the men know you are doormats and would stay no matter what. He has all the power, she has none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jesus Christ it’s only been six weeks and you’re already having sex with him?

I don’t care if there’s some way you could magically know whether is intention was really to leave or stay. He said horrible, humiliating things about you to another woman that he was banging, all while being cruel to you at home. That is a place that I could never come back from. I could perhaps come back from the sex piece, but not cruel words about me to the woman he’s sleeping with on the side. Zero respect.

I know this sounds harsh. But you do NOT deserve what he’s done to you. I think affairs can be recovered from in some cases, but this is beyond the pale.

Yes, it’s actually the things he said versus the sex itself that’s been the hardest. They included:

He was repulsed by me
Not emotionally invested ever
Never wanted to marry me
Stayed as we have a child with a disease
She was “put in his path” so he could finally get the courage to leave
I was over-weight (I’m attractive but 53 and have had about ten stubborn extra pounds during menopause)
He was seeing a therapist to try to figure out how to tell me
He was in love with her - his words
He pursued her pretty aggressively I’d say she was hesitant due to him being married

Why would you want to stay with this man? Don't you have any self esteem? I wouldn't say such cruel things about my worst enemy.

GIVE IT A REST. Trying to preserve your family does not mean you have no self esteem. What OP’s husband did reflects on HIM not her. She can take all the time and space to decide what comes next. It takes away women’s power when strangers decide what the right action is.

But frankly if OP isn’t a troll it kind of makes you wonder what kind of character SHE has that she’s willing to continue entertaining and sleeping with a man of such low morals and standards. Yes, his actions reflect on him, but at some point you’re only as good as the company you keep.

Not a troll. I’m pretty confident of my character. I love my husband, we are trying to make it work, that should be reason enough, it is to me. Doesn’t mean intimacy has been easy at this juncture, but it certainly not done to “win him back” or any other degrading motives.

OP you sound super in denial. Your husband is not a good man and you know this somewhere deep down. If you chose to continue loving a bad man and one who has been so cruel to you, snickering about you with his AP about how ugly you are and how much he dislikes you, then you are signing yourself up for many more years of desperate and heartbroken posts. These things never turn out well, and your love for him isn’t enough to carry the day. Perhaps your feels for him are more important than the way he treats others, including you. That’s your choice to make and your choice alone.

Seriously this sounds like a current OW hoping you kick him out because sees rooting for the AP ending up with the h,

The post is that out of bounds of normal thinking.

Yeah there are some real nasty, nasty, b”””tches on this thread.