DC shut out from all but one, now wants a gap year

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not make a kid who doesn’t want to go to college go to college. I took a gap year for similar reasons (deferred and did attend the school I was admitted to) and ended up very happy in college. The gap year was the best choice I ever made. It doesn’t matter if working on the farm contributes to his future career. I pursed high level athletics that have nothing to do with my job but it’s the thing I talked about most during my job interviews. It shows you’re not a conformist and can think independently. People like that.

This, OP. I am a college professor so I have the perspective of seeing what a difference it makes when kids are truly invested vs going through the motions. I would 100% let my child do this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!

You think that a kid who went 1/11 on his college apps is going to be accepted to Cornell University because he spent some more time working on grandma's farm ?

His farm experience didn't resonate too well on his first round of college applications.

Yep, I'm pretty familiar with that program and I think he has a good shot if he can talk real science. His apps need to be re-worked obv, but I suspect they were pretty vanilla. "Grandma's farm" has a hint of derision about it, but there's nothing rinky-dink about a year on a farm. It's a data-driven business that is changing all the time with new technologies in every department. I get that you're not impressed, but it's apparent you have very little insight in this area.

It is apparent that you have very little insight to Cornell University admissions--and especially with respect to the quasi-public ag school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: Judging by the college app results (1/11) and your son's reaction (running away to grandma's farm), maturity may be an issue. If so, a gap year focusing on work is a reasonable alternative. The question then becomes whether it would be more productive to be with grandparents or exposed to the real world work environment.

Tell me you've never worked on a farm without telling me you've never worked on a farm.

[Anonymous]

My DS took a year off in the middle of undergrad & returned to school excited and motivated

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!

You think that a kid who went 1/11 on his college apps is going to be accepted to Cornell University because he spent some more time working on grandma's farm ?

His farm experience didn't resonate too well on his first round of college applications.

Yep, I'm pretty familiar with that program and I think he has a good shot if he can talk real science. His apps need to be re-worked obv, but I suspect they were pretty vanilla. "Grandma's farm" has a hint of derision about it, but there's nothing rinky-dink about a year on a farm. It's a data-driven business that is changing all the time with new technologies in every department. I get that you're not impressed, but it's apparent you have very little insight in this area.

It is apparent that you have very little insight to Cornell University admissions--and especially with respect to the quasi-public ag school.

I mean, you can find my name on their website. But okay! (and quasi-public .. eyeroll)

[Anonymous]

For boys I could see a gap year helping even more. And no I’m not sexist; it is well-documented that boys take longer to develop executive functioning skills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!

You think that a kid who went 1/11 on his college apps is going to be accepted to Cornell University because he spent some more time working on grandma's farm ?

His farm experience didn't resonate too well on his first round of college applications.

Yep, I'm pretty familiar with that program and I think he has a good shot if he can talk real science. His apps need to be re-worked obv, but I suspect they were pretty vanilla. "Grandma's farm" has a hint of derision about it, but there's nothing rinky-dink about a year on a farm. It's a data-driven business that is changing all the time with new technologies in every department. I get that you're not impressed, but it's apparent you have very little insight in this area.

It is apparent that you have very little insight to Cornell University admissions--and especially with respect to the quasi-public ag school.

I mean, you can find my name on their website. But okay! (and quasi-public .. eyeroll)

Well, your eyeroll just confirmed that you do not know much about Cornell University.

[Anonymous]

Something very similar happened to my sister, and she even applied to transfer after her freshman year. She ultimately decided to stay where she was though, and she ended up very happy in the end. She was able to get into a professional program early at the same school, and it set her up for a successful career. Right now, these rejections are fresh, and it is hard to move on from them. I don't think it will get any easier next year and a gap year my have financial implications. I would encourage you to look at the school's materials together. How would it look to live in the dorms? Are their activities your DC would be excited about? Sometimes these things all work out even though it is hard to see it at the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised no one has mentioned this but how are his senior year extracurriculars and most importantly grades? A normal senioritis decline in grades is going to make it harder for him next cycle. Also does your son fully realize he will be writing essays and filling out applications again this summer/fall? Can you trust the grandparents to oversee that or will you be doing so remotely? Are you ready to resume campus visits and otherwise find ways to show demonstrated interest?

Bumping so op can respond

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!

You think that a kid who went 1/11 on his college apps is going to be accepted to Cornell University because he spent some more time working on grandma's farm ?

His farm experience didn't resonate too well on his first round of college applications.

Yep, I'm pretty familiar with that program and I think he has a good shot if he can talk real science. His apps need to be re-worked obv, but I suspect they were pretty vanilla. "Grandma's farm" has a hint of derision about it, but there's nothing rinky-dink about a year on a farm. It's a data-driven business that is changing all the time with new technologies in every department. I get that you're not impressed, but it's apparent you have very little insight in this area.

It is apparent that you have very little insight to Cornell University admissions--and especially with respect to the quasi-public ag school.

I mean, you can find my name on their website. But okay! (and quasi-public .. eyeroll)

Well, your eyeroll just confirmed that you do not know much about Cornell University.

I'm eyerolling the fact that you think it's notable here. I think this board is pretty clear about the structure of Cornell CALS. I get that you think it's a slam, for some reason. I mean, is it too good for this OP's child and he'll never get in or is it not good enough? The idea isn't really clear, but your weird judgement is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should listen to your kid, who is exercising independence in what seems like a really responsible way. He is making a decision that feels right to him, and allowing him to make it (whether or not it goes well!) will benefit your relationship with him in the long term, as well as his confidence in himself. Plus the time with grandparents - of his choosing! It sounds like you have a great kid who knows what he wants/needs right now. Listen to him. College will be there.

NP.

Excellent advice but easy to say from a neutral perspective and when it is not your kid. Maybe that makes it the best advice. Maybe not. But, I wonder if you'd feel the same way if it was your kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!

You think that a kid who went 1/11 on his college apps is going to be accepted to Cornell University because he spent some more time working on grandma's farm ?

His farm experience didn't resonate too well on his first round of college applications.

Yep, I'm pretty familiar with that program and I think he has a good shot if he can talk real science. His apps need to be re-worked obv, but I suspect they were pretty vanilla. "Grandma's farm" has a hint of derision about it, but there's nothing rinky-dink about a year on a farm. It's a data-driven business that is changing all the time with new technologies in every department. I get that you're not impressed, but it's apparent you have very little insight in this area.

It is apparent that you have very little insight to Cornell University admissions--and especially with respect to the quasi-public ag school.

I mean, you can find my name on their website. But okay! (and quasi-public .. eyeroll)

Well, your eyeroll just confirmed that you do not know much about Cornell University.

I'm eyerolling the fact that you think it's notable here. I think this board is pretty clear about the structure of Cornell CALS. I get that you think it's a slam, for some reason. I mean, is it too good for this OP's child and he'll never get in or is it not good enough? The idea isn't really clear, but your weird judgement is.

Well, you are about to get eye strain.

Cornell University is composed of seven schools/colleges, four of which are contract colleges partially supported by the state of New York. New York residents pay a much lower tuition--the discount is $15,000 per year.

Cornell University college of agriculture is regarded by many as the best in the world. The website states that students should be in the top 10% of their high school class and have extremely high ACT or SAT scores. Applicants to the ag school typically have farm work experience as well as scientific research or other academic indications of an intellectual interest in the science of farming and agriculture.

A student whose college apps results were 1/11 including more than one safety school is not going to be a strong candidate for admission. An additional partial year of working on grandma's farm is unlikely to materially affect his chance for admission. Plus, he probably is not a resident of the state of New York. New York partially funds this ag school for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think this is such a smart idea. I'm surprised by the pushback.

I don't like that he went to grandparents first, but maybe he wanted to see if it was even an option. I'll give him a pass on this one.

Right now I'd ask him, How much are going to be paid? (adulting lesson - ask about money, even with family)

And assuming that's okay (farm help doesn't pay a lot and minus room/board it may not be much, but it should be something and that something should be saved), I'd tell him you want to see a list of what colleges he'll apply to in the Fall. You want that now. It's a draft, but it should be a considered draft. He won't know a lot more about this process 4 months from now than he does right now.

Some kids think a gap year is a gap year, but look at juniors .. they're being told right now to do their essays this summer. This is where gap year kids fall apart a bit.

So before he goes, you write out a timeline. Testing is done now. No retakes. Essays done by x date. You don't need this done by Sept 1 but you want this all done early enough that the gap year will be spent working, not stressing every deadline. Replaying this stressful year AGAIN is not good for anyone's mental health.

IMO his list should include Cornell's International Agriculture/Rural Dev major which is super interesting, pretty transferrable, and likes kids with this experience. He could also switch if it's not perfect. The argriculture/climate change space is also really expanding in both colleges and the job market.

From one farm kid to another (potential) one, GL!

You think that a kid who went 1/11 on his college apps is going to be accepted to Cornell University because he spent some more time working on grandma's farm ?

His farm experience didn't resonate too well on his first round of college applications.

Yep, I'm pretty familiar with that program and I think he has a good shot if he can talk real science. His apps need to be re-worked obv, but I suspect they were pretty vanilla. "Grandma's farm" has a hint of derision about it, but there's nothing rinky-dink about a year on a farm. It's a data-driven business that is changing all the time with new technologies in every department. I get that you're not impressed, but it's apparent you have very little insight in this area.

It is apparent that you have very little insight to Cornell University admissions--and especially with respect to the quasi-public ag school.

I mean, you can find my name on their website. But okay! (and quasi-public .. eyeroll)

Well, your eyeroll just confirmed that you do not know much about Cornell University.

DP. I know nothing about Cornell, but as a senior tech exec whose posts about CS are often criticized by SAHPs whose familiarity with CS seems to come from TV shows, I sympathize with the eye roller who — unlike most — seems to actually know that they are talking about.

Dismissive PP’s post is the epitome of DCUM ignorance and arrogance. This forum is Dunning Kruger central.

[Anonymous]

This sounds amazing. I would say yes without a second thought and be incredibly proud of my kid.

[Anonymous]

I would, but I have a decent amount of knowledge in this area.

I wonder what the responses would be if this kid had an in at a start-up or DCUM-approved company. "he would live w his aunt and work with her at Airbnb HQ for a year in an area that's relevant to his intended major" etc.