21 year old son, overnights with girlfriend

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Stop paying if you disapprove of him. Just don’t expect him to speak to you at all.

So I should fear him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

What bills? His phone? Student loan? No insurance I assume since you’re in Canada.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Stop paying if you disapprove of him. Just don’t expect him to speak to you at all.

So I should fear him?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

I am surprised by the answer. You would all be okay with this? While you pay for everything?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

I'm the PP and I did not say anything about fear. It's not about being afraid of his reaction. It's about your relationship with your adult son.

At this point in time, it's all about the relationship. You have no authority over your adult son.

Op here. I would have had the respect towards my parents to either never do this or do it on the down low. But he thinks he just need to accept it. Good God, I never even talked about sex with my parents and I would have never been so blatant.

There’s nothing to talk about. Two 21 year olds living together for 36 hours are obviously having sex. NBD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Stop paying if you disapprove of him. Just don’t expect him to speak to you at all.

So I should fear him?

Yes.

Lol No. He should fear that I won't share my money. I have several million he would love to inherit. He should fear that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

I'm the PP and I did not say anything about fear. It's not about being afraid of his reaction. It's about your relationship with your adult son.

At this point in time, it's all about the relationship. You have no authority over your adult son.

Op here. I would have had the respect towards my parents to either never do this or do it on the down low. But he thinks he just need to accept it. Good God, I never even talked about sex with my parents and I would have never been so blatant.

There’s nothing to talk about. Two 21 year olds living together for 36 hours are obviously having sex. NBD.

I didn't say she is 21. She is 19. He is 21.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised by the answer. You would all be okay with this? While you pay for everything?

She’s free to stop paying, and he is free to have as much sex as he pleases. That wasn’t enough for OP, apparently, who likes controlling with $$$$$$$

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

I'm the PP and I did not say anything about fear. It's not about being afraid of his reaction. It's about your relationship with your adult son.

At this point in time, it's all about the relationship. You have no authority over your adult son.

Op here. I would have had the respect towards my parents to either never do this or do it on the down low. But he thinks he just need to accept it. Good God, I never even talked about sex with my parents and I would have never been so blatant.

There’s nothing to talk about. Two 21 year olds living together for 36 hours are obviously having sex. NBD.

I didn't say she is 21. She is 19. He is 21.

They’re consenting adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Stop paying if you disapprove of him. Just don’t expect him to speak to you at all.

So I should fear him?

Yes.

Lol No. He should fear that I won't share my money. I have several million he would love to inherit. He should fear that.

So you would like to control him with money forever? He is going to choose having freedom in his adult life over you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

I'm the PP and I did not say anything about fear. It's not about being afraid of his reaction. It's about your relationship with your adult son.

At this point in time, it's all about the relationship. You have no authority over your adult son.

Op here. I would have had the respect towards my parents to either never do this or do it on the down low. But he thinks he just need to accept it. Good God, I never even talked about sex with my parents and I would have never been so blatant.

There’s nothing to talk about. Two 21 year olds living together for 36 hours are obviously having sex. NBD.

I didn't say she is 21. She is 19. He is 21.

They’re consenting adults.

I know

[Anonymous]

My mother tried to control my sex life, including who I was dating. I became independent as soon as I could and walked away. I married someone I loved who was an atheist with tattoos, piercings and a stable job and a heart of gold. 14 years in, we’re still happily married and she’s never met her grandkids. I’m not Catholic nor are we raising our kids to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother tried to control my sex life, including who I was dating. I became independent as soon as I could and walked away. I married someone I loved who was an atheist with tattoos, piercings and a stable job and a heart of gold. 14 years in, we’re still happily married and she’s never met her grandkids. I’m not Catholic nor are we raising our kids to be.

Sounds like you married a loser to spite your mom. You lost in the end and your own kids with think tattoos and piercings are cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely. He's an adult. You're having a hard time letting go but he needs to figure out independence and relationships and you need to give him the space to do it. You don't have to let her stay overnight at your house (your rules and all) but you will push him away if you try to forbid him to go to hers. I've seen this dynamic play out a few times u and it can be really damaging to your relationship with him. You are basically saying "I don't trust you to make decisions in your own life".

I'm basically saying, I don't support acting like a $lut. He doesn't need to sleep over. I didn't do that stuff.

You have spent 21 years raising him with your morals, values, principles, and ethics. He is choosing differently from how you would choose.

Do you think that your enforcement of "rules" for a 21-year-old man will make any difference whatsoever?

Are you more interested in creating and enforcing rules for your adult child than you are in having a relationship with him?

I'm not going to just sit back and be okay with poor choices because I am scared of his reaction. And yes he is livid.

You should be scared of his reaction. He’s an adult & has the power to never speak to you again if you are awful.

Lol ok. I pay his bills.

Stop paying if you disapprove of him. Just don’t expect him to speak to you at all.

So I should fear him?

Yes.

Lol No. He should fear that I won't share my money. I have several million he would love to inherit. He should fear that.

Wow, you are awful. Emotional blackmail for an inheritance is much worse than premarital sex IMO. I bet you "spanked" him when he was little too.

[Anonymous]

Trying to control another person with money, the worst kind of person. And you talk about morals.