Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.
Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.
But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?
The lack of self awareness in this complaint is stunning. Can you not see how judgmental your own daughter is being in rejecting the sorority that gave her the bid as being beneath her?
DP but you talk out of both sides of your mouth. It’s supposed to be a two way process you say. The girls have choices you say. When a house makes a choice, that’s part of the process you say. When a girl makes a choice, you say she’s an ungrateful snob. Do you have any self-awareness???
I can’t believe you still don’t get PP’s point. She wasn’t calling your daughter names much less ungrateful, but calling out YOUR (or your daughter’s) impression of the women who wanted her to join as being “low ranked” and calling their offer “demeaning and damaging”.
They have nothing in common because it’s lower ranked? Do you ever look in the mirror?
You still don’t get quotes. It wasn’t the mom saying that. She was quoting it because that’s how the girls talk about it. English 101.
There are plenty of rich, skinny, smart, popular-type girls that don’t make the cut to the top sororities. I don’t think it is unreasonable for them to drop out of rush rather than pledging a lower ranked sorority where they have nothing in common with the girls.
Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.
Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.
But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?
The lack of self awareness in this complaint is stunning. Can you not see how judgmental your own daughter is being in rejecting the sorority that gave her the bid as being beneath her?
DP but you talk out of both sides of your mouth. It’s supposed to be a two way process you say. The girls have choices you say. When a house makes a choice, that’s part of the process you say. When a girl makes a choice, you say she’s an ungrateful snob. Do you have any self-awareness???
I can’t believe you still don’t get PP’s point. She wasn’t calling your daughter names much less ungrateful, but calling out YOUR (or your daughter’s) impression of the women who wanted her to join as being “low ranked” and calling their offer “demeaning and damaging”.
You still don’t get quotes. It wasn’t the mom saying that. She was quoting it because that’s how the girls talk about it. English 101.
There are plenty of rich, skinny, smart, popular-type girls that don’t make the cut to the top sororities. I don’t think it is unreasonable for them to drop out of rush rather than pledging a lower ranked sorority where they have nothing in common with the girls.
So the "rich, skinny, smart, popular-type girls" have nothing in common with the girls in a lower ranked sorority? Other than both sets didn't get into the "top sororities"?
Have her join specific clubs of her interest instead. Sorriorties can be cruel, rush is cruel.
Ugh, our resident Greek Life hater. Hi! Op, my DD pledged a sorority and can be described very much like your daughter. It has had its' ups and downs, but, in the end, has been a very gratifying experience for her and her friend group. I was ultimately on the side of no Greek life, while my DH fully supported it, with us deciding it was her life and her decision. She eventually received six bids to six sororities and wisely chose the one that she knew she would fit into, not the most popular one which was originally her first choice. The rush experience truly helped her sort out the minute differences that helped her arrive at the final selection. It has been a very supportive and enlightening environment she chose to place herself in, no regrets whatsoever. And yes, my DH gets to tell my "I told you so" whenever he wants on the subject. Lol.
But your DD got 6 bids, including her original first choice. Now imagine being a girl who only gets one bid (or none), and it's to the "lowest ranked" sorority and not one she envisioned being a part of. Can you see how demeaning and damaging that can be to her moral and overall well being?
The lack of self awareness in this complaint is stunning. Can you not see how judgmental your own daughter is being in rejecting the sorority that gave her the bid as being beneath her?
DP but you talk out of both sides of your mouth. It’s supposed to be a two way process you say. The girls have choices you say. When a house makes a choice, that’s part of the process you say. When a girl makes a choice, you say she’s an ungrateful snob. Do you have any self-awareness???
I can’t believe you still don’t get PP’s point. She wasn’t calling your daughter names much less ungrateful, but calling out YOUR (or your daughter’s) impression of the women who wanted her to join as being “low ranked” and calling their offer “demeaning and damaging”.
You still don’t get quotes. It wasn’t the mom saying that. She was quoting it because that’s how the girls talk about it. English 101.
There are plenty of rich, skinny, smart, popular-type girls that don’t make the cut to the top sororities. I don’t think it is unreasonable for them to drop out of rush rather than pledging a lower ranked sorority where they have nothing in common with the girls.
So the "rich, skinny, smart, popular-type girls" have nothing in common with the girls in a lower ranked sorority? Other than both sets didn't get into the "top sororities"?
Exactly, clearly those girls are too good for the lower ranked sororities.
Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.
The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.
I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.
Huge difference: They make the varsity team or first chair in orchestra based on actual Talent/skills. "making the sorority" is based on appearance, whether the right people like you, family money, where you vacation, etc. Very different situations.
Social skills are some of the most important skills a kid can have. And any selection process is political to some degree.
Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.
The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.
I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.
+1000 this. Its not personal and no some of the girls in the sororities themselves don't even know who was dropped. Its all fed into the computer and the computer matches. No one is snickering about the rushees behind their back, unless they are in the top houses that don't even give people a chance if they don't know them, but again why would you want to be with that group? Just because some boys think they are the prettiest?
It’s 100% personal. Otherwise there would be no rush- it would be a blind lottery. What do you think that information “fed into the computer” is ??? It’s votes based on how many girls “want” you based on the 10 minutes they spend with you and how many mutual friends you already have.
Again my DD just went through rush. She spoke with rushees for 20 min the first day and rated them on many things (official rating sheets) including enthusiasm for the house, their communication skills, whether they were engaged in the discussion and asking good questions. None of these ratings had anything to do with looks wealth, boyfriends, drinking etc. It is all just trying to determine if this person is interested in the house and able/willing to communicate well. Do you think that is too high a bar?
Do you really think that what actually happens?
I absolutely do, my DD told me all about it. They have very strict rules about what they can ask and sororities were suspended for talking about drinking etc.
Yeah. For drinking. But they have your resume and before they even see your face, you’re ranked by where you went to high school, who your daddy is, who your mama is (and what house she was in), what ECs you did and where ($$), your GPA, your SAT, your house, any other status symbols they can discern from your resume, and MOST importantly, how many girls have already said “we know her” “we want her” because they went to the same high school, church, country club, etc. There are occasional outliers, but it is mostly hush hush dirty rush.
You are talking about top houses. I am sure you know know that the vast majority of houses do not dirty rush and the vast majority of sororities on campus are not considered "top houses" and yet they absolutely have a great sisterhood, even better, are less cliquey than the top houses. No one NEEDS to be in a top house. If you're kid dropped out of rush because they didn't get a "top house" they need to do some soul searching, and you do too as their mom.
There are places for everyone. My DD was happy telling me that bid a girl she loved during rush. Why did she love her? Because she was bubbly and friendly and excited and fun to talk to. I don't even think she knows what town she's from and she certainly doesn't know anything about who her daddy is or her SAT, but she does know what activities she participates in on campus and her major etc.
I am talking about ALL but one of the houses. At a large southern school. EVERY house gets your resume. I have no idea where your daughter went to school, but yours is not a typical experience.
My DD is at a large state school. Sure they have to submit a profile to rush but I can tell you my DD, as a sister, never had a “resume”. They never knew anything about the girls as they came in. Heck there were 1000 of them, do you think all the sisters had time to study the resumes when the girls came in? Funnily, the only way they could tell anything about the girls was their clothes and I can tell you, the $1000 Canada goose clad girls were the ones they knew they weren’t going to get because clearly they valued prestige over sisterhood. They’d even say, oh I really liked that girl and when she collected her jacket, they said, well guess we wont see her again.
The committee works on this stuff all summer. Your daughter just wasn’t part of that.
I was rush chair so can tell you that definitely was not the case at our school, we didn’t think of any aspect of rush other than the party planning until the week of. Nor did we know who we would cut the first night in advance.
Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.
The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.
I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.
Huge difference: They make the varsity team or first chair in orchestra based on actual Talent/skills. "making the sorority" is based on appearance, whether the right people like you, family money, where you vacation, etc. Very different situations.
Social skills are some of the most important skills a kid can have. And any selection process is political to some degree.
How does that work now that about 80% of Gen Z has anxiety, depression, and/or social anxiety?
Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.
The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.
I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.
Huge difference: They make the varsity team or first chair in orchestra based on actual Talent/skills. "making the sorority" is based on appearance, whether the right people like you, family money, where you vacation, etc. Very different situations.
Social skills are some of the most important skills a kid can have. And any selection process is political to some degree.
How does that work now that about 80% of Gen Z has anxiety, depression, and/or social anxiety?
Mostly because of parents that are unwilling to have them even sniff disappointment.
Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.
Not all schools are the same. Why is that so hard to understand? Your experience is not everyone’s experience.
I realize that, but it is also obvious to me that the people complaining about how sororities work here for the most part were never in one and have no clue how they actually work. They may have watched a bunch of Bama rush tik toks though.
Anonymous wrote:Clear that a lot of people attacking sororities on this thread have no clue how sorority bid matching works. The system, by design, gives every girl who participates in preference night parties (the last night of rush) a bid. Each house is only allowed a certain number of bids which is determined by dividing the overall number of girls participating by the number of houses. So, if there are 3 houses and 75 girls still rushing, each sorority is limited to 25 bids max. A popular sorority probably could give out two or three times as many bids, but they aren’t allowed to as the system wants each house to have an equal shot at a full pledge class.
The sororities rank just as the girls do. A sorority might love the 36th girl on their list but she still won’t get a bid from them if their quota is reached. The matching between lists is not done by the sororities themselves (they just turn in their list) , and they are sometimes as surprised by the results as the girls rushing. It’s an imperfect system but designed to give every girl an option, and to have as many full (aka vibrant) sorority houses on campus as possible.
I am sure it is momentarily devastating not to get the most desired house. But I hope that we are raising our daughters with enough resilience and grit that they can accept this disappointment and move on, just as they would do if they don’t make a varsity team or first chair in orchestra.
Huge difference: They make the varsity team or first chair in orchestra based on actual Talent/skills. "making the sorority" is based on appearance, whether the right people like you, family money, where you vacation, etc. Very different situations.
Social skills are some of the most important skills a kid can have. And any selection process is political to some degree.
What does having gone to a sufficiently wealthy high school, having a mother who was a sister, or a dad with a good job title have to do with social skills?
Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.
Not all schools are the same. Why is that so hard to understand? Your experience is not everyone’s experience.
I realize that, but it is also obvious to me that the people complaining about how sororities work here for the most part were never in one and have no clue how they actually work. They may have watched a bunch of Bama rush tik toks though.
I love people who were in what seem like very welcoming houses in schools with low key greek scenes insist it’s that way everywhere. We had pictures on a projector, a sister charged with arguing in favor, a debate and then a vote
Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.
Not all schools are the same. Why is that so hard to understand? Your experience is not everyone’s experience.
I realize that, but it is also obvious to me that the people complaining about how sororities work here for the most part were never in one and have no clue how they actually work. They may have watched a bunch of Bama rush tik toks though.
Maybe some of us have had kids go through rush in schools like that.
Anonymous wrote:I really am enjoying the posters who were never in a sorority tell me about how rush really works. Lots of active imaginations here.
Not all schools are the same. Why is that so hard to understand? Your experience is not everyone’s experience.
I realize that, but it is also obvious to me that the people complaining about how sororities work here for the most part were never in one and have no clue how they actually work. They may have watched a bunch of Bama rush tik toks though.
I love people who were in what seem like very welcoming houses in schools with low key greek scenes insist it’s that way everywhere. We had pictures on a projector, a sister charged with arguing in favor, a debate and then a vote
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