Start to feel suicidal when I’m alone with kids for multiple days and not getting out

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My spouse travels pretty much every other week and I have three kids under 7 that have been sick for months so I totally get it.

I don't have great advice. Everyone is all "self-care" but that doesn't work so well the way my family is designed I get shit on 100% of the time and my husband gets to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

I mean most kids will spend an hour staring at a movie at any age. Order food for delivery and let the dishes pile up and hit the tub.

Wow, that's great for like 2 hours but what do I do with the remaining 96? And, no. My 1 year old will not sit for a movie, lol. How long had it been since you had children?

Well 1 year sleep a lot and can be left in a crib with a mobile.

Wtf? No. 12 month olds are typically down to one 2-hr nap a day. A 1 year old can be between 12-23 months old.

Leave a toddler in a crib with a mobile, are you insane or stupid or both?

Right! That's seriously cruel. I have a 15month old and she's already too old for a mobile. She just woke up from her ONE, 45 minute nap. My older kids napped a lot better and I can remember a 1 hour and then a 2 hour nap at this age. It would be heavenly, but isn't feasible for all babies.

Oh yeah and my 15 month old doesn't look at TV yet. It's like they can't watch it until 2-2.5

So it’s better for the mom to kill her self than a 15 month watch TV a little early?

Kids in daycare are left in playpens or safe play areas all the time on their own. There is like 3 to 1 staffing, so it’s not like the caregivers can be with them non stop as well as feeding, changing, consoling. She needs to follow her child’s cue and train them to entertain themselves.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

I’m sorry. This is not situational suicidal thoughts; thats when like you are dying of cancer or a POW or something extreme. She is stuck watching her own kids, suicidal ideation in this situation is a mental health crisis.

It is a mental health crisis, for sure. But the crisis is caused by her situation. The situation she is going through *is* extreme. She isn't just stuck watching her kids. She is isolated, has no support, is ill, is suffering from exhaustion, still has to care for people who need constant care, and is likely sleep-deprived. For many people that is going to cause suicidal ideation. If she got enough support from others, those things would change and the mental health issue would be much alleviated.

For how long though? Most people would be able to handle this for 4-5 days.

I am still baffled as to how you can still think this isn't a situational crisis and that her husband coming home and getting a babysitter wouldn't be the answer. Perhaps yes OP has a more sensitive nervous system than 50% of the population (although I don't think you can say that for sure; for one, just look at how many commenters have said that this is normal) but OP is in a terrible situation and the first step to fixing the issue is fixing the situation. If she feels terrible when her husband is gone, him coming back is part of the solution.

I know you think that you know a lot because you have suicidal family members but I promise you that there is more to it that what you're saying.

I’m the PP with suicidal family. I do know a lot. And no one is responsible for keeping someone else from being suicidal — her DH can’t put on his hero hat every time she cries wolf. Maybe this one time he comes home and helps her seek treatment, but the answer is not him changing his career especially since he is the breadwinner.

And I wasn’t the last PP, many people are agreeing with me it’s not situational suicidal — that’s bananas for “home with sick kids for a week”. We wouldn’t survive as a species if that was common.

Wow. This may be one of the most callous and mean things I have ever seen someone put in writing.

Well you probably haven’t had to deal with many suicidal people. Boundaries are crucial and I won’t support PPs trying encourage OP to enmesh her DH in her illness. Yes, he has a role as her DH to help her, but blanket statement about he should not travel for work or “do more” ring hollow without discussion with a therapist and OP recognizing her illness. Say he quits his job, takes a job with less trouble but now they are tight on money, and have to move to an apartment — suddenly the loss of her “American dream” could make her suicidal.

According to your own post you have dealt with one in your family. No one is forcing you to help here, so maybe you would like to just shut up and go away since pretty much every other poster disagrees with you.

Actually there have been many on this post telling OP she needs to take responsibility and get help. It’s not up to her DH or her village. It’s on her.

How many suicidal members have you dealt with? I actually have 3 in my family, but the other two were less recent when boundaries were not as emphasized in managing their mental health.

the care of the children while they are sick and their mother is sick is not the father’s responsibility? ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you’re the best wife and mom. The world needs you.

My friend told me this earlier in the week, I was in a space similar to yours. It’s hard, it’s not normal but it common.

I upped my Zoloft, hoping that helps at least get me to 2023

2023 will be much brighter with you in it. I’m so thankful for you and agree with your friend. Thank you so much for your vulnerability in sharing this and especially letting someone in your life know how you’re feeling. I hope the medicines will bring some ease.

[Anonymous]

If the Op is still reading - I hope things are going ok and the kids are feeling better and you are able to get a break soon

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

I’m sorry. This is not situational suicidal thoughts; thats when like you are dying of cancer or a POW or something extreme. She is stuck watching her own kids, suicidal ideation in this situation is a mental health crisis.

It is a mental health crisis, for sure. But the crisis is caused by her situation. The situation she is going through *is* extreme. She isn't just stuck watching her kids. She is isolated, has no support, is ill, is suffering from exhaustion, still has to care for people who need constant care, and is likely sleep-deprived. For many people that is going to cause suicidal ideation. If she got enough support from others, those things would change and the mental health issue would be much alleviated.

For how long though? Most people would be able to handle this for 4-5 days.

I am still baffled as to how you can still think this isn't a situational crisis and that her husband coming home and getting a babysitter wouldn't be the answer. Perhaps yes OP has a more sensitive nervous system than 50% of the population (although I don't think you can say that for sure; for one, just look at how many commenters have said that this is normal) but OP is in a terrible situation and the first step to fixing the issue is fixing the situation. If she feels terrible when her husband is gone, him coming back is part of the solution.

I know you think that you know a lot because you have suicidal family members but I promise you that there is more to it that what you're saying.

I’m the PP with suicidal family. I do know a lot. And no one is responsible for keeping someone else from being suicidal — her DH can’t put on his hero hat every time she cries wolf. Maybe this one time he comes home and helps her seek treatment, but the answer is not him changing his career especially since he is the breadwinner.

And I wasn’t the last PP, many people are agreeing with me it’s not situational suicidal — that’s bananas for “home with sick kids for a week”. We wouldn’t survive as a species if that was common.

Wow. This may be one of the most callous and mean things I have ever seen someone put in writing.

Well you probably haven’t had to deal with many suicidal people. Boundaries are crucial and I won’t support PPs trying encourage OP to enmesh her DH in her illness. Yes, he has a role as her DH to help her, but blanket statement about he should not travel for work or “do more” ring hollow without discussion with a therapist and OP recognizing her illness. Say he quits his job, takes a job with less trouble but now they are tight on money, and have to move to an apartment — suddenly the loss of her “American dream” could make her suicidal.

According to your own post you have dealt with one in your family. No one is forcing you to help here, so maybe you would like to just shut up and go away since pretty much every other poster disagrees with you.

Actually there have been many on this post telling OP she needs to take responsibility and get help. It’s not up to her DH or her village. It’s on her.

How many suicidal members have you dealt with? I actually have 3 in my family, but the other two were less recent when boundaries were not as emphasized in managing their mental health.

PP here. I am very thankful not to be related to you.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have been there down to the suicidal thoughts when DH travels and I'm stuck with the kids. Those trapped, frustrated, isolated feelings are understandable, but the suicidal thoughts (which I've had specifically in that same situation) indicate something more is needed to get you through. For me this was a sign I needed to go on an SSRI for awhile. I sometimes also take an SSRI to get through winter because the weather contributes to that trapped feeling.

Talk to your primary care physician. They can prescribe an SSRI if it's easier for you to get and manage it through them rather have to find and set up appts with another doctor if that's easier. Mine also replies readily to messages through the online portal within a day or two (I use Medstar primary care). I just wanted to mention this because finding and setting up an appt is so tough when you're in that zone.

Other things that helped: I'm really clear with DH that I feel this way when he travels. I ask him to avoid posting what he's doing on social media till he's back because seeing him out and about while I'm stuck makes me feel more trapped. Then I make an effort to set up one thing, as others suggested, to look forward to and plan the heck out of it.

This season in life is tough, just want you to know that you are not alone and your feelings are understandable. But when those feelings are that severe that the suicidal thoughts pop up (even if you think you wouldn't act on those thoughts), it's a sign that a some extra, outside help is needed.

[Anonymous]

Please call 988 today. They are there . They will listen.