Start to feel suicidal when I’m alone with kids for multiple days and not getting out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse travels pretty much every other week and I have three kids under 7 that have been sick for months so I totally get it.

I don't have great advice. Everyone is all "self-care" but that doesn't work so well the way my family is designed I get shit on 100% of the time and my husband gets to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

I mean most kids will spend an hour staring at a movie at any age. Order food for delivery and let the dishes pile up and hit the tub.

Wow, that's great for like 2 hours but what do I do with the remaining 96? And, no. My 1 year old will not sit for a movie, lol. How long had it been since you had children?

Be a b***h and don’t put up with it. Demand be look for a new job that doesn’t involve travel. Throw a fit. This is your *life* and it shouldn’t be lived this way just because your husband wants what he wants.

Also, send the kids off to grandparents sometimes if possible, and when your husband is home tell him you need some time alone and check yourself into a hotel for a day. Something. You need better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

I’m sorry. This is not situational suicidal thoughts; thats when like you are dying of cancer or a POW or something extreme. She is stuck watching her own kids, suicidal ideation in this situation is a mental health crisis.

[Anonymous]

This is normal OP. Sorry for all the women who are making you feel like it isn't. Kids are so hard and draining. This was like covid where everyone kept saying- oh it's totally fine, just let your kids watch TV! Except my 1 and 3 year olds didn't/wouldn't watch TV. My dh also travels long hours, so you get sympathy from me. I think it makes you feel worse when you feel gaslighted about how hard kids are.

Some things I changed- got on Wellbutrin, got a babysitter for 3 hours in the middle of the day on weekends (these are easy to find with local high schoolers!), and got the kids to bed at 7pm.

Can you take them outside to play? My kids pretend they're little duckies in the rain.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

I’m sorry. This is not situational suicidal thoughts; thats when like you are dying of cancer or a POW or something extreme. She is stuck watching her own kids, suicidal ideation in this situation is a mental health crisis.

It is a mental health crisis, for sure. But the crisis is caused by her situation. The situation she is going through *is* extreme. She isn't just stuck watching her kids. She is isolated, has no support, is ill, is suffering from exhaustion, still has to care for people who need constant care, and is likely sleep-deprived. For many people that is going to cause suicidal ideation. If she got enough support from others, those things would change and the mental health issue would be much alleviated.

[Anonymous]

Tell your DH to come home. You’re sick- he needs to be there.

Then talk to your doctor about medication and therapy.

Covid isolation is REALLY hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

I’m sorry. This is not situational suicidal thoughts; thats when like you are dying of cancer or a POW or something extreme. She is stuck watching her own kids, suicidal ideation in this situation is a mental health crisis.

It is a mental health crisis, for sure. But the crisis is caused by her situation. The situation she is going through *is* extreme. She isn't just stuck watching her kids. She is isolated, has no support, is ill, is suffering from exhaustion, still has to care for people who need constant care, and is likely sleep-deprived. For many people that is going to cause suicidal ideation. If she got enough support from others, those things would change and the mental health issue would be much alleviated.

For how long though? Most people would be able to handle this for 4-5 days.

[Anonymous]

You should consider medication. It's not normal to feel that way (even if it is common) and you need some extra help. Call a doctor and ask for a prescription.

[Anonymous]

What neighborhood are you in OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

I’m sorry. This is not situational suicidal thoughts; thats when like you are dying of cancer or a POW or something extreme. She is stuck watching her own kids, suicidal ideation in this situation is a mental health crisis.

It is a mental health crisis, for sure. But the crisis is caused by her situation. The situation she is going through *is* extreme. She isn't just stuck watching her kids. She is isolated, has no support, is ill, is suffering from exhaustion, still has to care for people who need constant care, and is likely sleep-deprived. For many people that is going to cause suicidal ideation. If she got enough support from others, those things would change and the mental health issue would be much alleviated.

For how long though? Most people would be able to handle this for 4-5 days.

I am still baffled as to how you can still think this isn't a situational crisis and that her husband coming home and getting a babysitter wouldn't be the answer. Perhaps yes OP has a more sensitive nervous system than 50% of the population (although I don't think you can say that for sure; for one, just look at how many commenters have said that this is normal) but OP is in a terrible situation and the first step to fixing the issue is fixing the situation. If she feels terrible when her husband is gone, him coming back is part of the solution.

I know you think that you know a lot because you have suicidal family members but I promise you that there is more to it that what you're saying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse travels pretty much every other week and I have three kids under 7 that have been sick for months so I totally get it.

I don't have great advice. Everyone is all "self-care" but that doesn't work so well the way my family is designed I get shit on 100% of the time and my husband gets to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

I mean most kids will spend an hour staring at a movie at any age. Order food for delivery and let the dishes pile up and hit the tub.

Wow, that's great for like 2 hours but what do I do with the remaining 96? And, no. My 1 year old will not sit for a movie, lol. How long had it been since you had children?

Well 1 year sleep a lot and can be left in a crib with a mobile.

Lol “a mobile”. When were you last parenting babies/small children, the 70s? My 1 year old is scaling the walls and can easily hop out of a crib.

[Anonymous]

One small suggestion—I have a playlist of only upbeat, energizing songs. It is almost miraculous how much it helps my outlook to put it on. Ice cream also helps buy that usually just makes me feel worse later — the music has no side effects!
It’s also okay if the toddler cries in his crib for a while. I had a baby that didn’t sleep and I remember once being sick and thinking if we both just died in that moment at least I would not have to get out of bed and get her again. If you need sleep, put in earplugs and sleep. It’s not ideal but you need to be functional.
Also agree with lettting go of any non essential shit like cleaning and cooking. It’s a great day for boxed Mac and cheese and frozen nuggets or whatever will make your life easier. Order a ubereats sweet green salad for yourself — healthy food will make you feel a little better.

[Anonymous]

Yes this is called being a mom. Talk to DH and decide an extended break. I would stay overnight at a hotel to be alone. It helped me considerably. Having young kids with no social support or ways to get a break is horrible!! Just know, please, it gets better soon!

[Anonymous]

No it's not "being a mom". It's not a normal brain response to a hardship to consider suicide.

Yes, the situation needs to change, but more importantly her brain's chemical response to a hardship needs to change. Please see your medical doctor, and if possible a psychiatrist. You can still have virtual appointments, but you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single parent here after divorcing a physically abusive narcissist. I am alone with kids 100% of the time. I have no support. I am suicidal all the time. It’s something I just live with. Reality is too painful to think about so I just try to dissociate and get by day to day.

I am so sorry. Please reach out for help.

Help from who? My past can’t be changed and it’s what got me here. Paying someone to listen requires money I don’t have and how would it change anything anyway. No one I know has the bandwidth or inclination to do anything substantively useful and I’m not entitled to that anyway. Their resources are theirs. I am alone.

https://www.nami.org/help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it's not "being a mom". It's not a normal brain response to a hardship to consider suicide.

Yes, the situation needs to change, but more importantly her brain's chemical response to a hardship needs to change. Please see your medical doctor, and if possible a psychiatrist. You can still have virtual appointments, but you need to take care of yourself before you can take care of your family.

Agreed she needs help - but thing #1 is to end her isolation by getting her DH to come home ASAP.

As for the situation- covid isolation is a new, very hard thing we haven’t dealt with before. It’s not just solo parenting a couple of sick kids. It’s isolation, sometimes weeks on end depending on the sequence of household infections.