Start to feel suicidal when I’m alone with kids for multiple days and not getting out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

I’m sorry. This is not situational suicidal thoughts; thats when like you are dying of cancer or a POW or something extreme. She is stuck watching her own kids, suicidal ideation in this situation is a mental health crisis.

It is a mental health crisis, for sure. But the crisis is caused by her situation. The situation she is going through *is* extreme. She isn't just stuck watching her kids. She is isolated, has no support, is ill, is suffering from exhaustion, still has to care for people who need constant care, and is likely sleep-deprived. For many people that is going to cause suicidal ideation. If she got enough support from others, those things would change and the mental health issue would be much alleviated.

For how long though? Most people would be able to handle this for 4-5 days.

I am still baffled as to how you can still think this isn't a situational crisis and that her husband coming home and getting a babysitter wouldn't be the answer. Perhaps yes OP has a more sensitive nervous system than 50% of the population (although I don't think you can say that for sure; for one, just look at how many commenters have said that this is normal) but OP is in a terrible situation and the first step to fixing the issue is fixing the situation. If she feels terrible when her husband is gone, him coming back is part of the solution.

I know you think that you know a lot because you have suicidal family members but I promise you that there is more to it that what you're saying.

I’m the PP with suicidal family. I do know a lot. And no one is responsible for keeping someone else from being suicidal — her DH can’t put on his hero hat every time she cries wolf. Maybe this one time he comes home and helps her seek treatment, but the answer is not him changing his career especially since he is the breadwinner.

And I wasn’t the last PP, many people are agreeing with me it’s not situational suicidal — that’s bananas for “home with sick kids for a week”. We wouldn’t survive as a species if that was common.

Wow. This may be one of the most callous and mean things I have ever seen someone put in writing.

Well you probably haven’t had to deal with many suicidal people. Boundaries are crucial and I won’t support PPs trying encourage OP to enmesh her DH in her illness. Yes, he has a role as her DH to help her, but blanket statement about he should not travel for work or “do more” ring hollow without discussion with a therapist and OP recognizing her illness. Say he quits his job, takes a job with less trouble but now they are tight on money, and have to move to an apartment — suddenly the loss of her “American dream” could make her suicidal.

oh boy. OP please know that this is just so, so wrong.

I would not be willing to be married to somebody who traveled a lot. Many people say that quitting intense jobs and dealing with a lower standard of living was a fantastic decision. Feeling hopeless and desperate in your situation doesn’t mean *you* are the problem.

I’m all for therapy, meds are often appropriate, but for the love please don’t believe that there is something wrong with the fact that you need help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single parent here after divorcing a physically abusive narcissist. I am alone with kids 100% of the time. I have no support. I am suicidal all the time. It’s something I just live with. Reality is too painful to think about so I just try to dissociate and get by day to day.

I am so sorry. Please reach out for help.

Help from who? My past can’t be changed and it’s what got me here. Paying someone to listen requires money I don’t have and how would it change anything anyway. No one I know has the bandwidth or inclination to do anything substantively useful and I’m not entitled to that anyway. Their resources are theirs. I am alone.

https://www.nami.org/help

In case it was lost amongst the bickering.

[Anonymous]

Also this a good place to start. At link you have options to call, text , or WhatsApp.

https://www.crisistextline.org/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

THANK YOU! This lady gets it. ^^^

And btw, the most up to date research suggests our mental health is completely entrenched in our environmental factors. Those of you that still think it is some kind of a chemical imbalance in the brain need to read up or shut up.

[Anonymous]

Are you in DC / local OP?

We might be able to offer options near you for aid or places to go. Do you have a car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

THANK YOU! This lady gets it. ^^^

And btw, the most up to date research suggests our mental health is completely entrenched in our environmental factors. Those of you that still think it is some kind of a chemical imbalance in the brain need to read up or shut up.

Great. Can you guys stop fighting so we can reach OP directly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My spouse travels pretty much every other week and I have three kids under 7 that have been sick for months so I totally get it.

I don't have great advice. Everyone is all "self-care" but that doesn't work so well the way my family is designed I get shit on 100% of the time and my husband gets to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.

I mean most kids will spend an hour staring at a movie at any age. Order food for delivery and let the dishes pile up and hit the tub.

Wow, that's great for like 2 hours but what do I do with the remaining 96? And, no. My 1 year old will not sit for a movie, lol. How long had it been since you had children?

Well 1 year sleep a lot and can be left in a crib with a mobile.

Wtf? No. 12 month olds are typically down to one 2-hr nap a day. A 1 year old can be between 12-23 months old.

Leave a toddler in a crib with a mobile, are you insane or stupid or both?

[Anonymous]

Ugh, OP I feel for you. TV and movies, my friend. You don't have to be a great parent right now, juts a functioning one. And get outside as much as you possibly can (I know the weather sucks but tomorrow maybe?). If you mask you are putting people at zero risk, and if you keep your distance and just stick to uncrowded trails, etc. same deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you saying it's not normal probably don't know a lot of SAHMs in our current society. It's totally common. Maybe we shouldn't characterize it as normal but it is common. I say this as someone who lost a very close family member to suicide not too long ago.

It's not normal to feel suicidal over a temporary sickness and a temporary traveling spouse. That's an extreme/dramatic reaction. Sure it sucks, but it passes. People get over their flu, their cold, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been alone with kids for multiple days stuck inside due to covid and stomach bug and I start to feel suicidal and desperate. I can’t leave and it’s the long exhausting days and not feeling well. I can’t get help and dh is away on a business trip. What do you do in a situation like this? Rationally I won’t but I keep considering it to get out of the situation of feeling trapped and desperate and unsupported.

You need a therapist and likely medication. I have suicidal family members, so your DH coming home or a baby sitter is not the answer. You need professional help today. Call the hotline and go to a therapist with kids in tow if you have too.

If you aren’t actually suicidal and being dramatic, I will judge you.

False. This is situational and so the solution is to fix the situation. If he DH is home and she can have a break from the kids and somebody to talk to, that will fix it. OP isn’t getting her fundamental needs met and that is going to be very, very painful and it’s going to feel like death is the only way out. I have been in this exact situation. I’m not opposed to meds but the idea that our mental health is totally independent from our environment is wrong and exacerbates mental health problems.

Also that’s really terrible of you to suggest that OP might just be being dramatic. You don’t say that to somebody.

I’m sorry. This is not situational suicidal thoughts; thats when like you are dying of cancer or a POW or something extreme. She is stuck watching her own kids, suicidal ideation in this situation is a mental health crisis.

It is a mental health crisis, for sure. But the crisis is caused by her situation. The situation she is going through *is* extreme. She isn't just stuck watching her kids. She is isolated, has no support, is ill, is suffering from exhaustion, still has to care for people who need constant care, and is likely sleep-deprived. For many people that is going to cause suicidal ideation. If she got enough support from others, those things would change and the mental health issue would be much alleviated.

For how long though? Most people would be able to handle this for 4-5 days.

I am still baffled as to how you can still think this isn't a situational crisis and that her husband coming home and getting a babysitter wouldn't be the answer. Perhaps yes OP has a more sensitive nervous system than 50% of the population (although I don't think you can say that for sure; for one, just look at how many commenters have said that this is normal) but OP is in a terrible situation and the first step to fixing the issue is fixing the situation. If she feels terrible when her husband is gone, him coming back is part of the solution.

I know you think that you know a lot because you have suicidal family members but I promise you that there is more to it that what you're saying.

I’m the PP with suicidal family. I do know a lot. And no one is responsible for keeping someone else from being suicidal — her DH can’t put on his hero hat every time she cries wolf. Maybe this one time he comes home and helps her seek treatment, but the answer is not him changing his career especially since he is the breadwinner.

And I wasn’t the last PP, many people are agreeing with me it’s not situational suicidal — that’s bananas for “home with sick kids for a week”. We wouldn’t survive as a species if that was common.

Wow. This may be one of the most callous and mean things I have ever seen someone put in writing.

Well you probably haven’t had to deal with many suicidal people. Boundaries are crucial and I won’t support PPs trying encourage OP to enmesh her DH in her illness. Yes, he has a role as her DH to help her, but blanket statement about he should not travel for work or “do more” ring hollow without discussion with a therapist and OP recognizing her illness. Say he quits his job, takes a job with less trouble but now they are tight on money, and have to move to an apartment — suddenly the loss of her “American dream” could make her suicidal.

jfc. she’s not trying to “enmesh” her DH. She needs the *father of the children* to come help take care of them so she can recover. What kind of mysoginistic bull is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One small suggestion—I have a playlist of only upbeat, energizing songs. It is almost miraculous how much it helps my outlook to put it on. Ice cream also helps buy that usually just makes me feel worse later — the music has no side effects!
It’s also okay if the toddler cries in his crib for a while. I had a baby that didn’t sleep and I remember once being sick and thinking if we both just died in that moment at least I would not have to get out of bed and get her again. If you need sleep, put in earplugs and sleep. It’s not ideal but you need to be functional.
Also agree with lettting go of any non essential shit like cleaning and cooking. It’s a great day for boxed Mac and cheese and frozen nuggets or whatever will make your life easier. Order a ubereats sweet green salad for yourself — healthy food will make you feel a little better.

Same about the music! I have a pandora playlist that I turn on when the kids are rough (4-7pm is so hard!). I can focus on the music instead of getting angry at their whining/screaming/fighting and am more pleasant. Sounds dumb but it helps both dh and I. Keeping calm is crucial

This is good advice. I am really sensitive to loud noises/screaming and I recently bought noise-muffling earbuds to dull the noise of my 3yo's tantrums. It helps so much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All of you saying it's not normal probably don't know a lot of SAHMs in our current society. It's totally common. Maybe we shouldn't characterize it as normal but it is common. I say this as someone who lost a very close family member to suicide not too long ago.

It's not normal to feel suicidal over a temporary sickness and a temporary traveling spouse. That's an extreme/dramatic reaction. Sure it sucks, but it passes. People get over their flu, their cold, etc.

Way to miss the point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One small suggestion—I have a playlist of only upbeat, energizing songs. It is almost miraculous how much it helps my outlook to put it on. Ice cream also helps buy that usually just makes me feel worse later — the music has no side effects!
It’s also okay if the toddler cries in his crib for a while. I had a baby that didn’t sleep and I remember once being sick and thinking if we both just died in that moment at least I would not have to get out of bed and get her again. If you need sleep, put in earplugs and sleep. It’s not ideal but you need to be functional.
Also agree with lettting go of any non essential shit like cleaning and cooking. It’s a great day for boxed Mac and cheese and frozen nuggets or whatever will make your life easier. Order a ubereats sweet green salad for yourself — healthy food will make you feel a little better.

Same about the music! I have a pandora playlist that I turn on when the kids are rough (4-7pm is so hard!). I can focus on the music instead of getting angry at their whining/screaming/fighting and am more pleasant. Sounds dumb but it helps both dh and I. Keeping calm is crucial

This is good advice. I am really sensitive to loud noises/screaming and I recently bought noise-muffling earbuds to dull the noise of my 3yo's tantrums. It helps so much

Ear plugs are saviors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Single parent here after divorcing a physically abusive narcissist. I am alone with kids 100% of the time. I have no support. I am suicidal all the time. It’s something I just live with. Reality is too painful to think about so I just try to dissociate and get by day to day.

I am so sorry. Please reach out for help.

Not pp but similar situation and this IS normal and there is no help. You just have to get through. You survived life with the abuser, you can survive life getting out, but it's hard and you have nothing left. Therapists don't much care, only if you have a full plan, the tools and the time scheduled. I fantasy escaped my life all the time. I imagined exits for me and my kids. It was all I could do to bear the hell. On the plus, I'm 6yrs out and we are mostly doing very well. These situations are unimaginable.

OP try to plan to get through 15min. Get through an hour or 3... that's all. What do you absolutely need to do in this small timespan. And I do think it's OK to fantasize escape. At least part of you can stay sane then, and feels some control. Those of you saying 'this isn't normal' have noidea what it's like.

[Anonymous]

Hi, I’m the one who left the abuser and is suicidal. I’m not the OP. Just clarifying that there are two of us here in distinctly different situations. Frankly reading all these posts about how OP should make her supportive e husband return from a business trip bc she is too fragile to be alone with her kids for four days is depressing AF. I have been alone with my kid for five years and was unsupported before that. No one is coming to rescue me bc I’m too overworked, burned out, lonely, exhausted, depressed, penny-pinched, humiliated, ostracized, isolated, scared, sick, bitter or otherwise unsupported. No one is coming to relieve or help me now or ever.