Big 3 and college admissions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

You can definitely separate the two.
And we send our children to private because it seems smaller class sizes, more attention, safer campus and more individualized college or career guidance.
I haven't had to do nearly the amount of additional tutoring, outside classes, extra activities that parents on these forums do to get their public school educated children the same experience my children get by simply going to their school.

And, yet, here you are on the college forum . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

None of the parents you know send their kids to private school either for the education, college placement, or to escape the riff raff? Really? None of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

You can definitely separate the two.
And we send our children to private because it seems smaller class sizes, more attention, safer campus and more individualized college or career guidance.
I haven't had to do nearly the amount of additional tutoring, outside classes, extra activities that parents on these forums do to get their public school educated children the same experience my children get by simply going to their school.

And, yet, here you are on the college forum . . .

Haha. I'm a Big-3 parent with a junior, and it's a front that parents choose to send their kids to Big-3 schools for middle and high school, in particular, not "really" thinking about college. It is total BS and the cool thing to say, but the hidden college frenzy says otherwise. And if there are parents of Big-3 elementary schoolers on the college forum, well, then you know they're total BSers. Everyone's concerned about college, and everyone's concerned that their kid will get into a good college that is a good fit for their kid. Barring an aberrant situation, a Big-3 parent whose kid ends up at a community college or not going to college at is is not going to be happy...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

You’re welcome.

I totally agree that the vast majority of parents on this board, including the Big 3 parents, are “simply trying to do the best they can.” But whenever I see a gratuitous reference (and, let’s be real, many of them are) to the Big 3 the clear sense being conveyed is one of superiority and entitlement. The same goes with the “we are full pay” references by the way. Both references are like nails on a chalk board to me.

(I'm not the PP you replied to)

But SOOO many people saying full pay are public.

I think maybe you're real issue is people who are being more forward about showing their wealth.... and Big3 and full pay are just labels that project that.

As you say, people are doing the best they can. I'd be willing to bet that you never hear anyone in real life say either of these in person. That's because they are being polite and low key and that this is how they normally operate and what their values are. But DCUM is a place they can come and ask questions that in anonymity - and I have to be honest that full pay is relevant in many of these questions....and so is Big 3....so while knowing it would be super tacky to have a person to person conversation using these terms (or even asking the blunt question they want to know the answer to) DCUM is a place they can ask the question.

Out of curiosity (

OP here. Yes, “full pay” references often come from public school posts. I agree with that. I didn’t mean to suggest that they don’t.

As for your point about the effect of anonymity on posts, doesn’t that also prove my point about the true nature of Big 3 parents generally? They sure are on here a lot.

No it doesn't - there are plenty of parents from public posting a GPA/SAT-ACT and EC list along with questions about what their kids chances are for college admissions. The ones from public include contextual information on weighted or unweighted GPA, the ones at a private provide contextual information about BigX for the GPA.

You missed my point. Big 3 parents are only a fraction of one percent of the high school seniors in the DMV - but they pop up on every thread on this forum.

i don't think that's true at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

You can definitely separate the two.
And we send our children to private because it seems smaller class sizes, more attention, safer campus and more individualized college or career guidance.
I haven't had to do nearly the amount of additional tutoring, outside classes, extra activities that parents on these forums do to get their public school educated children the same experience my children get by simply going to their school.

And, yet, here you are on the college forum . . .

Haha. I'm a Big-3 parent with a junior, and it's a front that parents choose to send their kids to Big-3 schools for middle and high school, in particular, not "really" thinking about college. It is total BS and the cool thing to say, but the hidden college frenzy says otherwise. And if there are parents of Big-3 elementary schoolers on the college forum, well, then you know they're total BSers. Everyone's concerned about college, and everyone's concerned that their kid will get into a good college that is a good fit for their kid. Barring an aberrant situation, a Big-3 parent whose kid ends up at a community college or not going to college at is is not going to be happy...

OP here. I appreciate the honesty. I’m trying to be honest here as well. Otherwise, what’s the point?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

You can definitely separate the two.
And we send our children to private because it seems smaller class sizes, more attention, safer campus and more individualized college or career guidance.
I haven't had to do nearly the amount of additional tutoring, outside classes, extra activities that parents on these forums do to get their public school educated children the same experience my children get by simply going to their school.

And, yet, here you are on the college forum . . .

Haha. I'm a Big-3 parent with a junior, and it's a front that parents choose to send their kids to Big-3 schools for middle and high school, in particular, not "really" thinking about college. It is total BS and the cool thing to say, but the hidden college frenzy says otherwise. And if there are parents of Big-3 elementary schoolers on the college forum, well, then you know they're total BSers. Everyone's concerned about college, and everyone's concerned that their kid will get into a good college that is a good fit for their kid. Barring an aberrant situation, a Big-3 parent whose kid ends up at a community college or not going to college at is is not going to be happy...

OP here. I appreciate the honesty. I’m trying to be honest here as well. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Pot meet kettle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

You can definitely separate the two.
And we send our children to private because it seems smaller class sizes, more attention, safer campus and more individualized college or career guidance.
I haven't had to do nearly the amount of additional tutoring, outside classes, extra activities that parents on these forums do to get their public school educated children the same experience my children get by simply going to their school.

And, yet, here you are on the college forum . . .

Haha. I'm a Big-3 parent with a junior, and it's a front that parents choose to send their kids to Big-3 schools for middle and high school, in particular, not "really" thinking about college. It is total BS and the cool thing to say, but the hidden college frenzy says otherwise. And if there are parents of Big-3 elementary schoolers on the college forum, well, then you know they're total BSers. Everyone's concerned about college, and everyone's concerned that their kid will get into a good college that is a good fit for their kid. Barring an aberrant situation, a Big-3 parent whose kid ends up at a community college or not going to college at is is not going to be happy...

OP here. I appreciate the honesty. I’m trying to be honest here as well. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Pot meet kettle

Your response makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

You can definitely separate the two.
And we send our children to private because it seems smaller class sizes, more attention, safer campus and more individualized college or career guidance.
I haven't had to do nearly the amount of additional tutoring, outside classes, extra activities that parents on these forums do to get their public school educated children the same experience my children get by simply going to their school.

And, yet, here you are on the college forum . . .

Haha. I'm a Big-3 parent with a junior, and it's a front that parents choose to send their kids to Big-3 schools for middle and high school, in particular, not "really" thinking about college. It is total BS and the cool thing to say, but the hidden college frenzy says otherwise. And if there are parents of Big-3 elementary schoolers on the college forum, well, then you know they're total BSers. Everyone's concerned about college, and everyone's concerned that their kid will get into a good college that is a good fit for their kid. Barring an aberrant situation, a Big-3 parent whose kid ends up at a community college or not going to college at is is not going to be happy...

OP here. I appreciate the honesty. I’m trying to be honest here as well. Otherwise, what’s the point?

seems like OP only think people are being honest when they validate her beliefs. everyone else is lying.

[Anonymous]

OP is a mega troll folks. No sense in even responding.

[Anonymous]

OP - what is the point of this thread? Are you making a statement or asking a genuine question?
Perhaps you should ask yourself why you are so bothered. You seem to be on a real rant through this thread and perhaps you should take a moment to ask yourself why you seem so upset by “Big 3” references?
Seems a strange thing to get in a twist about

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is a mega troll folks. No sense in even responding.

+1

I don’t send my kids to a Big 3, have kids in both public and private, participate in this forum periodically, and think OP is ridiculous. Honestly why engage with someone like OP. Waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - what is the point of this thread? Are you making a statement or asking a genuine question?
Perhaps you should ask yourself why you are so bothered. You seem to be on a real rant through this thread and perhaps you should take a moment to ask yourself why you seem so upset by “Big 3” references?
Seems a strange thing to get in a twist about

I just think it’s weird that so many Big 3 parents feel the need to come here for college related advice. That’s all.

[Anonymous]

I have tried to legitimately respond to OP earlier.

Now I think she is worse than any parent I know, public or private. I do not think I know anyone who would even think, let alone say (anonymously or otherwise) that they send their kid to private to avoid other kids who she refers to as "riff raff." Who characterizes kids like that? I'm so disgusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

Yet, here you are, on the college admissions forum . . .

Ummmm? Because they want to apply to college, just like your public school kid decided to apply to college.... you are so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

You’re welcome.

I totally agree that the vast majority of parents on this board, including the Big 3 parents, are “simply trying to do the best they can.” But whenever I see a gratuitous reference (and, let’s be real, many of them are) to the Big 3 the clear sense being conveyed is one of superiority and entitlement. The same goes with the “we are full pay” references by the way. Both references are like nails on a chalk board to me.

(I'm not the PP you replied to)

But SOOO many people saying full pay are public.

I think maybe you're real issue is people who are being more forward about showing their wealth.... and Big3 and full pay are just labels that project that.

As you say, people are doing the best they can. I'd be willing to bet that you never hear anyone in real life say either of these in person. That's because they are being polite and low key and that this is how they normally operate and what their values are. But DCUM is a place they can come and ask questions that in anonymity - and I have to be honest that full pay is relevant in many of these questions....and so is Big 3....so while knowing it would be super tacky to have a person to person conversation using these terms (or even asking the blunt question they want to know the answer to) DCUM is a place they can ask the question.

Out of curiosity (

OP here. Yes, “full pay” references often come from public school posts. I agree with that. I didn’t mean to suggest that they don’t.

As for your point about the effect of anonymity on posts, doesn’t that also prove my point about the true nature of Big 3 parents generally? They sure are on here a lot.

No it doesn't - there are plenty of parents from public posting a GPA/SAT-ACT and EC list along with questions about what their kids chances are for college admissions. The ones from public include contextual information on weighted or unweighted GPA, the ones at a private provide contextual information about BigX for the GPA.

You missed my point. Big 3 parents are only a fraction of one percent of the high school seniors in the DMV - but they pop up on every thread on this forum.

My bet is that the percent of DMV parents that come to this forum is highly skewed towards ones with more education and resources. It is a highly selected sample so you can't use the entire DMV parent population as your starting point.