Big 3 and college admissions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugh - what a noxious thread. Very glad we steered clear of private school.

I got the feeling a public school parents started this…

Well now, that’s just you being insecure. It’s ok, we understand.

[Anonymous]

I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

[Anonymous]

Well, aren't you lovely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Except it was YOU as a non so-called Big3 parent, who did this. Think about it. Do you really think "Big3" parents post all of these "big 3" threads on this website?

Look in the mirror, hun.

[Anonymous]

The grading scale? Everyone knows about the different grading scale as it is discussed as naseum. The college admissions committee is also aware of it so it is not the negative factor it is presented to be.

Once you get to a top college, there are private school kids that are well prepared and motivated and excel, and there are public school students that do exactly the same. And some from both groups struggle as well.

[Anonymous]

^ OP, I typed a long response to your post, which I find so misguided in so many ways. Instead, I decided to just point out your most glaring misconception. We have had kids in both public and in a private you refer to as a big three (while at the same time denigrating others for using that term). There are difficult/anxious/obnoxious parents in both settings. The two most intense, helicoptering parents (by a lot!) that I know are parents in our W cluster (another DCUM term that should equally offend you). Similarly , there are great parents in both settings. You describe private school parents as a monolith, which is no more true than to say that all public school parents are like you. It’s disappointing that an adult doesn’t know better, because then who is teaching kids to refrain from such generalizations and judgments?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

You’re welcome.

I totally agree that the vast majority of parents on this board, including the Big 3 parents, are “simply trying to do the best they can.” But whenever I see a gratuitous reference (and, let’s be real, many of them are) to the Big 3 the clear sense being conveyed is one of superiority and entitlement. The same goes with the “we are full pay” references by the way. Both references are like nails on a chalk board to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Except it was YOU as a non so-called Big3 parent, who did this. Think about it. Do you really think "Big3" parents post all of these "big 3" threads on this website?

Look in the mirror, hun.

OP here. I honestly don’t understand the point you’re trying to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ OP, I typed a long response to your post, which I find so misguided in so many ways. Instead, I decided to just point out your most glaring misconception. We have had kids in both public and in a private you refer to as a big three (while at the same time denigrating others for using that term). There are difficult/anxious/obnoxious parents in both settings. The two most intense, helicoptering parents (by a lot!) that I know are parents in our W cluster (another DCUM term that should equally offend you). Similarly , there are great parents in both settings. You describe private school parents as a monolith, which is no more true than to say that all public school parents are like you. It’s disappointing that an adult doesn’t know better, because then who is teaching kids to refrain from such generalizations and judgments?

OP here. Obviously I recognize that parents in either setting aren’t a monolith, although I’d suggest that using a so-called “W” school as an example of a typical public school is laughable.

What jumps out at me on this forum is that, however broadly or narrowly one defines the Big 3, the student population there is a tiny fraction of high school students in the DMV. Every Big 3 senior class combined is probably smaller than a single class at a typical DMV public high school. Yet, self-identifying Big 3 parents appear to pipe in in every single thread. It happens frequently enough to allow one to generalize about the parent population with some degree of confidence, wouldn’t you say?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

OP, has it occurred to you that if you START a thread using Big 3 as a shortcut term, that it not only reinforces the use of that term, but that also..people will follow your lead and use that term throughout?

[Anonymous]

OP here. Obviously I recognize that parents in either setting aren’t a monolith, although I’d suggest that using a so-called “W” school as an example of a typical public school is laughable.

What jumps out at me on this forum is that, however broadly or narrowly one defines the Big 3, the student population there is a tiny fraction of high school students in the DMV. Every Big 3 senior class combined is probably smaller than a single class at a typical DMV public high school. Yet, self-identifying Big 3 parents appear to pipe in in every single thread. It happens frequently enough to allow one to generalize about the parent population with some degree of confidence, wouldn’t you say?

No, I don’t agree, just like I would not generalize that all public school parents seem to have a chip on their shoulder and be insecure just because I get a vibe of that from your posts. You do realize that your comment about W schools is offensive, right? I’m sure the vast majority of parents of kids in those schools consider that those schools are exactly typical public schools - and many of them probably make a conscious choice to send their kids there for that reason (just as it sounds you did with respect your own kids and public school).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Except it was YOU as a non so-called Big3 parent, who did this. Think about it. Do you really think "Big3" parents post all of these "big 3" threads on this website?

Look in the mirror, hun.

OP here. I honestly don’t understand the point you’re trying to make.

You chide the incesent references that you claim are big3 parents are pretentiously using the term in this forum, yet you, as a non-big3 parent use the term you deride. So I ask, do you really think it is big3 parents using the term, or is more people like you who are using it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The grading scale? Everyone knows about the different grading scale as it is discussed as naseum. The college admissions committee is also aware of it so it is not the negative factor it is presented to be.

Once you get to a top college, there are private school kids that are well prepared and motivated and excel, and there are public school students that do exactly the same. And some from both groups struggle as well.

I think you are taking the grading scale personally. Usually when people mention their private school connection along with the grading scale, it's because they are trying to get meaningful feedback from others on admissions chances.

I fully agree it's dumb for a private school parent whine about fairness in admissions about different GPAs because the AOs know these schools and will know how to make that translation in their own process.

But if a parent is specifically asking if their kid with a certain GPA/SAT-ACT combo has a chance to get into a specific college - it has to be put into context. Just like people include whether a GPA is weighted or not. It's relevant, it's not a brag.

I could care less what my kid's GPA is at our private vs our public school - but I also can't use our neighbor's public school experience on what the GPAs were good enough to get into certain colleges for their kid and their friends as a guide for my kid's chances. That's ok. I don't even ask. But I'd definitely post here and ask for fellow parents at private schools like ours.