Big 3 and college admissions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Except it was YOU as a non so-called Big3 parent, who did this. Think about it. Do you really think "Big3" parents post all of these "big 3" threads on this website?

Look in the mirror, hun.

OP here. I honestly don’t understand the point you’re trying to make.

You chide the incesent references that you claim are big3 parents are pretentiously using the term in this forum, yet you, as a non-big3 parent use the term you deride. So I ask, do you really think it is big3 parents using the term, or is more people like you who are using it?

You’re being silly. I’m referring to posts by parents who say “my Big 3” kid. I assume they’re not making it up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ OP, I typed a long response to your post, which I find so misguided in so many ways. Instead, I decided to just point out your most glaring misconception. We have had kids in both public and in a private you refer to as a big three (while at the same time denigrating others for using that term). There are difficult/anxious/obnoxious parents in both settings. The two most intense, helicoptering parents (by a lot!) that I know are parents in our W cluster (another DCUM term that should equally offend you). Similarly , there are great parents in both settings. You describe private school parents as a monolith, which is no more true than to say that all public school parents are like you. It’s disappointing that an adult doesn’t know better, because then who is teaching kids to refrain from such generalizations and judgments?

+1 Another great response...thank you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ OP, I typed a long response to your post, which I find so misguided in so many ways. Instead, I decided to just point out your most glaring misconception. We have had kids in both public and in a private you refer to as a big three (while at the same time denigrating others for using that term). There are difficult/anxious/obnoxious parents in both settings. The two most intense, helicoptering parents (by a lot!) that I know are parents in our W cluster (another DCUM term that should equally offend you). Similarly , there are great parents in both settings. You describe private school parents as a monolith, which is no more true than to say that all public school parents are like you. It’s disappointing that an adult doesn’t know better, because then who is teaching kids to refrain from such generalizations and judgments?

OP here. Obviously I recognize that parents in either setting aren’t a monolith, although I’d suggest that using a so-called “W” school as an example of a typical public school is laughable.

What jumps out at me on this forum is that, however broadly or narrowly one defines the Big 3, the student population there is a tiny fraction of high school students in the DMV. Every Big 3 senior class combined is probably smaller than a single class at a typical DMV public high school. Yet, self-identifying Big 3 parents appear to pipe in in every single thread. It happens frequently enough to allow one to generalize about the parent population with some degree of confidence, wouldn’t you say?

Because our college counseling is not helpful, people are too polite to have these conversations in person, so posting online anonymously is the only place we can get some sort of honest feedback. AND as has been said before - we cannot just post the GPA alone without context because it is apples and oranges to other schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

You’re welcome.

I totally agree that the vast majority of parents on this board, including the Big 3 parents, are “simply trying to do the best they can.” But whenever I see a gratuitous reference (and, let’s be real, many of them are) to the Big 3 the clear sense being conveyed is one of superiority and entitlement. The same goes with the “we are full pay” references by the way. Both references are like nails on a chalk board to me.

(I'm not the PP you replied to)

But SOOO many people saying full pay are public.

I think maybe you're real issue is people who are being more forward about showing their wealth.... and Big3 and full pay are just labels that project that.

As you say, people are doing the best they can. I'd be willing to bet that you never hear anyone in real life say either of these in person. That's because they are being polite and low key and that this is how they normally operate and what their values are. But DCUM is a place they can come and ask questions that in anonymity - and I have to be honest that full pay is relevant in many of these questions....and so is Big 3....so while knowing it would be super tacky to have a person to person conversation using these terms (or even asking the blunt question they want to know the answer to) DCUM is a place they can ask the question.

Out of curiosity (

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ OP, I typed a long response to your post, which I find so misguided in so many ways. Instead, I decided to just point out your most glaring misconception. We have had kids in both public and in a private you refer to as a big three (while at the same time denigrating others for using that term). There are difficult/anxious/obnoxious parents in both settings. The two most intense, helicoptering parents (by a lot!) that I know are parents in our W cluster (another DCUM term that should equally offend you). Similarly , there are great parents in both settings. You describe private school parents as a monolith, which is no more true than to say that all public school parents are like you. It’s disappointing that an adult doesn’t know better, because then who is teaching kids to refrain from such generalizations and judgments?

OP here. Obviously I recognize that parents in either setting aren’t a monolith, although I’d suggest that using a so-called “W” school as an example of a typical public school is laughable.

What jumps out at me on this forum is that, however broadly or narrowly one defines the Big 3, the student population there is a tiny fraction of high school students in the DMV. Every Big 3 senior class combined is probably smaller than a single class at a typical DMV public high school. Yet, self-identifying Big 3 parents appear to pipe in in every single thread. It happens frequently enough to allow one to generalize about the parent population with some degree of confidence, wouldn’t you say?

Because our college counseling is not helpful, people are too polite to have these conversations in person, so posting online anonymously is the only place we can get some sort of honest feedback. AND as has been said before - we cannot just post the GPA alone without context because it is apples and oranges to other schools.

Why are you paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a school that isn’t helpful?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

That is a generalization. Some of these kids were taught they were superior and are stuck up and end up paling around with the other snobs wherever they end up. And some are terrific people. Same is true for kids from publics.

[Anonymous]

Palling around*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

You’re welcome.

I totally agree that the vast majority of parents on this board, including the Big 3 parents, are “simply trying to do the best they can.” But whenever I see a gratuitous reference (and, let’s be real, many of them are) to the Big 3 the clear sense being conveyed is one of superiority and entitlement. The same goes with the “we are full pay” references by the way. Both references are like nails on a chalk board to me.

(I'm not the PP you replied to)

But SOOO many people saying full pay are public.

I think maybe you're real issue is people who are being more forward about showing their wealth.... and Big3 and full pay are just labels that project that.

As you say, people are doing the best they can. I'd be willing to bet that you never hear anyone in real life say either of these in person. That's because they are being polite and low key and that this is how they normally operate and what their values are. But DCUM is a place they can come and ask questions that in anonymity - and I have to be honest that full pay is relevant in many of these questions....and so is Big 3....so while knowing it would be super tacky to have a person to person conversation using these terms (or even asking the blunt question they want to know the answer to) DCUM is a place they can ask the question.

Out of curiosity (

OP here. Yes, “full pay” references often come from public school posts. I agree with that. I didn’t mean to suggest that they don’t.

As for your point about the effect of anonymity on posts, doesn’t that also prove my point about the true nature of Big 3 parents generally? They sure are on here a lot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ OP, I typed a long response to your post, which I find so misguided in so many ways. Instead, I decided to just point out your most glaring misconception. We have had kids in both public and in a private you refer to as a big three (while at the same time denigrating others for using that term). There are difficult/anxious/obnoxious parents in both settings. The two most intense, helicoptering parents (by a lot!) that I know are parents in our W cluster (another DCUM term that should equally offend you). Similarly , there are great parents in both settings. You describe private school parents as a monolith, which is no more true than to say that all public school parents are like you. It’s disappointing that an adult doesn’t know better, because then who is teaching kids to refrain from such generalizations and judgments?

OP here. Obviously I recognize that parents in either setting aren’t a monolith, although I’d suggest that using a so-called “W” school as an example of a typical public school is laughable.

What jumps out at me on this forum is that, however broadly or narrowly one defines the Big 3, the student population there is a tiny fraction of high school students in the DMV. Every Big 3 senior class combined is probably smaller than a single class at a typical DMV public high school. Yet, self-identifying Big 3 parents appear to pipe in in every single thread. It happens frequently enough to allow one to generalize about the parent population with some degree of confidence, wouldn’t you say?

Because our college counseling is not helpful, people are too polite to have these conversations in person, so posting online anonymously is the only place we can get some sort of honest feedback. AND as has been said before - we cannot just post the GPA alone without context because it is apples and oranges to other schools.

Why are you paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a school that isn’t helpful?

The teachers are great and my kid is happy. And because I don't send my kids to private school because of college. I send my kids to school (public and private) to get an education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

You’re welcome.

I totally agree that the vast majority of parents on this board, including the Big 3 parents, are “simply trying to do the best they can.” But whenever I see a gratuitous reference (and, let’s be real, many of them are) to the Big 3 the clear sense being conveyed is one of superiority and entitlement. The same goes with the “we are full pay” references by the way. Both references are like nails on a chalk board to me.

(I'm not the PP you replied to)

But SOOO many people saying full pay are public.

I think maybe you're real issue is people who are being more forward about showing their wealth.... and Big3 and full pay are just labels that project that.

As you say, people are doing the best they can. I'd be willing to bet that you never hear anyone in real life say either of these in person. That's because they are being polite and low key and that this is how they normally operate and what their values are. But DCUM is a place they can come and ask questions that in anonymity - and I have to be honest that full pay is relevant in many of these questions....and so is Big 3....so while knowing it would be super tacky to have a person to person conversation using these terms (or even asking the blunt question they want to know the answer to) DCUM is a place they can ask the question.

Out of curiosity (

OP here. Yes, “full pay” references often come from public school posts. I agree with that. I didn’t mean to suggest that they don’t.

As for your point about the effect of anonymity on posts, doesn’t that also prove my point about the true nature of Big 3 parents generally? They sure are on here a lot.

No it doesn't - there are plenty of parents from public posting a GPA/SAT-ACT and EC list along with questions about what their kids chances are for college admissions. The ones from public include contextual information on weighted or unweighted GPA, the ones at a private provide contextual information about BigX for the GPA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

You can definitely separate the two.
And we send our children to private because it seems smaller class sizes, more attention, safer campus and more individualized college or career guidance.
I haven't had to do nearly the amount of additional tutoring, outside classes, extra activities that parents on these forums do to get their public school educated children the same experience my children get by simply going to their school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

Yet, here you are, on the college admissions forum . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

You’re welcome.

I totally agree that the vast majority of parents on this board, including the Big 3 parents, are “simply trying to do the best they can.” But whenever I see a gratuitous reference (and, let’s be real, many of them are) to the Big 3 the clear sense being conveyed is one of superiority and entitlement. The same goes with the “we are full pay” references by the way. Both references are like nails on a chalk board to me.

(I'm not the PP you replied to)

But SOOO many people saying full pay are public.

I think maybe you're real issue is people who are being more forward about showing their wealth.... and Big3 and full pay are just labels that project that.

As you say, people are doing the best they can. I'd be willing to bet that you never hear anyone in real life say either of these in person. That's because they are being polite and low key and that this is how they normally operate and what their values are. But DCUM is a place they can come and ask questions that in anonymity - and I have to be honest that full pay is relevant in many of these questions....and so is Big 3....so while knowing it would be super tacky to have a person to person conversation using these terms (or even asking the blunt question they want to know the answer to) DCUM is a place they can ask the question.

Out of curiosity (

OP here. Yes, “full pay” references often come from public school posts. I agree with that. I didn’t mean to suggest that they don’t.

As for your point about the effect of anonymity on posts, doesn’t that also prove my point about the true nature of Big 3 parents generally? They sure are on here a lot.

No it doesn't - there are plenty of parents from public posting a GPA/SAT-ACT and EC list along with questions about what their kids chances are for college admissions. The ones from public include contextual information on weighted or unweighted GPA, the ones at a private provide contextual information about BigX for the GPA.

You missed my point. Big 3 parents are only a fraction of one percent of the high school seniors in the DMV - but they pop up on every thread on this forum.