Big 3 and college admissions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have tried to legitimately respond to OP earlier.

Now I think she is worse than any parent I know, public or private. I do not think I know anyone who would even think, let alone say (anonymously or otherwise) that they send their kid to private to avoid other kids who she refers to as "riff raff." Who characterizes kids like that? I'm so disgusted.

Many, many Big 3 parents think that way. They just don’t voice it publicly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

you said this
Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Sorry - but you can separate the two.

Also - you are really projecting way too many of your own thoughts on why people send their kids to private. None of the reasons you listed are true for the families we know.

None of the parents you know send their kids to private school either for the education, college placement, or to escape the riff raff? Really? None of them?

Not people I know or choose to spend time with. Nope. Cuz that's obnoxious. Meanwhile, I have neighbors with kids at our local public school who have said they don't like going to a place (that they had to go to for something) our a different part of our county because of the riff-raff. This place is PERFECTLY fine and that I have friends and family living there.

I think you are projecting things onto private school parents that are NOT private school parent issues but wealth issues that ALSO exist in public schools. Why is it that people move to certain school districts? Why is it that people are against bussing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what is the point of this thread? Are you making a statement or asking a genuine question?
Perhaps you should ask yourself why you are so bothered. You seem to be on a real rant through this thread and perhaps you should take a moment to ask yourself why you seem so upset by “Big 3” references?
Seems a strange thing to get in a twist about

I just think it’s weird that so many Big 3 parents feel the need to come here for college related advice. That’s all.

Yet you refuse to hear what anyone has told you about that.

Ending my contribution to this thread now. OP - I wish you luck. You clearly have lots of time to mull on negative energy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Except it was YOU as a non so-called Big3 parent, who did this. Think about it. Do you really think "Big3" parents post all of these "big 3" threads on this website?

Look in the mirror, hun.

OP here. I honestly don’t understand the point you’re trying to make.

You chide the incesent references that you claim are big3 parents are pretentiously using the term in this forum, yet you, as a non-big3 parent use the term you deride. So I ask, do you really think it is big3 parents using the term, or is more people like you who are using it?

You’re being silly. I’m referring to posts by parents who say “my Big 3” kid. I assume they’re not making it up.

YOU DID IT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the OP, and I’ll come clean. Yes, I am (was) a public school parent. But it was entirely and deliberately by choice. We had more than enough money to pay for private, and our kids had the smarts and we had the connections to get them into a good one, but honestly we couldn’t stomach the idea because we dreaded the thought of having to mix with the parent community. The incessant references to the “Big 3” on this board only reinforces that our decision was the right one.

I also wonder what these folks are paying for. I always thought that one of the key benefits of paying tens of thousands of dollars a year for a top DMV private was better college counseling. I can understand public school parents having to resort to a forum like this for college admissions advice, but is it really necessary for a Big 3 parent? I’m guessing it’s not - it couldn’t possibly be! - but that those parents who come here anyway are simply too anxious about the whole process and too embarrassed to approach their schools directly. Is that what’s going on?

Of course, many Big 3 parents will argue that they didn’t send their kids there for college admissions / counseling purposes but for the education, but we all know that’s not true. I mean, sure they care about the education but, at least in part, they care because of college. So you can’t separate the two.

Thanks for your honesty, OP. There are lots of reasons to choose privates and lots of reasons to choose public school. It sounds like you made a good choice for your family. My kids are at private and are happy so that choice works for us. Being at the end of this journey, I think the best parts for my kid have been the teachers, his friends and the traditions - but I happily admit there are great teachers, kids and traditions and lots of other public and private schools.

As to why a private school parent comes on this board, I have gotten some off-the-record tidbits that I wouldn’t get from the CCO. And, sometimes I ask what I deem a silly question that I will try to figure out myself before emailing the CCO. Actually, I have never emailed the CCO - I try to save that for my kid to do as he is driving this train … but sometimes this board assures me he is on the right track. I can’t imagine those reasons are specific to private school parents.

And I too, dislike the term “big 3” as I find it pretentious and unhelpful as there are significant differences between privates. But I admit, it is a quick shorthand, and therefore occasionally useful in realizing my kid’s grading scale or whatever is different than what another poster is mentioning. I don’t think anyone would use it in conversation.

Like any community I have been a part of, private schools have stereotypical jerks but also fundamentally good humans that I feel grateful to know. I don’t think you can lump us all together any more than I would lump together all the parents at your kid’s school.

Your response makes me believe you see differences between posters when you come to this board but I am usually left feeling that we are all more alike than different - parents simply trying to do the best they can (with an occasional prankster high school troll).

Thank you PP - this was a really great reply.

I have this to add to the OP:
- choosing private schools is not all about college placement
- caring about education and finding the right learning environment for a child (before college) for most people is a different decision than college placement
- paying a private tuition does not mean you get some special concierge great college counseling
- for most of the things private parents post here, they are NOT saying out loud to others in public - DCUM is the place where they can ask questions without stirring up anxiety within the parent community at their school

Our CCO is good at making sure kids have a balanced list (ours already did thanks, in part, to time spent on DCUM) and at doing the administrative work to make sure the right information gets sent at the right time. I get SOOO much more useful information from this board or online sessions from schools or companies in the college counseling realm than from our CCO. They only want to talk to kids and many kids don't want to include parents in the process. CCO are almost too low key because they do not let parents know really useful things along the way. They assume because of the few hyper focused people, that everyone is that way. But they aren't, and many are left scrambling when it wasn't necessary.

I'm sorry OP (and others) have such a distaste of private parents. I don't like to advertise that my children are in private, we have no bumper magnets, and even my kids don't like to wear school branded clothing. When we first sent our children to private, I got so much obnoxious attitude back from people like you and most made assumptions about us and our views that couldn't be further from the truth. I learned to ignore it. My true friends realized they were wrong in those assumptions and people (outside if parent-world) who know us and then find out our kids are at private are surprised because we don't fit their stereotype. All of our parent friends at private school are like us, I think you'd be surprised. There are also some obnoxious ones, but by HS they've already made their friends and usually aren't at parent events anyway. And, in our neighborhood, we have an equal share of over the top competitive college crazy parents whose kids are at our local public school (and like you, have plenty of $ to have chosen private).

OP here. If you actually read my posts, you wouldn’t feel the need to add that most private school parents don’t choose their schools “all” for college placement, because I have made pretty clear that I agree with that. They choose private for college placement, what they perceive to be superior educations, etc - and because they don’t want their kids associating with common public school riff raff. The assumption among many, I think, is that because they can afford private that they should go private. I happen to disagree with that.

Since you're engaging, may I ask how familiar you are personally with "Big 3" parents and students? I ask because I know so many families where one sibling went to a Big 3 and the other went to public school.

[Anonymous]

Many, many Big 3 parents think that way. They just don’t voice it publicly.

I'm really curious about how you know what other people are thinking if they don't voice it? I want that superpower.

You are clearly a parent who does not have kids in private school and think that parents who do are somehow different, other than the fact that their kids go to a different school than yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - what is the point of this thread? Are you making a statement or asking a genuine question?
Perhaps you should ask yourself why you are so bothered. You seem to be on a real rant through this thread and perhaps you should take a moment to ask yourself why you seem so upset by “Big 3” references?
Seems a strange thing to get in a twist about

I just think it’s weird that so many Big 3 parents feel the need to come here for college related advice. That’s all.

Yet you refuse to hear what anyone has told you about that.

Ending my contribution to this thread now. OP - I wish you luck. You clearly have lots of time to mull on negative energy.

I am a "Big 3" parent. The college counseling at my kid's school is pretty good. However, they don't know it all. My DD applied to many international universities. The information here was very helpful in understanding the process.

[Anonymous]

Refer to this thread if you want to know about the Big 3 - it's pegged at the top of Private School

GDS, Sidwell, Cathedral schools (NCS/STA)

There about six schools in the Big 3. See Independent School Board for these fights. Add Holton, Potomac, and Maret to GDS, Sidwell, NCS/Albans. Basically, "Big 3" is a euphemism for a top area private where monied, connected, or other elites send their children.

Or -if you are at Sidwell, NCS, STA - it's those 3
OR if you are GDS you add yourself by combining NCS-STA into "Cathedral schools"

As the parent of an 8th grader applying for 9th out of a well regarded K-8, I'd call GDS the Big One. It seems to be the holy grail now.

[Anonymous]

As the parent of an 8th grader applying for 9th out of a well regarded K-8, I'd call GDS the Big One. It seems to be the holy grail now.

Yeah. This.